Jayne Cobb couldn't sleep. Most people assumed that as a mercenary, he would have the ability to fall asleep anytime anywhere, but this was simply not the case. For Jayne, it was always about two things - sex or his cunning hat, sometimes both. Sex served as a relief-balm to tire him out, and when he couldn't have that - which was most of the time when he was bunking on the ship - his hat simply served as a reminder of home and his family's love.

But he had a problem that night, that being that his hat was missing. He started the search by checking every inch of his bunk. Finding nothing, he proceeded to stalk the ship, intent on retracing his steps. He needed to find it, so that he might be on his way to dreamland sometime that night. But after checking every place he had been that day - twice over, in a couple of cases - he was forced to admit defeat. He told himself that he'd just have to try to sleep without his hat for once, and to continue the search when he was more rested.

When he returned to his bunk, the door wasn't open, and so he had no reason to suspect anyone had entered. But Jayne hadn't seen the predator that had been stalking him with nefarious intent. As he dropped down his ladder and his eyes wandered to his bed, he noticed two things. First, his hat was suddenly on his bed. Second, said hat was being worn by the moonbrain, who was reclining in what would have normally been a most ordinary position except for one important difference.

She was naked.

"Now Jayne can have everything he needs to sleep well!" River chirped, grinning from ear to ear.

Jayne could offer only one reply.

"Gulp..."