Chapter Fifteen

Two Years, Two Words

Lily stirred from her gentle slumber, the humming of people in the sands below her window waking her. It took her several moments to get her bearings, but she eventually forced herself from her bed. Slipping the robe that had been hug on the end of her bed over her shoulders, she stretched as she tiptoed out onto the terrace.

It was warm outside, a sticky heat automatically making her robe attach to her skin. She brushed a few loose strands of hair from her forehead, looking out onto the ocean. The high temperature was broken as a stray wind blew over her, gracing those on the beach with a little relief.

Australia had been a good idea.

Her travels had taken her to many places in the last two years, not only from coast to coast by from continent to continent. Every time she would get settled, she would see something that would remind her of him.

She had no idea what was going on in her old life anymore. She had left silently, in the middle of the night, with nothing but her newly acquired wealth and the clothes on her body. She had started over. Her name was Rachel Bailey, a red-headed, Irish bartender from Montana who had inherited her fortune from her dead grandmother. Her mother had left when Rachel was only two years old, and her father had died of cancer when she was fifteen. Her rich grandmother had taken her in. She loved ballet, although she didn't have the coordination for the art form. She had been married to an army officer for a total of three years, but she had lost him to the war overseas. She aspired to be a fiction writer, telling tales of bandits, crooks, and thieves.

She had left New York and jumped on a plane to Maine. From there, she traveled through Canada. After a brief stint in Montreal, she randomly selected places. Anchorage. Rome. Venice. Bangkok. Mexico City. Seville. Paris. Athens. London. Edinburgh.

Now, though, she found herself near Sydney.

The wind whipped around her again, tossing her hair completely loose as it flowed over her shoulders. She smiled to herself. The forecast was supposed to be hot, no wind. Yet every rogue blow made her smile a little wider. It reminded her of him. The air caressed her skin, taking place of his hands running all over her body. Short, bursting winds kissed her, making her feel heat that had nothing to do with the weather.

It was time for a change.

Her smile disappeared. She proceeded back into her temporary home, closing the double doors behind her. It had been different this time around. She didn't miss him, she needed him. She needed him so much it physically hurt her sometimes, but she had made the decision to leave. She would have to live with it. She was living it. Every second of every day, she was living with the decision to save herself. But, it was still different.

They hadn't broken up, because they hadn't really labeled their relationship. She hadn't talked to her father, not tell him where or when she was going. She hadn't said goodbye to her little sister, because she didn't know how to explain the situation to one so small. She didn't say goodbye to Tess, Virgil, Turk, Linus, Rueben, Livingston, Frank, Saul, Basher, or Yen.

She hadn't said goodbye to him, knowing that if she attempted to he would surely change her mind.

It was still a decision she had to live with. And she was. Peacefully, or as close to it as she could. She hadn't had any serious relationships in the time she was gone, but there were still males running in and out of her life. Not too many. The right amount, she supposed.

Yes, it was definitely time to move again. There was a light problem, however. She hadn't spent all her money, but she hadn't kept it all with her either. She couldn't deposit the stolen money in any bank, so she had to come up with an alternative place to stash it.

The lake.

It was the one place she knew there would be seasonal visitors, and her father hardly ever used the place anymore. She had hid the money securely – where she was positive no one would find it.

She was out of money, and would have to go retrieve some. Not a problem. It would be cold on the lake, not exactly desirable conditions for bare living. Not exactly desirable conditions for Danny Ocean or posse.

She quickly packed a bag, inhaled a cup of coffee she had swiftly brewed, and headed out the door without another look back. That was how she always left.

- - - - - -

The woods grew thick around the cabin, no one really around to take care and trim the trees and bushes that surrounded it. The path was overgrown, but she remembered the way like the back of her hand. Walking down the weeded, dirt driveway, she spotted the lake from a distance. She could see the still water, birds flying overhead to catch their evening meal. The sun was setting already, a darkness overtaking her and the woods. It was familiar, in a good way.

Crickets chirped from their protection in the foliage, birds chiming in for a nightly chorus. Lily smiled. Here she was safe to be no one, not even Lily Ocean. Time stopped in this place, and only good memories remained. Except… it reeked of good memories with Rusty. That was okay, though. It didn't hurt her like the other memories did. It comforted her, cradling her in the past where emotions were different and prospects of the future were filled with prosperity. It was a place where she was loved, and those memories were engraved in time forever.

Lights flickered on the lake, an usual sight for and unoccupied cabin. Curious, Lily forgot her mission, and traveled the woody thicket to the lakeside, A fire was built in the hearth at the mouth of the water, flames rising up and dancing in the reflection of the placid waters. It would have been beautiful – a welcoming sight – if it hadn't startled her so much.

There, sitting on a log at the fireside, was the reason she was running.

Rusty didn't see her at first, his hands folded in front of him as he leaned forward on his knees. He was staring into the flames, heavy contemplation lingering in his eyes.

She gasped, taking a step backwards. her motions rustled the brush at her feet. He looked up, just as startled as she was. She ducked under a tree branch, hoping it was enough for him to miss her. He didn't. He stood, stuffing his hands into his pockets as he tried to look as nonchalant as possible. "Lily? Is that you?"

She closed her eyes, hoping for a second she was dreaming. A gust of wind swept across the lake, splashing a little water onto her. She knew she wasn't dreaming. She blushed, coming out from her hiding spot. "Rusty, what are you doing here?" It was all she could ask from him.

He rocked backwards on his heels, frowning. "Well, I found this money in that tree stump you fell in that one time…."

She shook her head. He was with her when she had stumbled and fallen on the unworn path around the lake. How could she had forgotten? "What are you doing here, Rusty?"

"Is that all you have to say?" he asked in return, anger brewing.

"Rusty!" she yelled, hoping to provoke the answer from him.

He untucked his hands, running his palms over his face. "I'm looking for you, Lil. What else would I be doing here this time of year?"

"Rusty…"

"Can you please stop saying my name so accusatorily? I believe I'm not the one who was at fault this time." She wrapped her arms around herself, protecting from another spray from the lake. She couldn't look. It was too painful. She turned her back to him, looking back up the path where she had come from. She could feel him standing there, his presence reaching out to her. She was aware of his standing next to the fire, and she was aware of him when he walked towards her. He stood behind her, inches. He could have reached out and touched her, pulled her into his arms, but he refrained. "I know how you felt now, Lily. I know how I made you feel back then…"

Tears stung in her eyes. She tried her best to hold them in.

"I understand now."

The words made her whip around, stare him in the eyes even though she was losing the battle with her emotions. "You understand what?"

"What's it's like to have someone you love betray you so fiercely. To have your heart ripped out of your chest. "

The words stabbed her in the heart. She hadn't intended that at all. She hadn't intended to harm him, although she knew that it would in some way. But the way he was looking, the saddened lines that had appeared on his face, she knew she hurt him more than she thought she could.

"I had to, Rusty."

He held his hands out, frowning deeper. "What are you doing, Lil? Seriously?"

She scowled, her eyes narrowing in anger. "What are you doing, Robert?"

He shrugged. "I was trying to get you to come home with me, but I don't think I want to anymore."

"Well, good! I told you, Rusty…" She stepped forward, towards him. She hadn't intended to, and it was probably a mistake on her part, but she still found herself propelling towards him with her finger wagging. "I told you that this isn't going to work, so…"

"So I'm just supposed to accept that? I don't think so, Lily. The biggest mistake I ever made was letting you walk out of my life, and I'm not about to make it again."

"What part of 'this isn't going to work' don't you understand?"

Rusty pivoted, trying to keep control of his temper. "You said that we can't have a happy ending. Why not?"

"Because all we do is fight, Rusty."

"So?" He offered, picking up a stone from the dirt at his feet and mindlessly skipping it across the lake. "Lil, I loved that about us."

"You liked the fighting?"

He looked at her over his shoulder, such a smile on his face that her knees almost buckled. "Do you know anyone else who could fight the way we could? We would scream and yell until the other one was either physically or emotionally damaged, but we always came back loving each other more than before we started fighting! Personally, I miss the fighting. Mostly because afterwards, I would come out of it knowing just how much I care for you, and how much you cared for me for just simply sticking around for more fighting."

"You're insane," she scoffed, kicking the ground to give herself something to do.

"Insane about you, Lil. I'd have to be, or else I would have left a long time ago. Do you remember that one fight we had when we were in Aspen working over that white collar couple?" he asked, looking for a response from her. She gave him none, so he continued. "It was raining so hard, the snow was melting and the whole place almost flooded. We were stuck inside, and we were fighting about… well, I don't remember… but we were going at it like a professional wrestling match."

She chuckled.

He smiled wider. "You remember how you hit me so hard that I went through a window and almost got washed away with the weather?"

Her laugh grew louder, a visible smile on her face. "Yeah, I remember. You spent three days in the hospital after that, and we never did finish the con."

He nodded. "Right. You nearly killed me, Lily, but I still loved you. I still love you."

She wrapped her arms around herself, the breeze chilling her. She had heard him say the words she wanted him to say with absolute conviction, but it wasn't as sweet as she wanted it to be. It didn't mean as much as she thought it should. Maybe because she already knew he did. She always knew he did, even though he never said it out loud. Maybe it was because that part of her had almost expected him to say it.

Rusty laughed to himself, shaking his head. She had retreated inside her own mind. He knew he wasn't going to get it through her by bringing up old memories. "How you've been, Lil?"

"Comfortable," she replied without hesitation.

"And you want to be comfortable?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"Do you still get that tingling in your spine?" She didn't respond, and he took that as an answer that she didn't. "Do you still feel that adrenaline?"

"No, Rusty. I haven't…"

"I know."

She cocked her head. "You knew?"

He nodded innocently. "I also know about Rachel, Samantha, Enid, Lucy, and Milo. Stop running from me, Lily."

She jumped towards her, her hands planting on his chest as she shoved him backwards. "You knew!?"

She started storming away from him, but he caught her wrist. "I told you, I wasn't about to make the same mistake again."

She tried to wrench herself away, but he held fast. "How the hell… were you stalking me?"

"Not me," he confessed, waving for someone in the trees to step forward and take responsibility. "Him."

"Linus!"

Linus shrugged, his eyes pleading for her. "He was paying me, Lily. It was this, or work with my mom."

"Oh, I should have known," she growled, giving up her tugging. She tried again, and only succeeded in pulling herself closer to him. "Let go of me," she ordered, thrashing her hardest. "Goddammit, Rusty! I said let go!"

He was playing with her, pulling her closer to him until he could wrap his arms around her shoulders. He leaned into her, and she instantly relaxed as he kissed her cheek. "Stop running, Lil."

She was caught. She was trapped. And all she could do was try to fight her way out. She switched into panic mode, kicking and yanking.

Even though he would be bruised and damaged, he held onto her. He held onto her tighter, his hand squeezing her wrist tighter. "Ow! Damn it, Rusty, you're hurting me! Let go…" She gave up again, thinking that if she did so he would relinquish his barbaric hold on her. She froze completely, her body going limp as to transfer all her weight into the hand clenching her wrist.

He grabbed her shoulders, steadying her. "I told you," he grumbled, anger filling him. "I'm not letting you go again, even if that means holding you against your will. I will do anything for you, Lily, but I will not let you go. So…what do you want?"

She stared at him, her eyes welling with tears again. This was their relationship. This was what they were destined to repeat over and over again. This was what she was running away from time and time again. And this was what she sop desperately missed. "Let me go," she pleaded, sobbing.

He shook his head, anger taking over fully. "I'm not doing that. What do you want, Lily?"

Everything disappeared into the background. Linus had walked back up the path, figuring his job was over. They were alone, only the sounds of the crickets calling out in the night permeated the atmosphere they had created. "I want… I want…"

"Lily! What do you want?" he asked more intensely, shaking the wrist he held tight.

"I want… you! I want you, Rusty," she sniffed. "But it doesn't matter what I want, because I can't have you. I learned a long time ago that you can't belong to one person. And that's what I want. I want you to belong to me."

He dropped her wrist, frowning. She stared for a second, then took her opportunity to back away. Once she was out of his reach, she turned and scampered back up the path towards the cabin. She stopped only when she realized he wasn't following her. Lily turned, still able to see Rusty standing by the lake. She was too far away to see the details of his face, but the slouched silhouette that was illuminated by the flickering fire stood placid, defeated. She noticed the curve of his upper back, the way his arms hung at his side, pulled her heartstrings to the point of break.

She couldn't look anymore, or else those strings would snap. His voice held her in place, however. He was far away, but the wind from the lake and the acoustics of the hill amplified his trodden voice so she could hear him. "Remember those two words your father always used to say? Or, the many combinations of two words?"

She nodded, her voice box suddenly unable to work.

"I'm adding two words of my own."

Silence fell over them for some time. Rusty was making sure she was willing to hear him, Lily desperately wanting him to say something for her to remember him by. She waited to hear him, her eyes closing. It was several moments before she opened them, realizing he had taken the time to catch up with her on the hill.

"Marry me." It wasn't a question.

She blinked at him, still unable to speak.

"Marry me, Lily. I belong to you. I've always belonged to you."

She continued to stare.

"Marry me. I want to fight with you, Lil. I want to fight, and then make up over and over and over again. I want you to be mad at me like only you can, and I want you to make love to me like only you can."

Nothing. She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

"Marry me. Marry me and I'll prove you how much you really mean to me."

"I…I…." vibrations in her throat began rumbling.

"Marry me, Lily. Marry me, God damn it! "When I die – whether by an eerily detailed plot concocted by you or by natural causes – I want to be remembered because of you. I want to give you reasons to miss me. I want to be a good memory for you, Lily. Please."

No other sounds would come out. She wanted to talk to him, to answer him. She wanted to break the tension. She wanted to convey her thoughts to him. She wanted to convey her feelings to him, and share in his proclamations. With everything she wanted to say, her voice was overwhelmed. Instead, she thrust her hands out, wrapping her arms around his neck as she pulled his face towards hers. Her lips pressed hard against his, her convictions about what their relationship used to be releasing with the wind spilling over the lake.

The cabin always brought about good memories for both of them, and would continue to for the rest of their devoted lives. Finally, they belonged to one another. Rusty had found her, and would take her back to her family. Lily would stop trying to mend her heart, realizing that the bandages and bruises it had suffered was what made their love even stronger. Rusty would be faithful, plain and simple. Lily would trust him again.

Their life together and love for one another would prevail, and they would be able to look back on their pursuits of vindication with a smile and a hearty chuckle.

Fin.