Alice thought of all the things she couldn't do any more. She wouldn't be able to play soccer, even when her stomach was flat. She wouldn't be able to run around all day like she was used to, and she wouldn't be able to go out with her friends. Alice was always going to be a mother to some one from now on, even if she gave up her baby, that wouldn't make her any less of his or her mother. The thought seemed unnatural, like she was telling herself it in Korean instead of English.
Alice hadn't planed on crying on the short walk home, but that's what ended up happening. The raindrops that fell on her head and on her face masked them, but any one looking close enough to see that her cheeks were inflamed, that her eyes were blooded, would know that they were watching a girl mourning.
She got home no more than fifteen minutes after she left the Wal-mart. This was the house she had lived in for years, but when she first saw this house, when she was only a wide-eyed child with her head in the clouds, did the thought ever cross her mind that she would be having her first child here? Alice couldn't tell her parents yet, but she knew she had to soon. The baby needed special care, didn't it? And it wasn't like she wouldn't be getting a baby bump in a month or two, either way. But when she saw the two of them... they looked so happy right then... she couldn't get the words out, she couldn't force herself to utter the words that she didn't even want to know herself. Alice hated letting them down, ans she had just let them down to the up most degree.
They had wanted to go out to celebrate Alice coming home, but she told them that she was tired from the trip back and wanted to go to bed. This wasn't a lie - mentally - she had never been so tired before in her life. Alice went to her room and shut the door for effect, and flopped down on the ground, pulling her cell phone out of her pocket. Alice had to tell some one, she couldn't keep these a secret for long, and she wasn't ready to tell her parents or Jasper. She dialed her best friends phone number by heart, and leaned against her door, getting comfortable for the long call ahead.
"Hey Alice, how was camp?" Bella asked, sounding the same as every other time they had spoken on the phone. She really would have no way to guess what Alice was about to tell her.
"It's not important," Alice said, knowing if she didn't say it soon, she wouldn't get up the courage again. She took a deep breath, and when she let it out, "Bella, I'm pregnant." Came out with it. She had said it so fast she wasn't even sure she said it, and Bella didn't answer for a few seconds.
"Okay, if you're joking, it's not funny, and if you're serious, we are not having this conversation via telephone, are you or are you not kidding?" Bella asked, sounding like Alice thought a concerned mother would. Bella was like a mother to everyone, no matter what.
"I'm dead serious." Alice promised her, wishing she could suck the words back in and live the rest of the day without thinking about the baby inside her. One more day to be a normal teenager, one more day not to think about it. Was that too much to ask for in life?
"Mom!" Alice heard Bella yell. It sounded like Bella had taken the phone away from her mouth, but Alice still heard it perfectly. "I need you to drive me to Alice's! It's an emergency!"
"Come in my window." Alice told her, hoping she would hear if she didn't have the phone held to her ear, "My parents think I'm sleeping." Alice couldn't let her parents know any thing was off, they had to think every thing was still perfect in Alice land. Thank God Alice's room was on the bottom floor of the house, or Bella would kill herself climbing in the window. Let's face it, Bella was not that talented.
"Got it, see you in eight minutes." Bella promised, then hung up without waiting for her to say goodbye back. Would Bella still want to be her friend once Alice got hugely pregnant and wasn't the same person she was now? Alice fought tears again, for what felt like the millionth time that day. How had one seemingly innocent night had this much of an effect over the rest of her life?
Just as Bella said, exactly eight minutes later Bella was stepping over the wall to get in the low window, which Alice had left open for her dispite the rain, of which was showing signs of slowing a little. Starting at only about a yard or so off the ground from outside, it wasn't that hard to get in when Alice left it open. Bella's normally light brown hair was dark from rain, and her eyes looked slightly wild. Alice knew all too well how unpredictable Bella could be, and she found herself slightly afraid. She would have been more worried if she didn't also know that Bella could never hurt a fly, much less her best friend.
"How sure are you?" Bella asked, taking this battle the locgical way first, before she went into an emotional rampage.
"One hundred percent." Alice said grimly. She had a feeling she would be using much more of that tone for the next seven months, until her son or daughter was born. "I'm also one hundred percent sure he's Jasper's." She added, not wanted Bella to think worse of her than she already must.
"What were you thinking?" Bella asked, looking at Alice like she had slapped her in the face. Alice wondered what was running and streaming around Bella's mind right now, what she thought when she looked at Alice's stomach. She may not be showing yet, but that didn't mean she didn't have her baby tucked away in there.
"I wasn't," Alice sighed, "that's the problem." Alice really didn't want to lose it again right here in front of Bella, but she could feel the lump in her throat and the stab in her head that meant that tears were coming. She fought to hold them back until Bella left.
"What are you going to do Alice?" Bella asked, sounding like it was her problem just as much as it was Alice's.
"I'm not sure yet," Alice answered after a minute, "It's not like you just know what to do when you are fourteen and pregnant." That was when she let the tears fall in clumps down her face.
Alice had never thought she would be upset to be pregnant; she had always wanted to be a mother and have a baby. In fact, she had been looking forward to it. Of course, she didn't think that would be happening until her late twenties at the nearest, not her early teens.
"How are you going to tell your parents?" Bella asked, plotting out how she would help. Alice had never been so happy to have Bella as a friend, some one who would be there for her even when she messed up and got pregnant.
"I figure I'll just be blunt, you know?" Alice told her, getting lost in the words. "Just say: 'Yeah, I went to a party, had sex, and now I'm pregnant." She sighed.
"Don't you think there's a better way to tell them?" Bella asked. Normally, Alice didn't mind that Bella liked to have every detail on every thing, but now, she was getting annoyed.
"I don't know Bella!" Alice snapped, "I don't know any thing right now! How would you be handling this if you were the one pregnant?"
"Look, I know this isn't easy for you," Bella said, lowering her voice, "And I don't know what I would be doing."
"I just really don't know what to do right now." Alice told her, breaking down. She never lost herself like this, but today had been the worst day of her life, and she needed a good long cry in her own self pity. Pity for herself, and pity for the baby that was going to have a messed up life because Alice couldn't wait for a few years.
"Whatever you do decide to do, I'll be there for you, and I know Jasper will too." Bella told her, sounding like she knew that last fact better than any thing else. "He loves you, Alice."
"I know he does." Alice whispered. She couldn't make her voice go any louder, even if she tried. It was like the baby took her voice from her.
"So... got any name ideas?" Bella said, trying to change the topic to a lighter one.
"Yeah actually I might." Alice said, laughing a little as she wiped her eyes on her arm. "But I'll change my mind tomorrow, you can be sure of that."
"What are they?" Bella asked, sounding entertained.
"Issac for a boy, Sophie for a girl." Alice told her, finding that she liked the names she had gotten from her dreams. "But like I said, tomorrow I'll like some thing totally different. And If I give him up, I won't get to name him at all."
"Is that what you think you will do?" Bella asked.
"I'm not sure. I want to keep him so bad, but I want him to have a good life, too." Alice answered, knowing she was going to have to make the hardest choice of her life. She didn't even know if she could trust strangers to take care of her baby or not. She knew she couldn't.
"I trust you to do what's right for you and your baby." Bella told her. "It feels so weird to say that: Your baby."
"Think about how weird it must be to say: my baby!" Alice told her, laughing a little again.
"Do you know how far you are?" Bella asked, getting into it now that she was used to it.
"Two months." Alice answered. She knew she only had about a month to tell her parents before she got fat with a baby bump.
"Let's see your tummy." Bella said, asking at the same time.
Alice laughed, tugging up her top a little so Bella could see where Alice's baby was growing.
"Alice!" Bella said, sounding surprised, "You've got a little bump going on!"
"What? No way!" Alice said. Her mind was spinning; there was no way that was happening so soon! She was only eight weeks, nothing should be showing yet! She needed more time!
"Well, it's tiny, you probably couldn't see it from your view, but it's there." Bella told her, "Of course, if only looks like you ate a little too much, not that you're pregnant."
"Wow, thanks." Alice said sarcastically.
"Will you be there when I tell my parents?" Alice asked after a minute, sounding meek. She didn't want to face her parents alone when she changed their lives forever.
"Course, Al." Bella said, "On two conditions."
"What are they?" Alice wondered, knowing Bella would have some thing up her sleeve.
"One: We have to do it tonight. Your baby needs to be checked on, and so do you. Two: I get to hold the baby at least once before you give him up for adoption. If you give him up for adoption." She rephrased, knowing nothing was for sure still.
"Okay, then let's just do it now and get it over with, or I'll never do it." Alice said, and Bella nodded.
Alice opened the door to her room, knowing that when she came back, every thing was going to be different.