Vespers Goodbye: A Niley Story - Chapter 5
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Hi. So, this is shorter than normal, and it didn't really turn out how I wanted it too. I was going to write more but I didn't want to keep you guys waiting anymore.
So here's the thing.
I know I said I could most likely get out 1-2 chapters a week.
I can't.
At the most, I can only get out 1.
I go to a College Prep school, and I'm in 5 honor classes.
My parents are divorced.
I play 3 sports.
I have at least 2 hours of HW every night.
And I have wayy too many friends. I do something every Friday, most of the time.
So day consists of:
Getting home at 4:30, Soccer, HW, shower, switch parents house. I'm in bed by 11. I wake up at 5:30. When I do have free time, I lay down to relax and fall asleep. I have the most insane schedule. I love writing. It's the best thing in the entire world, but stuff like this takes a while. Writing is my passion, it's beautiful. But this stuff takes inspiration. Lately, I haven't been extremely inspired. My best friend...Ex best friend...Started going out with my ex. The guy I'm in love with hates me one day and loves me the next. That should make me inspired, but it just pisses me off...Makes me not wanna do anything. I just wanna tell you guys how sorry I am that I can't get out more. I wish I could. but one every weekend? Saturday, Sunday? Either one. That's what I'm trying. I love you guys so much, the comments and reviews just push me to write. The reviews and replies on twitter make me smile when I'm about to cry. So, I know this isn't the best one. I'm sorry. But here it is. I love you guys.
xoxo,
Auri.
PS- Follow on twitter - /nileybuzz
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At the mere first whisper of Selena's voice, Miley jumped up from her close spot on the ground, her hand slipping out of my grasp and leaving me breathless once again as I felt the connection wisp away, straight out of my hand.
"Nicky?" I heard the confusion and disappointment running through Selena's voice.
I hazily stood up, not knowing what I was about to face.
Was she going to be mad at me?
Or trust that we didn't do anything...Pfft. Like that was going to happen.
I don't think it would have been possible for me and Miley to se each other one more time without that happening. Even standing 10 feet away from her as she wasted her blue eyes on the ground, I had to use everything in me to not run over to her and just kiss her one last time. Her lips on mine...Nothing in the world had ever felt more right. But, her love doesn't come without a cost.
I faced Selena, my eyes wary and not surprised that Selena's hazel eyes were boring me after casting mine upon Miley's. Hell, nothing in the entire world even started to compete with hers. Not the blazing summer sun, not the ocean on a cloudy day, not even the shine of her smile could ever, ever amount to the eyes of the most beautiful girl on earth. It wasn't fair to compare Selena with Miley, never has been, and it never will be. Miley's too...Unworldly to be compared to anything as simple as Selena Marie Gomez. And don't take that the wrong way. Selena is gorgeous. She's funny, she's talented, she's the girl for me. But she doesn't make me feel like my hearts going to explode every time i look at her. And quite honestly, as unhealthy as it might be, that's the feeling I want. That's what makes me feel alive. Awake. Over the past 6 years the memories of the mind blowing feelings faded...And to have them again only made me realize how much I need them. How much I need Miley Ray in my life.
I took a silent oath at that moment to never let Miley Ray go, ever again.
Whether it was as my best friend...Or something more.
"Hi Sel." I murmured, averting my eyes to the ground.
I looked up to see Selena send me a nasty glare and then turn her attention to Miley.
"Hi Miley." Selena said loudly, as if to get Miley's attention. Miley glanced up, a look of guilt apparent in her eyes.
I sighed. Why couldn't that moment have lasted any longer? Why couldn't i bee sitting on the soft grass, holding the hand of the one i loved, and at the very twitch of her hand, I would feel that connection, I would reminisce on memories. I would feel untouchable and unbreakable. With her, with my best friend. And as odd as it was...I'd rather have her back in my life as my best friend, than not have her at all. I could resist these crazy feelings, these urges I barely have any control over if it meant that I couldn't spend time with her.
Miley looked up, her hair dancing down her shoulders, and in the now dark night, her eyes were glimmering as bright as ever, illuminating the night.
"Hi Selena." Miley said it slowly, as if she was reassuring herself that this was actually happening. It was exactly how she said it the first time Sel and I met. The confused, worried voice that almost forced---I stopped myself from almost falling into another memory. I was about to face something I knew was coming. I was about to face something that could ruin everything I'd ever worked for. So I stopped. And I looked at them.
Selena Marie Gomez and Miley Ray Cyrus.
Standing right next to each other.
I couldn't tell you which one I needed more right now.
As for Miley Ray, well, hah, I missed everything about her.
I missed the little things.
Like the way she'd bite her lip when she got nervous,
Or the way she would hum a beautiful tune whenever she was happy.
And maybe the way she used to kiss me like there was tomorrow.
Like she didn't know how long this was going to last.
But she was going to love it like it would end within hours.
And then I missed the big things.
I missed the way we were best friends before anything.
Miley knew me better than anyone.
Not only did we love each other as boyfriend and girlfriend, but we loved each other in another unbreakable way. Best friends.
I did, and still would do anything and everything for her.
I missed the way that we were never apart.
When she could, she would live at my house.
She'd walk in in the morning,
Yell hi and she skipped in, and everyone would greet her as if she was their own daughter. As if there was nothing more right in the world than her and I, together.
When she got hungry, she'd go to the fridge and pull out a yogurt.
When Selena visited my parents house, it was awkward and uncomfortable.
That was the difference.
Miley was family. And even though we hadn't seen each other in so long, there was still that natural connection. Not only for her and I, but between her and my family.
She was family. And honestly, my family loved us together. They missed the way we were, they missed me walking into the house with the biggest smile on my face just because I'd been with her. And quite honestly, my family isn't a huge fan of Selena and I. They've gotten used to her, and treat her like they should, but it isn't the carefree enviornment that was always apparent when Miley walked in the room. From the moment anyone meets Miley, they can't hate her. They can't do anything but love her with everything in them. I don't know if it's those eyes that are impossible to look away from, or if its the laugh that makes your heart melt, but no human being can hate her. It's not possible.
"Nicky..." Selena started, her eyes glancing from Miley to I. A tear trickled down her pale face, her red sparkling dress shining in the moonlight.
My heart broke as her eyes filled with tears. I may not be in love with Selena, but I still love her. And it still kills me to see her hurt.
"Sel, I--" I began, ready to confess.
"Selena," Miley smiled sweetly, approaching Selena. "I was just telling Nick here that it's been way too long. We were just talking, that's all." She ended her explaination with a surprisingly convincing grin.
Selena looked up from the ground and glanced over to me for reassurance.
"Uhm," She started, "Are you sure?" Her eyes flickered from Miley to I, searching for just a small sign of doubt.
"Of course, Sel," Miley laughed, "I mean,we're just friends. I'm with Liam...The only feelings I have for Nick are friendly."
Damn you, Miley Ray, for being such a great actress. Even though I knew she probably just saved Selena and I's relationship, it still hurt the most when she denied any feelings for me. The thought of every connection, every thought that I'd felt with her not being shared in her mind killed me, inch by inch.
I realized I'd been silent the entire time and decided it might be time for me to assure Sel with my own words.
I fake laughed, hoping it sounded partially realistic.
"Sel, I told you we were just friends. We were just catching up." I added, giving her my most persuading smile possible.
I almost sighed out loud in relief and Selena began to giggle, her perfect little luagh dancing through my ears as she walked over to me and took my hand.
"I'm sorry guys. I overreacted."
I squeezed her hand, silently hoping I could feel something like I felt for Miley. But once again it was a simple hand to hold. Nothing abnormal. Her small fingers intertwined with mine and I didn't even feel a mere shiver of a connection. I kissed her forehead and looked up at Miley.
She stood a few feet away from us, the wind wisping around her hair and making it flow in the wind. As Selena buried her head in my chest I smiled at her. It was one of those smiles I'd give her when I wouldn't see her for a while. Silently, I told her I loved her. And I'd never stop.
She smiled back, and I was as good as dead. Cause' those eyes were all it took to make me want her. I knew then, that if seeing Miley meant keeping these feelings under control, then I would.
All I wanted was her, and if that meant keeping my heart under control, keeping back what was deep in my soul, then I would. I would do anything and everything for this girl. And one of these days, I'll find the courage, and I'll find the grace to set things straight. But for now, I'd be okay with Selena and Miley. Selena as mine, Miley as his..But as my best friend.
Selena lifted her head up and glanced at Miley, giving her a small, forgiving smile.
"Well, I'm gonna head back to the party. See you guys later." Miley chuckled, walking away gracefully though the long grass, her legs carrying her in long strides and her eyes turning away from me, sucking the air right out of my lungs.
I looked down at Sel,
"Wanna go?" I offered.
"Sure." She smiled as I wrapped my arm around her back.
In the distance I could see Miley sauntering towards the tents, her dress swishing behind her, her tall, curvy figure swaying it's way to the party. I kept my focus on her and I felt Sels eyes on me.
I realized then what it would take to ever have Miley back again. Not only is it me in the this relationship that needs to make decisions, but theres Selena. And Selena is completely, over the top, in love with me. She wasn't going to let me go just like that. Sel didn't have someone else, she didn't have a Miley that she wanted more than she wanted me. And I loved Selena, I wasn't going to break her heart just like that. So I'd let this go on..This oddness that was filling me up at the moment.
We reached the tents, and we slid in silently so that nobody noticed our absence. Suddenly, somebody shouted,
"KAREOKE!"
The crowd erupted in screams and cheers. The next thing I know, I'm being pushed onto the stage, hands ushering my onto the small stage. I bump into someone else holding a microphone.
Miley.
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Thank you3 I love you guys!
follow on twitter:
/nileybuzz
Love, auri.