Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to Stephenie Meyers.
Chapter Eight: Macho Men and Single Ladies in the Morning
It was 7:30 a.m. and Bella was still asleep in the huge bed, snuggled up under the warm comforter. She was dreaming and could hear someone singing a song in the distance. It was a 1970's disco song and the voice sounded very much like one Emmett Cullen. She struggled to hear the words the voice was singing. Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! / Macho, macho man (macho man) / I've got to be, a macho man / Macho, macho man / I've got to be a macho! Ow….
Bella's eyes popped open and she lifted her head from the pillow and noticed Edward wasn't in bed or in the room. Wow! Weird dream, she thought to herself as she sat up, rubbing the last vestiges of sleep from her eyes. Suddenly she heard the voice and the song again, still faint but definitely there. It wasn't a dream… Bella quickly got out of bed to investigate. She very quietly tiptoed across the carpeted floor to the door and just as quietly started down the stairs. The voice kept getting louder and as she came to the second level landing she noticed the door to Rosalie and Emmett's room was open and Alice, Jasper and Edward were standing in the open doorway trying not to laugh.
Edward saw Bella and quickly went to her, reaching his arm around Bella's waist and bending down to give her a good morning kiss before leading her back to where Alice and Jasper were standing. "What's going on?" she whispered to Edward. "I woke up and thought I heard Emmett singing…"
"Sorry, love. I didn't think the singing would be loud enough to wake you," Edward whispered back. All of them were trying to be quiet so as not to alert Rosalie or Emmett to their presence.
Jasper gestured towards the open door. "Yes, Bella, Emmett is singing again and this time he and Rosalie are acting out one of their fantasies. Emmett's pretending to be a Macho Man-slash-Rod Stewart and Rosalie is his Beyoncé." He uncharacteristically rolled his eyes, Edward doing the same as he elaborated.
"This is one of the things you're lucky enough to miss when you stay overnight at the house, love." Edward whispered again. "When Emmett and Rosalie start doing their little "routines" everyone leaves the house. I'm lucky enough to be at your house most nights, but when we're on vacation it becomes a little more complicated. Nowhere to run and nowhere to hide!"
Bella looked at Edward. "So when I stay overnight at your house you have to put up with this while I sleep?" She felt terrible that he had to suffer through it while everyone else was able to make their escape.
"Don't worry, love, I've become very good at tuning them out, especially with you there to distract me!"
"So, why are we standing in their wide open doorway?" Bella whispered, curious as always.
Alice answered, "Well, in the Cullen family what happens behind closed doors stays behind closed doors and whatever happens in view of wide-open doors is fair game, all bets are off!" Alice laughed softly, before turning to everyone and saying "Ooh, they're going to start singing again!"
"Wait!" Bella whispered urgently. "Should we be doing this? This is Emmett and Rosalie we're talking about and if they're acting out a fantasy, in their own bedroom I might add, there is no way it's going to be a G-rated! I don't think I want to see this!" Bella said, turning to go back to hers and Edward's room.
Alice giggled, gently pulling Bella back into the fold. "It'll be okay, Bella. They won't even know we're here. Do you see the big glass block wall separating the bathroom and dressing room from the rest of the bedroom? You can make out their figures, but they can't make out ours if we keep still. It'll be a G-rated performance, trust me, but will be funnier than heck! Don't you feel bad, Bella Swan! If they didn't want to risk viewers they should have made sure their door was closed!"
Bella looked at Edward with a raised eyebrow, but Edward smiled at her reassuringly. "Don't worry, love. Alice is right. It'll be okay, just good for laughs."
"You know what would make it really good for laughs?" Jasper asked pulling out the small camcorder he had been hiding behind his back. "A permanent record for our future viewing enjoyment!"
Everyone laughed, including Bella, as they exchanged evil grins. "Okay," Edward whispered, "Start rolling, Jasper, but remember, stay out of view, no sound and no movement."
Bella peeked around Edward's shoulder, waiting for Emmett and Rosalie to start singing. She didn't have to wait long.
"Rosie-baby, your Macho Man is here!" Emmett growled. Through the glass block wall they could see him striking a "Superman" pose, while Rosalie circled around him, running a hand over his bicep.
"Ooh, Macho Man, what huge muscles you have!" Rosalie purred, causing the secret onlookers to shake from their silent laughter. "Show me what else you've got, baby!"
Emmett pretended to hold a microphone in one hand, swiveling his hips as he started singing:
If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy
Come on, sugar, let me know
If you really need me, just reach out and touch me
Come on, honey, tell me so.
Emmett started to channel his inner-Rod Stewart, jumping off the small ottoman as as he dropped to his knees in front of Rosalie. Bella started to turn red in her efforts not to laugh, causing Edward to put his hand over her mouth to keep her from giving them away. Just then Alice whispered, "Rosalie is going to channel her inner- Beyoncé and Rod Stewart there is going to back her like Justin Timberlake when they appeared on Saturday Night Live!"
Sure enough Rosalie stood up and slinked towards the middle of the glass block wall and started dancing Beyoncé-style and with Emmett dancing the part of a back-up dancer ala Justin Timberlake-style and slapping his bum:
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Don't be mad once you see that he want it
If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh.
Don't treat me to the things of this world
I'm not that kind of girl
Your love is what I prefer, what I deserve
Is a man that makes me, then takes me
And delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond
Pull me into your arms
Say I'm the one you WANT
If you don't, you'll be alone
And like a ghost I'll be gone
Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh.
Alice started pulling them back away from the door. "Let's get out of here! They're coming out from behind the wall!" She very quickly and quietly pulled the door so that it was slightly ajar while Edward picked Bella up and ran her up to Jasper and Alice's room with Alice and Jasper close on his heels.
Bella and Alice both fell down on the bed, holding onto their sides as they finally let the laughter escape. Jasper and Edward were not much better, shoulders shaking as they too laughed at what had just happened.
"Oh god, I can't believe I just witnessed that!" Bella said, gasping for air as tears were leaking from the corners of her eyes.
"It's just another day in the life of the Cullens, sweetheart!" Edward laughed as he wiped the tears from her eyes.
Jasper held up the camcorder, still laughing. "That's right, and when the time is right we'll show this footage to Macho Man Rod and his Lady Beyoncé!" Another wave of hilarity hit the room, courtesy of Jasper. "It's these little moments, Bella, only a Cullen gets to experience. And you, my dear sister, are most definitely a Cullen!"
"Aw, Jazz! That is so sweet and it sums up how I feel as well!" Alice cried as she wrapped her arms around her husband, a proud smile on her face. Edward was also smiling, watching Bella as Jasper and Alice pulled her and Edward into a group hug.
Bella had a smile on her face a mile-wide as she heard again Edward's words: You are a Cullen; you belong to us and we belong to you.
"For eternity," Edward whispered in Bella's ear.
A/N: Just a little silliness before our London adventures start in earnest. Thanks to rowzg for her Single Ladies song suggestion!