CHAPTER 15: Worth It

Bella POV

"This isn't working Alice" I was frustrated and I missed Edward.

It had only been two real days and I was going out of my mind. I hated that I was hurting him and I hated that I was holding myself back but I could think of nothing else. He had to know what it would be like without me. But every time I saw him I just wanted to run into his arms.

I had cried myself to sleep that first night and had left the hotel just so I didn't rush to him in the morning. I had done the homework that was needed and sent it in and then gone for a walk to clear my mind and renew my strength but it had taken all my resolve to turn him away again. I wanted him with me and I wanted his arms around me and I want to spend every night with him next to me but we wouldn't if I had given in.

We hadn't stayed in Chattanooga long after that. The next day Emmett had taken us to where his family's ranch was and was pissed to see that it had been flatten and turned into a mall. Alice on the other hand had been overjoyed. She had grabbed my hand and led me inside to every store they had. After that Emmett wasn't in the mood to see anymore so we checked out of the hotel and went back on the road. I had ridden with Alice and Emmett in the van and let Jasper ride with Edward in his car. The look he got on his face when I said I wanted to go with them had almost made me change my mind but Alice had pulled me away before I could say the wrong thing.

Now we were in Atlanta and getting ready to go out and nothing had changed. "What if he never changes his mind?" I was in Alice's room and she was doing something to my hair that had taken the better part of an hour.

"He will" She seemed so confident. "We just have to give him some time."

"But we don't have time" I stood not caring if she was done or not. "We'll be in Florida tomorrow."

"I know" The look she gave me didn't look nearly as confident as her voice had sounded.

"You're not sure are you?" I accused. "You can still see him leaving me?"

"Yes" She shook her head. "But I can also still see you as one of us. That's a good thing."

"Alice" I whined. "You only see that because you're decided that I will be. I know that you said you would change me but I want him to do it. I want him to want to keep me. It doesn't work without him and I wouldn't want it without him either."

"I know but you have to let him work it out in for himself." She walked over and put her arm on my shoulder. "And if all else fails then both of you will just have to suck it up because I am not spending eternity without my best friend."

I smiled at her. She really was a great person. "Thanks Alice"

"No problem." She gave me a quick hug. "Now sit back down and let me finish your hair."

I sat back down but my mind stayed glued to the problem at hand, Edward. For some reason I didn't doubt that he loved me or that he wanted me with him even if it didn't make sense or I had doubted it before, but I couldn't understand why he would leave me. Alice and Emmett had told me all about how Edward had been before meeting me on the ride down here and I couldn't understand why he would want to go back to that. Was this really about protecting me or was there something more? Maybe he didn't love me enough.

Eternity is a long time to stay with just one person. To dedicate your life to loving that person. Maybe he wasn't sure if he could love me that long. I mean right now I was something new. Something different and I smelled all good and tasty but maybe he wasn't sure if he would still want me after I was changed. When I smelled different and I wasn't so soft and fragile. Maybe he had some kind of superhero complex and didn't think I would be as fun when he didn't have to rush in a save me all the time.

Or maybe I was just reading too much into this. Maybe it was really as simple as he was trying to convince everyone that it was and maybe he really was trying to protect me. I could understand that but it was the leaving that confused me. If he really thought that I was in so much danger than why would he leave? He had to know that if one of his kind came looking for me there was no way that I could defend myself. For Pete's sake he pushed a van away with his hand. How could I stand a chance against that?

And what about regular everyday problems? It wasn't something supernatural that caused that van to almost squish me in the first place. Just good old fashion normal snow. I was a klutz. Didn't he realize that anything could happen to me? I could trip down the stairs here and fall through a window or step into the elevator and somehow miss the cart. I could walk outside and get hit by a car just as easily as I could walk out and nothing happen. There were no guarantees that I would be safe even if I had never met him.

So how did I make him see that? Should I put myself in harm's way or would that just be foolish? Foolish I think but there had to be a way. Because I didn't want to stay in Florida, I wanted to go back to Forks of all places with my new friends and the love of my life.

"All done" Alice beamed as she spun me around. I had to admit that my hair did look really good. She had put waves into it and then pinned up the front so that it looked a little messy but was a well put together ponytail and let the back dangle down. It went with the outfit that she had picked out that I never would have thought to wear but I trusted Alice.

We went downstairs and the guys were waiting for us. They all rose when we walked over and I chanced a glance just in time to see Edward draw in a deep breath. He was looking me up and down and I could only hope that he liked what Alice had done.

"Let's go sightseeing" Alice's bubbly personality poured out and she grabbed Jaspers hand and walked to the door with the three of us behind her.

We walked through the town of Atlanta mostly. Looking around at all the historical landmarks and new additions. It was like walking with open history books. They were able to tell me from memory what all had really changed and what some things had looked like when they were first build. They had stories for some of the lesser known spots and laughs about other places that I had never heard of. It had been this way for most of the trip but for some reason, maybe because it was almost over, this one seemed more special.

We had made it to the memorial and burial site of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and as we stood across not going in I was touched by the fact that these four people had been here. Not just when he was killed but before. They had seen segregation and wars. Jasper alone had fought for the south during the Civil War. What did they think now seeing the world as it is? Did they accept everyone for who they were or where the old ideas still present? I had always been raised by Renee to not judge anyone based on anything but their actions. Did the Cullens feel the same way?

"What's wrong Bella?" Jasper asked standing closer to me than he ever had. He looked as if he wanted to comfort me somehow but wasn't sure what I needed. Edward looked up at his words and took a step closer but stopped himself before he could continue. His brow was drawn together as he looked at me and I could see that he didn't like that his brother was the one next to me. "You're confused."

"It's nothing." I started to wave it off but then I really wanted to know. "I was just wondering what was going through your minds standing here. When you've seen so much of life before Dr. King and after; how do you feel? Did you agree with him?" It was strange that this point was more important to me than any other.

Of course Alice spoke first. "Well, I don't remember my human life so I don't remember women not being able to vote or being thought of as better than someone just because of what or who I was." She shrugged. "And then I woke up I was in this strange world that didn't relate to normal life so I never really had to think about it. But being that I was in some sort of institution before for having visions I always felt sorry for those that were jailed just for speaking out. I couldn't remember it but I can't believe that being locked away was better for anyone than having freedom."

"I remember my family being sure that they were better but I don't remember if that was just because we were white in the south or if it was because we had the biggest farm in the county." Emmett voiced next. "But being a…" He stopped and looked around. "Being different I can understand just wanting to be accepted. To not be judged just by how you look. We are and although we need that so that human, well smart human" he ruffled my hair "stay away I still sometimes wish that they wouldn't look at us and automatically think something bad."

Edward was looking at me as he spoke. "I guess it was different for me growing up in Chicago. My parent weren't that political even with my father being a lawyer. They were more about keeping your head down and doing your job. Plus I was so focused on going off to war that I really didn't notice anything else going on in the world around me."

"But after I was changed and I started to see things with different eyes I understood their struggle. I could hear the thought around me both good and bad and I realized that it wasn't just ideas they were fighting it was years of miscommunication, anger and evil." He was nodding his head. "If I had been able to I would have helped as much as I could but there was just so much that we could do being what and who we are."

"What about you Jasper?" I looked to him. "You fought against acceptance."

"I didn't think about it that way at the time." He smiled and I thought I heard just a little bit more of his accent coming forth. "To me it was just about fighting for my country. I didn't like the idea of us being separated and I thought that was all the North wanted. But looking back I can see that I had my own ideas about slavery and black people." His voice was almost a whisper by the last part.

"Their African-Americans now" Emmett corrected him.

"Thanks" Jasper gave him a dry look. "The point is that I guess I didn't see anything wrong with what we were doing. There was work to be done and we needed someone to do it and they were available. But then I was changed and essentially became a slave myself. A slave to Maria; a slave to the vampire wars we had; a slave to my thirst and almost a hundred years later I am still trying to find a way to live with it. I could understand them better now. They didn't choose to be brought here and made to work for us and I didn't choose to be turned and made to fight just for more land; more blood."

"In the end I realized that what we had done was wrong." He was smiling. "I still love my Confederacy but I'm glad we lost."

I smiled at them. This was what I had needed to hear. "Thanks"

"No problem" Jasper put his hand on my shoulder and I felt the calm wash over me.

We walked some more and talked more about the different changes. I saw Edward looking over at me more than at the space that we were walking but I had too much on my mind to think about him this time.

If I succeeded and Edward changed me what would I remember? What differences could the world achieve in the next fifty years or a hundred? Would I be able to keep up? There were so many things that I still needed to learn and I wondered if I would be able to do them as a vampire. I knew from their experience that I could go to school but what about beyond that. Edward had multiple doctor's degrees but he had never really be able to practice medicine because of his age and his bloodlust. Would that be the same for me?

I would be frozen at seventeen. I wouldn't age or change or anything. I couldn't go out and get a job after college or move out on my own. And repeating high school over and over sounded miserable. I wasn't all that excited to go back now. Was I ready to sacrifice that? And then there were my parents. Could I really never see Charlie and Renee again? I had thought about this before but now it seemed more real to me as I was campaigning for this change. What would I tell them? How could I explain?

I wasn't watching where I was going and my foot caught on something in the street. I braced myself for the concrete but it never came. Two strong cold arms were wrapped around me and something solid and hard was at my back.

"I got you" His velvet voice whispered in my ear and I turned my head to look into his brilliant topaz eyes. Alice had been right, this is my favorite color.

"Yes you do" and as I said the words I knew they were true. He did have me completely and irrevocably. There was no change to come. He could leave me right now and I would still love him until my last breath. There would be no one else. All those things that he worried I would be giving up to join him, age, and family, career, suddenly they meant nothing. Because I wouldn't want them without him. I didn't want anything without him.

It was funny how clear it became and how quickly. All my thoughts and worried simply faded away. I knew with everything that I was that I was meant to be with him and that I would do whatever it took to stay with him. I would even let Alice change me. It didn't matter as long as we were together.

He sat me on my feet and backed away never taking his eyes off me. I stood there paralyzed by my realization. I watched as he walked away toward the hotel obviously not interested in touring anymore but it didn't matter.

"Alice" I whispered.

"I know" She smiled at me. "I know."

I smiled back. I could only imagine what she had seen in that moment. My decision had been so clear. "When?"

"We'll know when it's right." She put her arm around me. "Let's finish the tour. I have plans for us tonight."

"Plans?"

"Absolutely" She was smiling bigger. "It might not take as much time as I originally thought."

"Really?"

She tapped her head. "Haven't you learned to trust me yet Bella?"

I smiled following behind her and Jasper. I would trust her and I would trust my feelings but mostly I would trust my decisions. Edward would change his mind all I had to do was be patient. Too bad that had never been one of my virtues. So I would work on it because he was worth it. I smiled to myself as I saw our future. Edward was worth everything.

AN: There you go. I hope that you liked this chapter as much as I did although I will admit that my favorite is coming up next. And I know you are going to hate me but you are going to have to wait until next week to read it. But I do have a little preview over on my new blog. Go check it out and don't forget to review.

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