Part 5

1 month later

The counsellor sighed to herself. Syed Masood had just been to see her for the third time and she still knew no more than the first visit. He only spoke to say hello and goodbye and inbetween he sat in silence. If he wasn't prepared to talk, she wasn't going to be able to help him. She had seen this type of depression before accompanied by self-harming. She decided she would write to the doctor again and see if he would agree to get Mr Masood to visit him again.

Syed was at work when he heard footsteps on the stairs and as he glanced round he saw Christian walk in.

"How did it go today Syed?"

"Yes good I think it's really helping actually."

"That's brilliant I'm so pleased."

"Yes she said I only need to see her next week and then we're finished. So nothing to worry about."

"Good well I have to get to the Vic, my shift starts soon. Speak soon okay."

Christian went out and Syed sighed with relief. He believed him as easy as that. Now at least Christian wouldn't be checking his arms anymore. He had felt all the feelings inside him building up so much in the past few weeks but had to be careful. When he went home later, he could finally feel that release again.

2 days later

Christian was returning to his flat when he saw the Doctor stood outside Syed's place. He walked over to him.

"Hello Doctor can I help at all?"

"Well I was hoping to catch Mr Masood."

"He may be at work at present."

"I wanted to make sure he got this letter as he doesn't appear to have received our last couple of letters. I thought I'd drop this in myself by hand."

"I can make sure he gets it if you like."

"You came in with him to the surgery didn't you? Yes that would be helpful thank you and ask him to ring as soon as possible please."

"Okay goodbye."

That evening when Syed returned to his flat, he had only just got in when the doorbell rang. He went down to answer it.

"Christian what do you want?"

"Can I come in?"

"I've only just got in from work, what's this all about?"

"About a letter from the Doctor I have to hand to you and what's this about some other letters they've sent you. Apparently they're waiting for you to call them."

"You'd better come in." Syed looked uneasy with Christian talking about all that on his doorstep. The flat was looking messy again but not quite as bad as before. On the table were a couple of letters and Syed handed them to Christian.

"They just want me to go in and see the Doctor that's all. I just haven't had time to ring."

"The Doctor seemed quite concerned that you get this letter Syed. Why don't you open it?"

"I will do once I get a chance to relax a bit."

"Can I look at these?" gestured Christian pointing at the original two letters.

"If you must."

Christian read them and couldn't believe it. Syed hadn't made any progress in the counselling and she was recommending that the Doctor speak to him again. Why had Syed lied about how well it was going when it wasn't.

"You said the counselling went well."

"Well it's what you wanted to hear."

"Not if it wasn't true no."

"Speaking to some lady a stranger who has no idea what it is like to be a Muslim or be gay or even a man what is the point?"

"She's trained Syed and she will have come across situations like yours before I am sure."

"You think there's loads of gay Muslims round here do you?"

Christian changed tack "perhaps you should see the Doctor then."

"He just wants to put me on anti-depressants."

"You don't know that."

Syed went into the kitchen and started putting some shopping away. Christian followed him "are you self-harming again?"

Syed didn't say anything.

"I'll take that as a yes then."

"Please yourself."

"You really need to accept the help people are offering you. You can't carry on like this Syed. What if you do yourself a real injury?"

"You should go."

"I care about you, I'm worried sick about you, please speak to someone Syed."

"I want you to go."

Christian looked at him helplessly and he felt tears welling up in his eyes. He pulled Syed round to look at him.

"Remember Syed call me any time of day or night. Don't do anything silly okay. We can talk things through if you want to."

Syed turned round and carried on what he was doing so Christian walked away and out of the flat.