Disclaimer: No, I don't own Grey's Anatomy. Merely borrowing.
A/N: Thanks everyone who read and/or reviewed the last chapter! I love hearing your take on this (: I know I said this was going to be a two-shot, so really you shouldn't believe me when I say this, but seriously, only one more chapter left until the end (I think!) I'm trying to find a way to finish this that will satisfy both Mark/Lexie fans and Lexie/Jackson fans, because I think I've fallen for Jackson myself, so I want to be nice to the poor guy. More Jackson love! Anyway, no more silliness; I hope this is okay, I'm still a bit unsure of how it turned out, so please, let me know what you think! (:
It is the first time Mark has sex since Callie, since Lexie found out, since he fucked up the best thing that had ever happened to him.
It's strange and different and he doesn't care much for it but he does it regardless because right now, he needed to feel something besides anger and jealousy and regret. He needs to get the image of Avery hugging Lexie out of his mind and so he looks down at the blond below him and fucks the image out of his head.
After the woman leaves – he never bothered asking her name – Mark closes his eyes and sees them. Avery, Lexie, sitting together and laughing and unconsciously, Mark's jaw locks up and he clenches his fists. Perhaps he is being unreasonable and maybe Derek is right, maybe they are just friends, but then, Mark thinks, he and Lexie started as just friends.
Slipping into a restless sleep, Mark dreams of Lexie. For a while, everything is perfect. She smiles at him and touches him and kisses him and this is what Mark wants, this is the Lexie he needs, not the broken woman he faces in his reality, the reality he caused.
But then, everything is disrupted by a pair of tanned arms wrapping around Lexie's waist, pulling her away from him.
Mark's eyes snap open. His pager goes off a second later.
Rolling out bed, Mark makes a vow that if Jackson fucking Avery crosses his path tonight, the kid was going down.
Mark wasn't giving up, not yet.
She is on his service and briefly a thought flutters across Mark's mind and he is tempted to unload her on someone else but then, a voice at the back of his mind tells him to grow the fuck up (it must be a twisted coincidence that is sounds like Callie).
Lexie only talks to him when necessary and finds any excuse to leave any rooms he is in. He doesn't ask her to scrub in on the surgery and she looks almost relieved.
Mark is about to leave that night when he sees her sitting alone in the locker room and something causes him to pause. He looks down at his hand and immediately decides to ignore the fading bruising that Lexie caused. He deserved it, he knows that.
Taking a deep breath, Mark knocks on the doorframe and when she doesn't outwardly respond, he slowly walks into the room, shutting the door behind him.
"Hey," he says quietly, and it is then that Lexie responds. Her back straightens and she visibly tenses, but she doesn't say anything. She doesn't look at him, and Mark isn't that surprised. "How're you?"
The question is pathetic, he knows that, but he needs to say something to fill the awkward silence that is threatening to consume them. Mark watches as Lexie gives a small shrug and replies quietly, "Fine."
It's a lie. They both know that, but he doesn't pry.
Instead, Mark moves to sit down at the other end of the bench, his face turned to look at her. Taking in her pale face and tired eyes, Mark wants to pull her into his warmth but refrains. He didn't want to make her angry, the last time that happened; his hand got slammed in a door.
Mark is about to ask her why she is still here, when Lexie's low voice asks, "Are you still seeing her?"
Mark doesn't need to ask who she is referring to. It's obvious, a bit too painfully obvious.
"No," Mark says. "Not in the way you think I am."
Lexie knows she should be pleased with his answer – after all it meant he wasn't sleeping with Callie – but his answer just showed her that there was a place in his heart that she could never touch. Before this had happened, before it seemed like she had lost everything, she didn't care that they were best friends. Of course, it had annoyed her at the start because regardless of Callie's sexuality, walking around nearly naked in front of Mark was completely uncalled for. It caused Lexie to feel insecure and at first, she told herself that she had nothing to worry about. She shouldn't care, because Mark didn't care. But now Lexie thinks dimly, she had a reason to feel insecure. She had a valid reason to feel insecure around Callie because at the end of it, it had happened.
They had slept together.
And now, Mark was still seeing her. He was still friends with her. After all of that, he was still comfortable with her. She was still clutching at the far corners of his heart, a place where Lexie will never reach, and that thought alone caused a fire to rage through her.
Lexie shakes her head in disbelief before she stands up from her seat. She looks down at Mark and for a moment, seeing him look up at her with an expression that conveyed all of his emotions, Lexie is tempted to pull him into a hug and never let him go. She didn't want this, she didn't want to be alone and away from him, but it was unfair of her to have to bargain her way back into a relationship with him. She couldn't stand to be with him if he was still that close with Callie, because in Lexie's mind it was all too clear – if they were still friends, they would cheat again. And Lexie's fragilely repaired heart couldn't handle that.
For once, she was allowed to be selfish.
Lexie makes her way to the door before she pauses and turns around. She watches as Mark stands up and when he opens his mouth to speak, Lexie whispers, "And that's the way it's always going to be, isn't it?"
Yes.
The response comes automatically to Mark, but he doesn't want to say it. He doesn't want it to be true, he doesn't want to ruin any hope of making things right with Lexie, but what was he supposed to do? Callie was his best friend. Sure, he could lie to Lexie, but he didn't want to rebuild their relationship on lies.
Mark's face reflects the steel in his voice as he calmly, and almost painfully says, "Yes."
And that's it.
That is all it takes for Lexie to turn her back on any hope of a relationship with Mark Sloan.
They don't speak for three weeks.
Lexie ignores him at the hospital, and trades places with anyone willing when she has to be on his service. Jackson reminds her that she's being immature and stupid, but Lexie doesn't care. She can't handle it. She can't stand the sight of him.
He does try to speak to her, though. Nearly every night at Joe's, Mark begins walking towards her but when Lexie looks up and sees him, Mark pauses, stares at her, and then swiftly turns on his heel and walks back in the opposite direction.
He doesn't want to disturb her. It's obvious that she doesn't want to be with him anymore, so although he tries, something always stops him. It's a nagging voice at the back of his mind that tells him he shouldn't waste his time on her, that he was better than her, and that there were plenty of other willing women in Seattle.
What was so special about Lexie fucking Grey?
Although Mark thinks that voice is an idiot, he continues to listen to it.
And so for three weeks, Lexie and Mark don't speak.
One night, Meredith convinces Lexie to stay at home to have dinner with her and Derek. On the rare occasions that they all have a night off, Lexie somehow always manages to make an escape to have dinner and a couple of drinks with Jackson. Playing gooseberry to the married couple never was high on Lexie's to-do list.
This night however, Meredith has cornered Lexie before she has the chance to escape. "But Mere," Lexie begins, sounding like a child, "I told Jacks–"
"Lexie," Meredith cuts her off, her arms crossed over her chest. "I'm pulling the bigger sister card," she states as she walks up to Lexie and takes her jacket and car keys from her. "You're not seeing Jackson, you're going to be nice and have dinner with your sister and brother-in-law!"
When Meredith smiles triumphantly and walks away towards the kitchen, Lexie narrows her eyes at her sister's retreating back. Oh, now she wants family time, Lexie thinks dryly as she sighs and pulls out her cell phone. Quickly texting an apology to Jackson, Lexie makes sure to add in that her sister is a 'happy, crazy lunatic.'
Sliding her phone into her jeans pocket, Lexie looks up to see Derek bounce down the stairs. "Hey Derek," she says as she passes him to walk towards the kitchen.
"Oh hey Lexie," Derek says as he follows her. He pauses when they enter the kitchen to see Meredith at the counter, slowly chopping carrots. Frowning, Derek turns to Lexie, "I thought you were going to see Jackson?"
"No, she is not," Meredith says as she points a carrot at Lexie. Dropping the carrot onto the table, Meredith rolls up her sleeves and says, "She's staying for dinner. Family dinner."
Lexie looks at Derek and when he raises his eyebrow, Lexie looks back at Meredith and asks timidly, "Y-You…aren't cooking, are you Mere?"
Straightening slightly, Meredith narrows her eyes at Lexie. "Of course I am, and that's why you have to stay for dinner." Looking down, Meredith continues her work as she says, "You've been so miserable what with this Mark situation and I thought, seeing as we all have the night off, we can have a nice family dinner to cheer you up."
Lexie is about to make a comment about food poisoning when Derek laughs and moves to stand behind Meredith. Slowly pulling the knife away from her, he kisses the top of her head before muttering, "Move over."
Sighing in relief, Lexie rolls up her own sleeves and moves to help Derek, effectively cutting Meredith off from any kitchen utensils. Looking up at her sister, Lexie motions to the kitchen stool. "Go on, sit down. We've got this."
As Meredith watches Lexie smile with Derek as she begins to chop an onion, a small smile creeps onto her features.
Family dinner.
The doorbell rings just as they sit down to dinner, causing Derek to frown. "Now what?"
Meredith shrugs and motions to Lexie. "You can get that," she says sweetly before she starts eating, which causes Lexie to roll her eyes.
Lexie is tempted to argue that Meredith is closest to the door, but she refrains. Getting up from her seat, Lexie makes her way to door and when she opens it, she is tempted to slam it shut automatically.
This was some serious déjà vu.
Scratching the back of his neck, Mark smiles sheepishly. "Hi."
Lexie opens her mouth and then closes it when no sound comes out. Clearing her throat, she leans against the doorframe nervously. "W-What are you doing here?"
"Er…Meredith…She er, invited me for dinner," Mark says and when Lexie's eyes widen, Mark realizes that Meredith failed to mention this to Lexie. "I-I'm sorry, she said you had gone out for the night because if I knew…"
I wouldn't have come.
The words float between them and Lexie doesn't know whether to be thankful or offended.
"Lexie!"
The sound of Meredith's voice causes Lexie to roll her eyes. Looking up at Mark, she smiles apologetically. "Sometimes, I really hate her."
Mark chuckles slightly. "Yeah, well, I don't blame you."
Smiling slightly, Lexie pulls away and motions for him to come in. "Come on then, we wouldn't want the food to get cold."
After a painfully slow dinner, Lexie escapes into the kitchen to do the dishes. She doesn't speak to Meredith when she offers her apologies. When Meredith huffs and walks away, Lexie smiles slightly. She's not angry; not really, she just liked watching Meredith grovel.
For what it was worth, the dinner had been relatively calm, long–far too long for Lexie's liking–and awkward most of the time, but it was bearable. It was…
Lexie wants to say nice, but she thinks that's being far too hopeful.
"Hey, let me help you."
Coming up behind her, Mark nudges her slightly, making Lexie stumble and nearly drop the plate she's holding. Shaking her head automatically, Lexie smiles slightly when he begins to roll up the sleeves of his shirt. "It's fine, really."
Blatantly ignoring her, Mark easily takes the plate from her and begins to run it under the flowing tap. "I'm here now," he replies simply. He doesn't look at her when he remarks, "You can go now."
She doesn't want to, not really, she wants to help him because this is what they did before. Of course, back then it would end with Lexie's shirt drenched with soapy water, her back pushed against the kitchen counter as Mark proceeded to slide the wet material from her body.
But that was in the past.
Now, she could leave. She didn't need to stay in here with him. Really, he was trying to deflate the awkwardness from their situation by telling her to go, and perhaps Lexie should be thankful, but…
"It's okay," Lexie says quietly as she wipes her hand on a dishcloth. "I'll do the drying," she says, reaching out to take the now clean plate from Mark's hand.
With her head down, Lexie doesn't catch the smile on Mark's face as he waits to hand her another plate.
The next day, Mark is in the elevator with Derek, not really paying attention to what the other man is saying, when the doors open and Lexie walks in, her face partially covered by her hair as she reads the file in her hand.
"Hey Lex," Derek says, causing Lexie's head to shoot up in surprise.
"Oh," she squeaks, before chuckling slightly. Her eyes dart between Derek and Mark as she smiles. "Hi."
Smiling slightly, Derek glances quickly to Mark, who has taken to staring at the numbers above the door. When the doors open again, Derek takes this as his cue to leave. He can walk up the stairs instead.
Encased by silence, Lexie watches out of the corner of her eye as Mark's eyes remain steady on the elevator numbers. She wants to say something, something casual and friendly, something to show Mark that she isn't mad at him anymore, and that after he had gone home last night, she had spent a long time thinking about their situation, and really, she isn't angry at him anymore. It still hurt, but then Lexie thinks it will always hurt, a dull throb at the pit of her heart, but now, it was…bearable. She didn't want to punch him or cry or shout, she just…missed him. Lexie knows now that she misses talking to him, she misses hugging him and well, she just misses him.
Even though Lexie wants to say something, the elevator, the world's slowest elevator, somehow reaches her floor before she has worked up the confidence to speak.
When she sighs and exits the elevator, Mark frowns slightly.
When did the elevators in Seattle Grace Mercy West become fast?
Lexie waits for Jackson to exit a patient's room before she rushes up to him and blurts out, "I should talk to him."
Nodding his head, Jackson places the patient's file at the nurses' station before he begins walking towards the elevators. "Okay," he drawls slowly and then looks down at Lexie. "Lunch?"
Lexie doesn't respond to his request, far too troubled by her new found realization. Following him into the elevator, Lexie sighs and announces, "Okay. Okay…I'm going to talk to him."
"Sure," Jackson replies casually as he stares at the doors.
"Don't sound too enthused, Jackson," Lexie counters dryly. Leaning against the back wall, Lexie bites her thumb nail as she mutters, "I'm not angry with him anymore. Before…Just seeing him made me angry but now…It's okay." Letting out a deep breath, Lexie drops her arm to her side and straightens slightly. "I-I think I'm over it."
Initially, Jackson wants to tell her that she is merely trying to believe a lie, but he doesn't speak. Jackson knows that despite Lexie's initial indecisiveness, if she really wanted something, Lexie would act upon her feelings, regardless of what he told her. If she wanted to talk to Sloan, there was nothing Jackson could do about it. The thought makes Jackson's stomach clench in the most unpleasant way.
Swallowing hard, Jackson looks down at Lexie who is frowning slightly, obviously going through the pros and cons in her mind. "If you're really sure, then you should do it, Lex," Jackson says quietly, causing Lexie to deflate slightly.
Looking up at him with wide eyes, Lexie bites the corner of her bottom lip as she asks, "What if he doesn't want to speak to me?"
Jackson cannot help the small chuckle that escapes his lips. "Really, Grey?" Shaking his head in dismay, Jackson watches as the elevator doors slide open and then motions for Lexie to leave. Once outside, Jackson nudges Lexie slightly before replying, "You're an idiot. Of course he wants to speak to you. He wouldn't be making the effort if he didn't." When Lexie frowns slightly, Jackson clarifies, "Have you not seen him at Joe's? The guy walks towards us, stops, and then turns around again. It's obvious he wants to talk to you, he's just too fucking afraid."
At first Lexie wants to defend Mark's actions, but truthfully, she knows that Mark is afraid, because she is afraid too. As they step into the lunchroom, Lexie stops mid-step at the sight of Mark at a table in the far corner with Owen and Teddy. Immediately, she steps closer to Jackson, in the vain hope that his body will cause her own to disappear from sight.
"Grey…" Jackson starts slowly before he grabs two trays and proceeds to place two sandwiches and juice boxes on each tray. Glancing at Lexie, who is fixed to his side, Jackson rolls his eyes before muttering, "He probably hasn't noticed you."
Craning her neck to the side, Lexie takes a quick look at Mark before her head snaps back to hide behind Jackson. "I can feel his eyes on me, Jackson," Lexie whispers harshly as she shuffles alongside him. When Jackson starts moving to a table in the middle of the room, Lexie squeaks and drags him in the opposite direction, the pair opting to sit at a table in the far corner of the room.
Sighing, Lexie sits down and ducks her head slightly, causing Jackson to rolls his eyes. "You're crazy," he mutters before he takes a bite of his sandwich. "Remind me why I'm still friends with you?"
"Because you love me," Lexie replies nonchalantly. Carefully glancing up, Lexie feels her heart slam in her chest when her eyes lock with Mark's.
"Fuck," she mutters before she looks down at her tray. Taking a deep breath, Lexie slowly unwraps her sandwich before she says, "I know I should talk to him because I've noticed, too. He thinks I don't notice him looking at me but I do, God, I do. I-It's like his eyes, they're always on me. Here, at Joe's…" Her voice lowers to a harsh whisper as she says, "I-It's all the time, Jackson. He's just there and it doesn't make me angry. I-I miss him. I-I want…" Breaking off, Lexie shakes her head and takes a large bite of her sandwich. Her head bops up and down slightly as she chews, her eyes narrowed, when finally, she comes to a conclusion. Looking up at Jackson, who is staring at her with an unreadable expression, Lexie states, "I should go over and talk to him."
Once again, Jackson's gut tightens and he has to take a large gulp from his juice box to push down his heart from his throat. "Okay," Jackson replies slowly, his eyes focused on Lexie's. "If you're sure."
Although her lips shake slightly, Lexie gives him a small nod and replies quietly, "I am."
Jackson chooses to ignore the pain that rips through his chest and instead focuses on his food. After a moment, he looks up to see Lexie staring at him, her forehead creased in concentration. Quirking up an eyebrow, Jackson drawls, "Isn't this the part where you're supposed to move?"
Lexie's mouth twitches slightly before she huffs, "I did move." Her eyes glance down at her hand which is resting on the table and then back up to Jackson. "My hand moved closer to the right." Shrugging her shoulder, Lexie sighs, "I'm getting there. I-I'll get there. Eventually."
Nodding slowly, Jackson lets out a low whistle before he takes another bite of his sandwich. "And hopefully you'll get there sometime this century."
"Shut up."
Jackson smirks at Lexie before he drops his sandwich. "Do you need picking up? Really, if you need the help, I will pick you up and drop you in front of him. Then, you guys can talk."
Lexie narrows her eyes at him, and if she didn't love them as much as she did, Lexie would have thrown her juice box at his head. "You're not being helpful, Jackson."
Jackson shrugs and leans back in his plastic chair. Folding his arms over his chest, he argues, "And you and this situation are not healthy. You want to talk to him, he wants to talk to you, so go over there and just do it. If you really want to sort out this mess out, then go over and talk to him now." When Lexie opens her mouth to reply, Jackson cuts her off effectively with his rough voice, "Stop complaining, Grey. You want him. I don't know why you would ever want to go near him again but," Jackson cuts himself off and sighs. "Look, just talk to him."
In the silence that follows, Lexie stares at Jackson and when her eyes drift to the side to look at Mark, Jackson slams his hand down on the table, causing Lexie to jump.
"And stop staring at him, Grey, it's like you're some psycho stalker."
Lexie's eyes widen in shock as she shrieks, "I am not!"
Letting out a snort, Jackson rolls his eyes and challenges her. "Then stop hiding in dark corners and go talk to him."