Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or receive any payment for this work.
AU: Thanks so much to everyone who commented or favourite this story. This is un-beta-ed and I know that shows. My apologies for any errors and I always appreciate people pointing them out, no offence will be taken.
Touched
Chapter 6
Nyota.
Everyday life continued. Although a significant proportion of her mind was consumed with the fallout of the High Five Incident Uhura still had lectures to attend, tutorials to present, assignments to complete, reading and language practice. At least she could accommodate the language practice by thinking about the incident in a wide range of languages. She found to her surprise that it helped. The issue appeared subtly different in the other languages and she felt her perspective shift. Uhura found she felt differently when she though about the issue in for example, Vulcan or Klingon or Orion. It was fascinating. She made a mental note to practice the technique in other situations.
Overall Uhura struggled to maintain the high standard of her work and this clinched her decision. Nothing must be allowed to interfere with her studies and her goals, not even her embarrassing longing for a superior officer and an egregious breach of protocol. She would not hesitate any longer she would apologise today.
It was because of this decision that Gallia found Uhura sitting on her bed surrounded by brushes and hair pins and swearing in three languages.
Gallia looked enquiringly, "Getting ready for a hot date?"
"Hardly, I'm getting ready to prostrate my self at Commander Spock's feet and beg forgiveness," snapped Uhura. Nerves were making her snappy and she just hated trying to do anything with her hair.
"Ohhhh, yes" sighed Galia salaciously.
Uhura frowned and snapped, "Galia! This is no time for innuendo."
"It is always time for innuendo," smiled Galia, "and I think the thought of prostrating," she drew the word out exquisitely, "yourself before Commander Sexy Eyes is delicious."
Uhura muttered under her breath about Orion room mates then said, "Instead of thinking indecent thoughts about a superior officer why don't you make yourself useful and help me with this." Uhura gesture to her head.
Gallia frowned, "What are you trying to do with that?" she pointed to Uhura's pathetic attempt at an upswept hairdo.
"I am trying to do my hair in a style sort of reminiscent of the formal Vulcan styles. Not the same mind, I am not Vulcan and that could be patronising, but with the same 'feel'" said Uhura.
"Why?"
"I thought that the apology would seem more sincere if I looked appropriately dressed, to a Vulcan's way of thinking." Uhura sighed, "See." Uhura turned a swatch of printed sheets to Gallia and pointed to individual pictures with her hair brush, "in most formal events Vulcan women have their hair in upswept style." She gesture to her head, "So I thought that a similar sort of style may provide an unconscious cue indicating my sincerity. Problem is I forgot how useless I am at doing my hair. There's a reason I wear it long and straight. " Uhura threw the hair brush she was holding on the bed with unnecessary force.
"Well then you're lucky to have me," said Gallia, "I'm a hair styling magician." With that she approached hair brush in hand, smiling.
Spock.
The only person Spock could turn to for advice on Vulcan and human interactions was his mother.
As her face filled the screen Spock felt the familiar warmth through his bond with her.
"Spock," she stated and nodded. The Vulcan acknowledgement was coupled with a human smile.
"Mother," he replied. He opened the bond between just enough to allow her to feel some of his shame and frustration.
She frowned, and looked intently at the image on the screen, "I can feel you my son. How can I assist."
"Mother, I have transgressed." He hung his head sightly his hands flat on the table in front of him, his mother would know the stance signified contrition.
"How so my son?"
"Though my lack of control I have violated the privacy of another. The incident was unintended nonetheless I am at fault. I do not know how to atone." He raised his eyes to the scene, "the one offended against was a human."
"I see," said his mother and frowned thoughtfully.
"Mother I can find no guide, no president to follow. I do not know how to proceed."
"My son." She looked rueful, "In some ways Vulcan culture has many advantages, one of them is a ritual for every occasion. One is seldom left not knowing what is expected." She sighed.
Spock felt a slight nudge in his mind, his mother wanted to know more so she could advise correctly. Spock tensed but a jumbled wisp of emotion, a tangled thread of worry, longing, confusion, happiness escaped before he could prevent it.
His mother smiled softly, "I understand, this issue is complex my son." She frowned she could sense his reluctance to share more. She looked up and took a deep breath, "I do not understand the situation fully, remember that, my best advice to you is to be honest. See the person involved and be honest about what occurred, how it affected you and…. why." She paused to consider the feeling of reluctance she sensed from Spock.
"Spock, you believe you have transgressed, have you made the other emotionally vulnerable by being party to personal information to which you had no right? If so then apologise and be honest. By doing so you will make yourself vulnerable. This is may be suitable amends for your actions."
"You recommend reciprocity," said Spock.
"Indeed, my son, if you want to preserve this relationship, I believe it may be essential. Consider this from a human's view point. Humans are always essentially alone, just as Vulcans are always connected. Even though you are relatively isolated for a Vulcan you are never truly alone, unless you choose to be so." Spock felt the mental equivalent of a hug through their bond and closed his eyes briefly, savouring the love and concern it conveyed. "Humans have no such connections. Humans can never really know what another thinks or feels, unless, like me, they are lucky enough to bond with a Vulcan." She smiled broadly at this.
"Ideally human relationship progress by a progressive deepening of intimacy. One party shares a little of themselves and the other party matches the level of intimacye or goes a little further. They can pause at any time. Remember humans can only infer emotion from words and actions and reading a rich array of body language signals, but, they can never really know what another feels or thinks. This isolation means there must be a process that ensures safety. If one party becomes aware of knowledge the other did not want to reveal at that stage then an imbalance may be created. This must be addressed or the relationship may fail."
"Mother you talk about building a relationship but this is…"stated Spock
"Spock, of course you want a build a relationship. It is illogical to dwell on what has happened and can not be undone. If this was simple accidental transgression you would apologise sincerely and move on. You would do what you could and then leave the other with the responsibility of coping with their own internal state. Contact with the one against whom you transgressed may remain awkward and uncomfortable; but that may be unavoidable." She paused and frowned slightly as if concentrating on hearing something in the distance, "But I can feel that this is not acceptable or desirable." She looked full at him in the screen and smiled widely.
"Mother, in this case I do not know what is an acceptable outcome," he looked down and missed the expression on his mothers face that blended sadness and happiness in equal measure.
"Yes, you do my son. You do know; but I think there are difficulties. You need to decide what is more important, the issue that presents the difficulty or the relationship with the person." She suddenly sat up straight eyebrows raised and a expression of surprise on her face, "I feel that you have your answer already."
Spock actually sighed, "Mother you are, as ever, disconcerting."
She smiled broadly and said teasingly, "The trouble with a human mother is she uses intuition as well as logic, besides a parent needs to disconcert their child on a regular basis."
"You perform admirably," he said with dry humour.
"My son, if I am correct in my understanding of your situation you need to reciprocate. Let go of being correct and allow yourself to be uncertain and vulnerable. In a similar situation it is what I needed to redress the imbalance. " The Lady Amanda smiled slightly as she sensed he sons amazement and also slight annoyance on that she appeared to have guessed so much. She said. "No one ever said dealing with humans would be easy Spock." She smiled a little sadly at her son.
"Thank –you mother, send my salutations to my father," replied Spock.
"Good-bye my son," she replied and ended the transmission. As she did so Spock felt his mothers love and concern briefly through their bond.
He had his answer.