Erin's companions and friends turned to the door as it opened, and Erin walked through. The woman stopped dead as she became the centre of attention. She only had to look at them to know what they had been talking about, and she didn't have to guess the informant. There was only one of her companions who knew the meaning of stealth.
Torgan, her Mabari war hound, padded up to her. He whined sadly at her, even more so when she knelt down to fondle his ears.
"When were you going to tell us?" Wynne asked sadly.
"I wasn't," Erin replied factually. "I didn't want any of you to know that there was the price that I had to pay."
"So, it would be easier for us to know of this once the archdemon was slain and you dead along with it?" Morrigan asked incredulously.
"This must happen for the Blight to end," Erin replied tartly, standing up. "If I must die for that, then so be it!"
"And, if you don't mind my asking," Zevran piped quietly. "What of Loghain? May he not sacrifice himself to the archdemon?"
"You cannot redeem yourself in death, Zevran," Erin answered. "I'm sure I've said this several times. And besides, Loghain may not even survive the Joining."
Everyone turned as the door opened a second time. Anora entered, apparently unaware of the tension in the room. She waited as Erin approached her, but made no effort to keep her voice quiet.
"And so it is done. My father lives, and for good or ill he is now a Grey Warden. Thank you for... giving him the opportunity for going through the ritual. It couldn't have been easy," Anora stated.
"He has a lot to redeem himself for," Erin answered coldly, uncaring that she spoke to the future queen of Ferelden.
"Indeed he does," Anora agreed, her tone indignantly stiff. "Arl Eamon has left for Redcliff, and he tells me that our armies have almost fully gathered there. I will be heading there myself. Bring your companions and join us at Redcliff castle as soon as you are able. You have united Ferelden, Warden... now we face the Blight."
Anora then left the room, and Erin was glad to the see her back. The woman was pompous, and just hearing Anora's voice made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.
Erin sighed, looking down to the floor. All of her companions had heard that Loghain lived, and that he was now a candidate for being the sacrifice for the archdemon. But she wouldn't let him, not so long as she was still alive, and they all knew that.
"I've made up my mind," Erin stated dispassionately, turning round to face her friends. "I will strike the archdemon down, and I will be the one to die. This is a suicide mission, but it's my suicide mission. If any of you don't feel this isn't what you want to get yourselves into, I understand. I don't want any of you to suffer this. There are still ships in the docks, I'd suggest you buy yourselves passage out of Ferelden before there are no more tickets. But, if you're going to stay, then get packed. We leave for Redcliff in an hour."
She didn't wait for any answers, but walked out. She paused as she saw Loghain waiting by the stairs before continuing. The man didn't speak as she passed him, to which she was grateful. She was certain that if he had, regardless of topic, she'd have floored him with one punch.
She closed the door to her room and leaned against it. Being for cold to everyone was making her gut twist in many uncomfortable ways. She breathed in deeply and steadied her wavering heart, steeling herself for the next few days.
She was also preparing herself for how few of her friends would be in the entrance. She knew that many did not approve of what she was doing, and she doubted many would want to watch her die.
A knock at her door made her jump a few feet away, to the centre of the room. She opened her knapsack and tossed it onto her bed. She approached her chest and was unlocking it when she called to the knocker, permitting entry.
She pulled out the poultices, blade coatings and various bombs that she had stored and turned to her bed, carefully placing them into her bag. She turned her head towards the door, wondering who had knocked and had not yet spoken.
It was Morrigan. The witch stood quietly, waiting until she had Erin's full attention before speaking. When the noblewoman stopped in her efforts to pack and faced her, she took in a deep breath.
"T'would seem that you are doing a foolish thing," Morrigan stated, crossing her arms across her chest.
"Yeah... I do that a lot, don't I?" Erin asked rhetorically, restarting her packing efforts. "I've made a lot of mistakes, Morrigan, done a lot of foolish things. But I feel like I'm doing it right, this time."
"Sacrificing your life is-"
"Morrigan," Erin interrupted, turning to face the witch. "This is what I have to do. Someone has to die."
"And that need be you?" the witch asked incredulously. "T'would make more sense for Loghain to take the final blow, would it not?"
"There is no redemption in death, I don't know how many times I have to say that before-" she stopped herself, breathing in to calm her temper. "Loghain nearly destroyed the Order. He can redeem himself by rebuilding it."
"Tis not redemption I speak of," Morrigan noted. "He shall not live long, at the age he is. T'would truly be a waste for you to perish, while he can take your place."
Erin was silent as she took in Morrigan's words. She nodded her head slightly, showing that she could understand where the woman was drawing her logic. But she raised her head and returned her gaze to Morrigan, her resolve absolute.
"You still wish to give your life?" Morrigan asked.
"I can't ask this of anyone else... I won't," Erin stated. "I have no right to ask anyone to sacrifice their life for this, no one but myself."
"You cannot ask someone to give their life, but you can decide whether they have the choice, can you not?" Morrigan queried, raising an eyebrow suggestively.
"Alistair will be alright," Erin replied, catching the hint. "Like this, he'll move on."
"And you shall die," the witch pointed out.
"It's what must be done, Morrigan," Erin reminded her. "Out of everyone in our little party, out of everyone in Ferelden, or even Thedas... I think I'm the one of least worth. It's fitting that I give my life. It's the only thing I can do... the only thing I can do for Alistair."
"You would throw away your life for the fool who abandoned you?" Morrigan asked incredulously.
"Did he abandon us?" Erin asked, ignoring the sting Morrigan's words left on her heart. "Perhaps I made it impossible for him to stay? Perhaps I spared Loghain knowing, full well, that it would drive Alistair away, make him leave Ferelden. Perhaps I wanted him to be away from Ferelden, where he wouldn't have to face the archdemon, where he wouldn't have to either give up his life and leave me alone, or let me take the final blow and be left alone himself."
For a moment, Morrigan could do nothing but stare in amazement at the noblewoman. She had to admit that this was a manipulation worthy of her mother. She had never believed that Erin was capable of such multi-depth thinking that would allow her to come up with, let alone implement, such deception. What was even more impressive was that the Grey Warden had actually managed to pull it off.
And it was all so that Alistair would live, Morrigan remembered. Erin loved the man more than she did her own life. That thought made Morrigan feel very sad, and wished she could understand how the woman could feel that way.
"Then... I shall bid you farewell," Morrigan announced, teary and resigned. "I will not stay to watch you walk to your death, nor do I intend to lead you there."
"I understand," Erin replied calmly.
"I knew nothing of friendship before we met," Morrigan stated sadly. "And, I will always consider you such."
"Take care of yourself."
With that, Morrigan turned round and walked out of Erin's room. She did not close the door, and left it open, where Loghain entered moments later.
Erin sighed in exasperation. She was glad she'd given everyone an hour to pack. At this rate, it would take that long for her to fend off everyone's attempt to convince her to spare herself. Of course, she hadn't been expecting Loghain, so he probably wanted something else.
"If you're looking for congratulations you won't get any," Erin remarked viciously, returning to her chest.
"Spite is an ugly thing, my dear," Loghain commented, unfazed. "It fits you poorly."
Erin paused at the slight compliment before picking up more bottles of poisons. She was content to ignore Loghain's attempts of appeasement, constantly reminding herself of what she had to do.
"We leave for Redcliff by the hour's end, I suggest you pack," she stated.
"I am already prepared," he answered.
"Of course you are," she muttered irritably under her breath, cringing slightly at his insistence.
They were silent for a time as Erin continued to pack. She was grateful that Loghain made no attempt to aid her, nor speak to her. She finally finished emptying her chest and made her way to her closet, where she had stored all of her weapons and other set of armour.
"May I ask what it is you intend for me?" Loghain inquired suddenly.
"What?" Erin asked, turning to frown confusedly at him.
"You did not spare my life at the Landsmeet out of charity," he observed. "You obviously have a plan, and I merely wish to know my part in it."
Erin was silent as she contemplated her answer. She was sure he wouldn't respond well to that fact that she only used him to get Alistair out of Denerim.
"You... are Plan B," she replied. "If by chance, some genlock makes a lucky hit and I don't reach the archdemon, you'll have to be the one to kill it."
"And why do you have to be the one to kill the archdemon?" Loghain inquired.
Erin was silent for a moment. She looked at him with a sadness that seemed older than her, a knowledge in her mind that belonged to the world weary.
"How much has Riordan told you?" she asked, curious if she would have to explain.
Loghain narrowed his eyes, suspiciously wary and confused. He shook his head slowly, not understanding the question.
"Has he told you why only Grey Wardens can end the Blight?" she clarified.
Loghain's shoulders sagged slightly in apprehension. Again he shook his head.
"Because we have to die," she stated dispassionately. "When we kill the archdemon, it's spirit travels to us, and our soul is destroyed along with it. If it's not a Grey Warden who strikes the killing blow, then the archdemon's essence will flow into the nearest darkspawn. And, the cycle begins again."
Erin could have laughed at Loghain. She'd never seen the colour of man's face disappear so quickly, although he was starting to look like he was going to be violently ill. She knew that she couldn't make him absorb that knowledge any quicker than in his own time, so she returned her attention to her closet.
Her current concern was whether she should change into her other armour. She was still wearing the superior drakeskin armour that Wade had made for her. Whereas the drakeskin was light and allowed her plenty of flexibility, the other armour offered much more protection which she may need when she faced the archdemon. However, the other armour was heavy and would slow her down, which may cost much more.
She was built for speed, not strength. She decided to keep wearing the drakeskin and pray that it would do.
"Why?"
Erin whipped round, startled. She'd completely forgotten that Loghain was still in the room. He looked slightly better, not so pale, but there was a look in his eyes that she instantly recognised.
"Why do you have to kill the archdemon?" he asked, his voice surprisingly calm and even.
"Because I have nothing left," Erin replied honestly. "My family is gone, Alistair is gone... and I'm a little fed up with being left behind all the time."
"And what of those you leave behind?" he noted. "What of your companions?"
Erin lowered her eyes as she thought of her answer. She knew Loghain would not accept anything less a solid reason, and she was determined to give him an appropriate answer.
"They didn't join me because I was their friend. They joined to fight the Blight," she finally answered. "I've become friends with them all since them came, but that was after they joined my party. They'll find something else to do."
Erin watched Loghain patiently, waiting for the next argument, the next offer. She waited for him to suggest that he take the final blow, that he sacrifice himself for Ferelden. She waited for him to say that it would be his act of redemption, that he would bear the price, that he would do one final act of good for Ferelden after all that he had done.
"I have the feeling that nothing I say will sway you against this," Loghain observed.
"You would be correct," Erin agreed.
Loghain crossed his arms, and scrutinised her for a moment. He shifted his weight to his other foot and then, apparently satisfied, nodded and turned around. He walked slowly to the door, and turned round to face her again.
"I'll be waiting in the main hall," he announced.
And then, she was all alone. Loghain had been polite enough to close her door behind him, giving her privacy to finish packing.
She examined her weapons. She had damaged the two silverite longswords that she'd thrown at Oghren, not to mention the axe wasn't coming out of the doorframe any time soon. She picked out two new blades, neither were as good as the two they were replacing, and short bow to rest off her belt. She sheathed the two longswords and took out a quiver of arrows out before she closed the closet. There was nothing else in there that she could carry.
She double-checked her knapsack to ensure that the numerous bottles weren't going to break and then slung it over her shoulder. She walked out of her room and stared across the hallway. Eamon's study was opposite her. Alistair would have been packing in there if she hadn't driven him away, if she hadn't betrayed him.
She shook her head and carried on down to the main hall. The sight there made her stop.
Every single one of her friends, her companions –except Morrigan, of course– looked over to her. They all had their travelling bags, full of their belongings, on their backs, and they all had their weapons-of-choice with them. Leliana had Marjolaine's recurve on her back, with Andraste's arrows in her quiver, Sten had his sword, Asala, Oghren had a greatsword, Wynne had her staff, and Zevran had his Antivan Crow daggers. Shale simply had some bright crystals in her arms and shoulders, and Loghain had whatever sword he had.
It was then that she realised that everyone was coming with her, none of them were abandoning her. She felt her chest tighten as overwhelming relief washed over her. She felt one hot tear fall down her face, and she gasped as she remembered to breathe. She smiled gratefully at all of them, before forcing her face into a serious, calm expression.
"Alright, let's go," she ordered.