FUBAR
Chapter five
"Hey! You're all needed up top. Boswell said it's an emergency." Everyone in the tunnel scrambled.
"What's the emergency?" Kinch calmly asked.
"The conversation stopped and then switched to German for no reason. I haven't heard Colonel Hogan's voice for few minutes," Boswell explained. Everyone crowded around the receiver and listened.
"Let's move him, Klink."
The two German officers removed Hogan's jacket and began to drag him over to the couch.
"I really don't think this is right," Klink mumbled. "How could he know anything? He's been here over two years."
The other officer snorted. "He's got to know something. With his rank? I told you, now that the Allies are in France; we need any information, no matter how trivial."
"What if he remembers?"
"He won't. Trust me. And when we get what he knows, and send it to Berlin…"
"Promotions."
"Yes."
"They drugged him! Sacre chat!" LeBeau exclaimed. "That's dirty."
"As soon as he starts to come to," Becker said, "That's when we'll inject the truth serum."
"Hang on, calm down," Kinch quieted everyone.
"Not again!" Carter said. "Oh, he's gonna have a cow."
All heads turned towards Boswell.
"The questions we asked didn't matter, but if this guy is a good interrogator…"
"I'm out of here. Keep listening." Kinch rushed out of the hut and straight into a guard.
"All prisoners confined to barracks. Orders. Back inside, Sergeant."
"It's an emergency. We need the colonel." Kinch didn't budge.
"What kind of emergency?"
"Fight," Kinch raised his voice, "We think we have a… A plant. In our barracks," he said loudly. "Get Schultz, I'll ask him. They'll kill him. Please!" Loud noises could now be heard inside the barracks. The guard stepped around Kinch and opened the door. Chairs were toppled around the room and cards and books lay scattered on the floor. LeBeau and Newkirk were on top of Boswell, while Garrett was trying to fend them off. Fortunately, the guard didn't realize the two were in the wrong barracks. He started to try and pull them apart.
"This is a serious accusation. Stop!"
"Colonel Hogan could stop this with a look," Kinch pleaded.
"You!" the guard shouted to the guard standing outside the door, "Take him to the Kommandant's quarters. Talk to Sergeant Schultz."
Kinch ran. "Schultz, it's an emergency! We need the colonel!" From his peripheral vision, he could see Wilson heading his way.
"Schultz, I heard there was a problem in here." The medic tried to get past the sergeant.
Schultz blocked him. "The Kommandant left explicit instructions not to be disturbed. I bring the dessert and then go stand guard outside, and then, what is the emergency?"
"We had a fight, Schultz," Kinch said. "Huge. Gestapo plant. Our barracks. New prisoners. Terrible."
"Schultz," Wilson again tried to get past the guard, "Someone called for me, I really should check inside. If it's nothing, then what's the harm? Schultz, please."
The guard relented. "All right. You two, come with me."
"You know the score?" Kinch whispered to the medic.
"I got the gist."
"Keep them distracted," Kinch continued. "Just to be safe, I'm removing the bug."
Wilson nodded.
**********
Hogan began to move.
"He's starting to come to," Becker said to Klink.
"Quick! Before he realizes what happened," Klink said.
"Give me his arm." Becker swabbed it, found a vein, and injected the serum. "Now, watch and listen."
**************
"We're too late. Damn!" Newkirk slammed his fist against the wall.
"I can't believe this is happening again." Olsen shook his head.
"He's gonna have a cow," Carter repeated.
"If we're not all shot first," LeBeau muttered under his breath.
Carter turned to the Frenchman. "Kinch is there. He'll get Schultz to let him in."
"Hogan will fight it," Garrett assured everyone. "Have faith."
Meanwhile, back in Klink's quarters, Becker and the now reluctant Kommandant began their questioning. Becker spoke softly into Hogan's ear. "Colonel Hogan. Colonel Hogan?" he said a little louder. There was no response.
Wilson and Kinch, with Schultz lumbering behind them, ran up the steps and opened the door.
"Kommandant, I'm sorry, but they insisted." Schultz stopped when he saw Hogan on the couch. "Oh, you're right. There was a medical emergency. What is wrong with Colonel Hogan?"
Wilson headed for the couch. "What happened?"
"Schultz!!!"
"Kommandant, there was a fight and…"
"Klink! What is the meaning of this?" Becker, now outraged at the intrusion, swiftly hid the hypodermic needle in a pocket. "It's too late, our plan is ruined," he whispered to Klink.
Wilson was now all business. "Sir?" he tried to wake Hogan up. "He's out cold. What's going on here?"
"He's, uh…" Klink stammered.
Kinch, who had palmed the bug, picked up Hogan's wine glass. It was full. He wondered how they slipped him the knockout drug, and then he switched the full glass with an empty one.
"Could be fatigue, Joe. He mentioned he was feeling out of sorts earlier today. Maybe that and the wine."
"Yes. That must be it," Klink hastily agreed.
"Did he take any medicine today that you know of?" Wilson asked Kinch. "Mixing medicine with wine or combining meds by accident could be dangerous." The medic glared at Klink, who swallowed hard and looked down at the floor.
Kinch shrugged. "I don't know, Wilson."
Wilson took out his stethoscope, opened Hogan's shirt and listened.
Kinch, seeing no reaction from the colonel, was now concerned. "Is he okay?"
"I'd like to get him back to the barracks," Wilson said to Klink.
"He can stay here, Sergeant," Klink, now mad at his old friend, offered.
Wilson quickly turned down Klink's offer. "No, better yet, the infirmary. I can watch him there."
"All right, all right. Schultz, bring back a stretcher."
"I think I should go, Wilhelm." Becker was beginning to head for the door.
"Yes. No, wait."
"Can you see anything?" Carter asked Olsen, who was manning the periscope. Now that Kinch had removed the bug, the men in the barracks had no clue what was going on.
"Schultz left, he's heading for the infirmary," Olsen said. "Oh, brother, he's bringing back a stretcher.
"They combined two medications. Obviously, Klink and his buddy had no clue what they were doing. What a mess. Amateurs." Garrett shook his head.
"Wait. I changed my mind," Wilson quickly announced as he and Kinch were helping to get Hogan off the couch. "The barracks should be okay. No need to move him twice. Thanks, Schultz."
"Schultz, walk them back," Klink grumbled. "Are you sure he'll be all right, Sergeant Wilson?"
"I think he'll be fine."
That could not be said for Becker.
"What were you thinking? You could have killed my senior POW officer. Do you realize how much paperwork that would involve? Not to mention, I actually sort of like the man, sort of, in a manner of speaking."
"I didn't know. I never used this stuff before. Besides, you can't just politely ask your enemy, 'please roll up your sleeve, so we can inject you with truth serum,' now, can you?"
"No, but…"
"You like the guy?"
"Yes and no. He's the enemy, but he seems decent enough. And he keeps his men under control. I'll give him that." Klink shook his fist at his friend. Former friend, he decided.
*********
"How is he? What happened?" The concerned residents of Barracks two plus Boswell and Garrett barraged Wilson and Kinch with questions as they brought the colonel in. They moved him onto his lower bunk.
"Combination of a quick acting sedative, not sure what, and sodium pentathol. I couldn't wake him. They wouldn't have been able to get him to give his name, rank and serial number, much less military information. Idiots!" Wilson removed Hogan's shoes.
"'Ow long do you think he'll be out?" Newkirk asked the medic.
"Hard to say." Wilson started a thorough exam. "They may have even screwed up the dosage for all we know. Oh, it's you two," Wilson said with some scorn, as Boswell and Garrett made their way over to the bunk.
"I feel kind of bad about this. Second time in less than four months." Garrett tsked; then backed away.
"His breathing is speeding up a tad," Wilson told the men. "He should be coming around soon. Boy is he going to be angry."
"Well, Wilson," Kinch cracked, "He said he was tired and that he was going to take tonight off."
"That's a given, now," Wilson commented. "Colonel, wake up." He shook Hogan's shoulder a few times, waited, and then tried again. "Come on."
Hogan was now trapped in the delicious state that existed between REM sleep and waking. He didn't feel like getting up, and why should he? He was too comfortable. Almost cozy. But someone was trying to wrest him out of it and ruin his morning. He wanted to go back, deeper. Hogan attempted to roll over. "Mom, five more minutes, please," he mumbled.
"Oy, did you 'ear that?" Newkirk chuckled. "'E thinks Wilson's his mum."
Wilson pushed the colonel back down flat, and shook him again. "Colonel Hogan," he said firmly, "It's time to get up." Hogan's eyes opened a slit, closed; and then opened again. He lay there, trying to remember where he was and attempting to focus on the man who was leaning over him.
"Wilson?"
"Don't sit up yet." Wilson had his hand on Hogan's chest. "You're in your barracks. Everyone, step back. Give him some air."
"Wilson? How did I get here? I wasn't sick. Was I sick? Ooh. I don't feel so hot."
"Queasy?" Wilson checked Hogan's pupils.
"Yeah. And dizzy."
"I'll let Kinch explain. First, let's see if you can sit up." With the medic's help, Hogan slowly rolled over and sat on the edge of the bunk.
"Here, drink some water." Wilson handed Hogan a glass.
Hogan looked up at Kinch and the rest of the men who were crowded around the door. "Well?"
"What's the last thing you remember, sir?" Kinch asked him.
"Trying not to be bored to death by those two blowhards reminiscing about some inane training course, and then Becker asked me the usual, 'How are they treating you?' questions. Why?"
"What was the last thing you ate?" Wilson broke in.
"Some apple torte, I think. LeBeau, yours is much better."
LeBeau beamed. "Merci, mon Colonel."
"Who served it?" Kinch asked.
"Schultz," Hogan replied. "No, he didn't. He brought it in. Klink cut it and then served…"
"You were drugged," Kinch told him.
It took several moments for Hogan's still addled brain to compute that revelation. He finally said. "You're joking."
"Wish I was," Kinch said. "A quick acting sedative, Colonel. And then those two bozos moved you onto the couch, waited for it to start to wear off, and then in some stupid attempt to get information.…"
"Wait. You're joking."
"Wish I was, sir," Kinch repeated. "They gave you truth serum." Without thinking, everyone in the room held in their breath and took a step back.
"Again!" Hogan shouted. "Oh, my head. The bug! You heard this. What did I say?"
"Nothing," Wilson assured him. "You were unconscious by the time we got there."
Hogan took another sip of water. "How did you know something had happened, Kinch?"
"Boswell was checking the bug to make sure it was working."
"I heard the conversation switch to German, and you were silent for several minutes, plus their narrative. Put two and two together. Called everyone up."
"Thanks." Hogan gave Boswell a nod.
"Don't mention it. But Kinch convinced the guard to let him go over there. Some story about us being plants, and a fight."
"I slipped into the tunnels and got Wilson, sir," Garth proudly reported. "I told him what happened."
"Kinch and I showed up at the same time," Wilson continued. "We barged in. I gave them a song and dance about too much wine and you feeling sick."
"I switched the wine glasses," Kinch added.
"We've got an hour until the raid," Olsen reminded everyone.
"Looks like it was a group effort. Great job everyone. So, I know what those two numbskulls did, but Klink doesn't know that I know." Hogan grinned and then yawned.
Wilson smiled. "Yes, that's true. Go to bed, Colonel. You'll be fine. Just drink a lot of extra water."
"No coffee," Hogan grumbled.
"You remember!" Wilson joked. "No coffee."
Hogan muttered something nasty that he didn't really mean about Wilson's bedside manner, lay down, rolled over and quickly fell back asleep.