Chapter 3: And where will you be, once you get where you're going?

Lorne hadn't been assigned a laptop or an offical log in yet so first thing the next morning he headed for the surface, borrowing one of the base cars and driving into Colorado Springs. It was a nice place ... had a mountain city feel to it, quiet and kind of picturesque. Since he didn't have a lot of time Evan headed straight for the internet cafe he'd previously looked up in the phone directory, following the directions he'd memorised. Paying for half an hour he sat down at a station in the deserted cafe and quickly started the video calling software, dialling Elaine's number first. It was early - only 8:00 am for both locations - but Elaine usually started her laptop up first thing every morning. If she hadn't done that yet he'd have to resort to a phone call but had his fingers crossed that wouldn't be the case - he didn't have time to go and see them and really wanted as close to a face to face as he could get.

"Evan," Elaine opened the incoming video call and frowned when she saw her brother – he'd only spoken to Drew a couple of days before so they weren't due for another call so soon. "What's wrong?" she asked, her thoughts going immediately to that being the reason he was calling.

"Nothing's wrong Sis," Evan reassured her. "Listen, is Drew around? Something's come up and I only want to explain this once."

"Jon's teething - he'd been unsettled all night but we finally got him to sleep - Drew's just putting him back in his crib," Elaine turned to look behind her. "I'll just ...,"

Evan watched her get up and disappear from view, tapping the table unconsciously as he waited for her to return with her husband.

"Hey buddy," Drew sat down in front of the camera, pulling Elaine down beside him. "What's up?"

"Is Jon okay?" Evan asked instead of answering.

"He's fine," Elaine smiled. "All babies grow teeth Evan - it's painful but hopefully once he gets this first one the rest won't be as bad."

"Wow, first tooth already," Evan grinned. "Next thing you know he'll be asking to borrow the keys to your car."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," Elaine told him firmly.

"Not that we're ungrateful buddy, but why are you calling so early?" Drew took over, bringing the conversation back to his friend. "You okay?"

"I'm fine. I just wanted to tell you both that I've been reassigned," Evan began.

"You're leaving Kandahar?" Elaine asked hopefully.

"First mine in the field," Evan thought. He didn't want to lie outright but he had to be careful how he answered, because ordinarily it took more than a day to travel from the U.S. to Afghanistan which made it unlikely he'd already made it back. "I already have," he said simply, pushing on before she could question him. "I'm on my way to another assignment – stopping off in Colorado for training. Once I get where I'm going I'm gonna be out of contact. I'll be able to send and receive letters - hopefully emails too - but there won't be any phone or video calls, or quick trips home."

"And where will you be, once you get 'where you're going'?" Drew asked. He'd picked up on Evan's careful wording, despite his friends attempt to bury that under the bad news regarding keeping in touch.

"I'm sorry guys – it's classified," Evan winced a little as he said that, kind of braced for a negative response.

"You can't tell us where you'll be?" Elaine said incredulously. "Evan, this is dangerous isn't it? Please tell me this isn't dangerous!"

"It's not dangerous," Evan repeated dutifully, knowing it was pointless because she wouldn't believe him anyway.

"Then how come we can't know where you're going?" Elaine persisted. "I understand you not being able to tell us what you're doing - you've had to do that before - but how can knowing where you are be a problem? It's not like we're going to tell anyyone!"

"I know that Sis," Evan replied. "I hate to fall back on the 'sorry, I'm just following orders' excuse but that's pretty much what it comes down to. You know I'd tell you if I could." "Man would I tell you," he thought. Not revealing something so ... huge ... just didn't sit well. He felt like he was cheating them both by not telling them just how big the world actually was. He knew Elaine would get a kick out of the idea of Evan actually getting to meet aliens even though she'd worry about him being so far away. Drew would just be envious that he wasn't getting to launch himself across thousands of light years through a stable wormhole between planets. It all still sounded like science fiction to Evan though - maybe if he could have told them the truth they'd both be thinking he was insane right now. "It's important stuff okay," he added. "The U.S. air force doesn't do things on a whim."

"Funny, I haven't heard of anything new going on that would need a fighter pilot," Drew commented, watching Evan closely.

"That's because it's not a conflict situation," Evan felt safe enough admitting that much. "Look, all I can tell you is that I'll be based out of Cheyenne Mountain but working in the field. And listen, at this stage it's looking like you guys won't be able to contact me directly for at least a few months, maybe more. I'll send you something with the contact details but I'm not sure how long it'll take for things to get to me."

"You're going to be away for months?" Elaine repeated dismayed. "We don't get to talk to you at all?"

"I'm sorry Sis," Evan said simply. "It's not like I've got a choice in this – I go where they tell me to go. I thought you'd be happy I'm out of harm's way in Afghanistan. That's a good thing, right?"

"Not if you're going somewhere even more dangerous!" Elaine retorted. "And I hate that we won't know where you'll be."

"You know how it goes Elaine," Evan said simply. "We've been lucky so far that I've never had to keep my location secret. This time I don't get that luxury. I'll be fine though, don't worry about me."

"You're going to some secret location that means you can't even call us and you're telling me not to worry?" Elaine was incredulous. "I'm sorry but that's too much to ask Evan!"

"Honey," Drew put a calming hand on her shoulder. "I'm sure he'd tell us more if he could." Looking at Evan he added "they made you sign a non disclosure statement, didn't they?"

"Yeah," Evan returned simply. "I could tell you the cover story they use but we'd all know it was bogus - I didn't want to do that."

It was funny - Evan had been initially unhappy that Elaine had chosen to give her heart to someone in the miltary, even though it had been his best friend. Now, knowing that Drew really did understand the complexities of the situation and the realities the military operated under, it was actually a good thing. Drew woud be the voice of reason for Elaine - talk her around when Evan couldn't - and in doing so save Evan a fair degree of angst.

"You know how much it bites that I can't tell you anything," Evan continued. "They're hustling pretty quickly to get this off the ground too so I can't even come visit before I ship out. I'm sorry." He'd already apologised a few times but still felt compelled to repeat it again.

Elaine took a visible breath and then tried to smile. She could see how troubled her brother was and the last thing he needed was for her to be so openly upset ... Evan needed to see that they were okay with this so that he could go off the next day with a clean slate. "It's okay. I'll just write you like I always do, keep adding in the photos and videos of Jonathon. You'll just have lots to catch up on when you get your mail."

"I'll look forward to it," Evan said simply. "I hate not being a part of everything Elaine but I have to do this."

"It's your job," Elaine concluded in a low tone.

"And maybe I'm making this sound worse that it'll be ," Evan offered some level of reassurance. "I'm assuming opportunities for personal contact will be limited but to tell you the truth I don't really know for sure. We'll just have to play it by ear, see how things go once I get there."

"Be careful Evan," Drew's expression was serious and thoughtful. Since Evan's rescue of those marines and his subsequent promotion he'd almost expected his friend to get tagged for something bigger than Afghanistan. Even though he hadn't revealed details Drew could connect the dots enough to know this was it, and to assume it wasn't just Evan's flying abilities that had put him in whatever spotlight he was currently sitting under.

"Hey, I'm always careful," Evan shot back, a smile flashing over his face for a moment. He only had a few more minutes left and even though he wanted to keep talking he couldn't. He was due to report for training back at base in an hour and he still had something else to do first. "Sorry guys, I have to go. Keep in touch okay. I promise I'll be looking at everything you send me, even if it takes a while to get you a reply."

"Evan," Elaine said his name carefully, her eyes locked to his even across so many miles. "You know I'm gonna come after you if you end up injured doing whatever it is you're doing. I need you to be okay – especially because I don't get to speak to you."

"I'll be fine, I promise," Evan said earnestly.

"You better be," Elaine shot back. "Okay, go ... I love you big brother."

"Love you too little sister," Evan smiled fondly. "Take care of each other and my nephew. I'll visit just as soon as I can."

It took a lot for him to close the connection and shut down the computer, feeling like he was shutting down more than just a piece of machinery. Thanking the lone cafe attendant, Lorne returned to the car. Sitting in the front seat he took out his mobile and dialled his Mom's number quickly. This one had to be over the telephone because Grace Lorne still wasn't comfortable with the video thing. It was 8:30 am in Colorado Springs which made it 7:30 am in San Francisco so his Mom would be getting ready for work in any case.

"Grace Lorne," Evan smiled when she answered the phone.

"Mom," he said simply.

"Evan!" Grace drew in quick breath, her happiness replaced by fear. "Are you ..."

"I'm fine Mom," he reassured her much as he had Elaine. "I'm calling because I'm back in the States."

"Oh, that's wonderful news honey!" Evan could hear the happiness in her voice and winced, knowing he was about to shatter it. "Why didn't you tell us?! When are you coming home?"

"That's the thing Mom," he said slowly. "I'm not – not for a while. I've been reassigned and there's some urgency to get started. They're rushing me through training and then I'm shipping out – probably before the end of the week."

"Where is it this time?" Grace frowned, not wanting him to pick up on her disappointment. She'd long ago learned to mask what she was feeling – she had to because Evan didn't need her to put more pressure on him by being too upset every time he had to go somewhere. It was hard though, to continually let him go, knowing what he was risking. Worrying that one day he just wouldn't come back. Stifling a sigh, she concentrated on his answers.

"I'm sorry Mom – I just, I can't tell you," Evan admitted in a rush. "I wish I could but the entire thing is classified."

"So you can't tell me what you're doing or where you're doing it," Grace summarised.

"That about sums it up, yes," Evan agreed. He fell silent for a moment and then with a sigh, added the last part. "I don't know for sure but there's a chance it might be a few months Mom, before I can even talk to you over the phone again, let alone see you in person."

"Oh," Grace swallowed back her protest with difficulty. Her baby had come home less than a year before, battered and bruised and with new shadows in his eyes. That hadn't been enough though – they'd sent him back to the same hell, and asked so much of him looking after all the young pilots they were sending over there. And now this – hadn't he done enough already?

"That's it?" Evan was surprised. He'd been braced for her to be either irritated or upset and her silence was freaking him out a little.

"What did you expect dear?" Grace regrouped, glad he couldn't see her. "I could tell you I think it's unfair to expect sons to leave their mothers without word for months. I could cry that you've already given so much and ask you when it's going to be enough. But life isn't always fair and I know you do what you feel you must. I'm proud of you for that even though it comes at such a high cost for all of us."

"Ah ...," Evan didn't know what to say. "Listen, it won't be with no word at all. I'll get regular mail delivery and there's some talk of getting leave to come home – I just can't tell you when that'll be."

"Well that's something then isn't it," Grace said bracingly.

"You're making me feel like I should be apologising," Evan couldn't help the hint of complaint in his tone. It was so like his Mom to make him feel like a misbehaving school boy, even though he was a grown man about to discover a world bigger than the one he'd always lived in.

"That's not my intention Evan," his Mom returned briskly. "I understand you have mixed feelings about this – I'd worry if you didn't." She paused and then continued. "Did you speak to Elaine?"

"I did and she didn't take the news as well as you have," Evan admitted. "And you're right. I do have mixed feelings about this." Honestly compelled him to continue. "I could have said no Mom but what they're doing, what I'm going to be part of? It's important, really important."

"You couldn't say no," Grace conceded in a low tone. "I guess you wouldn't be the Evan Lorne we know and love if you'd done anything else. Its okay honey – we'll muddle along without you for a few months. You just be careful – no more volunteering for crazy rescue missions."

"Drew wasn't supposed to tell you about that," Evan complained, holding in a smile. "I'll be careful."

"We'll miss you," Grace added gently.

Evan swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. "Yeah, me too," he got out.

Promising he'd write and getting his Mom's promise in return Evan finally ended the call, slowly returning the phone to his pocket.

Sitting for a moment in the silence he wondered why it was that great opportunities so often came at so high a personal price. He'd told Elaine and Drew he didn't have a choice and that was true but not in the way they'd assumed. He could have said no ... General Hammond had made that clear ... but at the same time he just couldn't. His Mom had understood that, and it cushioned the feelings of guilt he had over what he was doing.

Evan had always felt like he was working towards something, searching for that ultimate place where he was meant to be. Maybe this mission to P3X-403 wasn't it, but it was feeling finally like he was on the right track. He needed to follow the path, needed it to satisfy something inside he wasn't sure he even understood. If that meant going somewhere his family couldn't follow then so be it. He trusted that the connections would remain as strong as they'd always been, that family would be there waiting for when he was able to return. And that would have to be enough ... for all of them.

"So, what do you think?" Elaine turned to her husband as soon as Evan closed the connection.

"About what?" Drew asked.

"About this new post of Evan's!" Elaine clarified impatiently.

"I think it's none of our business," Drew said firmly. "He told us as much as he could and we're just gonna have to be content with that."

"So you're not worried at all?" Elaine asked incredulously.

"I didn't say that," Drew stood, pulling her to her feet beside him. "Of course I'm worried. And to answer your first question I think Evan's gotten himself noticed by some pretty important people. They'll put him in danger but I think they'll also look after him too."

"I knew he was lying when he said it wasn't dangerous!"

"Evan doesn't lie," Drew said simply. "You know that. If he can't tell you the truth he just clams up. Whatever they'd told him about this, he at least believes it won't be dangerous."

"Well I hope he's right," Elaine sighed, resting her forehead on her husband's chest. "This is really unfair you know," she muttered.

"What's that?" Drew rested his chin on her head, swaying them both slightly.

"I just get you back, barely get the chance to get used to it, and now Evan is off to who knows where," Elaine shifted to look up at him. "It'd be nice to get the chance to relax without all this worry and stress."

"Then you probably should have married a lawyer or something," Drew suggested with a cheeky grin.

"Oh you!" she slapped his shoulder, attempting to shift away.

"Not so fast missy," Drew held on, pulling her in until he had her pressed against him in a very satisfactory manner. "Jon's asleep ... we're both awake ... and it's been too long. How about we get ... reacquainted?"

"I might be amenable to that," Elaine replied, her eyes going dark and intent.

Leaning down, Drew kissed her purposefully, once, twice and then again.

It didn't take much for them both to lose themselves in each other, to take their minds off of everyday concerns. It was only a momentary reprieve though – all too soon Elaine and Drew would be back to worrying about Evan and what he was doing in that place they couldn't know about. But it was something they'd have to learn to get used to because to do otherwise just wasn't a option.

Authors Note:

Still three more chapters to go ... next up, Lorne's first trip through the gate! Thanks for reading.