Part 3

3 days later

Syed stepped out of the shower. As he dried himself off, he caught sight of the marks on his upper arms where he had been cutting himself.

The shirt he was wearing today only just covered them but now the weather was getting warmer he didn't want to wear a long-sleeved one. He buttoned it up and finished dressing.

Today there was a wedding reception at the Vic and they were doing the food. His mum was going to help him. Syed suspected this was so she could keep an eye on him and Christian. He doubted they would even be allowed to talk with her breathing down their necks.

The food was all set out in the Vic and all Syed had to do now was just keep an eye on the food table and top-up as needed. He went to the bar to get himself a drink and Roxy served him. Christian seemed to be keeping his distance today maybe because Zainab was glaring at him a lot as she did.

Syed sat down with his drink and Zainab came over "I'm really tired so I'm going to go home and check on your dad and Kamil. Call me if you need any help though."

"I will mum though I think I can manage now."

Zainab walked out and almost as soon as she was gone, Christian appeared and sat down opposite him.

"Please tell me your mum has gone home."

"She has."

"Any more of those stares from her and I don't think I could manage not to say something and you know what your mum and I are like when we get started."

Syed nodded.

"I haven't seen you since the inquest Syed, I wanted to ask how it went. I gather they gave an accidental death verdict from Jane."

"Yes and that was it really."

"Time to move on with your life then. It's what Amira would have wanted."

"You don't know that."

"Amira wouldn't have wanted you to blame yourself over this. It was just an accident."

"Which happened just after she found out about us."

"It's just incredibly bad timing. She was in shock but she would have got over this."

"Her life was ruined anyway whether she lived or died."

"Look Syed she would have been okay, moved on and maybe met someone else."

"She was ruined Christian. I ruined her for anyone else don't you understand. In our culture she would be shamed because of what I am. No-one would touch her again."

Christian was shocked by how Syed was talking. Syed stood up and walked over to the food table. A few things were emptying out so he got out the containers and started topping up. Christian had followed him and he helped him.

"I can do this on my own you know."

"Why are you always so stubborn?"

"Haven't you got your own job to do Christian?" Syed said glaring at him.

"I was just trying to help. Don't know why I bother all the grief I get from you. I thought we were friends and friends help each other you know. You look tired, I just figured you might appreciate some help. Stupid old me."

Christian walked off angrily and Syed watched him go. He felt he should go and apologise but what was the point. It was better and easier if he didn't have to speak to him.

Later on back at the flat his phone rang.

"Hello."

"Syed it's dad."

"Hi dad what's up."

"You know what your mum's like. She keeps worrying about you and wants you to come over and have something to eat. Reckons you're not eating enough good home-cooked food or something. Do me a favour and agree to come over tomorrow."

"Alright dad if it keeps her quiet but just for dinner okay."

Syed hung up and sat back down on the sofa. He flicked through the tv channels but there was nothing on worth watching. He switched it off and sat deep in thought. He closed his eyes and immediately as often happened when he tried to sleep at night his thoughts were of Christian. The memories would always come back and tantalise him. He desperately tried to think of something else but this particular memory wouldn't go away. It was when he went to see Christian after he was beaten up and Christian had suggested he kiss it better. He wished he was here now and he could kiss him and touch him. His eyes opened in horror. He needed to stop these thoughts, they were wrong, bad, evil. He stood up and went out to the kitchen taking his shirt off as he went. He found the knive and as soon as he felt the pain, he felt such relief. This was what he deserved. He swapped hands and went to do the other side but at that moment his doorbell rang.

Ignore it he thought but then it rang again. Perhaps it was his dad sent round on an errand by his mum. He would have to make some excuse as he didn't let them see the state of his flat. He quickly put his shirt back on and ran down the stairs to open the door. He was shocked when he saw who it was.

"What do you want Christian?"

"Look we had words before, I just wanted to apologise. I've just been worried about you that's all."

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine Syed that's the thing. Can we talk a bit please?"

"Now's not a good time."

"Are you eating?"

"No I don't want to be too late though I have an early start."

"Okay just a quick chat then."

"Come in." Syed stood back to let Christian pass and then he closed the door. Christian went on ahead and walked into the flat. He was shocked to see that if anything the flat looked worse than last time he had seen it. Papers, rubbish, plates, cups were strewn all around. Christian took a seat on the sofa and Syed sat down on the chair next to it. He could see that Christian was shocked at the mess again. He sat down waiting for Christian to say something. Christian was looking at him and suddenly his eyes dropped to look at his arm.

"What happened to your arm?"

Syed jumped as if he had been burnt suddenly. He glanced down and there was blood seeping through his shirt and running down his arm. How could he have been so stupid, he should have put a plaster on it quick before Christian saw.

"Oh it's nothing, I think I bashed into a sharp corner just before you rang the bell. I'll just go and wash it."

He went into the kitchen and got some kitchen towel and dabbed at it. Christian followed him in and reaching out to take the kitchen towel off the wound he said

"here let me take a look."

Syed held tight to it "it's fine really. I'll just get a plaster."

"Do you want me to get it for you?"

"Yes if you could. In that box in that cupboard there?" Syed pointed with his good arm. Christian found it and got out a plaster and handed it to him. Christian went to put the box back in the cupboard and at that point he spotted the knive. It was lying away from all the washing-up stuff but more suspicious than that, it had some fresh blood on it. Christian swallowed hard suddenly feeling really sick. He had a bad feeling about this but had to tread really carefully.

He looked over at Syed who was hastily putting the plaster on his cut. He then wandered back to the chair and sat down so Christian followed sitting back down on the sofa.

"So what did you want to talk about Christian?"

"I'm worried about you. Don't take this the wrong way but I think maybe you should see a doctor."

"I'm not ill."

Christian was silent for a few minutes and Syed looked at him anxiously. What was this all about now?

"You seem to be blaming yourself for what happened to Amira and I don't think you're looking after yourself properly."

Syed glared back at him "I think maybe you should go."

"Look around here Syed, this place is an absolute tip. When did you last wash-up, cook yourself a decent meal, put the rubbish out, clean this place."

"We can't all be house-proud like you Christian."

"This isn't you Syed. This place looking like this it's a sign that something's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong. I just wish people would leave me in peace to get on with my life and stop interfering."

Christian shuffled up the sofa so he was sat right next to Syed's chair. He suddenly reached out without warning and grabbed Syed's good arm and pushed the sleeve up. As he had suspected, there were marks on it as well. Syed dragged his arm away from him angrily. Christian looked at him with concern in his eyes.

"You're self-harming aren't you Syed?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I saw the knife in the kitchen, that's what you were doing when I rang the bell."

Syed was silent, there really was no point pretending otherwise. In a way he felt relieved that someone knew. He looked down at the ground.

"Do you know how dangerous that is?" Christian asked "why do you do it?"

Syed didn't answer as he just couldn't explain.

"I want you to go and see a doctor Syed and if you don't I will tell your parents about this."

"You're blackmailing me" Syed replied in astonishment.

"Yes if it's the only way to get you help. You can't carry on like this, you must realise that. Make an appointment tomorrow and I'll come with you."

"I don't need you to hold my hand."

"I'm not but I want to make sure you go through with it. Phone them tomorrow okay and then let me know when we go."

Christian got up and went out to the kitchen. He picked up the knife feeling ill again seeing Syed's blood on it thinking what he was doing to himself and washed it under the tap. He checked the drawers and all the washing-up picking up any sharp knives and also taking the scissors. He then went into the bathroom and collected all the razors. He put all these things into a bag.

"Sure you don't want to confiscate my painkillers in case I decide to take them?" Syed said angrily "give me those things, they're mine." He went over to Christian and tried to get the bag off him.

"Don't fight me Syed I'm not going to let you have these until we get some help. I'm going to sleep here tonight."

"What!! This is my flat and I want you out of here now."

He pushed him hard and Christian lost his balance and tripped over dropping the bag. Syed went to grab it but Christian got there first.

"Get out" shouted Syed and going to push Christian again but this time he was ready for him and he grabbed Syed's arms stopping him from hurting him.

"Don't argue with me Syed, I'm staying here on this sofa and you have to put up with it otherwise I tell your parents. So what's it to be?"

Syed freed himself and turned his back on him "doesn't look like I have much choice does it?" and he went into his bedroom slamming the door behind him.