Urgh, I got so freaking bored, I just decided to update all the stories I have on here. It's not like anyone reads them anyway....boo to you non-believers of the Dip-ness!!! Anyway...here's the third chapter of my crappy fic. Sweet Jesus, I have a headache...what is this, the third week in a row?
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN!!! If I did, it would be an amazing splurging orgy of gayness. And it would be amazing. But sadly, me no ownie. So....I write fics instead.
And yes, there is math in here! Deal with it!!!
Chapter Three
Turtoring
The next morning, the hotel was up in flames, and Damien was on his way into town. The hotel room had been crappy, and besides, all things looked better on fire.
After spending a couple hours discreetly killing people, (like making them throw themselves off of bridges,) he found himself making his way to a different part of town. It was more quiet, and trees covered a lot of ground. A large building loomed up ahead, and Damien could see the sign near it. 'South Park High'. Hmm, wasn't this the only high school in South Park? Pip probably went here. Damien glanced at the sun. It wouldn't take them very long to come out. He shrugged nonchalantly. It wasn't like he had any place to be, anyway. Melding into the shadows, he leaned back to wait.
He was right. Within twenty minutes, a loud bell sound came from inside, and kids started to pour out. They passed by him unwittingly, oblivious to the demon in their midst. With eagle eyes, he spotted Pip, his face smiling as he made his way across the courtyard. Pip walked by him, humming a little tune, and Damien bent down.
"Boo."
Pip's subsequent scream of terror turned quite a couple of heads, and Damien chuckled sadistically. Pip clutched at his chest, bending down to pick up the books he had dropped.
"My word, Damien, you gave me quite a scare! I rather think my heart shall leap out of my chest!" Pip glanced at Damien.
"Thank you for yesterday. I'm feeling much better now, especially since I didn't have to walk all the way home like that."
Damien's eyes drifted toward the still-visible bruise on his cheek and the scabbed cut on his lip. Obviously not that much better, those probably still hurt, but he said nothing.
"What brings you here?"
"I'm bored."
"Well, in that case, would you like to accompany me to the park? I'd rather enjoy some fresh air after being so long in the school."
Damien shrugged. "I've got nothing better to do."
Pip started walking forward, and Damien followed slightly behind, letting the blonde lead the way. Pip, after his initial fright, was smiling again.
After a couple of minutes the park came into view, tall trees forming a shadowy canopy over most of it. Pip walked down the trail, sitting down on one of the multiple empty benches beneath a tree. Damien followed suit, stretching out his long legs. Pip put down his books, digging in his backpack to pull out a binder. Flipping to a page, he read what was printed on it.
"You're doing homework?"
"Yup. The sooner I complete it, the more time I have to enjoy the day."
Damien snorted contemptuously. "Whatever."
Leaning back, he closed his eyes. It felt like a good time to take a nap. He was close to dropping off, when a confused mewl caught his attention. He ignored it, trying to sleep. The noise came again, this time louder. Opening his eyes, he turned his head to Pip. The blonde's face was a mask of concentration, and he chewed absently on the top of a pen. Damien rolled his eyes, turning his head back to the sky. Although he tried to ignore them, Pip's frustrated half-whimpers cut through his mind, until he could take it no longer.
"Shut the fuck up!" He snarled angrily.
Pip looked at him, quivering a bit.
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry. These blasted problems are a bit difficult, you see, and I can't seem to find head nor tails of them."
Damien leaned over, looking at the paper.
"What it is?"
"Physics, and a right little devil it is."
Damien studied the problem that Pip was working on. A screw, it read, has a radius of 1.2 cm, and a thread distance of .5 mm. If the input force is 24 N, what is the output force? He ran some numbers through his head.
"3,618.72 Newtons."
Pip was astounded.
"Now, how did you get that?"
"You have to find the mechanical advantage and multiply that to the input, so you can get the output."
"...I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you've just said. Can you run that by me again?"
Damien leaned back against the bench again, closing his eyes.
"No."
"But, why not?"
"I don't feel like it."
Pip was silent for a moment.
"I suppose you helping me on this is out of the question, then?"
"You suppose right."
"But, I can even pay you for your effort! Then you can be just like a real tutor!"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"...pretty please?"
"Drop it or I'll kill you."
...
...
...
"Please?"
Damien's eyes snapped open, and he sat up, snapping his fingers. Pip's eyes widened, his mouth gaped open, and he clutched at his throat. His chest fluttered with the effort of fruitlessly trying to draw a breath. Damien had literally stolen his breath away; he couldn't breathe.
"Are you going to drop it, or do I have to wait for you to die?"
Pip nodded vigorously to the first, shook his head to the second, his face reddening. Damien dropped his hand, and Pip breathed in deeply, gasping. Damien leaned back again, gazing at the blonde.
"How did you plan to pay me if you have no money, anyway? Those idiots from yesterday stole your wallet."
Pip shook his head, his breath slowing down. "I wasn't carrying any money with me. I didn't have my wallet that day."
Damien frowned.
"Then why didn't you tell them that?"
"I did, but they didn't believe me. They found out after they beat me up." Pip turned back to his homework, the focused look back on his face. Damien just stared at him. This kid didn't have a chance in hell to survive past his thirtieth birthday. Well, wasn't his problem.
He closed his eyes again. This time, Pip was silent.
...
...
Damien snarled inwardly. Pip wasn't making a sound, but Damien had lost that tentative connection he had with sleep. Fuck it, he thought.
He sat up with a growl, drawing Pip's attention.
"Alright, hand over that stupid piece of shit."
A smile brightened Pip's face, and he scooted closer, holding out his binder with the paper on top. Sighing, Damien took it, settling in for a long afternoon.
"Pip, you suck. I mean it, you really fucking suck at math."
Damien leaned back tiredly, looking at the sun low on the horizon. They had spent almost four hours working through Pip's homework, from Physics, to English Lit., to American History. In all the time they had spent together, Damien had learned three things.
One, Pip would have made an excellent minion, thanks to his ability to not question a single thing Damien told him. If Damien told him that an screw was nothing more than an inclined plane twisted into a circle, then Pip immediately accepted it as truth.
Two, Pip was excellent at English. His grasp of sentence structure and literary syntax was exemplary. And his vocabulary was sure to get him top score in an SAT.
Three, Pip could not solve a math problem to save his life. Damien had to explain a math problem four times for Pip to get it. The poor kid just couldn't remember all those formulas and theorems enough to put them to use. So by the end of those four hours, Damien was ready to decapitate Pip and bash his own head out against the nearest wall.
"Well," Pip said as he stowed his things back into his backpack. "I've finished, and learned much more today than I have in almost a month at school. The teachers there aren't very student-conscious."
Damien just grunted, stretching languidly. Pip glanced curiously at him.
"Say, how do you know all this anyway? You can't be any older than I am, but you certainly know a lot more than I do."
"My father made sure I kept up with my studies." Damien didn't mind telling Pip about these things anymore. When this had happened, he didn't know. "He said I couldn't take over the world if I didn't know as much as a five year old." Damien shrugged impassively. "As far as my education is concerned, I've already graduated college. Your homework was child's play."
"Astounding!" Pip exclaimed admiringly. He stood up, hooking his backpack over his shoulder and picking up his books.
"Where are you going to go now?"
"Nowhere. I'll just stay here for a little while."
Pip frowned, then brightened. "Would you like to come over to my house and have dinner, then?"
Damien looked at Pip, eyebrow raised.
"Oh, come now, Damien, you yourself said you have nothing better to do with your time." Pip gestured to his books. "Besides, you helped me on my homework. It would be rude of me not to offer you anything in return. Think of it as a small gesture of thanks."
"Just for helping on your homework?"
Pip nodded.
"That's a big gesture for some stupid homework." Damien grinned suddenly, his sharper-than-normal canines showing clearly. "So..." He drew out, his eyes flashing wickedly. "If I save your house from burning down, does that mean you'll let me fuck you up a wall?"
Pip blushed a pretty pink at the lewd question. He stammered.
"...I-I don't think that will ever happen."
Damien's grin grew bigger at the non-answer. He had only meant to tease, but...well, now, this was very interesting.
"But that's not a no?"
Pip looked pleadingly at him, his face still red. "Can we stop talking about this please?"
"You're the one who started it."
Pip looked down, clearly embarrassed. Making up his mind, Damien saved him the trouble of speaking by getting up himself, walking forward a couple of steps. Pip looked at him in askance.
"If you're inviting me to dinner, I don't want to be late."
Pip beamed, bounding forward to lead the way.
A/N: Well, well, well, Pip. What were you thinking when Damien asked you that?
Pip: Nothing! Absolutely nothing!
Me: riiiiiight......(evil smile) You know you want his sexy body.
Pip: No I do not! I do not want his body!
Damien: (sneaks up behind Pip) Don't want who's body?
Pip: (shrieks) OH MY GOD!!! Damien, don't do that!
Damien/ Me: Boo!
(Pip runs away screaming)
(Me and Damien slap a high five)
Me: That was funny.
Damien: Yeah. When do I get to rape-uh, have fun with him?
Me: Soon, my pet. Soon.