CHAPTER 14: Already Gone

Edward POV

You screwed up didn't you? Emmett asked as soon as he opened the door. I said nothing and walked past him. So you don't want to talk about it but do you want my advice? I just stared at him. The last thing I wanted was Emmett's advice. Too bad 'cause you're going to get it anyway, stop thinking.

I waited for him to say something else but he didn't. I knew I should have gone hunting instead of coming here. "That makes no sense Emmett." I finally spoke.

Yes it does. He sat down by me. You are over thinking this and you need to just let go and be with Bella.

"If I did that I would kill her." Why did my family not understand? Bella is human and fragile and they act like she isn't.

I'm not talking about sex Edward although we all know that you need to get laid but I'm talking about the relationship in whole. I just looked at him. Look I know that everyone thinks that I don't think of anything serious but you of all people should know that isn't true and I'm trying to be your brother here.

You love her; he went on not needing confirmation. It's as plan to see as my muscles or your brooding but you're doing everything you can to ruin it.

Again I looked at him. You are suffocating the girl when you're together and then instead of holding on to her you're willing to let her go. Do you think that if I or Jasper were in your shoes we would walk away from Alice or Rosalie? Hell no because there would be no way we could. You're going to hurt her for no good reason.

"How can you say that?" I was so sick of defending the fact that all I wanted was what was best for Bella. "I just want her to be happy and be able to have a family and all the things in this world. Why doesn't anyone understand that?"

We do but we can just all see that you are doing it the wrong way.

"Then what would be the right way?" I asked. "Change her into a monster? Take away her soul so that I can keep her forever just because I don't want to live without her? How can it be right if I'm destroying her life? That's not right; it's selfish."

Why do you only see the bad, he was shaking his head. Yes, we have our moments of being monsters and the jury is still out on the soul thing but we have done some great things too. And there isn't always a right or wrong. Sometimes there's just making it okay.

"Again Emmett, not making any sense."

In an ideal world we would all have met during our own times. I would have been in New York instead of that bastard that was supposed to marry Rose, Alice would have been around during the Civil War and not in a crazy house, and Bella would have been born during the turn of the century. We all would have met, fell in love, gotten married, had a bunch of kids and grandkids, grown old and died but that isn't what happened.

We've all made our peace with that, even Rose, because we have found someone that makes this life special. That makes the loss of what we should have had okay. But you haven't until now. He looked over at me. Now you have someone that you love and who loves you. Someone that rocks your world and you're throwing that away.

"I'm just trying to protect her." I put my head in my hands.

We understand that but we also have a bit more experience then you.

My head shot up. "Are we back to sex again?"

No, he jumped up. Look Edward, between Alice, Jasper and myself we have more relationship experience then the years you have been around. We've had good relationships and bad. Human and vampire and we know that it's not that easy to walk away.

There will never be another Bella, Edward. He said it like I didn't know it. And you're never going to feel this way again. We don't change once we find our mates and as people who care about you and love you and have spend half a century or better with you and see the difference that she has made we love her too. And we want you both to be happy.

We know that you are trying to protect her and not be selfish and give her everything and all that crap but maybe the only thing she wants is you. He shrugged. You have what? Three days before you make the biggest mistake of your very long life? Stop thinking and just go with what you feel.

He didn't say anything else and neither did I. I sat on the couch in the room and watched as he watched a movie but my mind was down the hall with Bella. Could Emmett be right? Could they all be right? Was I missing something here? Were they?

Was it so wrong to want Bella to be happy and safe and human? There were so many things that I would end up taking away from her if I changed her into a vampire. So many things that she would never be able to have all because I couldn't let her go. Did I really have the right to do that? Wasn't it wrong of me to consider it?

But could I really walk away from her? I had been thinking about it for days now and every time I saw myself running back to her. I saw Jasper's words coming true. Not being able to control myself and killing her. I saw the pain of that one moment and despair filled me.

I didn't want to leave her. I didn't want to trust that she would be fine without me. I didn't want to think that some nameless, faceless guy would one day win her heart and I would be nothing more than a painful memory. I wanted to keep her with me always and take care of her and be the one that always had her heart. But wasn't that selfish?

Hey, we gotta go, Emmett was standing in front of me.

"What?" I looked around. When had the light started to come out?

We need to hunt before Bella wakes up and it gets sunny, he was walking toward the door.

I followed not thinking at all. Alice and Jasper where waiting in the lobby and we all took off in the van. I went through the motions of finding something that would fill me but not caring what it was. I was back at the car before anyone else and I was thankful that none of them said anything on the ride back. I went to Bella's room and knocked on the door but there was no answer. I waited hoping that she was just sleep but still no answer.

Come on Edward let her rest, Emmett called me back into his room. I wanted to see her but short of breaking down the door there was nothing I could do so I went back to the couch and sat there waiting for Bella to wake up.

It felt like years before Emmett's cell phone rang and Alice was telling us that it would be to sunny to go out. I got up and was about to go to Bella's room when Emmett stopped me.

She's not there

I turned on him. "Where is she?" If Alice had taken her I would rip her apart.

I don't know, he closed the phone, Alice just said to tell you that Bella wasn't in her room and that she wouldn't be back until late.

I swung the door open and ran vampire speed to her door. I banged on it until Jasper opened up. "You're going to break the door Edward."

I didn't care as I stormed past him looking for Alice. "Where is she?" I asked.

I don't know, she shrugged. She came by here earlier and asked if she could borrow my laptop and the keys to the van.

"And you gave them to her?" Bella didn't know her way around this town. What if something happened and I couldn't get to her because of the damn sun?

She's not our prisoner, she snapped. And unlike some people I don't go around making decisions for others.

"No you just go around telling them what to do" I wasn't in the mood for another round with Alice. We had never fought like this and I hated it but I couldn't forget her threat to change Bella without me. "Where is she Alice?"

I don't know

"Then look for her" I demanded.

And what are you going to do when I find her? She crossed her arms in front of her chest. Run out all sparkly in the sun and drag her back here?

"If I have to" The last thing I cared about now was keep our secret. If Bella was in danger I would expose us all to save her.

Alice searched the future and found Bella at a coffee shop down the street. She was sitting there with the laptop open and concentrating on whatever she was typing. She looked tired and I didn't want to think that she hadn't slept because of our conversation last night. The scene shifted and Bella was walking through a park just staring at her feet and then she was back.

Nothing to worry about, Alice smirked.

"We'll see" I left and went down to the lobby. I would sit here all day if that was how long Bella was gone but I wasn't letting her shut me out again.

I watched as people came in and went out and the sun started to set. It was getting later and later and Bella still wasn't back. I began to get nervous. What if she had changed her mind and Alice had missed it? Something could have happened on the way back and Bella could need me. I was just about to go looking for her when she walked back in.

"Thank God" I was at her side in an instant. I didn't even care if anyone had noticed me move. "Where have you been?"

"Out" She kept walking and didn't look at me at all.

"That's it?" I put my hands on her shoulders to stop her.

"Yes" She went to turn but I held her still.

"Bella you can't go out like that." I explained. "Especially during the day with the sun. Anything could have happened and I wouldn't have been able to get to you."

Her eyes narrowed and she looked as if she could spit venom. "Now you're telling me when I can go out?" She fairly hissed. "Stop treating me like a child Edward. I can go where I want, when I want and there is nothing you can do about it." She backed away from me. "And if you are so worried about something happening to me then maybe you shouldn't be so willing to drop me off and run away." She started walking again.

"Bella" I walked after her. "Bella I'm just trying to do what's right."

"Sure Edward." She stood bone straight as she waited for the elevator.

We rode up in complete silence. She didn't stop at her room but went to Alice's to return the laptop. "Was it helpful?" Alice asked with a smile.

"Very" Bella nodded and then kissed her on the cheek. "You're a great sister." Alice beamed up at her and then scowled at me.

"See you in the morning." Bella said and then turned toward her room. I followed like a little puppy dog intend on talking more once we got inside. I would make her understand but when we got to the door she didn't open it but turned to me. "Goodnight Edward."

"Goodnight?" This was the second night that she was turning me away.

"Yes, goodnight" She didn't move. "If you're going to basically dupe me in three days then what would be the point of us being together now?"

"Bella don't do this." I begged. I would get down on my hands and knees if I had to. I had counted on those days; needed those days to get as much of her as I could to last a lifetime.

"Sorry Edward but you can't have your cake and eat it too. Either you are going to treat me like an equal and recognize that I should have a say in my life or you can just start getting use to not having me earlier than you had expected. It's your call."

"Bella I'm just trying not to hurt you."

"Then don't" I could see that she wasn't as composed as she was trying to be. "Don't let me go. If you want me then want me. Not just for three days but for forever."

"I do" Why could no one understand?

"Are you still planning on leaving me in Florida?" I didn't say anything. "That's what I thought. So there's nothing more to say." With that she opened the door and went inside shutting it firmly behind her.

I was three seconds from knocking it down when Jasper and Emmett appeared at my side. Don't do it man, Emmett said as Jasper sent out a wave of calm.

It won't end well if you do, Jasper was shaking his head. Alice has seen it.

"Then what do I do?" I looked from one to the other.

"Let her be" Jasper told me.

"That's it?"

"Edward we didn't start this; you did." Emmet was turning me toward his room. "You are the one that made the decision to walk away from her. Not me or Alice or Jasper or even Bella and yet your taking it out on all of us."

"Because no one understands." I almost yelled.

"Shouldn't that be a clue?" Jasper was standing with his hand folded.

"A clue about what?"

"That you need to pull your head out of your ass", Emmett jumped in.

"Basically", Jasper agreed. "She's right. You can't expect her to let you play the boyfriend for three days and then leave her all alone. What is the point in that?"

"That we get to have three more days; possibly more. We could stay in Florida for a few days."

"To what end Edward?" Jasper asked. "Can't you see how easily two days becomes two weeks and then two months? You're never going to want to leave her."

"It will get easier." I had to believe that.

"No it won't", Emmett shook his head. "You don't have to be Alice to see that. She's your mate. She's changed you and there is no way that you are ever going to be able to be away from her. Not for any long period of time. Why can't you accept that?"

"Because I can't take her soul" I cried. "I can't damn her to this."

"Then you damn her to something else", Jasper's spoke softly. "You damn her to pain and loss and heartbreak. Edward I felt her emotions and they are stronger than the average human. She isn't going to be able to get over this."

I wanted to cry. I wanted to run to Bella and hold her and cry out my frustration and confusion. I was losing her earlier than I should; earlier than I wanted. What I wanted was to make whatever promises would keep her with me but I couldn't. She deserved so much more than this life. Maybe this was for the better. Maybe it would be easier this way, a clean break. I didn't want to think about if my brothers were right.

"It is better this way" I stood. I needed to get out of this hotel. I couldn't spend another night staring into space while Bella was right down the hall from me. "This way she can have closer."

You're an ass, Emmett stared at me and Jasper didn't say a word. They both let me walk out of the room and neither followed.

I went outside and walked around the city for a while. It was dark enough now that no one would notice my skin. I tried my best not to let my mind wander back to Bella but I couldn't help it. Every store I passed I saw something in the window that would look great on Bella or that she should have. Every place I saw seemed to remind me of someplace we had already been.

I wasn't going to be able to do this. I wasn't going to be able to spend the next sixty to seventy years seeing Bella's face everywhere I went. But did I have the strength to make her mine? Could she really understand what she would be giving up? How fast she could come to resent me for ending her human life.

I turned back to the hotel and went for my car. Maybe a drive would clear my mind. I opened the door and Bella's wonderful scent accosted me. This was never going to work. I sat there with my head in my hands and my eyes closed. Even with nothing but her scent I could see her. I could see her smile, her laugh, those amazing eyes and I could see Alice's vision. I could see Bella ghostly pale with yellowed eyes and laughing next to me. I could see it and I wanted it. I wanted it so bad I could taste it. Bella beside me forever; never having to let her go; holding her every night; who wouldn't want that?

No, I stood up. I could do this. I could be strong. For Bella I could do anything, even if that meant causing her pain. She would hate me now but one day she would find the right person that could give her everything I couldn't. One day this would all be right. I had to believe that because God help me if I was wrong.

AN: Boy Edward can really miss the point sometimes :). I just wanted to take a moment and say thanks for all the wonderful comments that I have been getting in your reviews. I'm glad that you are enjoying this story and I can't wait to hear what you think of this chapter. So without further ado press that little green review button and I'll see you in chapter 15.

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