Oh, ummm, disclaimer because I forgot: This goes to Tony Gilroy, I guess, because he wrote the screenplay for Supremacy. But then, Matt Damon actually played Bourne on camera…and of course there's the ever-present fact that Ludlum invented Bourne in the first place…oh, Jeeze…It's just not mine, understand?

Thing Number 3: Talking On A Cell Phone With Someone Who's In The Next Room

(A/N: Come on, people, we've all done it…)

I was curious to see how Marie would top yesterday's tree planting fiasco.

As it were, she didn't even try.

She wasn't feeling very creative today, evidently.

She must be sick or something.

Marie's always creative.

Sometimes even a little too creative…

"Jason!"

I sighed, shutting off the water and dropping the hose in a lazy coil next to a terribly unmanicured hedge. Marie's prize tree had brightened significantly since the day before, and it was now my duty to ensure that it was kept from shriveling up and dying. I shot it a smoldering glance before straightening and sticking my head in through the open door. "What is it?"

"Come here." Marie appeared in the hall in front of me, a small object in her left hand, reaching out her right to me.

My eyes moved from her face to the outstretched hand and back. "I don't know. Last time you took me by the hand you condemned me to an hour of hard labor."

She scowled, her eyes lighting up contradictorily. "Oh, be quiet. It wasn't that bad. I know you really love that tree, you're just denying it."

"Uh-huh. Of course I do. Just promise me there's no dirt involved here."

Marie couldn't help but laugh at my reluctance. (She'd laugh at anything I did). "I promise! Stop worrying so much!"

"How can I? At this point Treadstone is less of a threat that you!"

"You big baby." She grabbed my hand, pulling me into the hall and then to the bedroom. She handed me the object, shoving me towards the bed. "Sit."

I ignored her order, examining the slick item in my hand. "A cell phone?" Her plan was thus far ambiguous.

"Just sit, okay?"

I sat.

"Thank you. Now stay here." Marie turned on her heel and slipped from the room before I realized what was going on, the door clicking loudly behind her.

I blinked.

Another second passed before I was up on my feet. I crossed to the door and pulled it open. "Marie?" I peeked around the corner. "What on earth is going on?"

She was sitting in her favorite chair by the window, but when she saw me she frowned and rose, steering my by the shoulders back to the bed.

"Sit! And stay this time, will you? You're awfully insubordinate for having been in the military."

"Okay, okay. I get it. But this doesn't make any sense!"

"Of course it doesn't. You've never done it before, remember?" She laughed, shutting the door behind her for the second time that minute.

I glowered at the space she had last occupied, but I obeyed her bewildering command, staying put with the cell phone abandoned on the bed beside me.

I jumped half a foot when it abruptly commenced ringing a minute later. I picked it up, more confused than ever. "H-hello?"

"Hi. You stayed this time. I would give you a doggie treat, but I'm guessing you wouldn't appreciate that too much…"

"Marie?! What are you doing?! You're in the next room for goodness sakes; why didn't you just come in here if you wanted to tell me something?"

"That would have defeated the purpose!"

"What?!"

"This is the thing you've never done, smart one!"

I was caught off-guard by that. "Th-this? What is it that we're doing exactly?"

"It's the famous 'talk to someone in the next room over on the phone.' Everyone's done it. I figured you should get to."

"But-but what would possibly compel someone to do this?!"

"Hey, beats me. What would compel someone to have 6 different passports made for them?"

"True…"

"See?" She laughed. "So, what do you want to talk about?"

"What do you mean? Don't you have something to say?"

"Of course not! That's half of it-you have to lack a purpose for the call."

"Okay, now this is getting too ridiculous. Why even call if you don't have a reason?" 21st century society was odder than I had thought. It's amazing what one misses when one is shot, thrown off a boat, and develops amnesia. I realized "Operation 101 Things Jason Bourne Has Never Done" might be beneficial to me after all.

"Because it's fun," was the simple and cheerful reply from the other end of the line. "Oh, that's right! I almost forgot. How's Alfonce doing?"

"Are you all right, Marie? Do you have heat stroke, or something?"

"What?"

"Who the heck is 'Alfonce'? And what kind of name is that?"

Marie laughed. "I guess I neglected to tell you-Alfonce is the name I gave to our tree. I think it suits it."

"You've named it now? What if it dies?"

"It's your job to make sure that doesn't happen, remember?"

"Right, right…" I muttered. "And I'm so thrilled about that, too."

"Well, so how's he doing?"

"Alfonce is fine." The name felt strange on my tongue. The things Marie comes up with, I swear. "I gave him a nice long drink before you dragged me in here for this nonsense."

"Glad to hear it." If she'd caught the insult she did a good job of letting it slip.

"What kind of tree do you think it is?"

"I don't know…he has really leathery leaves…maybe he's a mango tree? I think they have a lot of those around here."

"You may be right. But what are we going to do with mangoes?"

"I dunno…eat them?"

"You don't say."

"You asked." Her voice was perfectly innocent and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Where did you get these phones?"

"A friend."

"The same person who gave you Alfonce?"

"No, Jason, he's not the only person I know. I have several friends, FYI."

"Ah."

"You sound rather condescending, Mr. I'm-a-recluse. At least I have friends."

"I'm not arecluse, I just like to lay-low."

"Extremely low."

"Yes."

Marie laughed, and I could easily imagine her grinning and leaning back in the worn-out chair as she had done so many times before. "You're a piece of work, Jason, you know that?"

"I try to be modest."

"That's all I can ask for," she retorted, still chuckling.

I was silent for a few seconds, smiling. "So, can we call today's mission a success? I'm starting to get hungry."

"Sure. I figure you're well enough versed in the art of 21st century laziness now. Creamed chicken sound good?"

"Sure. And chocolate for dessert?"

"But of course, Jason."

"That's the best news I've heard all day!" I laughed, snapping the phone shut. It didn't get any better than that…