Healing wounds

Chapter 5: Time to forgive

Fall was soon replaced by winter. All of the students were now wearing warmer clothing and a fine mantle of snow was covering the city. Azhure liked snow and it was hard for the Troopers and her friends to keep her from using her powers to play around with it. However, she was encouraged by her brother when she was alone in the backyard of Nasuti's house.

One morning, Ryo woke up and saw her from his bedroom window. She was laughing like never before. Snowflakes were floating all around her and many different ice sculptures were sprouting like daisies on Nasuti's property. He also noticed Seiji who walked up to her with a cup of hot chocolate (they never gave her coffee ever since the espresso's incident so he presumed it was such since there was smoke coming out of from the cup). The snow suddenly fell back on the ground as she reached for the cup, smiling still.

He envied her. How was she able to act like this after all the hardships she had so far? She lost her home, her family and her friends to a maniac who craved for power. Now that he was gone, where did she take the strength to be happy again? How was that possible?

The Rekka bearer still couldn't forget Luna and her tragic death. How he helplessly saw her getting killed by Shikaisen to avenge her brother…but also to save Jun's life. What hurt the most was probably her face when he held her during her final moments. She looked somehow happy as she looked at him. She tried to speak but before she could say anything, she died. That scene hunted him. What was she trying to tell him? He will never know.

If only there was a way to save her. But even Azhure denied him this wish by telling him the cost of using magic to go back in time. Besides, what kind of detail he could have changed? Preventing Touma, Nasuti and Jun to arrive in New York before him? Telling her to not come with them? Locking her up somewhere while they go save their friends?

"I'm going in first!" he heard Shuu yelling from the corridor.

"No! I will! I have a date with Aikyo today!" Shin replied as loudly as Shuu. The fight over the bathroom was on but Ryo didn't feel like joining in today. He just dressed up and went downstairs to eat breakfast.

The day off started well for everyone until Touma got up. When he saw Azhure playing around, he couldn't help himself but remind her that she had homework to do. He opened his window and called to her. The magician, her magic book under her arm, flew up to him with the power of the wind.

"What's wrong, Touma?" she asked him innocently.

"The finals are getting near. What are you doing playing around in snow?" The genius of the house wasn't harsh at all. He sounded more concern than anything.

"I'm done with all my homework already," the teenage girl responded cheerfully.

"You're done?" That raised some suspicious in Touma's mind. Azhure wasn't used yet with all the concepts she had to learn and he still had to help her with her homework. This was the first time she did it all by herself. He narrowed his eyes as he looked at her. "Azhure… You didn't use magic to do your homework, did you?"

"No, I did not." But she didn't look at him when she answered.

"Yes, she did," Orion said as he appeared next to Touma. Azhure glared at him but Orion didn't mind. "Don't give me that look. I already told you I was against you using your powers to deal with that kind of matter."

"I can't believe you did that!" The dark blue warrior slammed his hands against the window's edge. "How do you expect to learn anything if you use magic do everything for you? I thought you were cleverer than that!"

"I grew tired of doing homework and projects all the time! I want to have some fun…and practice my magic. Ever since I started this school thing, I barely had any time for myself and my personal studies!"

"You're not in your world anymore! You must abide to our reality now!"

"Maybe I don't want to!"

"Azhure, don't act like a spoiled princess!"

"You should try to understand my feelings instead of lecturing me every time I do something wrong!" On this, she flew away. Touma sighed and rubbed his temples. There were days he was wondering what will become of her here. Maybe it was wrong of him to insist that she stayed here.

"I'm not one that likes to tell," Orion started to explain after Azhure left, "but since you took upon yourself the delicate task of teaching her, I thought you should know that she did use her powers for her homework. It's the second time."

"Second time?"

"Yes. The first time, I let it slide and warned her about it. But you know, she really likes magic and I think it's important for her to study and practice it. However, it's hard for her here. School ask her to be perfect and without realizing it, you too push her to be perfect. It's not a bad thing, but maybe you should be happy when she comes home with decent grades instead of pointing out her mistakes and tell her she should have known about it."

"I suppose you're right," Touma sighed. "But you're still too protective of her." The ghost grinned.

"I know, I know. But at least, you agreed to let her use magic to improve her memory capacity and learn faster. It helped her so far."

"Maybe but I still have a lot of work to do it seems," Touma stated.

"My friend, you have NO idea in what kind of mess you engaged yourself into by teaching my sister," Orion told him, laughing. The blue haired boy sweatdropped.

***

November was very cold that year but it didn't stop the students to get prepared for the coming holidays. During breaks, as December got closer, the young ones talk more and more about their holiday vacations. Ryo, for his part, didn't take much part in those conversations. He rather sat at his desk and looked outside, lost in his thoughts.

"Hey Ryo, why do you look so gloomy?" Azhure suddenly asked him, her face blocking his view. He blinked a couple of times. He completely forgot that the magician was in his class.

"Do I really look gloomy?" he asked as he sat straight up.

"You don't exactly look joyful." The young girl didn't talk much with her other classmates. Usually, she used her breaks to re-write her notes or start her homework. Even if she was in the same class as Ryo, they rarely talk. It was mostly because of the New York incident. She never knew how to approach him since then and he didn't try to get close to her either. It wasn't because he didn't consider her his friend. He was just used to be by himself. Some habits die hard.

"I'm sorry. I was thinking about something."

"About Luna?" He blinked again. "I asked Touma about what happened when you went to New York. I was worried a little since you didn't seem like yourself since you came back. I could say the same thing for Seiji." Ryo looked away. "It's ok. I won't pry. I know it's something you have to deal by yourself. We all have that kind of thing that we have to do on our own."

"Thank you," he told her. He felt relieved to hear her say that. It wasn't something he felt comfortable to talk about with another girl. If he had to talk, if he ever did, it would be with one of his Trooper friends.

"You're welcome," she told him, smiling. She then turned her gaze outside too.

"Azhure? Can…I ask you something?" Ryo had to ask. It was something bothering him ever since he saw her playing around with the snow.

"Yes?"

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?" she asked, puzzled.

"You know… To be happy again." Azhure gave him another confused look. Ryo sweatdropped. "You look and sound happy despite what happened to you in the past. How do you do it?"

"Oh I see. You want to know my secret," she responded teasingly. Smiling, she simply said "It's because you guys show me how." It was Ryo's turn to be confused. The young woman looked outside. "Before I met you, I did curse my existence. Why was I the only one to survive? Why did it happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? Those questions hunted me ever since I swore to avenge everyone. Then I came here and I met you and the other Troopers."

"Were we really that different than the others you've met before?" The magician shook her head.

"Yes and no. The way you treated the threat of Silver was different. You protected each other with everything you had, even if you fought the morning before. And after all this was over…Touma and Orion tried hard to keep me here. They wanted to give me a chance to start anew."

"How…do you know that?" The swordsman knew that Azhure wasn't supposed to know about it. Orion made everyone swear to keep this a secret. But the princess gave him a grin.

"I'm not stupid. I know about their little plan. I even know where Touma is hiding my second sai. However, I'm not going to do anything about it."

"And how do you know Orion won't tell Touma? He's always around listening to you."

"Oh, he's not around." The princess sounded very sure of herself. "That perverted brother of mine uses his ghost abilities to spy on pretty girls in the gym locker rooms as we speak." Ryo sweatdropped.

Some guys are really lucky. "Why won't you do something about their plan of keeping you here?"

"Because this is exactly what I needed…and still need. People caring for me and my well being." She looked back at him. "Those feelings helped me find the answers to my questions. And I also realized…that those who perished back then wouldn't want me to be miserable. Their spirits won't rest until they know they were avenged and that I find happiness again. It is not about asking those who departed for forgiveness. It is about allowing yourself to welcome those warm feelings others are trying to give you to heal your wounded heart. You have to forgive yourself."

"It's…hard," Ryo admitted. "How can you live with yourself? How can you forgive yourself for your own weakness?"

"If there is a one thing I have learned is that the 'what if' scenarios will only wound you more than anything. They don't bring you answers. They don't bring you peace. They nourish your pain and your despair. It is up to you to find your way, Ryo. I found mine by accepting new friendship. It is not an easy path, I will admit that. But you'll manage." She smiled again to him.

She spoke as if she was an old lady: with wisdom. Probably a two year wandering, going from one world to another, would do that to someone or maybe it was just the way she was. Either way, she gave Ryo something to ponder. When school was over, he went home with his friends but just when he was about to enter the house, he saw Byakuen by Nasuti's jeep. The white tiger seemed to have been waiting for him.

"Hey Shin, do you mind if you take my school bag inside? I'll go take a ride with Byakuen."

"Are you sure?" the Suiko warrior asked him. "It's cold and they announced a storm for tonight."

"Don't worry about me. I'll be home before then." On this, he tossed his bag to his friend and ran to his tiger. Once he made sure he had his orb with him, he climbed on the wild animal's back and vanish with him into the forest. The huge cat ran as fast as he could, taking him deep into the forest and up toward the hills. The cold air was biting Ryo's cheeks, nose and forehead but he didn't mind. This ride, he needed it.

The wilderness was silent. Only the steps of the tiger echoed in the sleeping wood. The snow was squishing under their common weight. How long since his last ride with his partner? Ryo couldn't remember. It probably went back to the time he came back from New York. After that, with the school, he didn't find the time. Or maybe he wanted to keep his mind busy in order to not think too much about Luna. He was doing fine until Shin went to them to talk about letting Aikyo come with them. He was the one who was the most against the idea and he fervently defended his position. Didn't they learn anything from Luna's death? He refused to let another innocent risked his or her life for no reason. Just being with them was badly enough. Nasuti and Jun were lucky so far but how long would that last?

Luna... The more he tried to not think about her, the more she haunted his thoughts. How many times did he run her death sequence in his head, trying to find a way to save her? Too many times to count actually. Did it change anything? No. It didn't. He still woke up and she was still dead. Azhure was right: imagining scenarios doesn't help at all.

Ryo easily lost track of time. During winter, it was easy considering night was falling fast and earlier than summer. Before he could realize it, the storm Shin mentioned was starting. The red Trooper called upon his armor and stood on the edge of a cliff. He was facing the cold raging wind. With his mask on, there was no way for him to feel the cold. For several minutes, he did not move. He thought over and over about the events of New York until he couldn't bare it anymore and screamed at the wind.

***

"What's the matter, Shin?" Nasuti asked to light blue warrior. The latter turned his gaze away from the window where he was watching the storm.

"Ryo is still up there. It worries me."

"He's going to be fine," the young woman told him. She walked up to stand at his side and looked outside as well. "He has his yoroi with him. That will keep him warm."

"I suppose you're right." Just as he spoke those words, the front door opened. The two of them rushed to the entrance and saw Ryo removing his armor. "Ryo! You've been gone for hours! Are you alright?" His friend looked up to him. His eyes were red and his nose surely could use a tissue or two. But Ryo chuckled softly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry. I just really needed to get something off of my mind." He removed his boots and took a tissue Nasuti hand over to him. Perhaps he wasn't 100% better but talking with Azhure made him realize that he had to face the facts. He had to stop to torture himself about what has happened because it wouldn't change the present. "I'm hungry."

"I saved you a plate of tonight's supper," Nasuti replied to him with a warm smile. "I had to almost tie down Shuu to keep him from eating it. You just need to reheat it."

"Thanks, Nasuti." As the rest of his friends came over to greet him, Ryo felt he was on the right path as he surprised himself smiling without any effort.

***

Every time he saw her leave with him, he wished he could be at her side. However, the archer was always busy with his late advanced classes and he forgot this feeling as soon as the class started. Never he really did pay much attention to it or try to understand why he felt this way. He presumed he felt lonely for being the last one behind while his friends were going home and he always told himself I will spend some time with her when I'll get the chance home. But he never really did.

"Oh look, Seiji! It's snowing!" The magician said while raising her right hand to the sky to catch the first snowflake. But all too soon the green warrior gently reached for her wrist and lowered it down.

"I can see that but please, refrain from using your powers," he told her.

"Oh... I wouldn't..."

"It happened in the past that you used them without realizing it. I'm sorry that you must watch yourself in our world but this is how things are now."

"Awww... Fine, fine." The teenager girl focused on keeping her hands on her school bag to avoid releasing her magic. They quietly walked behind Shin, Ryo and Shuu who started a snow fight. Azhure chuckled at the scene. "They're so full of energy even though school is draining."

"Yes, they are." Usually, Seiji would join them. However, he didn't feel like it. Besides, he liked talking with Azhure. She was an interesting girl to talk to when you had the chance of catching her during her calm periods. "How are your nightmares?" The question was sudden, but the young girl didn't mind.

"I still have them...but it's not as bad as before." The only reason why she felt comfortable talking about that with Seiji it was because she knew he had also nightmares. "What about you?" The blond only shrugged. He, on the other hand, would rather forget he had those. He still had nightmares about his captive time at Arago's castle from time to time and he figured that his New York related nightmares will do the same: he will dream less about them with time and they will eventually vanish, only to become a fade memory in his warrior's mind. "Why do you think they still haunt you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, surely our mind is trying to tell us something. That's what I believe. Dreams are a way for us to realize what's hidden deep into our hearts. Whether it is a nightmare or a dream, our heart is trying to tell us something and we've been ignoring it for too long." The explanation seemed simple and naive to Seiji.

"If you say is true, then why are you having nightmares about Silver?"

"Probably...because I'm scared he's not gone."

"But you killed him. Ryo was there with you."

"No matter how many times Ryo will confirm me the fact, there's something in the back of my mind that says 'It's a trick. He will be back.'"

"Azhure, you can't keep telling yourself that," Seiji told her with a serious expression. "Imagine if me and the guys were always thinking that Arago would come back. The stress and the energy we would spend on that thought would be a total waste."

"Hmmm... Didn't he come back once?"

"Yes, he did. But he has been defeated now. For good." When he said that, Seiji remembered that he saw Arago's ghost back in New York. He shook his head. They all knew that their responsibility as Samurai Troopers will never end as long as they wear the armors. They also knew that evil shall always exist and this is why they will be always needed.

"Seiji?"

"You have to trust in the future if you want to be happy in the present, Azhure. To remember your past is good, but to dwell on it too much doesn't help."

"Then...why are YOU having nightmares?" Seiji lowered his gaze. "No one is perfect. You're not and I think no one among your friends expect you to be. Until you accept this, you will relive the death of those innocents night after night." The swordsman gave her a shocking look. "You were tricked. It could have happened to anyone of you. You resisted as long as possible." The Korin bearer remembered that Nasuti told him exactly the same thing. He was always harsh on himself. Maybe it was time for him to follow his own advice.

A snowball hit him right on the side of the head and interrupted his inner thoughts. He turned an angry gaze to his three friends, but they all played the innocent one, pointing fingers to each other without any coherence. So, you want to play it that way, huh? With an evil grin, Seiji bent down and plunged his hands into the snow.

"Oh crap! Now you've done it, Shuu!" Shin exclaimed before running ahead.

"Great work!" sarcastically replied Ryo.

"Shut up and run!!" the orange warrior screamed, dodging the first of many snowballs Seiji would threw at them.