Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephenie Meyer, quotes and songs aren't mine either. Only the plot belongs to me.

Edwards POV.

"May be surrounded by, a million people I, still feel all alone,I just wanna go home."

- Michael Buble (Home)

I pulled my fingers through my hair as I looked out the window of my hotel room, thinking about how I got into this mess I called my life.

How the hell did I end up here? Standing in the penthouse suite at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills alone, even though the room I was in was full of people. I always had people surrounding me; I couldn't even go to the damn bathroom without someone right outside the door waiting for me.

I had just got done attending the after party for my concert at the House of Blues on Sunset. I was fucking tired as hell, just as I always was lately, but my manager Tanya had insisted on me bringing the party back to my suite. It was three in the morning the last time I had checked, and that usually meant sleep for normal people. Not in the life of Edward Cullen though; it was go, go, go for me at all times. Most of the time I felt like a machine, I couldn't say that all I wanted to do was curl up in my bed alone and read a damn book. And maybe just maybe, get at least four full hours of sleep. No way in hell was that happening with all of these people here though.

I walked up to Tanya and told her that it was time for everyone to get going.

"Edward, we talked about this. It's only four in the morning!" She shrilled.

"T, I have to get to sleep…I feel like I'm walking on fucking air right now, and not in the good way!"

"Fine, but don't forget you have Ryan Seacrest at nine! You can't be late." Tanya reminded me.

"Okay, okay. Just get everyone out of here please. I'll be there, I promise."

I waved a subtle goodbye to everyone and closed the door to the bedroom. Fucking finally, complete silence. I thrived on this, every night when I could get into whatever bed I had wherever the hell I was. Silence was something that I had taken for complete granted when I had a normal life. Now I completely craved it, and I wished I could bottle it up for whenever I needed it.

Lying down on the bed, I felt my entire body relaxed. I loved being able to just sit down and just chill for the time being. It gave me time to think about everything that was going on in my life. But tonight, and like so many before it, my mind decided to go back to the time almost two years ago, when I had broken my girls heart.

I had never intentionally made someone cry before, and it wasn't anything that I wanted to put anyone through again. The pain that was etched on her face broke my heart, along with hers. When I had first gotten my record deal, I was a young -only twenty one, at the time- and I knew that if I were to go through with this, then I would have to follow everyone else's' rules. One of the first points Tanya made was that I could not be tied to anyone. I didn't know what to do. Did I break my girlfriend's heart; the same girl who had been in my life for as long as I could remember? Or did I stay with that same girl who I didn't think I could breath without? I was too chicken-shit to go with the latter, so I took the cowardly way out. I broke her heart and shattered everything that I believed in. I gave in to the typical 'rock star' persona that was thrust at me, and I drank my fucking problems away.

It was getting worse too, I felt like my world was falling apart. And I knew the only way that I could get it all back was to go where I messed up and fix everything.

I was going back to Washington, to get back the one thing that I needed in my life. I would give it all up if I could have her back. I didn't know why the hell she would ever give me a chance ever again…but I knew I needed to try.

Texting Bella had been one of the hardest things I had ever done. I was a coward, and I would be the first to admit it. But I was afraid if I had called her, she wouldn't have answered or she would have just hung up the phone on me. I knew that having Bella would ground me, and bring me back to the place I belonged.

I couldn't deny that Bella Swan was home to me; and I was a selfish motherfucker who wanted her all to myself…and I was willing to do whatever the hell I had to just to get her back.

The first thing I had to worry about was getting home. I didn't know how the hell I was going to break it to Tanya that I was leaving. She'd surely kick my ass if she heard me mutter the words 'break', but I knew it was exactly what I needed. Traveling, promoting and performing for almost a year and a half had really started to take a toll on me. And I was seriously turning into a depressing and emo person; it was starting to take an effect on everyone around me.

I couldn't help but be brought to my current state, finally being able to be in a bed was nice, and I started thinking of the happier times in my life. When I was a teenager, things were literally easier then I could have ever imagined. My biggest worry then was making sure I had gas in my car. Being with my best friends and going to shows in Seattle, then seeing them in the audience while I was performing had been the highlight of my days.

I remember the first show I had played at The Paramount. Seeing Bella and Jasper in the front row, supporting me, clapping along to my music. That had been more important to me; that my best friends in the whole world had enjoyed my songs, it had brought me so much joy. Now-a-days, I was more worried about the fact that I didn't have enough fucking Vitamin Water in my dressing room before shows or some stupid pointless shit like that. I had turned into a pompous asshole, it was time for me to bring myself back to the ground, and start living in the real world.

At this moment I knew what I was going to do. I was just going to leave. Without telling Tanya, or any of my management team. Clean break from everything, that sounded completely perfect. The whole coward thing was getting pretty extensive at this point, but I was getting out the big guns now.

I had an ex-girlfriend to get back…and I knew what hard work it was going to be to do that.

"What do you mean you're on your way home?"

"I mean I'm at the airport and I need a ride. It was a total risk move coming back here…but I'm back for the time being. Can you please just come get me?"

"Edward, I love you with all my heart but are you fucking crazy?!" My sister was going to bust my eardrum, for real.

"Al, I need to do this. Besides I'm not about to buy another ticket back to LA. I miss everyone, and I haven't been home in so long. It's time, so could you please come and pick me up at the United gate?"

"Okay, I'm walking out the door right now. I'll be there in fifteen alright. I still think you're insane but I really can't wait to see you E." Alice said to me, I could just see her smiling into the phone.

"I know I miss you too. Well, I'll be here…just chilling. Bye, Alice." I hung up the phone with a sigh. If I was being honest with myself, I really had no idea what I was doing. But this was one of the first huge decisions I had made on my own since I had gotten a record deal. I really didn't want to be seen as the type of person who gave up when things got tough, and this was my chance to prove that I wasn't that stereotype.

Bella probably wouldn't even see me. I figured since she hadn't texted me back, she was completely ignoring that I had even contacted her. Not that I blamed her in the slightest, she certainly deserved to think that.

My thoughts were put on hold, as I felt my phone vibrate. I knew it wasn't Tanya since it was still early, and my breath hitched as I read who it was from.

"Hey. I'd like to meet up when you get home. So...text me back for details."

Holy shit. She wanted to meet up with me; she actually wanted to see me.

I had no idea what to say, since I honestly didn't think she was going to text me back. This was the biggest reason I had come home; she was that reason. I wanted to be part of her life in any way, shape or form. Although I would have loved to go back to what we once were, I knew it just wasn't possible.

So having her text me back, was definitely a step in the right direction. I knew that I wanted to wait to call her though, until it was at least an appropriate time to wake up. I wanted to catch up on my sleep also, and to finally sleep in my own bed was something I wanted to relish in.

I heard a horn blaring from where I was perched on my suitcases, and looked up to see my sister waving manically from her Suburban. She looked incredibly tiny in her huge tank of a car, and my smile grew as I finally realized I'd get to see my sister.

"I see you haven't grown at all in six months, Al." I snickered as I got into the SUV.

"Shut up, you! Give me a hug Rock star."

I pulled her in my arms tightly over the middle console and kissed her forehead, something I had always done growing up.

"I missed you lil' sis."

"I missed you too, Edward." She looked over at me with tears brimming her eyes. "Sorry, I just can't believe you're finally home! Mom and Dad are going to flip. Why the sudden homesickness though? I thought you were super happy in California."

"Alice I want her back." I stated simply. And then I practically swallowed my damn tongue as she about swerved off of the highway. I grabbed onto my seat and held on for dear life as I caught my breath.

"Jesus Al, what are you doing?!"

"Are you serious." It wasn't a question.

"Yes?" I asked because I was basically scared for my life now.

"Okay, I am about to tell you all of this in complete confidence because you're my brother and I love you. But this conversation does not leave this car. Got it?"

I nodded.

"Edward, I can't really explain what happened to Bella after you left. It's painful for me to even think about let alone justify. The life was completely sucked out of her; she was just living…with no excitement or passion about anything. Really it was like she wasn't even Bella Swan anymore, she was just this lifeless person who had no ambition for anything. After you left Edward, I don't think she even saw a reason to get up in the morning. Rosalie told me it took her weeks to get out of bed, weeks Edward!" Alice ranted, "she couldn't get her own breakfast for herself. It was like she was in shock, like she didn't want to believe that happened."

I just looked at her with wide eyes. I figured that our breakup would have affected Bella, but I was such a selfish asshole that I didn't think it would affect her the way it affected me.

Obviously I was dead wrong.

"I don't know if seeing her after all this time is a good idea." She said quietly.

"Alice…I don't really know how to explain."

We both stopped talking to absorb the conversation that had just transpired.

"I think I just want to apologize in person," I sighed, "I owe her that, which I know it's one of the many things I do owe her. I just want to see her face-to-face so I can give her an explanation. If Bella doesn't ever want to see me after that, then I'll respect her wishes and never speak to her again."

"Edward, I know how hard it is for you to remember what you did to Bella. And I know that you've never forgiven yourself for it. I also know that it wasn't your fault that you broke up with her. You were just a kid! I know I was just a kid too, but I always knew that I didn't just want the kind of love Mom and Dad had; I wanted the kind of heart-stopping love you and Bella had." Alice smiled reaching over to squeeze my hand.

"That's the exact reason I need to see her Al. I know that love is still alive, and I've known it since I was ten years old."

"I really hope everything works out, Edward. You both deserve it." She whispered.

After driving for over an hour in rush hour traffic, I was finally back at my childhood home. The large colonial had never looked so inviting. I saw the same handprints in the walkway that I had put in the cement with Alice when I was only eleven years old. As I walked into the house, the smell of coffee and blueberry muffins invaded my senses. My Mom had always made sure that our home had always smelled the same. She knew that those smells would always mean home to her kids and whatever grandkids came along. It was one of the things I had forgotten about, and I was going to learn to cherish it again.

"Mom? Dad?" I called as I walked into the foyer. I heard the sound of a dropped coffee cup and I cringed as I realized that one of my parents had broken glass because of their surprise.

"Edward, my baby! What are you doing home? Is something the matter, oh my gosh did you get fired or something? Honey, what are you doing all the way over there, come give me a hug!" My mother rambled as she opened up her arms to me.

"Hi Mom." I said as a hugged her tightly, she started rocking me back and forth, squeezing me as firmly as she could.

"Why haven't you called, Edward?" She asked me sternly.

"I-I'm sorry Mom, I've just been busy? I know that's not an excuse, I just I needed to come home, I needed to find my head again."

"Honey, you never have to give an excuse to come home. I'm just so glad you're here!"

"Me too Mom, me too. Do you mind if I go to sleep for awhile? We can talk later, cause I am seriously jet-lagged."

"Oh of course! You're room is still the same, so I'll let you get some sleep. I'll talk to you when you get up. I have to call your father! He's going to be so happy, he's at the hospital right now, but oh will he flip out…" She trailed as she walked back into the kitchen.

I couldn't help but shake my head at my mother. I could always come home and find the her the same person as when I left; Esme Cullen was nothing if not consistent. She would flip out even more when she found out that I was going to be seeing Bella again soon. I didn't know if they still talked or were as close as they were when I left…but she had always thought of Bella as a second daughter.

As I walked into my old room, I couldn't help the huge smile that spread across my face. Everything was the same. From the band posters on my wall, to the ticket stubs and pictures I had all over the cork board in the corner. I dropped my bags near my closet and breathed a huge sigh of relief…even though I was fucking scared out of my mind to see Bella again, this is exactly where I wanted and needed to be.

Laying down on my bed I let sleep over take me, completely ready for whatever came when I woke up.

I felt super relaxed when I finally woke up five hours later; something that I hadn't felt fully in a long time.

I knew that I had a lot of people to answer to, back in LA. People were going to be pissed off and hurt by my sudden absence. I'd need to do a shit load of damage control to cover my ass…but this was something that needed to be done, in order for me to continue doing what I did everyday.

Looking at the clock I saw that it was 2:30 in the afternoon. I figured it was now or never…so I took out my phone and dialed Bella's number.

As the phone was ringing, I felt my palms start to sweat and my throat get really dry. I was freaking out…

"Hello?"

"Bella?" She sounded out of breath…shit I didn't know if I could do this, she hadn't answered yet so I didn't know if she'd heard me, "Bella are you there? It's me, uh, Edward." I asked skeptically.

"Uh, um...yeah I'm uh, here."

"So I would really love to meet with you, and catch up. I miss you so fucking much, Bella."

I heard a commotion as she gasped and started yelling at some dude named Brody. My heart plummeted in my chest, she had a boyfriend…of course she did. My shoulders sagged and I literally felt my body deflate.

"Oh are you with, someone? Whose Brody? Shit sorry, I shouldn't have asked. Listen you can just uh, call me back or something. It sounds like you're super busy, with uh, Brody." I was rambling, way to sound articulate there Cullen.

"Edward, um, Brody is ah...well, my new-."

"Listen Bella, I understand the way we left things was horrible, and I know I haven't talked to you in over a year...and obviously you have a boyfriend," I ranted while I tugged on my hair, "but I hope we can meet soon, we have a lot to talk about. And well...I'm willing to fucking fight for you, I let you go once and I can't go through that again. So, I was wondering if Thursday at four o'clock at the Starbucks on Main and 5th would be okay to meet."

"Yes." She answered meekly. She basically acted like she didn't want to talk anymore, and I figured that she was busy with Brody so I put an end to the conversation and bid her goodbye, before I could say anything more stupid.

I flipped my phone closed as I collapsed on my pillows. I hoped I was doing the right thing. And I just prayed that after this meeting she wouldn't hate me more then she already did.

Thursday came quicker than I was prepared for.

As I sat at a corner table in Starbucks, I thanked God I wore my glasses. My eyes were super bloodshot and I knew I looked stoned. It was just from lack of sleep from the night before. I was completely wigging out about this meeting with Bella.

I looked up to see her coming through the door and I about knocked down my chair as I stood up. I was fucking shaking, and I felt like I was going to vomit.

I probably looked like a cracked out train wreck; hell I felt like a cracked out train wreck and we hadn't even made eye contact yet.

When her brown eyes met mine, I felt my heart skip about six beats. She was biting her damn lip, and I couldn't help the twitch that my dick made as I remembered what it felt like to have her lips wrapped-.

"Edward?" Hearing her name come from her lips caused me to jump back to the present.

"Hi, Bella." I answered shyly. "Do you want to sit down?"

"Sure. Listen I know that you are the one who approached me with this 'meeting', but I was wondering if I could do the talking…I kind of have a shit load to say to you."

I'm sure she couldn't even see my eyebrows because they shot up so high. I was speechless, so I just nodded numbly.

"Okay. First I want to say how happy I am for you, and how proud I am of you. You've accomplished everything you've dreamed of in such a short amount of time; at such a young age, and I'll always admire that about you. But what you did to me, how you just threw me to the curb as you did, isn't something I can forget. It took a really long time for me to get to the point I'm at right now. I can finally sleep in my aprtment alone at night, and I can finally go out with my friends and family without acting like an emo blob.

"The way you were in my life one day and then gone the next was almost too much to take. We were best friends for so long…way before we even thought of being together. So I guess the only thing I have to ask you is why? Why did you just throw it all and me away?" She asked me as she fiddled with the ends of her sleeves.

I knew that I had to be absolutely truthful and unabashed with Bella. I had to suck up my pride and tell her what a coward I was.

"Honestly Bella, I don't even know where the hell to start." I sighed. "I guess the first thing that I need to say to you is how fucking sorry I am. I'm so fucking sorry everything transpired the way that it did. And I'm sorry that I let you go at all. I kick myself everyday thinking about it. The only excuse I have is that I was young, naïve and stupid. I listened to my superiors when they told me that I couldn't be in the public eye and be in a mature relationship. I listened when they told me to forget you and everyone in my past; that I didn't need you anymore. And as much as it hurts to say that, it hurts even more to realize the pain I've put you through." I finished.

I looked at Bella then, and saw tears forming in her eyes.

"Bella, baby…please don't cry. God, I can't take it if you cry anymore over me."

"I just can't believe you're back here. Edward, as much as I want to jump in your lap right now, and forget about everything…I can't. I've been through so much and would be too hard to go back to that place. Please don't make me go back to that place, Edward." She pleaded with me.

"Oh, Bella. I love you. I know that's not what you want to hear right now, but I do. So fucking much that I can't breath sometimes when I think about you. I know you have a boyfriend now, but I'll do whatever the hell I have to do if it means I can be in your life. Even if I'm just a damn acquaintance, I'll take it." I could feel my voice cracking, and I knew I was going to cry.

I would get down on my knees if it meant she would give me another chance.

"Bella I'm not going anywhere. I swear on everything I have; everything I am. I lost you once and I would be the biggest dumbass in the world if I didn't fight for you this time."

"This is a lot of information for me to take in. I mean you just coming home out of the blue, I just can't. Edward, I need to process all of this…it's too damn much." She sighed.

"You can take as much time as you need Bella. I swear I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be here tomorrow, and the next day. I can't go back to LA now. I know that I'm home, because I'm here with you Bella. Home is wherever you are.

"And I know I sound like a pathetic asshole, but I'm not leaving Washington until I know if I can be in your life in some capacity."

"Edward, just let me process all of this okay? I'll call you when I'm ready."

"As long as you need." I promised.

She got up from the table slowly and walked out the door just quickly as she came in.

I knew how overwhelming this was for her. I just wanted to comfort her, but I knew that space was what she needed.

After that conversation, I knew I needed a beer. So I called up Jasper, ready for another long awaited reunion.

As I walked out of Starbucks, I couldn't get over the feeling that I had fucked things up even more.

I just hoped Bella would prove my doubts wrong.

Okay here's chapter three. Long awaited…I sincerely apologize about that. RL has been kicking my ass lately.

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has given this story a chance, and added it to their favs, and story alerts or reviewed. I appreciate it beyond belief.

You guys brighten my day with all of your kind words.

Hope you enjoyed!

I listened to Michael Buble and Erik Hassle nonstop while writing this…amazing inspiration!