Part 4

Syed and Christian were sat in the doctor's waiting-room. Christian had rang the surgery first thing in the morning and made an emergency appointment. When Syed had emerged from his bedroom in the morning, he could see straightaway that Christian had been busy. The flat had been tidied up, all the rubbish picked up and the washing-up done.

Syed had picked at the toast he had made for him in silence refusing to speak to him. It was like dealing with a child today thought Christian as he glanced at Syed sat next to him in the waiting room. Syed had hardly spoken a word and was sat looking down at his hands and kept fidgeting nervously. Christian wanted to comfort him somehow and longed to take his hand but knew he couldn't do that here and not only that, Syed would be furious if he tried that right now.

Someone came out of the doctor's room and then they heard him call out "Syed Masood". They both stood up and walked in together.

"Sit down please" said the doctor pointing to the chairs.

"What seems to be the problem?" he looked at Syed but he didn't say anything.

"Tell him Syed" prompted Christian.

"I don't even want to be here, you forced me remember."

"Can I tell you?" asked Christian to the doctor.

"Of course."

"I found out last night that Syed is self-harming and I think has been for a while."

The doctor stood up walking over to Syed "can I see? Is it your arms?"

Syed reluctantly let him roll up his sleeves and he examined the cuts.

"Well none of these are too deep so they should heal okay. What we need to get to the bottom of though Mr Masood is why you are doing this."

Syed just looked at him. Christian decided to speak for him again "he's been through a lot recently. His wife died a short while ago and he blames himself for it."

"I see. So this is guilt. How often do you cut yourself?"

"I've only done it a few times."

"What makes you do it?"

"I don't know."

"It may help if you could talk to someone in confidence. One of our counsellors could see you and I could arrange it."

"Talking isn't going to help me" Syed said dismissively.

"You'd be surprised. You obviously are building up a lot of emotions inside and this is why you are self-harming, it's a form of release. What we need to find out is what makes you do it and talk you through it. I'll refer you for counselling and hopefully you should get an initial appointment by next week."

"Do I have to go?".

"I would recommend you do Mr Masood. Do you sleep well at the moment?"

"No not especially."

"Are you looking after yourself, keeping yourself well fed etc."

"Of course."

"How can you say that?" asked Christian in amazement "I spent ages this morning tidying up his flat. It was a complete shambles. There's nothing to eat in his fridge, takeaway cartons all over the place, washing up left for at least a week, bins overflowing, papers left ……"

"That's enough Christian." Syed glared at him.

"Mr Masood is it true what your friend is saying?"

"Things had got a bit untidy but not as bad as he makes it sound."

"He's in denial" said Christian.

"I think to be honest you would benefit from a prescription for anti-depressants."

As Syed shook his head the doctor carried on "You could just take a short course of them for a month or so just to get you through this difficult time. It's entirely up to you but I would recommend it. I will refer you for counselling and you should hear fairly soon."

"I don't want any anti-depressants."

"Well that's your choice but if, in the meantime, you feel you can't cope please come back and see me again and I can make out a prescription."

Syed stood up desperate to get out of there as fast as possible and walked out without speaking. Christian looked back saying "thank you Doctor" and followed him. When they got outside, Christian tried to pull back Syed to slow him down but he wasn't having it.

"Get off me Christian."

"Why don't we go for a coffee to talk about all this?"

"No and I have to get to work now. Dad won't be happy that I've taken time off already."

"You let me know when you hear with the appointment okay? No more self-harming Syed and I will be checking. If you do it again, I will tell your parents I promise."

"Some friend you are. If you really cared you would just leave me alone."

"What so you could do something really stupid. You should really consider taking the anti-depressants."

"What so I would be numb, no feelings at all. What sort of life is that?"

"It would only be for a while just to get you through this time and then with the counselling you would feel better."

Syed looked at him scornfully "I have to go" and he walked off to the Unit.