…

Rod stared at the door with blank, unfocused eyes. The darkness surrounding him made everything seem so surreal. His mind, for the first time in his life, was empty. His feelings were numb, and his body didn't want to move from its current position: facing the door that his best friend had disappeared through with an outstretched arm trying to keep him back. But didn't. The tears had stopped the moment the door closed; Rod's breathing almost stopped completely as well. There was no motion, not a sound, while the man continued to stare into nothingness. Be in nothingness. For some reason, Rod could hear nothing clearly. The sound of everything around him was muffled greatly.

Finally, it clicked. Nicky was gone. Is gone. The moment Rod realized that, the unbearable truth, he grabbed the doorknob and frantically yanked the door open as wide as it could go.

Nothing.

The rain lessened somewhat and the fog obscured everything from view. Still, no Nicky. Rod's heart began to melt as he scanned the area. No. Leaving the door open behind him, he ran onto the deserted streets. The rain soaked him, inside and out, and his glasses were too blurry for him to see, yet Rod kept on running, searching, crying, and every now and then slipping. He still got up each time. He lost track of time as the weather became worse, but he continued to look for that lovable man. The man he had grown so attached to. The same man who had befriended him on the first day of high school when he knew no one and was so helpless. Nicky, who had stuck with him through college and, for many happy years, life. His heart belonged to that man. He belonged to him. So why did he let him go just like that?

"NICKY!" Rod bellowed desperately, in no particular direction. This…couldn't be happening. Not to Rod. Why should it? "No…p-please, no!" He stopped completely. Walking. Searching. Caring. He knew Nicky was gone. He had no rational explanation, but he knew. He felt it. Rod dropped to his knees, no longer with silent tears, but real body-shaking sobs. He howled in pain and hurt, throwing his glasses to the ground. His eyes were blinded with tears anyway.

Nicky…how could you leave like this? Without even saying goodbye… "Nicky! Nicky, Nicky, NICKY!"

The weather seemed to reflect Rod's emotions. The rain was worse than ever and the wind blew with such force that it carried Rod's loose necktie away. He didn't care; in fact, he wished, yearned, he was the necktie. He wanted to be carried away by something, by Nicky. To a place where he didn't have to suffer without his best friend. He wanted to fall into nothingness so he didn't have to feel that ache of losing someone you truly loved with all your being. His whole body was numb now, but not so much from the cold. But…that always means that later he'll feel the real pain. Making up for the emptiness he felt now.

Rod just stayed there, in the middle of the street, right before the pouring rain, sobbing. Every part of him was wet and beyond cold. His clothes. His hair. His eyes. His heart…he…will never be warm and dry again. Never wake up happy to the sound of snoring somewhere beside him. Never laugh at the silliness he has to put up with each day. Never worry about letting his feelings slip. Never argue about the simplest thing just for the heck of it. He loved all these so much and more…so why was he realizing this just now? When it's too late…

But…he'd find him. Right? Nicky usually comes back…

No.

Not after this. Not after…

Nicky…I love you.

I'm sorry.

Author's Notes: Wow, I suck at this. I don't wanna make Rod cry! Okay, so Nicky will have to even out Rod's sadness. Chapter 3 maybe? Please review! Heh. Sorry, you two again. I'll be nicer next time.

Disclaimer: Still owning nothing!