CHAPTER 18: Lifetimes

Edward POV

I laid there more relaxed than I had ever been in any existence that I had ever had. I couldn't believe that this slip of a girl that I had known for less than a month had changed my life so much. It was like I wasn't whole unless we were together. How funny was it that the one thing my family had been right about was the one thing I wish they were wrong about.

Not that I wasn't happy. I was beyond ecstatic but I still hated the idea of taking Bella's soul away. She deserved so much more than anything that I could offer her. So much more than the life that she was choosing but I didn't have the strength to deny her anymore. Just the thought of one day without her was enough to make me plan a trip to Italy right now.

I breathed her in wondering how her scent had lost its appeal to me. I would always crave it but it was different now. I craved her, her body and her mind, so much more than her blood. I loved her so much that it was like my body was repelling any thought that might cause her pain. Maybe that was why I was so opposed to her changing just to be with me.

I knew the pain that she would be subjecting herself to. The agony that she would have to endure for three days and I knew the torture that would cause me. To sit helplessly as my Bella transformed from an angel with a soul to a monster damned for all eternity. To watch as the warmth of her body slid away and was replaced by the cold marble exterior that marks us all. Who does that to someone that they love?

Still even with that thought I couldn't make myself rethink my decision. The alternative, leaving her here, hurt too much. Jasper had been right. A couple of days would have turned into years by her side and I never would have returned to Forks or any other place that Bella wasn't. She was my whole world and there was no way that I could be anywhere without her.

I didn't want to think about what was to come or never having Bella in my life anymore so I tuned into Alice's thoughts as she helped Bella get ready for her mother. I laughed to myself thinking about Alice's proclamation on that first day of how Bella was her best friend and now listening to the two of them I could believe that Alice was right. This is why you never bet against Alice. They really had become so close; way closer than Alice and Rosalie. It was strange the happiest that I felt about that. Despite our recent battles I loved Alice so dearly. She was my confident and the best sister anyone could ask for and I loved Bella more than anything. Deep down I wanted them to be close and I wanted them to be happy. Actually seeing how well Bella fit into my family both thrilled me and terrified me but I had to remember that she hadn't met everyone.

I wasn't worried about Esme or Carlisle. One look at my face and Esme would welcome her with arms wide open. She has been so worried about me for so long. Thinking that Carlisle changed me to young or that maybe something was wrong with me because I couldn't find a mate and all the while I just needed to wait for her to be born and grow into the loving, beautiful and selfless person she was today.

Carlisle would be concerned about the fact that she's human and what changing her would mean. How we would handle her family and the fact that we would be changing someone from Forks against the treaty that we signed so long ago with the Quileute Indians. We would probably have to move before we even considered biting Bella. Yet despite his worries and concerns he would feel the same as Esme and would welcome Bella without question.

No, the family member that I would have to watch would be Rosalie. I didn't for one minute believe Emmett's claims that she had calmed down. I could see his thoughts about their conversations and I knew that she was just as mad if not more so as when I had first pulled Bella away from that van. Sure she wouldn't hurt Bella physically thanks to Carlisle's injunction but that wouldn't stop her from making little remarks and snide comments directed at causing Bella pain.

So I would just have to watch out for her and keep Rosalie as far away from Bella in the beginning as possible. I wouldn't let her ruin this for me and I really wouldn't let her upset Bella. After all she was giving up everything so that the two of us could be together. For that alone I would protect her with my life.

Which also brought forth the question of where do we go from here. Bella had said that she didn't need to be changed tomorrow or anything close to that; that she was willing to wait but how long. Could I get at least five or ten years before she asked me to take her soul away? And if I could then would I take her back to her father's house and just see her at school and on Friday and Saturday nights like we were two normal teenagers dating. Would I pick her up with her father reminding me of her curfew and then take her to dinner where I wouldn't eat and a movie theater that would be dark and tempting? What where the rules when you were a creature of darkness dating a human goddess?

What is she doing…..how could Charlie….I hope…..alright, I listened to a broken mind getting closer to the room that Bella was in. I noted that Alice had left her alone to face her mother and I wondered if these thoughts were hers. Should have come home……why did I…..failed again.

I heard a knock on the door and Bella's warm voice speaking. This was her mother, interesting. Her thoughts were so fuzzy. Was this why Bella was so silent? Thinking back I remembered Chief Swan's mind from the accident. His hadn't been all that clear either. Could two hazy parents equal a distant daughter? And if so did that mean I would never hear her thoughts? I wanted to but I knew it would embarrass Bella and I would never want to do anything that made her uncomfortable. I would do anything in this world for her especially considering what she was willing to do for me.

Again my mind strayed to all my Bella was giving up to spend eternity with me. Would she wish that she had made a different decision one day or would she always want to be with me? I would do everything I could to make sure that she never regretted her choice.

I heard my sibling before they walked in. I was contemplating all the wonderful places I could still take Bella as the door opened. I could tell by the smiles on their faces and the tone of their thoughts that Alice had filled them in on the resolution that had been reached and all our feuds were over.

"Damn Edward" Emmett hoped on the bed next to me. "You would think that after you broke the door to get her in here you could have at least put a dent in this thing. I know she's human but you've waited like a hundred years. No one could be that gentle."

"Nothing happened Emmett" I pushed him off the bed.

"Sure" He prompted his head up on the bed. "Must I mention the door again? And I also saw both you and Bella and you were a bit unclothed shall we say."

"Really Eddie" He continued while Alice and Jasper did nothing but laugh. "Not only sleeping with a human but taking advantage of her virtue without being married. I for one am shocked and appalled. What would your human parents say? What about Carlisle and Esme? They raised you better than this." He was shaking his head as if I had committed some sort of crime, like I wasn't there with him and Rosalie and the decade long sexapade.

"Again Emmett, nothing happened." I hissed.

"Edward come on." Jasper jumped on the bandwagon. "The sexual vibes coming from this room had me grabbing for Alice." That was a mental image I had seen one too many times and didn't need to again. "Thanks for that by the way." He raised his eyebrows at me just as Alice swatted at his shoulder.

"Alice will you please help me out and tell them that nothing happened." I knew if they didn't believe me they would have to believe her.

"I would love to Edward but as Jazz has pointed out I was a little preoccupied" She smiled shyly. "Plus I did try my best not to look when I realized that it was going to be a private moment. Just like you don't want to hear it, I don't want to see it."

"Thanks Alice" I wasn't sure if I was thanking her for the privacy or making fun of her lack of help.

"No problem" She apparently assumed it was for the privacy.

"Alright" Emmett stood going over to sit in the seat next to Alice and Jasper. "Even if you didn't do anything that still doesn't explain the door. Couldn't you wait Edward?"

I didn't have to look at the door to know that I had mangled the knob and basically destroyed the lock. "It was an accident."

"And how are we going to explain that?" Emmett asked.

"Forget about how are we going to explain it." Jasper spoke before he had completed his question. "How are we going to fix it?"

No one said anything but we all turned to Alice knowing that she would have the answer. "Why are you all staring at me?" She looked surprised and her thoughts didn't register any ideas or visions of the door being fixed.

"Because you can see how we do it." Emmett explained.

She huffed. "Outcomes people, outcomes." She crossed her arms over her chest. "You would think after fifty years you would know that by now. Someone has to make a decision about how to fix it and then I can tell you if it will work or not. Must I explain this all the time?"

"Okay, how about we call a locksmith" I suggested and we all turned back to Alice.

Her eyes closed and she saw the future that decision would bring. "He'll be able to fix it but you will still have to come up with and explanation for the hotel and they won't be pleased. It might be better to just let them fix it and pay for the damages because I see them having it redone after we leave."

"Why didn't you just say that in the first place?" Emmett huffed back at her.

"Because I couldn't see it before…." She stopped herself and I could feel Jasper's calming effect on her as well as see that Emmett was just teasing her.

"It was just a joke honey" Jasper whispered in her ear before placing a light kiss on her cheek.

There was a time that small show of affection might have made me jealous or lonely but not now. Now I had Bella and the only thing seeing my siblings affection for each other did was make me want to go down to the room that she was in and pull her into my arms. It had been hours since she left and although I knew I should give her all the time she needed with her mother I missed her.

"Let her be Edward." Alice warned. "She needs time to comfort her mother and explain. Remember she has to say goodbye."

I flinched again at the reminder of all that Bella would be losing; all that I would be taking her from.

"She understands what she is doing" Alice comforted me. "There is no need to worry."

"How can you say that Alice?" All my concerns came back with a vengeance. "How can it be okay if she has to give up so much to be with me? If I love her shouldn't I be giving her things not taking her away from them?"

"You are" She went on. "You are giving her love and companionship and a family that will stay with her and love her forever."

"Not all of them" I looked over at Emmett.

"Don't worry about Rose" He assured me. "Carlisle told her not to touch Bella."

"That doesn't mean she won't say things to make her feel uncomfortable."

"I'll talk to her." Emmett smiled. "She may not like it but she won't want to hurt the family."

"You sure?"

"Trust me Edward." He nodded.

I relaxed slightly but not all the way. There was still the fact that I was taking something I had no right to take. That was something I would never feel right about no matter how many years we had together. Even if we lived forever I would always know that she deserved better than what she had chosen.

"Edward you're still nervous" Jasper acknowledged.

"I can't help it." I voiced my concerns. "No matter how you spin this I am still destroying Bella's soul, damning her to this existence, and taking something I have no right to want all so that I don't have to lose her. That is never going to feel right to me."

"I love her and I want her to be happy that is part of why I agreed to this but that doesn't mean that I am okay with it. Sure everyone was right about the fact that I can't be without her but still, shouldn't I try. Doesn't she deserve a chance at normal? A chance to find someone that she doesn't have to change to be with."

"It's different for her." It seemed like now that I had started I wasn't able to stop. "She's not sick or dying. She can have a long, boring, safe human life and I'm robbing her of that. How is that fair? How can I say that I love her when I just agreed to kill her?"

"You didn't agree to kill her" Alice of course was the first to speak. "You agreed to share your life with her for as long as you live. You let her know that you loved her enough to never want a day on this earth without her."

"And Edward I wasn't dying or sick when I was changed and at first I wished that I had just been left to grow old and die. But then I met Alice and I wouldn't trade one day of my life with her for all the lifetimes in the world." Jasper added in.

Alice leaned over and kissed him before she spoke. "I don't think I was dying either but I can't be sure considering I don't remember." She shrugged. "But I know that this life isn't always all doom and gloom as you seem to want to make it. So just relax and trust your feelings and Bella's."

"Their right Edward." Emmett had come to sit by me. "Things are different now that you have Bella and like I said before it would be great if we all had lived during each other's times but we didn't. You're making the best out of what you have and you're giving Bella all that you have to give, an eternity with the man that she loves and who adores her. What could be better than that?"

"Well said Em" Alice smiled at him. "Things will work out Edward." She tapped her head. " Have I ever let you down before?"

I knew that she hadn't. I had to believe them all because I wouldn't be able to take it if one day Bella hated me because I wasn't strong enough to let her go.

She's waiting for you Edward, I saw Bella standing in Emmett's room gazing out a window. The sadness in her eyes tore at my chest and made my dead heart cringe in pain. I stood almost running toward the only person that I would ever need. Try not to break the door this time. We would never be able to get anyone to understand two locks no matter how hard we tried.

I laughed at Alice in my head but said nothing out loud. I walked into the room and Bella turned to me with tear streaks along her face. "Bella" I wanted to tell her that we could stay or that she didn't have to do this but she cut me off.

"It's okay" She smiled and held out her hand for me. I crossed the room in record time taking her into my arms and kissing along her scalp. "It's okay."

"You shouldn't have to do this." I wanted to give her a second chance to change her mind.

"Yes I do." She leaned back to look into my eyes. "I love you Edward. One lifetime just isn't enough for me."

I smiled down before kissing her lightly. I might not agree with what she was giving up but I did agree with that. One lifetime with Bella would never be enough. I wasn't sure eternity would be enough.

So as I stood there holding my silly little sacrificial lamb in my arms I finally relaxed. She would be mine soon just as I was hers and always would be. I would give her everything there was to give. I would make this up to her however I could and I would make sure that she never once wished for more than she would have with me no matter how many lifetimes it took.

AN: One more chapter to go. So without further ado, please review :).