CHAPTER 5

The girls' plan to get rid of the Sixty Billion Double Dollar Man's beard was a good one in theory, but ultimately unsuccessful. It proceeded as follows:

"Vash, will you please shave?" Meryl asked as sweetly as she could muster.

"No thank you, I like my beard very much," Vash responded, with a charming, fuzzy smile.

As a result, a new plan began forming…

Meanwhile, Wolfwood's first few nights with Vash as a "roomie" were awkward, on the priest's part. He was used to spending time alone, not with a crazy doughnut-loving outlaw. The man woke up way too early for Wolfwood's liking, sung weird songs in the shower, and got on the priest's nerves oh so easily. Vash wouldn't even allow the priest to smoke anywhere but outside the hotel, despite the fact they had a smoking room. And to top it off, he'd had to look at Vash's beard for all that time. Not. Fun.

That's why Wolfwood opted to ask Millie out for the evening, just to get away from Vash for a while. It wasn't that he hated the outlaw; he was just spending way too much time with him. Plus, Wolfwood had to admit, he was rather fond of that insurance agent. And with asking Millie out came the news of the girls' plan to get rid of Spikey's beard.

"...and since we asked him to shave and he refused, Meryl had this idea," Millie was explaining, "since she really can't stand it much longer—"

"Neither can I," Wolfwood interjected.

The tall girl nodded in agreement. "She had this idea that you could let us in your room while Mr. Vash is asleep and we could get rid of it ourselves."

"She's that desperate, huh," Wolfwood remarked. He grinned. "I like it." Then a thought occurred to the priest. "But what about when he finds out about? He'll blame me, then I'm in for it."

"You'll tell him that you saw him get up and shave in his sleep." Millie giggled at the idea. "Sleep-shaving, like sleep-walking!"

"Ah." This just might work, he thought. Wolfwood looked around quickly to make sure Vash hadn't randomly materialized and leaned in close to whisper. "Well, I'm in. Spikey's usually out by eleven, so if you two show up around twelve or so, you should be safe."

Millie grinned a supposedly evil grin, but there was no way that girl could ever look evil. "We'll be there," she replied.

"Great!" Wolfwood gave her a quick hug. "I'll see you later, then."

The priest eagerly awaited the girls' arrival to rid his roommate of that horrid beard. Before long, the clock claimed it was 11:48 and Vash was fast asleep. Wolfwood had made sure by poking the blond gunman in the shoulder a few times, and then tapped his forehead like he was sending a lengthy telegram. Nothing had happened, so the clergyman was sure that a little shaving wouldn't wake Vash.

There was a soft knock at the door.

Quietly, the priest crept to the door and let the visitors, or should I say, shavers, in.

"Thanks, Wolfwood," Meryl whispered as she and her co-worker slipped in.

"Not a problem," he replied, "anything to get rid of Spikey's beard."

The three of them silently surrounded Vash's bed and began removing the undesirable facial hair, ever so carefully. They were about halfway done when suddenly...

"Hey, Knives, will you please pass the lasagna?"

Meryl froze, the razor poised to remove the next fraction of beard.

"Rem, this is the best dinner I've ever had!"

"He's talking in his sleep," Wolfwood breathed.

"Is he going to wake up?" Millie asked.

"I don't think so…" Wolfwood responded.

The outlaw rolled over, eyelids fluttering slightly. "Okay, I'll do the dishes now."

"Damn it, he is waking up!" Wolfwood gasped, frantically motioning for the girls to back off. Millie nodded and Meryl swiftly wiped off the rest of the shaving cream on the unshaven half of his face.

"Stop wiping me, Knives, I'm not a plate," Vash complained, drowsily swatting the air. He was definitely regaining consciousness.

The girls realized this and darted out of the room while Wolfwood dove in to his bed and pretended to be asleep. Seconds after the door clicked shut and the blankets settled, Vash woke up.

"Hmm, I'm hungry," Wolfwood heard his roommate mutter as he got out of bed. "Did I forget to eat dinner again?"

That was close, the priest thought. Once Vash falls back to sleep, I'll finish shaving off his beard.

Unfortunately, Wolfwood found he could not fake being asleep without actually falling asleep…

Meryl and Millie tumbled into their room, the adrenaline rush that got them back to their room in a gold-medal worthy time wearing off.

"That plan almost worked," Meryl exhaled. "We almost got the whole beard, too..." she added, sounding very disappointed.

"Maybe he won't notice," Millie suggested, but even she knew Vash would notice that half of his face was clean-shaven.

"We'll find out in the morning, I guess," Meryl shrugged. "Let's just hope he doesn't make a scene out of it."