I'd just like to take a second and thank ayrenni, for lending me the ideas she used in her Ocean's fanfic "Contemplations" for the ending of this chapter. Now, it's in my own words, but i used her basic idea because i loved her story, and i thought it fit so well here. it explains a lot, and ties it together so far.

Thank you again, ayrenni. It was a pleasure working with you!

Chapter Four

The Private Mind of Rusty Ryan

There was a hard knock on the door, three booming thuds that shook the portal. Rusty thought about not answering, but when the knock sounded again he concluded that it was in his best interest to open it. When he grabbed the handle and wrenched it inwards, Lily shoved a brown bag in his face and held up another next to her head. "I have a proposition for you," she beamed, waiting to be allowed inside.

He looked at the bag, back at her, then back to the bag again. From the brief moment he really looked at her, he noticed that she was much healthier looking, and shit loads more perky. "Is all this food a gesture of goodwill, or a bribe to get me to hear you out."

"A little of both," she answered, taking his question as an invitation to his attention. She brushed past him, placing the bags on the kitchen table.

Without hesitation, Rusty stuck his hand into one of the bags and pulled out a small, square, white container and a plastic fork. Without even glancing at the food, he began eating. "You have five minutes."

"First, I have a question."

"Shoot."

She grabbed an identical container, but waited to start consuming. "When were you going to tell me about Isabel?"

Rusty stopped, dropped his fork on the floor, and slammed his food down on the table. "Who told you about Isabel?"

She paused, thinking of the correct response. Absentmindedly, she stirred the contents of her container while contemplating. It was something she did often when she was thinking, stirring her food. Or coffee. Or twirling her hair. Or gum. Anything with a twisting motion, really. "No one. Look, if it wasn't friendly territory then…"

Rusty stopped her, taking the food from her hands and roughly placing it next to his. "Make the commitment, Lily. Who told you about Isabel?"

"No one! You dialed her number ten times last night. There's only two reasons to call someone so many times, Russ. Either she's a vital necessity to this job, or she's not accepting your calls. I assumed that it was the latter, since all the people we need are already here."

"You know what you do when you assume?"

"Only if it's a false assumption, and I don't believe I was wrong. Was I?"

He grabbed her shoulders, gripping them tightly. "This isn't a game, Lily."

"I'm not laughing," she jerked, trying to wiggle away from him. In the old days, he always got rough with her when he was mad at her. He would never hit her, nothing like that. He just liked to intimidate her, because Lily Ocean was rarely ever intimidated. It was how she was able to tell when he was really mad, from the times when he was just frustrated.

"Lily…"

"I read it on your phone bill."

"You've been looking at my phone bill? What are you, my mother?!"

That remark was enough to fuel her enough to struggle away from him and plant her fist across his cheek. "No, smart ass! You think you're staying in this place for free? I offered to do the owner one favor per room, but there has to be paper work. He has to bill someone, now doesn't he? The bills were slipped in my mailbox, and I didn't know what they were because they were in unmarked envelopes. Yours happened to be on top. Satisfied?"

He refused to answer, sitting hard into a chair and resuming the shoveling of food into his mouth. "You had a proposition?"

"I don't want to fight with you."

"Oh yeah? So what do you want?"

"No, that's my proposition. I don't want to fight with you. I want to forget about everything, start fresh. The concept of you and I never existed, except in the mind of my twisted father. We'd be colleagues…"

"Wait, what was that last part?"

Lily reached her hand behind her back and grabbed the longest piece of hair to start curling. "I want to be colleagues…"

"No, before that. What about Danny?"

Lily sighed, rolling her eyes. "He's been on this rave about you and me. But that's not important."

Rusty nodded, sirens flashing in his mind. "Right." He made a mental note to personally talk to Danny in the near future. "What were you saying?"

"I want to be friends. If not friends, associates. Do you accept or decline?"

"You want my honest opinion, Lil?" It was more of a rhetorical question, so he didn't wait for her to respond. "I think there's going to be a lot more confrontations between us, because I don't think you're ready for this. And I'll tell you why. Remember New Jersey?"

Lily's jaw dropped, her hands balled into fists and pressed into her hips. "Yes, I remember New Jersey and that wasn't my fault!"

"Maybe not, but..."

"You want to go there? Fine, I'll go there. Remember Mississippi? Where you actually got caught, and I had to bail your ass out by conning old guys to collect the money. Remember that? Hmm?" This was the exact opposite of where she wanted all this to go, obviously. But, in her defense, he started it. "You fucked up, Rusty."

"I'll admit that I slipped up…"

"Great. So now when I make a mistake and you have to bail me out, we'll be even."

"Stop it," he pleaded, disconnecting himself from the situation. He had learned to tune her out a long time ago, but he was a little rusty. Bits and pieces still got through.

"No, you stop. I wanted to be civil, and you're being a dick."

Rusty stood again, his eyes dwindling on the rest of the contents of the bags. "I accept, even though I don't believe it."

"We both know you don't believe in a lot of things, Rusty. That doesn't make it right. Or you right." She took that as her cue to walk away, leaving all the food on the table.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, watching her leave and regretting he was doing so. She was right, they both knew that Rusty didn't believe in a lot of things. Six things, to be exact. Things he was always thinking about, even when he was sleeping. Even when he wasn't aware he was thinking about them. They were constantly on the back burners of his mind, and he rarely discussed them.

Once, actually. The day Lily had told him she loved him.

They had just finished a particularly good session in the bedroom, he was still laying on top of her, pressing all his body weight on her. She told him she liked that, that it made her feel secure and safe. He indulged her, finding the touch of her stomach against his arousing. It had gotten physical. Extremely physical. They had both started sweating, which he only noticed because one of her curly locks was plastered to her forehead. He brushed the hair from her face, and then she said it. Those three words that he dreaded. Even more than the two words.

I love you.

He was speechless. Shocked really. Mostly because he never really thought about their relationship in that way. That was the last and only time Rusty offered someone else a glimpse into his extremely personal, private mind.

Number one, Rusty never had much trust in luck. He liked to think that there was only elaborate planning and perfected details with an experienced crew. No luck.

Number Two, Rusty never really had any faith in friendship. He believe in colleagues and the con code, but the idea of friends just seemed to be a different label for things that hold you down.

Number Three, Rusty didn't believe in generosity. In his chosen profession, there was only greed and deceit. He was okay with that, though.

Number Four, he didn't believe in loyalty, either. Instead, he considered his business as just that. A business. A bank, more specifically. A bank where he deposits favors into other people's accounts and, sooner or later, they would withdraw his favors and deposit their own into his account until there was some sort of balance.

Number Five, and most importantly, Rusty had no faith in love. None, whatsoever. He found ease with the thought of comfort and release with another person, but not love. He believed in satisfaction and a way to release the adrenaline of a beautifully executed scam, but not love. Love was a weakness. Like friendship. It was an anchor holding you back. Concern with another person while working a job only added room for error. To be successful, there was no room for error. Therefore, Rusty spat at the thought of love.

Upon hearing all this, Lily produced a sixth thing for Rusty to constantly think about. She told him that he, apparently, loved food.

Rusty liked to eat, and everyone knew that. There was no great secret to divulge there. Only, he detested that she said he loved food. He just didn't think of it that way. Upon hearing the words come out of her mouth, he came to the realization that he had heard some of the guys talk about him and his love for food and how he was constantly eating. He resented that even more still. He wasn't always eating. Hell, he had to sleep some of the time. He wasn't a robot after all, although sometimes he felt like one. For his defense, Rusty had thought of himself to be the brain of the operation. The brain had to have fuel, right? And Rusty was pretty sure that they were just jealous of his freakishly fast metabolism.

Getting back to the main point, Rusty did not love food. After all, it was an instinctual thing; to eat. He couldn't help if he couldn't pass up a good meal now and then. Sure, sometimes he couldn't help but not keep his hands off. But that wasn't love. No, that was just ridiculous. If that was love, then that would have meant that he, in fact, did love Lily Ocean at one time, and that was just impossible.

If Rusty thought anything about love, he thought he would have found it with Isabel. Still, he wasn't sure. He never had the feeling that he couldn't keep his hands off of her, although he did find her quite satisfying.

He had to wonder, though. Was he in love with Isabel? Or was she just a question he had yet to answer? Much like his question about what love was.