CHAPTER 9
Vash the Stampede sat at the window, vigilantly watching for the Beard Bandits. In his right hand rested his fuzzy chin and the left idly tapped the window frame in a steady rhythm. Sure, he hadn't seen the beard-shaving pranksters for three days now, but that didn't mean they weren't out there!
Where'd Wolfwood go, Vash wondered as he looked for the bandits. He went out for a smoke more then four hours ago. What's taking him so long?
A horrible thought occurred to the outlaw. Oh no! What if the Beard Bandits caught him? He decided that the Beard Bandits wouldn't go after his "roomie"—Wolfwood didn't have a beard, he just forgot to shave once in a while and his chin got stubbly, but that was it. Vash was considering going out to look for the missing priest when, as if on cue, Wolfwood burst into the room.
"Spikey!" he shouted.
"There you are, Wolfwood! Where did you disappear to?" Vash asked.
"It's the Beard Bandits!" Wolfwood exclaimed, "I saw them, they're in this hotel!"
"The Beard Bandits?!" The outlaw leapt to his feet. "Where are they? I must take them down once and for all!"
"Quick, this way!" the priest ran out of the room, beckoning Vash to follow. The blond gunman needed no second invitation; in a whirlwind of red coat, he tore after Wolfwood. Finally, he'd be catching the pranksters who had dared to shave his beautiful beard! They'd be wishing that they'd never even thought of shaving innocent bearded citizens in the first place once he got a hold of them! Oh, they'd be sorry!
"Ah, there they go!" Wolfwood frantically motioned at an open door.
Vash charged through the doorway. "I've got you now, Beard Bandits!" the gunman laughed triumphantly. He stopped when he realized it was pitch dark.
"Geez, Wolfwood, I can't see a thing. Can you turn on a light?"
No one answered. No light turned on.
"Wolfwood?" Vash called.
Still no answer.
"Beard Bandits?"
Absolute silence.
"Light switch?" he asked desperately. Vash was beginning to wonder what on Gunsmoke was going on when the light switch seemingly heard his inquiry. Light suddenly was everywhere and Vash blinked hard to clear the little colored dots from his vision. He noted that he was in the hotel's laundry room. There weren't any Beard Bandits here, just… the insurance girls?
"Oh, hey girls," Vash greeted them. "Wolfwood said there were Beard Bandits here, do you see them? Did you catch them?" he asked hopefully.
Neither girl said anything. They started towards the blond, half-bearded outlaw.
"What's going on?" Vash asked, starting to feel frightened. He then noticed something in Meryl's hand and shrieked: it was the most horrible thing in the world—a razor!
Vash was starting to flee when Meryl shouted, "Get him, Millie!"
The tall insurance agent caught Vash in one heck of a headlock. Meryl approached the restrained gunman with the dreaded shaving razor in her hand. The Humanoid Typhoon shrieked girlishly and tried to escape Millie's grasp.
"Now be a good outlaw and don't move," Meryl instructed.
"Never!" Vash cried. He continued to flail until Meryl whipped out the second most frightening thing she possibly could: the can of pepper spray. The terrible little can loomed inches from his eyes.
"You don't want me to use this, now, would you?" the shorter insurance agent said, threateningly.
The outlaw froze. Not only did he want to avoid getting an eyeful of pepper spray, he had realized something absolutely horrendous.
"You're the Beard Bandits, aren't you?"
"I suppose you could call us that," Millie said, smiling sweetly.
Vash's jaw gaped in shock as he stared dumbly at the girls.
"I'm sorry Vash, but that beard… it has to go," Meryl apologized.
"But… but why?" the outlaw sobbed. "Why do you hate my beard?"
Meryl sighed. "It just doesn't look good on you," she admitted.
"It makes you look like a lumberjack," Millie added.
"I thought it looked rather dashing," Vash pouted.
Meryl shook her head no. "Far from it, I'm sorry to say." She was closing in on Vash's face with the razor. "Stay still now, this is for your own good."
There was no hope for Vash to escape the "Beard Bandits." Millie had him trapped in the strongest headlock he'd ever been in, and Meryl would definitely give him an eyeful of pepper spray if he continued to resist. The battle was a lost cause.
With great sorrow, the defeated outlaw wished his beard a final, fond goodbye.
Author's notes!
Hello readers! I'd like to thank everyone who has read the story and left reviews, they really made me want to continue writing. I have to thank my friend TwilightStar7 once again, this time for her brilliant idea of Millie putting Vash in a headlock. She originally had used it in a story of her own and she kindly allowed me to use it in my story. Stay tuned for one more chapter, folks! Thanks again!