A/N: Eh, same as last two. Anything not understood, see end of chapter.
I originally had this story in a very obscure section of crossover between vampires and Misc. books. I have since changed it to Vampires and Angel crossover section. I just moved to Angel/Twilight crossover, hoping to catch a few readers. I would like to again state that this is only for amusement purposes. I am not trying to insults anyone's fandom, or favorite characters. I love most of these characters, and enjoy poking fun at them. This whole vampire thing has just snowballed out of control. And I guess I'm just jumping on the band wagon here. Please don't hate me.
Although reviews would be real nice, you don't really have to if you don't want to. I can check the story traffic to see if people are reading it.
Also, I don't know how each individual round will end, but I already know who will be winner and runner up. I know, that doesn't make any sense, but then again, it's not supposed to.
And the reason we don't get much description here about the characters being introduced is because the judges have already read the books and know the back stories, and hopefully you all have and do too. xD
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{Fade in from black. Swooping shot over audience. Close up on HENRY}
HENRY – For our next category, we are looking for which vampire has the most bad ass posse. These guys will stick with our contestants through thick and thin and thin and thinner. We have brought two true blues for our competitors. Spike, we'll start with you.
SPIKE – Well…I'll say Peaches here [motions to ANGEL ] is one of them…and the other would be…uh…Fred?
[Rotating wall turns revealing ANDREW]
SPIKE – Oh bloody hell.
[ANDREW runs over and gives SPIKE a hug.]
ANDREW – Spike! It is sooooooo good to see you!
[Audience 'Awwws' ]
SPIKE – yeah, yeah…[ Dislodges ANDREW, who goes on to give ANGEL a hug.]
HENRY – Heartwarming. Okay, Edward?
EDWARD – Jasper and Emmett.
HENRY – wow. You're good at this. You don't even need to think about it.
[Rotating wall turns and reveals JASPER and EMMETT. They join BELLA, CARLISLE and EDWARD on stage]
HENRY – What a handsome looking group. Okay. Lestat, who's behind that wall for you?
LESTAT- One of this is defiantly David. Definitely David.
HENRY – And the other one is…
LESTAT – Uh….Gabrielle?
[Rotating wall turns and reveals DAVID and ARMAND. They cross the stage to LESTAT, LOUIS and MARIUS]
ARMAND – Oh, you thought your Mother was one of your best friends? That's very sad.
LESTAT- Ooooh, Shut up, you stupid little imp.
[LESTAT and ARMAND start to fight. LOUIS and DAVID split them up.]
DAVID – Really? Do you two have to fight right now? It's hardly the time to..
LESTAT and ARMAND – Shut up, David!
HENRY- …alrighty then. Zillah, if you please?
ZILLAH – Easy. Twig and Molochia.
[Rotating wall turns and reveals TWIG and MOLOCHIA, both are giggling. They rush over to ZILLAH. MOLOCHIA nudges ZILLAH, leans toward him and whispers, pointing over at the CULLENS. ZILLAH, NOTHING, TWIG and MOLOCHIA quiet and looked over at the CULLENS before laughing out loud. CULLENS glance at each other but don't do anything. TWIG looks over at BELLA, smirks and licks his lips. BELLA hides behind EDWARD.]
HENRY- Fantastic. Judges?
PONYBOY- well, We have a tie for third with Lestat and Spike. They are good friends, no doubt about that. But they don't seem to get along all that well. They each get two points.
[ARMAND and LESTAT avoid eye contact. ANDREW still looks happy. SPIKE is shaking his head. Audience Applauds.]
PUSSY – Edward, dearie. Your brothers are adorable. And you generally get along quite well..
MUNCH – Why do you do that?
PUSSY- Do what?
MUNCH- you try and sugar coat everything.
PUSSY- …What's your point, John?
MUNCH – He's a hundred and eight. I think he can take a little criticism.
BRODIE – Okay, look, Ed, do you spend damn near every waking moment with these two here? [Motions to JASPER and EMMETT]
EDWARD- No.
BRODIE – Ever perform any sexual act with them?
EDWARD – [cringes slightly] No.
BRODIE – Three points. Zillah, you get four points.
[ZILLAH looks triumphant, TWIG and MOLOCHIA giggle. Audience applauds]
HENRY – Nicely put, Brodie.
BRODIE – Thank you.
HENRY – Charging blindly forward. We wanna know about the old fogies. Haha, I tease. We love these old guys, they have so much to offer us…but of course, no one really listens.
[male voice from Audience ' You suck, Fitzroy!']
HENRY – [turns toward the audience] Shut up, Celluci! [ Turns back towards the stage and smiles.] Zillah, who's behind that wall for you?
ZILLAH – Oh, most defiantly Christian!
[TWIG and MOLOCHIA laugh and shout (in unison) "CHRISSY!"]
[Rotating wall turns and reveals CHRISTIAN. CHRISTIAN walks over to ZILLAH and co.]
HENRY – Nice to see you, Christian. Okay, Spike.
SPIKE- Oh…bugger. It's Angel again, isn't it?
HENRY- Yes it is. Edward?
EDWARD- Well that would be Carlisle. [Looks over at CARLISLE and smiles politely. CARLISE returns the smile.]
[Rotating wall turns and reveals a smiling ARO. ARO crosses the stage and joins the CULLENS]
EDWARD- Um…why is Aro here? I don't like him.
JASPER - …I like him.
ARO- Thank you, Jasper. You should visit more often. …And bring Alice.
HENRY – Right. Lestat?
LESTAT – Oh…It's not Marius, right? Because I never really listen to him. Hm…Oh! Oh oh oh! Khayman!
[Rotating wall turns and reveals a happy looking KHAYMAN. KHAYMAN walks over to LESTAT and Co.]
HENRY – How are you doing today, Khayman?
KHAYMAN – Um, I'm doing okay.
HENRY- Wonderful. Judges?
PUSSY- Spike, sweetheart, I hate to have to say this, [glares slightly at MUNCH] But Angel is not really a 'fogie' yet. One point.
[Audience applauds]
PONYBOY- Zillah, Christian ain't really a fogie in vampire society, either, but he does have a hundred odd years on Angel, so, yeah, two points.
[Audience applauds]
BRODIE – Eddie. Eddie Eddie Eddie. Aro is actually a very amusing person. But Unfortunately, he got put up again Khayman here. So again, three points.
MUNCH- Lestat, Khayman is a great vampire…why he is friends with you, I'll never know. Four points.
[Audience Applauds]
HENRY- okay, Final category in round one. We wanna know is, who could possibly hate any of these amazing vampires? Who would ever want to fight any of these guys? Well, whoever they are, we found them and brought them here tonight. Lestat, we're starting with you. Who is you're protagonist? You're…nemesis, if you will.
LESTAT- Uh…Armand?
[rotating wall turns and reveals nothing at all.]
LESTAT- …I don't understand. Is it Armand? [Looks around and sees ONCLE JULIEN standing to his right. LESTAT screams and faints. ARMAND kicks LESTAT while he is down. ONCLE JULIEN has a laugh at LESTAT's expense...]
HENRY- …Oh….okay…Edward?
EDWARD- [sighs in annoyance] Oh… Jacob Black.
[Rotating wall turns and reveals JACOB.]
JACOB – Do I have to go over there? [Points to where the CULLENS stand]
HENRY – Yes. Yes you do.
[JACOB grumbles but walks over.]
HENRY- Zillah?
ZILLAH – Oh…Oh, there's two of 'em…oh…GOD what are their names?....Nothing, what are their names?
NOTHING – Steve and Ghost.
ZILLAH – Steve and Ghost.
[ rotating wall turns and reveals STEVE and GHOST. STEVE looks pissed off. GHOST is smiling and waving. GHOST drags STEVE across the stage. GHOST gives NOTHING as hug. STEVE mutters something about 'stupid vampires' and JACOB agrees.]
HENRY- And big bad Spike. Spike, you must have a long list of people that would be behind that wall. Who do you think it is?
SPIKE – Well, It's not the Immortal, right? He's still in Italy, you said. And there is now way in hell that they let Pavane out of his little cell at Wolfram and Hart…and I don't think you'd just keep throwing Peaches here in my face. So I'll say…Dracula.
[Rotating wall turns and reveals DRACULA.]
DRACULA – Why am I even here?
SPIKE- You own me 20 dollars, you git! [Attacks DRACULA. ]
HENRY- Sure. Judges?
PUSSY – Oh, oh, oh. Edward, I am sorry to have to say this, but you are forth in this one. Jacob is a werewolf. You're natural enemies outside of the Buffyverse..
SPIKE – The what?
PUSSY – Nothing. Point is it is a generic battle. One point.
JACOB – take that, you leech.
[Audience Applauds]
MUNCH – Zillah, you got two humans who hate you. Not that impressive. Now, one of them does happen to be a very gifted, and slightly odd, human, but still. Two points.
PONYBOY - …when Lestat wakes up, somebody tell him he has three points?
[Audience Applauds.]
BRODIE – Hoooly Shit, are you guys seeing this? We got Spike fighting Dracula right here on our stage! How cool is that? He's got four points.
[Audience Applauds.]
HENRY – Well, that's the end of round one. We have Lestat in first place with 14 points. Zillah is in second with 13, and Edward and Spike are tied at third with 12. It's close right now, but we aren't done yet. Coming up, in round two, we have such categories like who has the greatest smile? The best hair? Sharpest dresser? And we have a fantastic guest judge, so stayed turned after these commercials.
[Fades out and TRU BLOOD ad comes on ]
{Meanwhile, in screening room Backstage. BELLA sits alone in a chair, waiting for CARLISLE, JASPER and EMMETT, who were currently stuck talking to ARO. TWIG and MOLOCHIA walks into the room, and sit on either side of BELLA. MOLOCHIA smells BELLA's hair, and tells here she smells good. TWIG smiles and says 'I bet you taste likes Cherries.' MOLOCHIA says 'Oooh, I love cherries!' TWIG and MOLOCHIA laugh and BELLA starts to cry.}
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Oh, where to start?
Well, Dracula owes Spike twenty dollars. Money he spent of a copy of a signed copy of Bram Stoker's Dracula he bought for Drusilla when it first came out in 1897. Spike hated the book; felt ripped off and angry that all their secrets were out and is now enemies with Dracula.
For those who have not read Lost Souls?, read it. I'm not going into too much detail about anything. No spoilers if you haven't read it. If you want to know what they all look like from Lost Souls? Go to Wikipedia.
Khayman is my absolute favorite vampire of all time. I adore Ghost and Steve. And Armand. I also Adore Twig and Molochia. Jasper and Aro and Jacob are pretty cool, too. Andrew is good too. Hims so cute ~_~ ! On the flip side, I really hate Edward and Bella.
ONCLE JULIEN is a ghost that haunts Blackwood Farm. In BLOOD CANTICLE by Anne Rice, Lestat admits to being afraid of ghosts and angels. Oncle Julien haunts him in the book for turning Mona into a vampire. In Memnoch the Devil, when first confronted with the ghost of Roger, Lestat runs out of the house he is in screaming like a little girl. I had him faint for fun. And so Armand could kick him. Hoho.
Mike Celluci is also from Blood Ties with Henry, and is always fighting Henry for Vicki's affection. Mike is human and a cop.
Read the Vampire Armand if you have not yet done it. Just do it and thank me later.
Andrew Wells is from Buffyverse, reformed super villain and currently a Watcher. Again, in Angel season five, he appeared in two episodes, Damages, and The Girl in Question.
Fred, is Winifred Burkle, from Angel, season 2 to 5. They became friends early in season 5.
Is it just me, or does ARO have this weird thing for Alice? Did anybody else notice that in the books?