Complications
I knew I had no choice. It was time to face the music. It was time to put up or shut up. I didn't want to but I needed to. Edward and I had some things to settle. I looked down at my fingers still woven in his. He slowly released his fingers and put his arm around my shoulders.
"Will you give me a kiss for luck?" I knew I was grasping at straws but I needed his comfort now more than ever. I needed my sun to keep me warm. I needed him to help me through this.
He bit his lip as he took my chin in his hand and turned my face. He gave me a tender kiss on my cheek. I closed my eyes and savored the feeling of his soft lips on my skin. I was ready to face Edward now knowing I would be leaving with Jacob afterwards.
I reluctantly opened my car door and pulled myself out of my seat. I looked up the drive and took a deep breath.
"About time," Alice teased playfully as she loped towards me.
I jumped as Alice practically appeared out of nowhere. I looked back at Jacob.
"I'll be right here waiting for you," he reassured me.
I nodded my head as I started my trek up the drive to the Cullens' mansion. Alice took my hand and walked next to me, humming quietly to herself.
"You know Edward has been worried sick about you. He was so worried that you were hurt. He loves you so much, Bella. When you weren't there when he got to your house last night, he lost it," she explained as we strolled through the trees.
"I've been having second thoughts about Edward, Alice. I mean I love him but…" I didn't want to talk about this with Alice. I didn't want to hurt her feelings by telling her that I was in love with Jacob, not Edward.
"Well whatever you decide to do remember that all me and Edward and the rest of us want is for you to be happy." Alice slowed her pace as we walked up the porch steps. I could see Edward standing in the living room, looking out the window, waiting for me.
I hesitantly opened the front door. Edward was by my side in a heartbeat. He grasped my hand in his and led me upstairs to his room. He closed the door behind us and sat down on his couch. I sat down next to him and avoided his gaze by reading all the names of the books on his shelf.
"Bella, I'm so sorry for everything I have put you through." All the smugness from the day before was gone. "I love you more than anything and I was stupid to assume that you could easily forgive me. I don't deserve to be forgiven. I would understand if you didn't want anything to do with me ever again." His voice cracked as he struggled to find the words to say. My heart hurt as I listened to his pained voice fill my ears. I turned to face him. He looked up to meet my gaze. As I looked into his bronze eyes I felt all my old feelings for him flood my body. It was as if we had traveled back in time before he had left me, before I had fallen in love with Jacob.
"Oh Edward, I don't think I'll ever be over you." My frustration tainted my voice. I got up and started pacing. I didn't want to love Edward anymore. I knew our obsessive relationship was unhealthy. I didn't want to be that dependent on another person ever again.
Edward stood up and grasped my shoulders with his marble hands. "I have never regretted anything more than leaving you. You're everything to me." He pulled me closer to him. I didn't want to give in to his advance but I couldn't help myself. My old feelings came back with a vengeance. Edward leaned down and kissed me. It didn't feel right. It felt like something was missing. I closed my eyes and grabbed the back of his head, pulling him closer to me. Behind my eye lids Jacob's face appeared, smiling at me.
I quickly and forcefully pulled away. "I cant do this. I'm not in love with you anymore. I…" Something outside caught my attention. I turned to look out the window. Jacob's Rabbit was parked by the curb still but Jacob wasn't behind the wheel. I saw a flash of golden brown fur dart through the trees.