This collection of pieces will supplement A Murmur of Fire in the Vein. You DO NOT NEED to read anything posted here in order for FitV to make sense. It is all just extra material, even though it can all be considered "FitV Canon" - it happened, we just don't see it in the main story.

Thanks to Jessica C., Legna, and Daisy for their help with the title.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize.

"In Which It All Goes To Hell" - This is the one folks have wanted.

If you choose to read this, I recommend doing so between chapters 9 and 13 of FitV.

Legna has read this 989 times. She's a superstar.

Time frame: June 2008, ten months prior to Chapter One: "In Which Jasper Shows Up at the Door."

In Which It All Goes to Hell

"This isn't working."

"What's not working?" Edward asked absently, studying the thick textbook in front of him. He had gotten his hands on some of his books for his first year of medical school and was already starting to read them. I could understand wanting to be prepared, but the poor guy deserved some sort of break. We had just graduated a couple of weeks ago and had the whole summer before our new programs started. But it was typical Edward to want to stay indoors on a rare gorgeous summer day. It was no wonder we were both so pale.

I closed the novel that was resting in my lap and set it next to me, on the end of Edward's large desk. By this point it was just a prop, anyway. I hadn't turned a page in twenty minutes.

"This... you, me, us... it's just not working."

He finally looked up, surprise clear on his face. "Baby, what are you talking about?" He sounded confused, but there was just no way. We might have been out of sync lately, but we hadn't been on different planets. He had to know what I meant.

"Things haven't been right for weeks and you know it just as well as I do." I leaned back in my chair, watching him. Really, it had been a lot longer than that. Months, maybe. Things hadn't been terrible, they'd just been off. In addition to being out of sync, we'd been irritable with one another, and recently, more and more, I'd been happy to spend an evening alone at home when Edward wanted to study at the library.

Our first ten months had been amazing. So good, in fact, that we had been worried that neither of us was going to qualify to graduate. But after that initial surge had faded, we'd never been able to get it back.

"What are you talking about?" he repeated. I registered the slight change in his tone, the one that indicated he knew that we were finally going to have The Conversation.

"Edward..." I looked at him, waiting for his expression to catch up, to show that we were on the same page, but it didn't. "Can't you feel it? Can't you tell that things aren't right anymore? I know it's not just me."

He frowned. "Bella, why are you bringing it up now? We've already started to make plans for next year."

"That's just it. We can't make any more plans or things are going to get too complicated and messy." I looked down at my hands and tried to remember how long it had been since I had let Alice force me to paint my nails. I wondered how upset she was going to be after this was over.

"How long have you been thinking about this?" he asked quietly.

I rubbed my eyes tiredly. When I'd been lying in the dark at 3:00 this morning, staring at Edward's ceiling because I couldn't get out of my head the thought of us moving in together, I knew we had to have this discussion. Soon.

"I was hoping that after graduation, things would go back to how they'd been," I said.

"We only graduated two weeks ago. They still could."

"No, I don't think so."

"Why?"

"I think..." I hesitated. "I think it's bigger than just us being snarky with one another because we're stressed about finals. It's just... I don't think we're as compatible as we thought we were."

"Sure we are." His brow was furrowed and that little crease between his eyes that always indicated frustration was already deep. "We love all of the same things."

"Edward, we both love movies but not the same ones. The last time I tried to get you to watch a Hitchcock movie, you flipped the fuck out, remember?" He nodded tightly. "We both love music but not the same artists. You know you can't stand half of what I listen to. The last time I let you near my iPod you replaced half of my playlists with Bach concertos." Boy, had that pissed me off. I'd joked with him about it at the time but only because I really hadn't wanted to start a fight. "And while I grew up watching baseball with Charlie, I wouldn't shed a tear if I never saw another game. Really, the only thing we have in common is Alice."

I wasn't going to mention to him that sometimes he was overbearing and his caveman tendencies when we went out in public were a bit much. I knew those were just Edward sorts of things and he would claim he was that way because he loved me. Bringing them up would do nothing but hurt him unnecessarily.

I had realized that the longer I was with Edward, the less I was myself. I let my relationship with him completely overwhelm my world and I was starting to forget who I could be when I wasn't with him. And when I was with him, I was "Edward's Girlfriend." I didn't want to be "Edward's Girlfriend." I wanted to be Bella Swan. I would be okay being "Bella Swan, who happened to be Edward's girlfriend," but I didn't think that was going to happen in this relationship.

Edward's face went from sad to angry and back to sad while I was speaking. I knew he wanted to argue with me – Edward would argue from the grave, one day – but I was right, and he couldn't fight and win. I scooted my desk chair closer to his and reached toward him, waiting for him to flinch. I was surprised when he didn't. I picked up one of his hands and started to run my fingers along the back. Someday, these hands would make him as excellent a surgeon as he was a piano player. I hoped to be lucky enough to still know him then, but I knew it wouldn't be as his girlfriend or wife.

"Bella, plenty of couples don't have much in common. We'll find something new for both of us." His voice was controlled but had a hard edge. I watched him as he tried to rationalize all of this in his black and white way. He turned his hand over and captured my fingers, gripping them tightly. "So, we just give up without a fight?"

I wasn't sure how to answer this without making this even more painful, and I didn't know if that was possible. I was starting to think that Edward was probably going to hate me after this and the thought of that made my stomach tighten painfully.

"I think we can fight for it," I said carefully, "but..."

"But what, baby?" He squeezed my fingers reassuringly and the combination of his touch and his affectionate "baby" made me want to throw up. Breaking up with Edward Cullen would never be at the top of my list of things to be happy about.

I squeezed his fingers back. "But, do we really want to fight for it if it just isn't going to work out?"

"You're basically saying I'm not important enough to fight for?"

"No, Edward, that's not what I'm saying. You mean a lot to me."

"A lot." He chuckled but it sounded hollow. "So, I mean 'a lot' to you, but you still don't want to fight for us?"

He stared at me for a minute and when I didn't answer, he pulled his hand from mine and slid his chair back, out of my reach. He got up and walked to his window where he leaned his forehead against the glass. His room faced the backyard and I imagined he was looking at the hammock he and Emmett had strung between two trees last summer. We'd logged more than our fair share of time in that hammock.

"Bella, do you really want to do this?" His voice had the same empty quality as his chuckle.

No, Edward, I don't really want to do this, because I love you, but I can see where this is going. You're going to want to get married in a year because that's how you are. Then in ten years and two kids, one of us – probably me – is going to be so tired and bored and resentful, that it'll only be a matter of time before one of us walks out the door. Better to do it now before there are kids and we're affecting more lives than our own.

I wanted to say all of that aloud, but I couldn't.

"Edward, when you take some time to think about this, you'll know that I'm right. I promise."

He sighed but didn't turn from the window.

I stood and gathered my book and bag. "I'm going to head out now. I'll talk to you... soon." I wanted to say more but couldn't think of anything that wouldn't make things worse. I would call him when we'd both had some time to think about it. When he still hadn't moved by the time I had my hand on the doorknob, I kept going.

I was on the fourth step down when I heard him behind me.

"Wait, baby, don't leave."

I walked straight to the foyer, ignoring whoever might have been in the living room, knowing there was no way we'd be lucky enough to be alone in the usually busy house.

"Edward, I have to." I slipped on my shoes and moved toward the door but Edward stepped in front of me. Now that I'd gotten it out of my system, I had to continue out of the house before I caved and we ended up right back where we'd been.

"Please, let's talk about-"

"What's going on?" A voice followed us from the direction of the living room. I groaned internally.

"Nothing, Alice," we both said. Neither of us looked at her.

"I'll come back in a few days for all of my things, okay?" I spoke softly, hoping Alice would leave us alone. No such luck.

"Whoa, are you breaking up?" Alice's voice was incredulous and I finally turned my head to look at her. She was going to be mad as hell that I hadn't talked with her about this first – or even that I was thinking about it – but she had to know that my allegiance went to her brother first, as I knew hers did. If I had told her what I'd been thinking, it would have taken some serious bribery to get her not to go to him the minute I wasn't around. She and I could sit down later, after we'd all had a little bit of time to calm down, and talk about it. I looked into her eyes and pled silently for her to drop it.

But she was Alice and she didn't drop things. I usually loved that about her.

"You are breaking up! Why?" She stepped closer to us and turned to Edward. "What are you doing?"

Edward sighed. "I'm trying to get her to stay."

Alice's expression changed. She had obviously thought Edward was ending the relationship. She turned to me, eyes wide.

"Wait. You're breaking up with my brother?" Alice's voice was rising by the syllable and Jasper was suddenly behind her, hand on her shoulder.

"Come on, Alice. Let them be. This is their business." He tugged gently to pull her back into the living room. Alice shook him off.

"No, this is not just their business. We're a family. This is family business." She looked at me, eyes narrowed. "Are you cheating on him?"

Edward cringed. That obviously hadn't occurred to him, which warmed my heart for a split second.

"Christ, Alice! No, I am not cheating on him! Why would you even think that?"

"Well, why else would you break up with him? This is Edward. Girls don't break up with him."

Edward paled and I felt bad that I was about to leave him alone to deal with whatever his sister would say after I left. "Definitely going now," I said to him, as I moved to push past him.

"Baby, come on. Just stay and we'll talk about this."

"We've already talked about it."

"There's more to talk about. We can work this out." His eyes and voice were pleading with me to stay.

There was a snort from the direction of the living room and I looked up to see that Rose and Emmett had joined the little armageddon in the front hall. Emmett frowned at Rose and she didn't follow the snort with a comment.

I stood watching Edward, feeling my stomach fall further and further toward my feet. He stepped forward and put his hands on my shoulders, obviously not caring that we might as well have been doing this in the middle of the mall for all the privacy we had. He opened his mouth and shoved a knife into my gut.

"Baby, don't you love me?"

My breath hitched and I knew it would only be minutes before this turned into a tearfest and I didn't want to do that here. "Edward," I said softly, "yes, I do love you. You know that."

His eyes brightened. "Then what's the problem?"

I looked at our audience and Emmett and Jasper had the grace to look away. I looked back at Edward and shrugged. His big hands were heavy on my shoulders. "I don't know if love is enough."

Edward dropped his hands and took a step back. For the first time since I'd started this conversation, he looked devastated. My heart broke as I felt the expression on his face pulsing through my chest.

There was heavy silence in the hallway as Edward and I stared at each other. Before either of us could say something, Alice spoke up. "She's right, Edward. Just let her go."

"Alice, please, not right now." Edward raked a hand through his hair and opened his mouth to say something else but Alice got there first.

"She's not worth it. You can do much better."

"Alice!" This time, Emmett started to move toward Alice. He backed off when Rose blocked him with her body and a glare.

Edward and I stared mutely at Alice.

"Seriously, Edward, what did you expect? You'd marry her? Have some babies? Live a nice, long, boring life with Bella, the Queen of Mediocrity?" Alice's tone was biting and caustic. I had heard it a few times before but certainly never directed at me.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Shock strained my voice.

"Oh, come on, Bella. You know that Edward would get bored with you. That's why you're leaving, right? You're dumping him before he can dump you? Your typical evasive tactics?"

"Alice, what the f-"

"Remember you told me that you'd been dating that guy when you left high school for college?"

"Jesus, that was completely different. I was seventeen, for one thi-"

"And weren't you dating a different guy when you left Phoenix to transfer up here?"

I gaped at her. I had only mentioned these things to her in passing. This was a terrible time for her to remember these little tidbits and it didn't help that she was taking them completely out of context. Edward wouldn't know that. I couldn't turn to look at him even though I could feel him staring at me. "Another completely different situation."

"But you're running away again, aren't you?"

"Alice, I love you, but could you please keep out of this?" She was taking a bad situation and making it exponentially worse.

"No, I'm not keeping out of this. Edward is my brother and you're trying to hurt him."

"I am not trying to hurt him and this is really none of your business. Please back off."

Alice apparently took that literally and as a challenge because she took two steps closer to me. I was three or four inches taller than she was, but she was wearing platform sandals and, at the moment, we were standing at more or less the same height. She got right in my face.

"It is my business. Edward is my business. All of the people in this house are my business. And don't tell me to back off in my own home." I could see a tiny vein at her temple starting to pulse.

"All right, I'm going now. Edw-" I tried to turn to Edward but Alice grabbed my arm and with it my attention. Her sharp nails dug painfully into my bare skin.

"Edward is so much better than you, Bella." She was practically hissing. "Don't you forget that. The minute you're out that door, he's going to be happy you've left. It'll be like you never existed. This whole sad thing he's pulling is probably just an act so he doesn't hurt your feelings too badly. You never would have held his attention. I'm sure you can go find some other rich guy who will be just as boring as you are and won't know any better."

I stared at her, dumbfounded, incapable of thinking of a thing to say. Where was this coming from? Never once in the past fifteen months had she ever given me any indication that she felt this way about me or my relationship with her brother. If this was how the Cullens closed ranks, I would add that to my list of reasons why getting out of here was a good idea.

She gripped my arm tighter, apparently gearing up to continue her rant. "Edward deserves someone on his level. Someone with class and grace, not someone who shops at Target and can't even wear high heels."

I ripped my arm out of Alice's grip and felt her nails tear through my skin.

"Just for once, Alice, for once, could you possibly keep your goddamn mouth shut? This is our business, and while your family seems to put up with your constant meddling, it is really not endearing and I'm not your family and I'm done putting up with it. So back. The fuck. Off. Now."

Alice's face was furious and her whole body tensed. For a moment, I thought she was going to hit me but then Jasper wrapped his arms around her from behind and picked her up.

"Time to go, Alice."

"Jasper, put me the fuck down!" She squirmed in his arms and one of her platforms nailed him in the shin. He dropped her and she immediately stalked back toward me. Edward moved to step between us but Alice pushed him to the side and was in my face again.

"You're right, you're not family and you never were. You could never be a Cullen. You won't be missed." She pushed past Edward and yanked open the door. He jumped out of the way and narrowly avoided it before it crashed into the wall. She grabbed my arm, but my feet, clumsy at best unless clad in running shoes, tangled.

I fell heavily against Alice, pushing both of us into the storm door. The thin glass shattered from the pressure of our shoulders. With our weight against it, the door flew open and we both fell forward through the now-empty doorway in a shower of sharp edges and flailing arms.

I heard feet and voices rushing toward us but things were happening too fast. Searing pain radiated up my arm as I tried to break my fall. The sickening thud of Alice's head hitting the ground drew my eyes to her as we hit the concrete front step hard.

Her eyes were unfocused and I could see blood starting to leak onto the concrete under her head. I registered little stings up and down my skin but it was hard to focus on them with the overwhelming burning in my arm.

Edward and Jasper were crouched over us but I could barely distinguish their voices as they asked if we were okay. When Alice finally blinked and looked up at Jasper, I released the breath I had been holding. Thankfully, the cut on her temple didn't look too bad. I struggled to sit up, shrugging off Edward's hands. With my screaming arm freed from under my body, I could see that that my wrist was already starting to swell.

"Bella, that's broken."

"I'm calling Dad," I heard Emmett say from inside.

"No, I'm fine." I braced my forearm against my stomach and gripped the railing next to the steps to drag myself to my feet. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine, Bella." Edward reached to pull me into him but I stepped back, mindful of where the steps started, not wanting to fall down those, too.

Alice was on her feet, leaning against Jasper. She was shaking her head and wiping at her face but she looked okay. As we locked stares, I watched her eyes narrow and knew it was time to go. I bent to pick up the bag I had dropped when we fell.

I backed up and stepped carefully onto the first step, watching Edward. His hands were still extended toward me and his expression was a mixture of pain and shock.

"Bella, you can't leave, we have to get you to the hospital."

"I'm fine, Edward. It's my left hand; I'll be able to drive."

"You can't drive yourself there. You're bleeding, your arm is broken – you'll pass out behind the wheel."

I shook my head. It was stupid and stubborn, but I was leaving and I was leaving now. Things were only going to get worse from here and I had no interest in seeing what "worse" looked like. Another shouting match with Alice? More glares from Rose? Tempting pleas from Edward?

I would just breathe through my mouth and keep the windows down.

Edward took a step toward me and I backed down another stair. He stopped, his eyes imploring me to stay. "Bella, at least wait for Carlisle to look at you."

"I called him, he's on his way," Emmett said from the doorway. He and Rose were standing there, watching the four of us on the front steps.

"I'll have it taken care of at the hospital, it's not far. I hope you're okay, Alice. I have to go, Edward. I'll talk to you later, okay?" I cleared the final step and gave him a last look before turning toward the street. I heard footsteps behind me as I walked away but then a low, "Let her go for now, man," and the footsteps stopped. I would have to thank Jasper for that someday.

I unlocked my truck and eased myself up into the seat, trying to ignore the little drips of blood on my arms from a dozen cuts and scratches. I would go to the ER; maybe Carlisle would be able to take care of Alice here at the house. My eyes were burning painfully and I knew I would be lucky to get down the street before the tears started to fall.

I started the truck and opened the window to let in fresh air. When I glanced back at the house, Edward was the only one still watching me. Jasper was leading Alice into the house and I couldn't see Rose or Emmett anymore. I raised my right hand in a small wave and struggled to tear my eyes away from Edward's broken expression. My vision blurred as I pulled away from the curb.

I was wrong. I made it exactly a mile before I finally broke down and had to pull to the side of the road to cry over everything I had left behind at that house.

Alice was right. I would never be a Cullen.

How close is it to what you were expecting?

Come chat about it in the FitV thread on Twilighted - the link is in my profile.

Possibly up next, Jasper's post-birthday party thoughts.

And hi from a Panera in Vegas. Yeah, yeah, I'm a dork.