Disclaimer: If I owned Glee I'd be doing all sorts of dirty things to Mark Salling....I'm just kidding...or am I?

Make Me Forget

Chapter 11 – Just Keep Breathing

It was overcast the day Puck and Quinn's baby girl was buried. They named her Sarah. On the small tombstone it read Sarah Fabray-Puckerman. Quinn had let Puck choose the name for the baby, he had spent hours choosing the perfect name. Sarah was of Hebrew origin and meant 'princess'. The ceremony was small; Quinn's parents hadn't even bothered to show. Ms Pillsbury was her surrogate mother, pushing aside her fear of germs to place an arm around Quinn's shoulder allowing her to cry onto it. Mr Shue stood next to Ms Pillsbury, hands in the pocket of his jacket as he stared grimly down at the tiny coffin. He had already applied for divorce from his wife, his wedding ring at the bottom of the lake in the park. Puck stood staring stoicly ahead, not able to bring himself to look down at the tiny grave, as the voice of the Reverend droned on. His gaze didn't waver, his mouth in a firm line. He was barely holding it together. Rachel's hand was tucked in his securely, her other hand resting on her stomach discreetly, though Kurt, Mercedes, Artie and Tina all knew her secret. They hadn't told anyone else as per their promise to Puck and Rachel had no idea they knew. Four days had passed since they lost Sarah, and still her loss was fresh on Puck's heart. Puck's mom Dianna was there, Puck had told her about Quinn's baby but he hadn't told her about Rachel's baby yet. All Dianna knew was that Rachel was his girlfriend. Dianna had been disappointed in Puck at first, but she had been supportive of him through this awful time. Once Quinn's parents found out that she had been pregnant they disowned her. They hadn't cared that she lost the baby. That their youngest daughter had miscarried and still had to give birth to a lifeless little girl. That she was in so much pain that she could barely function. All they saw was her mistake, her disobedience. Ms Pillsbury let her move in with her. Members of Glee were with her constantly. If not Puck and Rachel, then one of the others, to make sure that she wasn't alone. Quinn hadn't really spoken much since it happened, since she lost the baby and Finn and her perfect life. Finn hadn't spoken to her or anyone; no one was sure if he even knew the funeral was today or if he would come.

The Gleeks were huddled together. Matt had his arms wrapped around Santana and Brittany clung to Mike's arm, tears streaming down her face. This was their family; they were all hurting at the loss. Rachel caught sight of a tall figure walking towards them and she squeezed Puck's arm and nodded at Finn who was dressed in a black suit coming towards them. Rachel glanced over at Quinn who was staring at Finn desperately but Finn didn't move to stand with the rest of the group who were gathered together. Instead he stood stiffly a couple of meters away. Rachel hated seeing Finn dealing with his pain on his own. For months he had believed this baby was his daughter and, in a way, she was. He loved her with all the love a father should have for his child. He knew he loved her the moment after he got over the shock of Quinn telling him. And, even though she wasn't really his, he still loved her like she was. Rachel looked up at Puck and he nodded stiffly releasing her hand to let her go to try and comfort Finn but Kurt placed a hand on her shoulder.

"We've got him," Kurt murmured to Rachel and Puck as he and Mercedes moved to stand with Finn. Kurt placed a hand on Finn's shoulder and held out his hand to Mercedes who took it purposely. Matt drifted over to hold Mercedes hand, then Brittany to Matt, then Mike, then Santana, Artie, then Tina, Puck, then Rachel, Mr Shue, then Quinn and Miss Pillsbury. They stood there hands clasped and heads bowed. They would remember this day for the rest of their lives. When the ceremony was over Finn turned and walked away without saying a word to any of them. Quinn moved to go after him but Rachel held her back.

"It's too soon for him Quinn," Rachel whispered and Quinn broke down into tears and hugged her. Rachel wrapped her arms around her former rival and couldn't believe how much had changed in a couple of months.

Puck was early to Glee which was a first. He blamed Rachel. She was in the toilet for the hundredth time that day...okay maybe he was exaggerating but she went to the toilet an awful lot which seemed to leave him either waiting outside the bathroom with her bag or sitting alone somewhere with her bag. Either way he was getting sick of having her bag as his only company.

Puck was sitting there minding his own business when he was startled by someone slapping the back of his head. Whoever did that had a hand of steel and was about to get their ass severely kicked for daring to lay a hand on him. Puck twisted his head to look behind him and saw Mercedes standing there, a hand on her hip and Puck relaxed his fists automatically. Puck was a lot of things; dead sexy, a stud, reformed manwhore, dad-to-be, conceited, but he was not someone who hit girls.

"What was that for?" Puck demanded rubbing the back of his head where she had hit him and Mercedes folded her arms across her ample chest, that look of 'don't pretend you don't know what you did' written all over her face.

"Getting my girl pregnant," she retorted moving to stand in front of him and Puck rolled his eyes. So this whole 'Rachel being pregnant' thing was his fault?

"It takes two to do the horizontal tango Mercedes," he reminded her winking and Mercedes poked him. She honest to God poked him right in the chest. Puck figured it must be a girl thing because Rachel poked him all the time. Girls had really bony, pointy fingers too, it hurt when they poked you and you weren't tensed up expecting it.

"Well you should have kept it in your pants," Mercedes scolded him poking him one last time for good measure and Puck couldn't help resist making an innuendo, Mercedes was practically asking for it.

"Can't tame the wild beast Mercedes," Puck quipped grinning and when Mercedes gave him her meanest look his smirk dropped and he mumbled apologetically, "Sorry."

"You are both incredibly stupid," Mercedes continued her lecture and then she gave a fond smile, "And incredibly brave to be keeping the baby and raising it together."

"Thanks," Puck said knowing this was Mercedes way of saying she was his friend, this was her way of looking out for them. Mercedes grinned at him.

"But just so you know, you're mostly stupid."

Puck gave her a side smirk as Rachel and Kurt entered the room followed by the rest of Glee, except Finn. Puck met Quinn's eyes and her lower lip trembled. They didn't know if Finn would every come back to Glee; they missed him.

Later that week the members of Glee crowded around the piano before Glee started. Mr Shue had organized a rehearsal every day since Sectionals was in two and a half weeks and they all needed something to take their minds off reality. Finn hadn't been coming to rehearsal the past week; no one blamed him. Quinn came sometimes, when she could pull herself out of her funk long enough to focus. Puck was always there, sitting quietly, his eyes always on Rachel protectively. He made sure she was taken care of. Rachel had taken to filling up her day with meaningless tasks to distract her from her own dramas. She hadn't told her parents yet, and Puck hadn't told his mother. They just weren't ready yet, not after all that had happened. This morning she had gone for a blood test and they were both nervous about their first ultrasound appointment which would be the next day.

"Let's draw up next week's schedule for Quinn time," Rachel stated pulling out her notepad all business. They had made sure that someone was with Quinn always. When she walked to class, when she was in class, when she was at lunch, to and from school, someone from Glee was always with her.

"You don't need to do that anymore, I'm fine," Quinn stated bluntly from the doorway and the group all pulled away from the piano guiltily, "You don't need to babysit me. I'm depressed not suicidal."

That was debatable. No one was sure how Quinn was really feeling since she refused to speak to anyone about her loss. They didn't want to risk letting her go out on her own, not until they knew how she felt, if she was okay. Puck was dealing with his loss as well as could be expected, but he had Rachel to think about, and their baby and he had his mother supporting him, but Quinn had the Glee kids and that was it. No parents and no Finn.

"We're just trying to help," Mercedes said huffily slightly offended that Quinn didn't appreciate the effort they had gone to in the hopes of keeping her protected.

Somehow word had gotten out about the paternity of Quinn's baby. Mostly the other students gave them wide berth, but some of the jocks hadn't been so accommodating. As soon as the hockey jocks had seen the breakdown of communications between the football, Cheerio's and Glee the truce became null and void. Power was up for grabs. It had been hard on all of the Glee Club, slushie attacks had begun again and Kurt had taken a couple of dumpster hits, but it was especially hard on Puck, Quinn and Rachel too. The hockey team could attack them without fear of repercussions because Finn wasn't forcing the football team to retaliate on their behalf. The Cheerio's could only do so much and Matt and Mike didn't know whose side to take. They both still spoke to Puck, but the whole football team had sided with Finn. Puck didn't blame them, if he had had a choice he would have sided with Finn as well.

"I appreciate it, but I need to learn to cope on my own," Quinn said bravely moving to take her seat and she placed her hands in her lap. She looked so thin, so lost.

"You'll call us if you need us though?" Rachel ventured to ask and Quinn looked up at her and gave a weak smile.

"Of course."

Quinn's smile faded when Finn walked into rehearsal with Mr Shue following him. No one made a noise, too stunned to speak. Finn looked at the ground, unable to look anyone in the eye.

"I realize that everything is tense right now, but we need twelve members to compete at Sectionals so please let's just focus on Glee and keep our personal problems for after," Mr Shue told them tightly and Rachel stood up, taking control.

"No problem Mr Shue, let's rehearse," she said brightly moving to stand in the middle of the room.

The rest of Glee got up and took their positions. Rehearsal went on, albeit awkwardly. Finn sang with Rachel, he sang when he was supposed to but his voice lacked lustre and life. He didn't even look Rachel in the eyes once, not even when she tried to interact with him. Rachel often glanced back at Puck and Quinn and saw their pain, their loss, they missed Finn, all of Glee missed him. They missed how it used to be. Rachel started to doubt that things would ever be the same again.

As soon as rehearsal was declared over Finn grabbed his bag and strode from the room without a word to anyone.

"Finn wait," Quinn ran after him and Puck and Rachel followed. Quinn managed to reach Finn's arm but he pulled away from her touch like it was fire. He stopped walking and spun to face her. His facial expression was hostile.

"Don't Quinn. I can't...I just can't talk to you right now," Finn spat at her hatefully and Quinn burst into tears sliding to the ground as she buried her face in her hands. Finn turned and began walking away again and Rachel looked over at Puck then nodded at Quinn. Puck wordlessly moved to pick Quinn up in his arms and carried her back into the choir room where the others began fussing over her. Rachel ran after Finn.

"Finn," she cried out and Finn stopped walking and turned to face her. His expression was icy, accusing almost. Rachel was taken aback; Finn hated her, and she had no idea why. She thought they were friends. Finn ran a hand through his hair in frustration.

"How can you stay with him knowing what he did?" Finn demanded rudely and Rachel blinked rapidly, not used to hearing Finn talk to her this way. Finn who had always been kind and sweet to her. She didn't know who this Finn was but she couldn't blame him for being angry, although she did feel his anger was misplaced.

"You can't help who you love Finn, you should know that better than anyone," Rachel said slowly looking up into his eyes then she shrugged and continued, "Besides, Noah and I weren't together when it happened. Yes, he kept the truth from me and I know that I forgave him too easily in your eyes but our situations are different. I could never understand the amount of betrayal you are feeling. I do know he's sorry, Quinn too."

"I can't..." Finn squeezed his eyes shut at the mention of Quinn, his face twisting in pain.

Rachel watched as tears started to fall from his eyes and Rachel hesitated only a moment before wrapping her arms around his waist hugging him tightly. Finn relaxed into her burying his face in her shoulder, grateful to have someone to turn to. He had needed someone this whole time but he had no one to trust, no one to rely on. He had been trying to deal with his pain alone and it had been unbearable, that's why he had asked Mr Shue if he could come back to Glee. When he was busy singing, he didn't think about Quinn or Sarah. He didn't really have to think period and it was a welcome repreave from the gnawing pain he felt at all other times.

"I'm glad you came back to Glee, I missed you," Rachel told him honestly, "Noah should have told you sooner, when he told me I knew something like this would happen."

Finn pulled away from her abruptly brushing the tears from his eyes. Rachel frowned wondering why the hostile look came back to Finn's face.

"You knew?" he asked incredulously a horrified look on his face. As though he thought Rachel had betrayed him as well.

"Yes but..." Rachel tried to explain but Finn cut her off shaking his head at her in disbelief.

"Fuck Rachel you knew! You knew and you didn't tell me, you're just as guilty as they are," Finn practically yelled his accusation at her and Rachel was stunned into silence.

Finn strode to his car leaving her standing in the car park. He got in his car, nearly tearing the door off its hinges and then drove away with a screech. Rachel stood there watching him go wondering how she had regained and lost a friend again in a matter of seconds.

The following afternoon when school finished Puck and Rachel were anxiously waiting for their first ultrasound appointment. Puck's legs were bouncing up and down and Rachel was nervously chewing on her nail. Their hands were clasped together firmly between them.

"Berry?" Rachel jumped up when she heard her name being called.

"Here," Rachel replied automatically out of nervousness then blushed bright red. The Asian doctor just gestured for them to follow him.

Rachel was clutching Puck's hand so tightly he was sure his hand would be bloody from her fingernails pressing onto his hand. They were led to a small room with a chair and the doctor boredly pointed for her to sit down. Rachel did as indicated and the doctor slipped her shirt up carefully.

"Ready to see your baby?" he asked noticing Rachel's shaking hands and Rachel nodded.

"Yes," she whispered her eyes fixed on the sonogram screen.

The doctor squeezed the jelly onto her smooth flat stomach and Rachel shivered from the coolness but was too nervous to make a sound. Puck's eyes were drawn to her stomach where his son or daughter was living. The doctor grabbed the transducer and pressed it onto her lower stomach and an image flashed up on the screen. It was dark and you could make out the image of a blob, Puck figured the big part was the head. Puck felt tears pricking at his eyes but he refused to cry. He was a badass and badasses did not cry. Rachel didn't get that memo but she wasn't a badass either so it was okay that she was crying tears of joy, trying not to move too much. The doctor wiggled the transducer around a bit until he had a clearer view.

"Here's the head and an arm, you hear that? Strong healthy heart beat," the doctor commented sounding very pleased, then he placed the transducer down and looked over some paperwork, "You are coming up to three months along according to the blood test you took yesterday."

Rachel squeezed Puck's hand. This was so much to take in. That was their baby they just looked at, their baby with a head, and an arm and a strong heart beat.

"Can you tell the sex?" Puck asked eagerly trying to see on the sonogram screen but he couldn't really see anything and the doctor shook his head.

"It's still a bit too early."

"Oh," Puck was a little disappointed; he had really wanted to know the sex so he could start preparing himself for a little girl or boy.

"So everything looks good. I'd like to see you back in another month and we should be able to find out the sex of the baby then," the doctor informed them handing Rachel a towel to wipe the goo from her stomach and Rachel did so quickly.

They thanked the doctor and then stopped off at reception to sign papers and get the bill. Puck shoved it into his pocket and the two walked hand in hand out of the office and into the street not saying anything, a little stunned by what they had just seen. They were really doing this; they were really having a baby together. He was seventeen turning eighteen and she had just turned sixteen earlier this year, and they were having a baby.

"I don't want to tell my parents yet," Rachel said slowly, her voice shaking a little and Puck looked over at her. He wasn't too keen on telling his mother yet either.

"Me either."

"Tell them next month?"

"Deal."

Puck needed a job. This bill for $ 200 was the first of many and he had no savings since he had given it all to Quinn when she was trying to pay for Sarah's bills. His pool cleaning business had kind of waned. Since he started seeing Rachel all the extra services he had previously provided had been halted and his female cougar clients had stopped calling. This meant he wasn't making much money at all. He drove Rachel home and they both sat in his truck silently outside her house. Puck had yet to meet her father's, truth be told he was petrified, and he wasn't offended Rachel never invited him in. Rachel had met his mother a few times, and his mother knew Rachel was his girlfriend which made it easier for Rachel to visit him at home, though nowadays he spent all his nights at her place. She couldn't exactly be climbing trees outside his house in her condition. Puck's mom Dianna really liked Rachel, after all Rachel was Jewish and she had made Puck go to class which explained his really good report card this term. Dianna had no clue that Rachel was pregnant and Puck was not all that inclined to tell her just yet. Hannah, his little sister, adored Rachel as well; mostly because the first time Rachel came over to hang out she had bought Hannah a doll. Hannah loved her ever since. Rachel had a hand on her flat stomach and Puck was glaring at the bill that they had been given after the ultrasound willing it to burst into flames.

"Where am I gonna get $200 from?" he pondered throwing the bill down on his dashboard in frustration and Rachel picked up the bill and inspected it coolly.

"My daddy's give me $ 50 a week for what they call 'teenage expenses'. I have been getting the money since freshman year and as I don't go out much I have managed to compile a fair bit of savings. I believe there is about $ 1000 in there, that should cover our first couple of bills and the required vitamins the doctor advised that I take," Rachel informed him sensibly not at all worried. Puck shook his head at her.

"We can't live off your allowance forever Rach, I am supposed to be the one taking care of you," Puck snapped with annoyance, angry at himself for not being able to take care of her like he had promised. Rachel gave him a stern look. Puck knew that look; she was about the chew him out.

"Noah, there are two of us here, don't go off on some misguided attempt to boost your masculinity by thinking that you and only you can provide for us. We are in this together and we will both contribute," she impressed on him seriously and Puck sighed deeply knowing she was right. But still, he was right to a point, they couldn't live off her allowance forever. Puck needed a steady income

"I need to get another job," he said softly and Rachel placed a hand on his arm.

"Well then we will look for one at school tomorrow, I'm sure there is some work out there for a ruggedly handsome teenager," she told him easily then she leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips. Puck felt more relaxed, more hopeful. Rachel believed he would get a job easily, and he trusted in her.

"Ruggedly handsome?" he repeated as though he expected a better description of himself and Rachel giggled against his lips.

"Come up later?" she asked and Puck grinned not even bothering to answer. She knew he would be there, he would always be there.

When Puck picked Rachel up the next morning she hopped into the passenger seat and stared at him in shock. Her mouth opened and closed but no noise came out and Puck scratched his newly shaven head awkwardly. He looked like an idiot and he knew it.

"Noah, your hair!" Rachel cried out running a hand through the short bristles. It wasn't smoothly shaven but it was definitely short, and worse still his Mohawk was gone. Rachel never imagined she would miss the stupid thing but now that it was gone, she wanted it back. He didn't look like her Puck without it.

"I didn't think anyone would want to hire some scary looking kid with a Mohawk," Puck shrugged nonchalantly like he didn't miss that tuft of hair that used to adorn his head. He actually did kind of miss it, he just didn't feel like him without it, but he didn't want to let on because he knew that Rachel would feel bad for him and he didn't want to worry her.

"Oh Noah," Rachel saw right through his disinterested attitude and leaned over to embrace him lovingly. Puck rested his hand on her belly for a reminder of why he was doing all this and felt at peace with himself and his lack of Mohawk. He was doing this for all the right reasons, he could handle going Mohawk-less, after all, he could always grow it back.

AN: OH NO! He got rid of his hawk :( Poor Puck. Thanks for your reviews! I'm trying to move past the angst as quickly as possible, but it will take a while I suppose, and no one will ever truly forget.

NEXT CHAPTER: (I love doing these LOL) Rachel calls an intervention which blows up in her face. Kurt comforts her with a song. It will be a short chapter I think, because then they are at Sectionals!

REVIEW!!!! I LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!