Broken Bonds and Shattered Dreams

Chapter 2

As the elevator door opened to the crew deck of the Normandy, Shepard moved quickly and purposefully towards Miranda's office. There were men and women, all clad in white Cerberus uniforms, milling about and as she passed they all gave their attention and greeted her with respect. She would smile and nod at them, doing her best to recall their names and some personal fact that she may know about them to show that she was 'involved'.

In reality, she could not have felt more disconnected. Unlike on the old Normandy, these people had been thrust upon her. Not long after she had been dragged back into the light of life, relationships with various individuals, most who she did not yet trust, were formed not out of great deeds or common interest, but out of the fact that this was what the Illusive Man provided. She either would use what he gave or…well, there were no other options.

Giving her best imitation of a politician making their way through crowds on a campaign trail, she finally found herself outside of her XO's office. The short distance from the elevator her destination felt like a long mile considering how many times she had to say "Hey good to see you!" or "How is the girlfriend back home?" Such statements occasionally got her into trouble as she would sometimes mix up her memories. Asking one crewmember how his wife was feeling turned awkward when she had forgotten than his spouse had cheated on him and had broken off their marriage months ago, hence his reason for joining Cerberus. A hurried apology and fast exit had got her out of that situation none too soon.

As the door to Miranda's quarter's, which also served as her office, opened she found the "cheerleader", as Jack liked to call her, sitting at her usual spot in front of a computer terminal.

"I love what you've done with the place!" Shepard said sarcastically. Miranda, for being such a classy and beautiful woman, didn't seem to have much of an interior design sense. For her position, her room was very plain and uninviting. Even the bedroom in the back, where one might think such a sultry individual would pay particular attention, was bland. The bed was perfectly made, the sheets so tightly tucked in that Shepard imagined an old coin would bounce off of it. The only point of real interest was the window, staring out into the wonder of space. She liked to think that the coldness of the void and Miranda's personality had something in common, so then the view.

The brunette shot an icy look at her, clearly not amused.

"Not a laugher, check."Shepard thought to herself. She had to get her mental notes straight "She's the uptight one. Garrus is the one with a sense of humor."

"I have more important things to attend to than preparing for social calls, as you might imagine." Miranda responded after a few moments.

"I apologize. I had forgotten you were filling out your reports. Have you already told the Illusive Man what I had for breakfast, or does that come AFTER the color of my underwear?"

Despite Miranda not having a funny bone in her body, Shepard still loved to poke at her. Maybe it was side effects of being a dead person come back to life, but she felt that existence was so fragile a thing you may as well entertain yourself and do your best to do so with others, all to bring a smile to their face.

Then again, it may just be the part of her that liked being an ass to someone so cocky and tightly-strung who also seemed vaguely jealous of her.

"Shepard!" Miranda began with a frustrated look on her face, "I try my BEST to make you happy, to run the day-to-day so you aren't bothered! Why do you insist on…"

"Calm yourself, Miranda! I apologize!" Shepard said with a sigh, "Just having a bit of fun is all. I appreciate you, I do!"

She was too pretty to have such low self-esteem.

Miranda collected herself from her brief outburst. She leaned back in her chair and gave a forced smile.

"I am sorry for…getting upset…" she said.

"Don't worry yourself Ms. Lawson. Even when your face flashes in anger, you are still ever so fair and pleasant…"

"First you insult me then you lay praises on me? After researching everything there is to know about your person and then rebuilding you piece by piece, I still do not understand you."

Shepard appeared coy.

"Oh, me? I am a simple girl who, if not for this military life, would probably wear a modest country dress and spend her time making butter by hand and skipping rocks upon ponds on warm summer days…"

Miranda placed her hand upon her forehead as if she was totally overcome by this interaction. Either Shepard's charms had overwhelmed her senses or she was about to blow up again.

"You always make me lose my train of thought with your…your…whatever! I have completely forgotten what I had wanted to say to you now…" Miranda said, doing her best to hide a grin.

Now confident in her ability to engage her second-in-command on a personal level, Shepard was ready to get down to business.

"Well, enough of me annoying you, dear Miranda. I believe you wanted to discuss a plan of action for Illium as well as tell me of a friend I will be seeing?"

"Ah, yes. That is correct. Well, Shepard, this is not easy to talk about considering your…" Miranda seemed to trail off; her tongue tied as she sought the most sensitive way to broach what she felt was an uncomfortable subject.

"My? My what?"

"Well, your relationship with this person."

"I had good relationships with all my old crew. I'd like to think they would still remember our time together fondly unless in your files you have discovered that somehow one of them secretly despised me."

Miranda still seemed lost in thought, her eyes turned upward as her brain tried to piece together a sentence.

"Well," Miranda began, regaining her ability to speak, "this relationship was, is different. Liara T'Soni is on Illium."

Shepard's jovial mood faded. Her heart seemed to skip a beat and from deep places within her being that had not been explored since she was 'reborn', powerful feelings now emerged.

"L…Liara?" she said weakly.

Miranda leaned forward, a look of concern on her face.

"Yes, your former…companion."

"She was more than a companion!" Shepard snapped, "She was, she IS very special to me. I haven't even had time to…to talk to her…to send her a message…"

She felt so distraught now. After being alive for a time, she didn't even think to get back in touch with Liara. Damnable mission, damnable everything! How could I have neglected Liara?

"Perhaps, Commander, if I could be so bold, it was good that you didn't get in touch with her before. Anyway, you have been very busy since my sweet voice woke you from your sleep."

Shepard felt Miranda was now trying her best to lighten a message that had come as such a blow.

"I must go see her as soon as we get there. I…I…"

She began to frantically touch her face.

"I must look so awful! These stupid red scars! What will she think? What about my…my hair! She used to love my hair! I am not ready for this! I have to get ready!"

"Commander…" Miranda said with the look of someone bearing grim tidings, "I must remind you two years have passed. People change in that time Commander."

"What do you mean? What is Liara doing now? Is she back at her studies again? I would think she would have loved going to Illos and exploring. She loved to go on and on about Protheans and their ruins and the papers she would eventually publish when we got Saren. She was so sweet in those moments; her eyes would just light up and…"

Miranda's face had contorted into a look of very deep worry. The change stopped Shepard's overflowing mouth.

"What's wrong Miranda? Did something happen to Liara?"

"I don't know how to say this. No, she didn't go back to her old way of life. She is…she is very different now. She is an Information Broker, Shepard. She runs a very successful business and is well known in the industry."

"I see. Information brokers. That can be sort of like research right?"

"Uh, maybe after a fashion. It is not an entirely 'clean' profession…"

"What are you saying?" Shepard said with her arms crossed in a defensive posture.

Miranda shook her head slowly.

"It is better you see Liara for yourself. I am sure you can talk to her about…about all that has happened."

"You are worrying me, Miranda. Is she alright? Is she in danger?"

"I cannot say. I would just prepare yourself for a different sort of reception than you might be imagining."

Shepard sat quietly for a few moments, her thoughts racing.

"What does The Illusive Man know about all this? Why did he not tell me?"

"Shepard, the Illusive Man does not want you to be distracted. If he had his way, we would have never come to this place. Unfortunately, by our mission we are compelled to go to Illium. I would just say be wary of placing your trust in Liara now…or being too excited…"

"Those words don't comfort me, Miranda. I will go to her. She and I had something very special. We did things for each other. She helped me with a very personal matter and I am indebted to her, even bound to her in that. I am sure she will be glad to see me and I will be happy to see her as well."

Miranda sighed, feeling as if nothing she said would help the situation.

"Tread lightly, Commander."

"You said there was another matter. One relating to you?" Shepard said, quickly pivoting the conversation.

"Indeed. It has to do with…with a sibling of mine…"

"A lot of rich folks here. SOFT and rich, to be sure." Jack said with a greedy smirk.

"Stay focused. We have a mission." Shepard responded as they moved quickly through the docking area. It was not until they came out of that rather confined and uninteresting part of the city that the full sight of Illium broke upon them.

Omega had been her first introduction to the 'splendor' that was the Terminus Systems. Shepard had set very low expectations for this planet only to find that she had greatly miscalculated.

The world was a marvel, Nos Astra a city unlike any she had ever seen. High towers extended upwards with their peaks like islands hanging in the sky. In the distance, one saw nothing but an unending expanse of blazing lights and sparkling color. Like bands of golden chains, vehicles traversed the aerial lanes, crisscrossing and forming wondrous patterns set against the backdrop of urban glory. The jewel of the Terminus Systems this most certainly was.

The trading floor outside of their docking area was like a city unto itself. Asari, both young and old, moved confidently around what was a home to them, their collected mass like a sea of blue shifting to and fro. Their slim and beautiful forms were draped with such remarkable clothing, their slender and noble necks and fingers glittering with fine decoration and gems. Shepard felt very inadequate here. Her senses were overwhelmed. Whatever disorientation that lingered from resurrection was now made worse into a sort of vertigo. She had to stop and collect herself from it all.

All so lovely. So magical and mysterious.

"Liara has done well for herself to make a name here…" she said under her breath.

"Don't get too impressed," began Garrus, "it's like any other place. Nice and shiny on the first glance, but once you stay awhile you realize the same old dirt gets done."

"I thought I was the negative one," Jack said, "but yeah, it's probably as shitty a place as any."

"It is still beautiful." Shepard said insistently.

"The scenery or the pretty girls, Shepard?" Jack said with a self-satisfied expression.

"As usual you ruin the moment. I am only here to see ONE gir…lady."

"Sure thing, Commander. I'll promise to look but not touch the goods…if you do the same."

Garrus disapprovingly shook his head.

Shepard had grown increasingly annoyed by the tattooed woman's constant prodding about her sexuality. She didn't know if Jack was trying to "rib her" in a fun way or was just picking at her to get a reaction.

"Anyway," Garrus said, "you must be excited to see Liara again after all this time? With you wearing your make-up and all…"

Jack chortled at the observation.

"I AM very much looking forward to seeing her. I am sure we both have changed a bit. I have no doubt she is still the same…"

Shepard choked up, only barely catching the rollercoaster of emotions before it went downhill.

"The same precious woman she was before."

"I am sure she is, Shepard. I am certain you will find a welcome here."

"I heard she was kind of a geek," Jack interjected, breaking right into Garrus' attempts at reassurance, "Whatever her story is I am saying right NOW that I came to blow shit up, not watch any hot and heavy make out…"

"You really are the worst." Garrus said.

"Enough of this! We have business to attend to." Shepard said, realizing they had been standing in one place awkwardly staring at the skyline far too long during their conversation. She was eager to move on from both.

The trio weaved in and out of the crowds. The collective madness of frenzied trading filled the air with shouts as "Buy, Buy!" and "Sell, Sell!" could be heard along with excited screams and anguished cries. Huddled groups and their whispered secrets could also be witnessed as great plots and schemes were hatched.

"There it is! The Administration building." Jack said, pointing to a structure overlooking the commercial area.

"Did you figure that out yourself, or did the huge letters forming the word 'ADMINISTRATION' tip you off?" Garrus said wryly.

Jack scowled as they now maneuvered towards where Liara was supposed to be found.

Climbing up a large staircase, they found a simple reception area and a purplish-asari with markings across her face waiting. A smile came upon her as she stepped forward to meet Shepard and her squad.

"Commander Shepard! Liara has been greatly anticipating your arrival since your ship docked. I am Nyxeris, her assistant."

"I don't like her…" Jack whispered to Garrus.

"I am sure most people feel the same about you..." he answered back.

"It is good to meet you, Nyxeris. It looks like Liara has been very successful…" Shepard said.

"Oh, yes! She is well respected and a very powerful woman. She could have that much more influence if she…well if she had more focus on matters of business rather than those which are close to her heart."

It was a very odd thing to say.

"Well, anyway Commander, please go on inside. I am sure you will be very sur…I mean! I mean she will be very surprised to see you!"

Raising an eyebrow in confusion at the strange purple woman, Shepard moved towards the door before her.

The door flew open and Shepard was introduced to the darker side of Illium more quickly than she anticipated.

"I don't have it. I told you that already. I just need a few more…" a stuttering and balding human said, his image projected against a large window on the far end of the office.

"You call yourself a man?" Liara said, her voice now deep and harsh, "Have you ever faced an asari commando squad before? Few humans have. "

Those were who mother's words, not her own.

"You have a week to pay what's owed. Otherwise, you can wait for my people to pay a visit to your people. It will be a brief exchange, which I think you know."

The image faded quickly. A reflection in the now clear glass alerted the asari to her visitors.

"Sheena!" Liara exclaimed.

She turned, her mouth agape and moved swiftly towards Shepard.

Everything about her seemed so similar to how Shepard remembered her. Her face had its same smoothness, freckles still dotted under her eyes. As Liara came close to her, their foreheads touched, their focus fixed on each other. The asari ran her cheeks gently against Shepard's face, leaving a trail of warmth and sending what felt like electricity through her body.

For a moment, the distance of two years felt closed. Everything was returning. Old feelings bubbled within the Commander and burdens began to ease upon her shoulders. Her heart filled again with a new blood, enriched with a potency of love reawakened. Shepard closed her eyes, it all felt too perfect. A yearning that had been buried now felt the very thing that would satisfy within its grasp. She could hear Liara breathing, sense the beating of her own heart quickened.

Then, within a moment, it all passed. Shepard felt Liara pull away. As she did, like a mirage disappearing before a thirsty man wandering, her vision came into focus and she saw something else in the woman before her. Whether it was the light in the room or the general mood in the air, there seemed to be a darkness cast against the one who she had fallen in love with, who she still felt in love with. Her eyes no longer were wide and glowing with wonderment, but now were narrowed, targeted like those of a bird of prey. Her face was still smooth but as if made so from the wear of erosion and hardship rather than newborn innocence. So much the same, yet still hard to recognize.

"Shepard. It is very good to see you." Liara said flatly. She motioned towards a chair opposite her own.

"I am very happy to see you too, Liara. I don't know what to say after what must have been so much time for you…" Shepard was trying to restrain her emotions, her voice as monotone as she could make it.

"Yet, here you are. Working for Cerberus and going for the Collectors. I am glad to be able to be of service to you."

Her abruptness shook any remnant of warm feelings from Shepard. Straight to business, it seemed, was the order of the day.

"Ah, yes. We are looking for a two people. Before that though, I was hoping to see how you…"

"I am fine, Shepard. As you can see I have made quite a start here on Illium. People wanted to be my friend after Saren's fall. Friendship became a network and soon that network made me a successful information broker. I have been VERY good at my work."

Jack and Garrus were clinging to the far end of the room, closest to the door. The turian had a pained expression on his face, as if somehow he knew how uncomfortable this must be for Shepard. The biotic was far more forward with her words. Leaning in closely to Garrus, she whispered.

"They were together? Hard to tell with how bitchy she's being to Shepard…"

"This is going to be rough on her. Especially with everything else…" he muttered in reply. He turned his attention downward and shook his head.

"I see. I heard you were very successful. Part of me thought I would find you on some dig site somewhere. Did you ever manage to get back to Illos?" Shepard said, her voice ever so slightly cracking.

"No, Shepard. I didn't. Other things occupied my time since you, well since you left. This work isn't so different from a dig site, to be honest. It's always dark and the bodies still smell."

Shepard winced. Liara's statement was unpleasant to the ears.

"Oh. Well. You look good." She was at a loss of what to say. All that she thought would be uttered at this reunion now became ashes in her mouth, bitter and purposeless. Her stomach churned as another memory flooded into her head. Faintly, she thought she could hear a hideous laughter.

Liara nodded firmly at the compliment.

"Well," Shepard began again, "I am seeking Thane Krios and Samara, a Justicar of your people. Our information has led us to believe they are here."

"Yes, you are correct. Nyxeris has already prepared the data you need and will transfer over where to begin you search."

For a few moments things were silent. Shepard couldn't see it, but the faint red scars on her face flared ever so slightly.

"Liara. I didn't just come here for that. I came to talk to you."

The asari leaned back in her chair. Her eyes fixed on the woman before her as she listened.

"I want to know about YOU, not just this mission. It seems like you don't want to speak to me, though."

"Don't you think I want to, Shepard?" Liara said suddenly, "This isn't the time though. There is much to do and I can never be sure who is listening…"

"Listening? What do you mean, Liara? Damn it, can't you just talk to me? Are you in danger?"

"I WANT to talk but...but I have work to do."

Shepard took a deep breath to calm herself.

"Well, if you have trouble. Maybe you can come with me and we can…"

"No!" Liara snapped, slamming her fist into the table, "I have WORK. Important debts to repay and obligations to meet. I can't just leave those behind. I am trying to build something here. Something that can help me and help us."

"What kind of debts, Liara? The kind that you have to threaten people with death for?"

The room was silent. Shepard's two companions both were doing their best to survive in the thick air of tension in the room.

Liara's expression softened.

"Let's not argue. What you saw was unfortunate. They always end up paying, though."

"Do they now?"

"Don't look at me like that. You wouldn't, you couldn't understand the things I've had to do to survive. You weren't here."

Having her death thrown into her face once again, the fact that ever reminded her of how out of touch she found herself was hard to bear from Liara. Worse, it seemed her 'bondmate' had forgotten how much she could relate to hardship of any kind.

Swallowing deeply, Shepard began to speak again slowly.

"Fine. I won't press."

Another few moments of quiet passed before Liara spoke again.

"If you want to help…there are a few things you can do for me…"

The meeting beyond that was unremarkable. More things to attend to and more to add to the list. Garrus and Jack didn't speak for some time, themselves still sorting out what had just transpired.

Shepard was furious. She was frustrated and bitter now. Her training as a soldier made her actions all habit and instinct now. Identify, seek, and destroy. That's all that mattered. No more thoughts, no more painful reflections. Put off those as long as you can.

During a task for Samara, the noble and icy Justicar, Shepard walked into another unfortunate reunion.

They were entering a silent room on the hunt inside an Eclipse base. Scanning the area, only a dimly flickering terminal could be seen. Shepard's senses were on overdrive now though, and though she couldn't spot a person, she knew someone was there.

She raised her pistol and aimed at towards the ground. Muttered and frightened words could be heard.

"Come out! I know you are there!"

A woman rose. A young fresh-faced asari with big eyes and full lips. The same asari who she had spared years ago.

"Wait! Stop! I didn't fire my…" the young woman began as she stood. She froze as she saw into a familiar face. "Oh, shit…"

"You've got to kidding me." Shepard said in anger. With a mighty surge she grabbed the asari and pushed her into the wall, the impact knocking the wind out of the girl.

"Look! I didn't do anything…I…"

"Don't LIE to me you BITCH! Two years later and you are with the same group I left you to crawl away from?! What were you doing here?"

"Please! I didn't…I didn't…" the young asari was pleading now.

Pulling her back and slamming her against the wall again, Shepard began to speak.

"Don't LIE!"

As she said those words, the safety on her pistol released. Its barrel extended and touched right beneath the girls chin.

Trembling, she began to speak through her fear.

"Look, ok, I did it. The volus, I killed him. I shot him. It was me."

With that revelation, Shepard seemed to lose her nerve. A look of utter defeat came over her and her shoulders slumped. The arm holding her gun fell by her side and she looked downward. Leaning into the erect body of the woman before her, she searched for words.

"Why?" she asked quietly.

"Wha…what?"

"Why?" Shepard yelled, her eyes now glowing red as she stared at the floor.

"It, it was my initiation…"

"Why'd you go back? Why'd you go back to this life?"

"It's what all maidens do. Some of my friends strip and dance and others do this. We…we look for new experiences. I am no different from anybody else."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Enjoy it?"

"Killing him. The volus."

"I…I thought it would be cool. To impress my friends."

Pushing herself away from the girl, Shepard shook her head slowly.

"Impress your friends? I let you go so you could do something different with your life. Here you are again, right back where you started. I should kill you in this place, just for the crime you admitted to. Instead I feel sorry for you. What a fucked up Galaxy where a young asari, with all the wisdom and culture your people have, sees no options but showing your tits or murder for hire."

The girl stood, speechless.

"What's your name again?"

"I…I am Elnora."

"Elnora. A pretty name. You are young aren't you?"

"Yes. Not that far into adulthood…"

Shepard slowly moved forward and cradled Elnora's face in her hands, her thumbs making gentle circles as if massaging the asari.

"Look at you. What should I do with you? So beautiful and new. I tried to save you, but you got a taste for blood didn't you?"

Elnora just stared, anxious and frightened that at any moment her life could end.

"I am not going to kill you, Elnora. I don't have the heart to. There are choices to be made in life, but sometimes our environment is so dark that we forget there is anything of light in this world, and our view narrows to the very worst roads we can follow. I can't blame you for what you've become. I can only be heartbroken."

The asari breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you…thank you." She said weakly.

Shepard leaned her heard forward slowly and placed a single kiss on Elnora's cheek. Her mouth lingered there a moment and as her lips withdrew from the blue skin of the asari, she whispered something.

"I am sorry I have to hurt you. This is so you won't forget. This is so they won't kill you when they realize you didn't stop me."

With a swift hand, Shepard punched the asari in the gut. Again and again she hit her, focused and powerful blows. The girl screamed, raising her arms to defend herself only to find it was in vain against so trained a warrior. Eventually, Elnora dropped to the floor, crying now and with blood pouring from her mouth and nose.

"Please! Stop!" she cried.

Shepard didn't stop. She reared her legs again and again and kicked the bloodied girl beneath her.

Garrus moved forward as if to stop the assault, but Jack put out an arm to halt his intentions.

"No. The asari deserves it and Shepard needs this."

Garrus looked on but stepped no further.

The vicious assault continued as hands and feet were used as bludgeons against a whimpering asari. She had stopped pleading now and only pained sobs came from her mouth as she struggled to survive. After a time, even Jack grimaced, taken aback by what she saw.

Finally, Shepard ceased the attack. Her body heaving with breaths and sweat dripping from her forehead, she got down on her knees and spoke to the battered girl.

"I gave you a chance to walk away before. You spit it right back into my face. I'd like to think you'll learn from today, but I know you won't. I know you are going to hop right back into a crime spree. It is too late for you. I just gave you a taste though of what happens in the line of work you have chosen. You don't know SHIT about what you are getting yourself into."

With that, again Shepard produced her sidearm and jammed it right into the girl's mouth.

"You listen to me good. We have met by chance twice already. Next time, there won't be any randomness to it. This whole damn universe may be going to hell, but I swear to you one thing. If I hear a hint of you, a single whisper of your name attached to something like what you have done, I am going to find you. I don't care if I am halfway across the Galaxy and seconds away from saving our existence, I will turn my damn ship around and find you. When I do, I am going to rip to pieces any supposedly bad ass asari around you. Then I am going to take this gun, the one that is in your mouth now, and ram it so far into your throat that when I pull the trigger the bullets are going to come out of your ass. Do you understand me?!"

The girl, barely able to move, just blinked through her tears in acknowledgement.

"What the FUCK is wrong with everybody?!" Shepard yelled as she stood.

She turned and looked at her squad mates, both in total shock at what they had seen.

"Let's go," she commanded as she took a step forward. Suddenly, she stopped. "Hold on, I forgot one thing."

Turning towards the girl on the floor she gave one, final and swift kick to the head of Elnora. The asari went limp, now unconscious.

"Now we go."

Shepard's face had more red lines across it now. A faint, bloody glow could be seen in her eyes. She began to move quickly onwards towards the mission goals.

Jack turned to Garrus, still blown away.

"I had always thought she was a goody-two shoes." she said.

"What you saw was an example of her mercy to a defeated enemy. I've seen the other side of that coin."

"Vae Victus, I guess."

The two began to sprint to catch up with Shepard, leaving the broken body of Elnora alone. Blood slowly pooled near her mouth as her mind was silenced, still struggling to cope with the pain caused.