Chapter Seven

For the whole of the next day I refused to see Richard. My stubborn pride was wounded and I didn't mind him suffering just a little. In fact it made me quite happy. I knew that he would not be hurting too badly, but perhaps if I ignored him for a day he would see how thankful he should be that I was even there to help. Even as I thought these things, my better half chastised me for it. I should help him regardless, but how could I?

I had intended it originally to only be a day that I ignored him, but when the next day drew to a close and I still did not go to check on him, Patrice cornered me.

"Elyssa, you need to check on Commander Bruence. His bandages need changed and he hasn't taken his medication."

"If you're so concerned about him, then why don't you go help him?" I snapped a little too harshly.

Patrice looked taken aback. "I have other patients that are in more desperate need," she said quickly before turning on her heal and walking away. She did have other patients, but I knew the truth. She just couldn't stand to look at him.

I knew she was right. He needed to be taken care of, but I couldn't yet convince myself to do it. I looked around the room, I now had only twenty men to care for, two others were able to leave finally. One left without so much as a backward glance, but the other thanked me awkwardly. I had nodded curtly and moved on. No one could expect me to be happy that he was leaving to go rejoin the rest of the disintegrating commune.

Now that the war was moving farther and farther away, they had started taking men to closer buildings. Most of the ones we still had only had small injuries and would be leaving soon or were very seriously injured and were still recovering.

The next morning I spotted Marie removing the stitches of a soldier that had been shot in the leg and I walked over to her. She had risen even before I had, getting an earlier jump on some of the soldiers that were supposed to be going home. She had just finished when she looked up and noticed me there. She smiled at me warmly.

"Marie, I never thanked you for the other night. You were very kind to listen to me."

"Think nothing of it." she said with a small smile. I had begun to think of Marie as a sister of sorts, my Meg of the hospital, though in physical appearance they couldn't be further from similar. I wondered vaguely if Meg and Madame Giry had escaped without worry. Of course they had, Erik had assured me they got out long before the attacks on the city began. That seem like eons ago now. I had trouble even remembering their faces.

"I hate to ask you for a favor, you've been such a help to me already…" I was taking advantage of her and I knew it. I felt badly before I even asked her, knowing that she wouldn't go back on her word, but I couldn't stand to go back to him.

"Anything." she said at once. Though if she had known what it was I was going to ask her to do, she would not have agreed so quickly.

"Commander Bruence needs his bandages changed and his medication."

Marie's face fell as my words sank in and I thought she might get sick. "Oh Elyssa, I don't think I could. His face . . ."

For a moment I got really was worried that she might be sick and I began to look around for a basin. She held out her hand to stop me, smiling shyly as it apparently passed, but her face was still drained of all color.

"Try not to look at his face. He can't see you."

"I don't know . . ." I knew she wanted to object, but the pleading look in my eyes must have shown how desperate I was for she slowly and reluctantly nodded her head.

"Thank you, Marie." I breathed, never more grateful for her. I knew if we kept talking about it she might change her mind, but I didn't want to just turn and leave.

"Are you sure you're okay? It looks like you've got a blister on your lip," I said, staring at her. I reached out to touch her cheek but she ducked away. "I'm fine. Really. I've got to finish with these patients though and I'm sure you need to do your own rounds." It wasn't like Marie to be so evasive, but I just nodded and turned to leave, worrying that I hurt our friendship.

It took her a few hours to work up the courage to finally go over to him. I was working with James, trying to help him practice walking with a lighter cast and cane as I watched her approach his cot before turning around, walking away for a few paces, then turn around again and walk resolutely to his bedside. I saw her cringe as she automatically looked at his face. She looked up to me and I nodded in encouragement.

I was too busy watching Marie that I nearly forgot about James who suddenly let out a yelp of pain. "I'm so sorry James, I wasn't paying attention. Let's get you back to bed, that's enough practice for today." I said as I helped him sit back down on his cot.

"You're doing much better today." I said cheerfully, trying not to notice Marie as she put up a brave effort to not wake the sleeping commander in her effort to remove his bandages. "You made it at least two steps father than yesterday, that's progress," I tried to sound encouraging, but it had only been two days.

"I just enjoy getting to put my arm around you," he said with a grin. "If I had known that I'd get to do that, I would have stopped trying to break my stitches and concentrated harder on walking." His smile was friendly, but I could see the sweat bead his forehead with the effort.

I might have laughed, but my attention was drawn to Marie as she let out a loud gasp. Commander Bruence had woken up and grabbed her arm. It seemed to be a reflex action for him. I didn't know if this sort of thing were common for people who suddenly found themselves blind, but it certainly frightening to have someone you thought to be asleep to grab you. I could sympathize with my poor Marie.

"Who are you and what are doing to me?" he barked loudly enough that even if I had not been only a few beds down I would have heard him fine.

"My- My name is Marie. I- I'm just trying to re-bandage your burns." Marie squeaked. "Please- please don't hurt me."

I flinched at the terror in her voice. I had scarred the poor girl for life and all because of my pride.

"Why on earth would you be afraid of me hurting you?" he asked with a much less harsh voice. "Why are you crying?" His voice was far from comforting, but at least it wasn't so cruel.

Marie sat bolt upright and looked straight at me. "I-I thought you couldn't see." She stammered, but I had the distinct feeling she wasn't addressing the commander.

"My sight's improving. Granted, all I can see is fuzzy shapes and outlines, but that's not how I knew you were crying. I can hear it in your voice."

"I can't do this," Marie said, still looking desperately at me. She wrenched her arm from his grasp and stood up. Tears cascaded from her eyes. "I'm sorry, I can't."

She turned and fled, running into Patrice's arms who stood in the supply room. "His face! I can't stand to look at him! He's hideous!" She sobbed aloud. The whole room became deathly silent and all eyes fixed on the dumbfounded commander who did not know why Marie was so petrified.

I watched in horror as he raised his hand to his face and felt the burned flesh. He swallowed hard and for a terrifying moment I thought he would scream, but he didn't. He lowered his hand and lay there without moving, his bandages only half done.

"Elyssa," James' voice was soft and low. I had forgotten completely that he was still there, watching my every move and facial expression. "you have to go to him."

I looked at him, shocked at his words. "What do you mean?"

"Enough of your pride!" he scolded. "He needs you."

"He doesn't need anyone but himself."

"He feels badly about what he said to you. He's really a nice guy once you get to know him."
I looked at James bewildered. "How would you know?"

"I've talked to him. I can't look at him with the same indifference and acceptance that you can, but I can still talk to him. The night nurse enjoys letting me wander around in my wheelchair and we struck up a conversation. Just give him a chance. He really does feel badly about what he said to you."

I hung my head in shame. This young boy had the courage to speak to him when I did not. I looked at him and he winked. I nodded my head resignedly. Slowly i walked to his bed, making a mental not to speak the night nurse about letting James wander when he should be resting. They were down to just one night nurse now. They had been up to three at one point, but one was sent away for not being able to control herself and the other one just seemed to disappear one day. The commander in charge did nothing about it, so it was assumed by us nurses that she had been moved as well.

Richard did not hear me approach, so when I sat down next to him, he flinched and looked puzzled.

"It's me." I said simply, not even thinking that he might not know who 'me' was, but he seemed to instantly relax.

"Elyssa?" he asked as though he did not believe that it could possibly be me. I knew how he felt!

"Yes." I said, trying to keep my answers simply and my voice even. I started to finish the job Marie had started but he seemed to not care.

"Elyssa, I'm - I'm, you know, for what I said. I didn't mean to be so cruel."

I said nothing in return. It was obvious he was not used to apologizing, much less to a woman he hardly knew. I concentrated on his bandages and tried not to notice his eyes when he spoke.

"The other girl, Marie . . . she said . . . my face. What happened to me? What do I look like?"

I sighed. This was the last conversation I wanted to have with him just then. "I told you, you were in an accident and got burned."

"There's more you're not telling me. What is it?" he asked, once again showing his gift of being able to discern if I was telling the truth or not.

I swallowed the lump that rose in my throat. "The right side of your body is burned and your face is . . ." I searched desperately for the right word. "...unrecognizable."

"Why did you not let me die with a little dignity than let me live with this shame?" he asked, his voice hoarse. I could tell he was not used to showing his emotions.

I couldn't tell him the truth, but he would know anything else would be a lie so once again I remained silent. I finished my task and rose to leave him to his thoughts but he caught my hand as I was starting to walk away. It was unnerving to feel his own hand trembling as he fought hard not to show any signs of weakness.

"Will you come see me tomorrow?"

"If you wish."

He closed his eyes and nodded his head ever so slightly, looking more at peace. I, however, only had a heavier heart. I had to go find Marie and apologize.