Shuuhei woke slowly. The late spring sunshine was pouring through his window, and he stretched lazily, as his brain kicked into gear - and then all but jumped upright as the memories came flooding back.

He looked beside him and saw that he was alone; not just in his bed, but in the room as well. Slightly worried, he got himself up and dressed, and made his way down to the main hall – although there were no set classes today, he regularly helped with extra homework sessions for the younger students. Mostly without ending up in bed with them, a small voice said inside him, wryly. As he entered the hall, a number of students asking for help on various assignments met him, and Shuuhei was almost glad of the distraction as he sat down at a nearby table and started trying to make some order out of the chaos.

The day passed quickly, and before long, the light began to fade as the sun started its downward path. Shuuhei sighed audibly as the last student left the room, a mess of paper and ink, and he had just though of packing up his belongings when he heard someone call his name. Turning round, he smiled as he saw one of his classmates come towards him, waving a piece of paper at him.

"Kenchin-san," Shuuhei said, politely. He just got a leer in response.

"So formal, Shuuhei… are we not friends?" The tall student sat down next to him, reached up to smooth back his long, black hair and tied it off with a length of material. "What did you get up to last night, eh? We all went out without you. Don't tell me you got lucky!" he said as a joke.

Shuuhei tried to keep his face neutral as he gave a small laugh. "Don't be silly," he said, automatically, though he hesitated a little too long. Kenchin peered at his friend.

"Don't tell me you actually did get laid? Jeez, the head of year brought down to our level!" The jibe was good-natured and Shuuhei shook his head and laughed in spite of himself, and he spoke as he continued putting his things away into his bag.

"I could never bring myself down to your level, Kenchin. I don't think I can reach that far," and he narrowly avoided an elbow to the ribs, though the blow hadn't been delivered with much seriousness.

His friend looked at him, mock sadness etched on his face. "Shuuhei-senpai doesn't like me anymore. I think I might cry." Shuuhei just rolled his eyes at his friend's melodrama. "Anyway, we're all off out tonight. Teijo has decided we need an evening of gambling and women, and who am I to disagree?" he said as he grinned.

Shuuhei shook his head. "Thank you for your kind offer, but I'm going to pass on it for tonight. It's been a long day, and I'm looking forward to just relaxing tonight. Have fun!" he said with a wave as he picked up his bag and set off back to his dorm and up the long flight of stairs to the top floor.

As the heavy door of his room swung shut behind him, he crossed the floor and dropped his bag onto his futon, which was in the same state as the night before. Shuuhei stood staring at the bed, a thoughtful look on his face, and then sighed. Turning round again before he could change his mind, he set off to meet up with Kenchin and the others.

…

Shuuhei sat in the corner of the room surrounded by his classmates and feeling very out of place. He fiddled nervously with his saké mug, not really drinking the contents but having it more for show. He didn't really get drunk often – at least, not now. The first few days after the Hollow incident had been a bit of a blur as he tried to deal with what had happened, and he realized that the only outcome of that had been some very unpleasant mornings and a few missing memories. Definitely not worth it, he'd concluded.

He was about to give up the evening as a bad job, when he heard a commotion by the front door, and a group of younger students came in – half a dozen or so, talking and jostling amongst themselves. They were in high spirits, as most of the younger ones tended to be, and Shuuhei found himself watching them with no little feeling of envy for their seemingly carefree manner when he suddenly realized that Renji was part of the group.

Shuuhei slid back into the shadows as he watched Renji interact with his friends. A small voice in the back of his head said something about stalking and inappropriate, but he rather uncharacteristically ignored it and carried on. He saw Renji sit down between two very pretty girls that could've been twins and watched as Renji flirted and drank between them, throwing out comments and compliments. The two girls blushed and giggled self-consciously, and Shuuhei realized suddenly that he had balled his hands into fists, his fingers almost cramping from it.

With a start he decided he had to get out of there, as quickly as possible and without anyone noticing. He waited until another girl distracted Renji across the table from him, and took his chance. With a quick nod to his classmates, he said goodnight and all but ran out the door into the welcoming night. As he got outside, he moved to the side of the building and leant against the wall, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath.

"You were going to leave without saying hi? That's just rude."

Shuuhei opened his eyes, and groaned inwardly. Renji was standing in front of him, arms crossed over his chest, with the ever-present grin on his face and his eyes clearly showing how much alcohol he'd drunk so far.

"I didn't want to disturb you." The lie slid easily off his tongue and he was immediately ashamed. He didn't usually lie to anyone, especially to people he actually liked. Then again, he didn't usually hide in corners stalking younger students, so who knew what else he was going to do.

Renji just looked at him. "Really."

It felt as though Renji's eyes were actually boring holes through him. Damn, but he didn't have time for this – he just wanted to be in his bed. Alone. At least, he thought he did. He closed his eyes and sighed again.

"You have to take some responsibility for it," Renji said, and Shuuhei didn't bother opening his eyes. He could hear the tone of voice, knew exactly what he meant by it.

Before he had a chance to respond, Shuuhei felt a rush of air nearby. He opened his eyes just a split second before he felt a mouth on his, and a tongue slipped between his lips to invade his mouth. He didn't have time to react, and although his mind was screaming at him to get away, his body was doing the opposite and after a few moments, he gave up fighting. Shuuhei reached up with both hands, grabbed a fistful of long, red hair and pulled Renji's head back slightly as he gained control, forcing his own tongue into the waiting mouth, spurred on by the noises coming from under his hands. After a few moments, they pulled apart for air, breathing heavily, and they stared at each other.

Renji looked triumphant. "I reckoned you'd beat me down for that," he said, amused. Shuuhei looked at him curiously.

"Really?" was all he said, still a little dazed himself, and he got a nod in return.

Suddenly, there was a noise at the doorway and Renji instinctively flattened himself against Shuuhei, and they both hid in the shadows of the building.

"Where the hell did he get to?"

Renji recognized his friend's voice, slightly slurred, and his eyes widened. Looking back at Shuuhei, he shook his head slightly, and Shuuhei was more than happy to keep quiet – having people find him in the shadows with a first-year wasn't high on his list of things to do.

"Ah, leave it - he's probably passed out somewhere. Or gone to chase some girl back to the dorm," another voice said. A peal of laughter ensued and Shuuhei found it hard to stop from laughing at the look of horror on Renji's face at the statement. The group of students made their way off towards the dorms, laughing and shouting at each other. As they moved out of earshot, Renji visibly relaxed.

"Not interested in saké or women?" Shuuhei asked, reflecting their conversation of the previous night, his face perfectly serious although the question certainly wasn't.

Renji's eyes went wide. "I, uhh… no senpai, umm, I mean…" Renji stopped, his face flushed red. Shuuhei laughed, unexpectedly, even taking himself by surprise.

"You are a fool, Abarai." Shuuhei said, good-naturedly, a little of his confidence returning. "Come on, I suppose I won't get rid of you this evening, will I? I was thinking of taking a walk to the lake…" he left the invitation open as he made his way to the path leading down to the water. Renji stepped in beside him, as expected and they walked the trail together.

The air was cool by the water's edge, the breeze coming in across the lake and the moon was full, reflected in the water so that it seemed even brighter. Shuuhei sat down by the edge, picked up a large, flat pebble and, after weighing it in his hand a few times, threw it out over the lake. It skimmed over the water five times before sinking out of sight.

Renji frowned as he stood by the lake. "I've never been able to do that," he complained. Shuuhei looked up and smiled.

"Definitely a useful life skill," he said, good-naturedly.

Renji sat down, close enough that their knees were almost touching. Shuuhei instinctively went to flinch away, and then forced himself not to. They sat in silence for a while, each caught up in their own private world.

Shuuhei looked over to the lake again, finding serenity in its calmness. "You realize I'll only be here another couple of months?" he said, suddenly. The final year students had a month of classes left, then another few weeks of exams and then – hopefully – they would graduate and leave the academy.

Renji shrugged. "So?" Suddenly, he looked up, as though something behind Shuuhei had caught his attention, and then he lay down onto his back. He stretched noisily, and then put his hands behind his head as he looked up at the night sky with a strange look on his face. Shuuhei blinked then lay down himself, staring up at the darkness. They rested in silence for a few minutes, and then Renji spoke.

"I've always been attracted to those stronger than me. Power is attractive. I can't help it – I want to either fight or fuck those stronger than me. Sometimes I'll do both," he turned his head slightly and shot a grin at Shuuhei who just rolled his eyes in response. Renji carried on, looking back up at the sky. "I used to go with the leader of our gang back in Rukongai – before I even thought about coming here – and it seemed only natural to want to be with the strongest, fastest member of our group. Seems it hasn't quite left me."

Shuuhei looked at the kid beside him in surprise. That was the most personal thing he'd heard Renji say, and he thought there was a compliment in there somewhere. "You think I'm strong?" Shuuhei said, honestly surprised.

"Of course," Renji said, as he sat upright again and looked sideways. "I'll never forget that day… Don't say this to anyone – if you do I'll deny it – but when it all kicked off, I was ready to follow your order and get the hell outta there… but Hinamori said something, and I as looked up I saw you face that Hollow with a look of such determination on your face…" Renji trailed off then grinned self-consciously. "I've probably said too much again, haven't I? Always been better at fighting than talking."

Shuuhei looked up and smiled in return, then sighed as he looked up into the clear night sky. "Come on, we'd better be getting back. It's late and I actually have things to do tomorrow. And you're meant to be practicing!" he jabbed a finger in the air towards Renji, who scowled in return.

"You are so unfair, Senpai," he complained theatrically, rolling his eyes for greater effect. "Come on then." Renji got to his feet and started trying to sort out his hair, which had become tangled and messy from lying on the ground. He moved to tie his hair back up, when he felt fingers wrap around his wrist.

"Leave it down," Shuuhei said, the ghost of a smile on his lips, and he was amused to see that Renji blushed faintly at his words, before turning away and muttering to himself as they set off down the path back to the dorms.

…

"Hey!"

Renji turned round at the shout behind him, and saw Izuru running towards him, a smile on his face.

"Hey," Renji said, good-naturedly, as he made to trip his friend up. Izuru sidestepped out of the way at the last moment, gracefully.

"I'd have to get up late in the day for that to trick me, Abarai!" and he laughed at the mock scowl on Renji's face. "Hey, you were pretty good in class today. You started your classes?" Izuru asked, curiously.

Renji nodded. He hadn't told many people about his extra tuition, not wanting to announce his weakness to his fellow students, but he had told Izuru – and Hinamori, obviously – as they would be the ones who would most notice him gone from their private time. "Yeah, I've been having a few lessons with Hisagi-senpai recently. He reckons I've improved too," he said with no disguising his sense of accomplishment. Then he let out a sigh, "I'll still never be great though."

Izuru shrugged. "Such is life. I will never be able to beat you in combat of any kind…" he grinned, "but I suppose I could just kidō my way out of it!" He laughed as Renji punched him gently, then he grew more serious. "Umm, Renji, I know it's probably none of my business, but… I've noticed you've not come back to the dorms a few night's lately. Is everything ok? You're not doing anything stupid are you? If you get caught in the girl's dorms there'll be hell to pay…"

"I won't be," Renji said, irritated. He had known his absence would've have gone unnoticed, though at least it was his friend asking him about it rather than one of his other classmates – or the dorm leader.

"You say that man, but I've heard the head girl of the dorms is scary – I'm not sure you'd survive that!" Izuru shuddered for effect, and Renji laughed, shaking his head.

He paused for a moment. Surely, he could trust his best friend with what was going on. He shrugged. "I'm not gonna get caught at the girls dorm because I'm not going to the girls dorm," he said, plainly, and watched for a reaction.

It took a while for what Renji said to sink in, and when it did, his eyebrows shot up so quickly Renji couldn't help laughing.

"You… you're going where?" Izuru said in a hushed whisper. "Doing what? With who? Actually," he stopped, "I'm not sure I want to know." He paused a few moments, and then grinned. "What am I saying? Of course I want to know!"

"You're not shocked then? Not going to disown me or something?" Renji asked, in all seriousness - he'd had worse for less and he tried not to let it bother him, though if Izuru did take offence at it he would've been upset. Though he wouldn't have let it show.

"Shocked, kinda… disown you? Nah, sorry." Izuru looked up and smiled. "Take more than that to surprise me enough for that, Renji! You never have been happy to be just like the rest of us."

"Normal is boring," Renji declared, loudly as they started walking and found themselves in the central courtyard of the campus. As they took the path to cross to the other side, Izuru stopped dead, a look of disbelief on his face.

"Hang on! That means...?" he started, and Renji just grinned.

"Yup. I've seen a senior's room."

…

The next few days passed in a bit of a blur for Shuuhei. Studying, mentoring and generally preparing for upcoming exams seemed to take more time from his day than he thought was physically possible. He woke early each morning, and collapsed into bed late each evening, asleep before his head even hit the mattress. He attempted to keep himself sane by the reasoning that it wouldn't last forever, and after the finals, he would be free to take up his position in the court guard squads, as had been promised. He was under no delusion though – the work expected of him when he graduated would make these years seem like a child's playtime, but he was a dedicated and accomplished student and he was sure he would be able to undertake anything expected of him in his new division.

It was the end of another long day towards the end of the week, and Shuuhei was lying on his futon, hands behind his head and staring blankly at the ceiling, grateful for the peace and quiet, when he heard a knock at the door. Sighing inwardly, he considered leaving it, then felt guilty – if it was one of his fellow students after some help on something, he would feel bad about letting them down.

"One minute!" he shouted, gruffly, as he got to his feel, straightening the kimono he was wearing so that he was suited to receive visitors. Running his fingers through his hair, he crossed the floor and opened the door. "What can I… Renji?!"

"Nice greeting there," Renji said, a lopsided grin on his face. "Good to see you too."

"Uh, that's not what I mean, I, uhh…" Shuuhei stammered, as he looked out. "How did you get up here?" he asked, confused. Usually only those living on each of the floors were allowed to enter.

Renji shrugged. "Your classmates are very accommodating. Seems they're worried that you don't have enough friends… when I said I was visiting you I got let in no problem!"

Shuuhei groaned inwardly – he'd have to deal with the resultant fallout tomorrow, but that was for then. He looked back at the young student on his doorstep. "Uh, why are you here? Not that you're not welcome, but…"

"Really?" Renji raised an eyebrow. "Anyway. What day is it?"

"Day?" Shuuhei thought for a moment, and then closed his eyes as he suddenly realized and swore.

Renji laughed. "Yeah, thought you'd forgotten about our classes," he grinned as he leant against the doorframe. "Not that I really care all that much, but Yamazaki-sensei is wondering why I still can't hit the kidō courtyard walls regularly, let alone the targets…" he trailed off, a look of frustration starting to cloud his face.

Against his better judgment, Shuuhei sighed and opened the door further. "Come on in. I don't have anything planned for this evening; the least I can do is make it up to you however I can." He turned and walked towards the corner of the room, where he poured some tea from a small pot into each of the two mugs on the small table. He heard Renji come in behind him and close the door before moving over to the futon.

"Here," Shuuhei handed one of the mugs to the redhead now making himself comfortable on his bed. As he looked down, an image flashed into his mind, of Renji laying on it, spread open wide, hair loose and fanning out against the whiteness of the mattress…

"Senp… I mean, Shuuhei?" Renji's voice was low and hesitant, interrupting the other's thoughts.

Shuuhei looked up, and felt a flush creep across his face, embarrassment making him unable to catch Renji's eyes as he spoke. "Uh, it's nothing. Have some more tea!" he said, over-enthusiastically, as he re-filled both mugs and all but drained his in one go, ignoring the looks coming from his friend. "So, how goes the rest of your classes?" he asked, trying to distract himself.

Renji smiled. "Got top of the year for combat stats, again!" He almost glowed with pride. "History class is boring, but just about bearable… and the rest, well…" he trailed off and shrugged. "Bet you ace every class," he said with a grin.

"Not every one," Shuuhei said, lying. He'd come to know realize long ago that people seemed to be put off by someone who naturally did well in things. He'd even tried failing a few classes, once, but felt too guilty to continue doing so. He had too much pride, which was both one of his greatest assets and biggest flaws.

Suddenly, his train of thought was interrupted, and he looked up to see that Renji had moved from sitting beside him to in front, where he was now kneeling at his feet looking up at him with curious eyes. Shuuhei bit his bottom lip, aware of how thin the material of his kimono was and how much other parts of him appreciated the view in front of him.

Renji rested his elbows on Shuuhei's thighs, bringing himself up onto his knees so that their eyes were almost level. They stared at each other for a moment, before the older student broke the contact.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked, in a soft voice as he looked down. "Surely you can't want me this much?"

"No offence, senpai, but how do you know what I want?" he looked up and grinned. "Live for the moment, and all that. When was the last time you did something spontaneous?"

Shuuhei looked back at him and frowned slightly. "Spontaneity can lead to mistakes and misunderstandings," he said, though he swallowed uncomfortably as he did so, his breath caught in his throat as he saw the look on Renji's face.

"But life is about learning from your mistakes, right?" Renji counter-argued with a sly look in his eyes. "Who knows what might happen tomorrow," his voice dropped. "That day reaffirmed it for me," he said, determinedly, as he leant forwards.

Shuuhei hesitated, a thousand things racing through his mind. He'd managed to avoid any emotional attachments so far at the Academy, save for a small group of close friends, fending off advancements and propositions in his first year so much so that it seemed that no one ever really tried again, which made things a lot easier but undeniably less fun. He had spent so much time on his commitments that he had forgotten who he was – and what he wanted.

Surprising even himself, Shuuhei suddenly reached out with both hands, wrapped his fingers around Renji's hair and pulled their mouths together in something that was less of a kiss and more an outlet of desperation. He let out a moan into Renji, which was swallowed hungrily, and they both fell back onto the bed.

Without thinking, without even pausing to consider the outcome, he let himself go for the first time in what felt like forever. Time passed in a blur of hands and tongues and teeth, grasping and biting and desperate for air. From afar, it might have seemed as though they were fighting, and eventually they paused – Shuuhei laid out beneath, panting and looking up at Renji who straddled his legs, looking at him with darkened eyes.

Renji reached down to part the material of Shuuhei's kimono, the material falling away as he loosened the obi. Shuuhei had to almost force himself not to tense up, an instinctive reaction to the way he had been living over the past few years. Idly he wondered if he had made a mistake of closing himself off from people so much, but a hand wrapping around him and squeezing gently interrupted his train of thought.

"Got your attention!" Renji looked down and grinned, his wild red hair now loose and falling over broad shoulders.

Shuuhei frowned and Renji responded by moving his hand slowly up and down, sliding his thumb over the sensitive head which made Shuuhei suck in a breath and tilt his head back, eyes closed. It had been far too long since he had been with anyone else, and he still felt self-conscious but god, that felt good. Another few strokes and his feet found purchase on the floor beneath him, and he used that to push against and arch up into Renji's hand, his eyes still closed.

"Fuck," Renji swore under his breath, and his movements slowed. Shuuhei opened his eyes enough to look up and see dark eyes staring back at him, their gaze making him feel awkward.

"Look, I-," he started, making to sit up, and then stopped as Renji started again, each stroke getting harder and faster than before. Shuuhei gave in, fell back against the mattress and closed his eyes again, losing himself in the sensation, using the purchase of his feet on the floor to tilt his hips up to gain more friction. He thought he heard a noise, and then realized it was coming from himself; short, desperate gasps for breath intermingled with soft moans when it hit just right. He felt ashamed and embarrassed, his face flushed and hot, but was unable to stop himself from needing more… wanting more.

He felt Renji hesitate for a second, and flung out an arm to rummage beside the bed. He grasped a small bottle and all but threw it to Renji, who caught it in one hand.

"Are you sure?" Renji asked, as he looked down at the man beneath him.

Shuuhei just looked up, his face flushed and his forehead beaded with sweat. "Yes," was all he managed to get out, and he would have been embarrassed with the tone of his voice if he weren't so desperate for more. He barely recognized himself like this – submissive and open and needy - and if he had been able to think clearly, he would have felt embarrassed.

Renji swore in response as he coated himself in the oil, his face showing the effort it took not to bring himself off there and then. He reached out with one hand and began to massage Shuuhei, the muscle slowly relaxing and letting him slip one finger inside, then two. He felt Shuuhei shudder underneath him as he hit the most sensitive spot, pressing against it then sliding his finger over it gently.

"More…" Shuuhei gasped, his hips thrusting upwards from the bed to take in more of Renji's fingers, who responded by sliding in another, then another. He shuddered and moaned as every movement added to the frantic need for release that he hadn't had in so long. Suddenly, he felt Renji withdraw, and he moaned at the loss of sensation, but didn't have time to say anything before the fingers were replaced.

"Tell me if it hurts," Renji said, as he slid in gently, slowly, as Shuuhei gasped and moaned underneath him, hands grasping at the sheets in balled fists. Renji let off a string of curses as he buried his entire length into Shuuhei, and he stopped as he did so, sweating and panting heavily, his body shaking from the effort of holding back. He looked down to see Shuuhei staring back at him, his eyes heavy-lidded and wild. "I'm sorry, senpai… I can't hold on much longer," he admitted, breathlessly.

"Do it," Shuuhei said, quietly, and closed his eyes tightly as Renji withdrew almost completely then thrust back in, and as he found his rhythm, he reached out and grasped Shuuhei, who thrust his hips up sharply to find friction in Renji's hand.

Renji was more than happy to oblige, and it wasn't long until he felt the familiar sensation inside of him, like the beginning of a storm on a summer's day; hot and dark and wild. As he started to come, he felt Shuuhei underneath him, his body shuddering underneath him before he heard a muffled cry and he felt hot and wet on his fingers. He gave one last thrust and it was all he needed to break through, and the storm was let loose, washing through and out of him in waves, leaving him elated and exhausted. He fell back onto the bed beside Shuuhei, his breathing heavy as he stared up at the ceiling of the small room with a look of guilt and worry on his face.

"Umm," Renji started, unsure of what he was actually about to say but wanting to say it anyway but he wasn't given the chance.

"Renji, if you're going to apologize, please don't." His words came out awkwardly, as he tried to catch his breath, breathing deeply then letting the air out slowly, quietly. He laughed softly as he saw the younger student turn to look at him, surprise on his face. "The decisions we take are those done by ourselves. I try to regret nothing," he said, with a small smile.

"Hmm," Renji said, as his head fell back against the mattress, and he looked out the window. "It's getting late," he said as he noticed how dark it was outside, and fidgeted awkwardly.

Shuuhei sighed theatrically. "I'm not going to kick you out this late, Renji, don't worry. I don't have class first thing tomorrow but I'll make sure you're up and out in time for yours," he glanced over and smiled as he stood to go clean up.

"I'm not useless in every class!" he shot back, which made Shuuhei laugh as he left the room.

When he came back a few moments later, he heard soft snoring coming from the mattress. Smiling to himself, he climbed under the covers.

"Goodnight, Renji," he said softly, not expecting to be heard.

"'Night," Renji replied, sleepily, as he rolled onto his side and wrapped his long frame around Shuuhei, who sighed softly with resignation.