Note: I read and reread and rewrote this chapter, scrapping the beginning several times. I tried not to be too wordy, too overwrought and I hope I managed to cut a lot of the excess out and focus on "what matters". As much as I hoped to shorten this further, I couldn't kill any more of it without taking away from the story, at least in my opinion.

I feel satisfied with this chapter. I hope you feel the same way. Let me know what you think. More than anything else, I pray you enjoy it.

~KL

Chapter 6

Shepard was running with all of her strength, legs jumping over twigs and roots. The forest was suffocating, so tightly packed that she could barely make out the path ahead.

This was a dream. She knew that much. All she could do was go along with the show her mind was putting on. Should she be afraid? It certainly was a dark vision so far. That, and the fact she didn't know if she was giving chase or running away.

Her legs continued their frantic pace, the sight of the world around her blurred with the incredible speed of her advance. Suddenly, just ahead, she saw someone else. They were running fast too, faster than any person should be able to move.

"Wait!" she cried out of instinct. She didn't really know if she wanted them to wait, but it just felt like the thing to say.

The person didn't respond, maneuvering swiftly through twisted and gnarled branches and the shadows they cast.

"Can't you stop for just a second!" she yelled again.

"I can't!" a voice responded.

This 'chase' continued for some time, Shepard never seeming to run out of stamina but the person in front of her growing no closer.

Finally, the darkness of the trees broke and a clearing could be seen in the distance. The fleeing person before her stumbled and fell right into the rays of light that shined as the road seemed to end.

Coming upon her, Shepard stopped and tried to help the person. It was a beautiful woman with skin that was light-blue and soft. She cut a tall and elegant figure, her bearing like that of someone very noble, very refined. Her face was smooth and flawless but for the freckles she had under her eyes. She had thin lips that were, for now, flat and without any revealing expression. Her eyes were narrow with determination and the brows above were dark, almost drawn on.

"Why were you running from me?" Shepard asked.

"I wasn't. I am on my own course. You were chasing ME." She said as she stood, dusting herself off.

"I-I wanted to catch up to you."

"Well, you've caught me."

Shepard felt awkward. She really didn't know what to say.

"I wanted to follow you. I had hoped maybe then I wouldn't be alone."

The hard expression of the woman now changed. Her eyes widened, now full of kindness, and her lips rose with a smile.

"I think I recognize you," the woman began, "Yes, we used to walk together. Times are different now, everything so much faster and more dangerous."

"Can you come with me again?" As Shepard said this, she felt as a terrible, gaping void opened up within her, threatening to draw her in and swallow her whole. Her loneliness was almost overpowering.

The beauty in front of her became very sad. Her face dropped and she looked towards the ground.

"I am afraid I cannot."

"Why not?" Shepard asked in desperation.

"I just can't. I am very sorry-"

"Don't say that! Don't say that-"

Realization dawned on her. Liara. The woman was Liara.

"I know you! You are Liara! You look so different. "

The asari laughed with the sound of a sweet melody. "I am not too different. I am who you remember me as."

"Did I make you run from me? Is it my fault?"

Liara smiled again. She moved forward and embraced her. "Of course not, my love. I just have a different road from you. You have a path, too. It is one you must follow to its end."

"Can't you share my road? Like you used to?" Shepard's eyes were filling with tears, her hopes hung by a thread.

"Do not mourn, for I am not lost to you. As long as you remember what we had, I am always with you."

Shepard began to weep in Liara's arms. She tightened her hold and buried her head in her chest. Old sensations began to reemerge. The slightest hints of a familiar scent, a touch, and a warmth that seemed so real. Why did this have to be a dream?

"I remember when I saw you leave aboard the Normandy. I remember the last time you looked at me with worry in your eyes. I never got to say goodbye. I just yelled at you. I don't want to have to lose you again." Shepard held her eyes shut tightly, holding onto a dream within a dream.

Liara gently pushed aside hairs upon her head. She leaned down and kissed her. "Hush, Shepard," she said softly, "do not cry for me. Your love survived even death, and the memory of me should give you strength, not sorrow. Remember me as I was, love me for who I am."

Moments passed. Shepard hoped it could've been a lifetime. Opening her eyes, she looked toward the caring face above. "Will we ever be together again?"

"Our roads crossed once before," Liara said with her voice a soft whisper, "maybe they will again. I cannot say, none of us can. We don't choose where we begin and we don't have much choice where this all ends. Other forces even decide what we do in-between those two points. Just cling to what makes you happy, what gives you reason to live. All the rest will fall away with the changing seasons of your life. So long as you have your sweet memories of me and the love of those around you, I think you'll be alright."

"I can't do this alone." Shepard said through her sobs.

"You aren't alone. Cry your tears, but you will have to dry your eyes soon. There is a lot ahead for you. You have survived so much and you will live through even the loss of me. When you wake up, I want you to stand tall, to be strong. You are a powerful woman who doesn't have to spend her time alone in anguish. Find comfort in your friends. Find refuge in their hearts, their devotion to you."

"I want to see you again." Shepard said quietly.

Liara bit her lip. "That is your choice to make. Just remember, no matter what happens, you will always have a part of me in you. You will always reside in me as well. Nothing will ever change that."

A bitterly cold wind began to blow. The trees began to sway, their leaves rustling with the rushing air. Theirs colors, once green with life, now began to change into red at first and then brown.

"It's time for me to go, Shepard. It is time for you to wake up." Liara said.

"Please just stay awhile longer. Please let me have this moment." Shepard said. It was not to be, as the figure before her began to step away out of reach.

"Remember what I was to you, Shepard. I will always be yours, no matter what time and circumstance do to us."

Liara turned, and with one final glance backwards, rushed forward once again. She disappeared quickly into another thicket of trees ahead. She was gone.

Shepard sat upon the floor of the forest. Leaves began to fall upon her, their colors changing even as the glided down towards her. As she caught one in her hand, it crumpled and blew away in pieces.

She felt as if a rope in her being had been tied to Liara, the image of her at least, that now departed. It was stretching, growing thin and frayed, but it remained. Part of her could still feel it, twisting and turning with the unseen movements of the other person who was bound by it.

Yet, she was gone. Out of sight. Shepard looked down and let the leaves pile upon her, burying her as the rained down.

"Shepard-" a voice said, "Wake up."

Her vision began to become blurry and then faded into nothing. She felt herself being sucked into reality once again, her senses returning to their normal state.

"Are you alright? Shepard?" the voice said.

She felt someone clinging to her from behind, holding her tightly. Opening her eyes, she saw the familiar gray walls of her quarters. She was under the covers of her own bed. Turning quickly she found that Kelly Chambers was the one pulling her close.

"You were talking in your sleep," Kelly said quietly, "you sounded very agitated."

For a moment, Shepard didn't speak, her eyes darting across the concerned face in front of her. Her mouth was dry and her heart was heavy.

"Kelly." She whispered.

"Yes, Shepard?"

"I miss her."

Kelly looked at her with uncertain emotions. "I know you do."

"I don't want to hurt like this anymore. I want to make this stop. This awful feeling of sadness is too much. I am supposed to be a soldier, but they don't train you for this."

"I wish I could do something to help the pain. I just wish I knew how. Tell me anything, and I'll do it." There was an intense look in the fiery-haired woman's eyes. They showed an incredible sincerity and eagerness to respond to whatever Shepard might say.

"Just being yourself, being here is enough. You've been good to me."

Kelly reached out a hand and caressed Shepard's face. She leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "I am here for you. Anytime."

They held each other for awhile longer, neither saying anything. It felt good to hug so close to another's body. Shepard had missed that feeling, and Kelly was more than accommodating. Eventually, they had to get up, realizing they had slept for nearly seven hours. Kelly dutifully cleaned up the remains of last night's meal. Her attitude became very cheery again, talking and doing her best to lighten the mood. She went so far as to lay out her clothes and check messages for her, all part of helping prepare for the day.

"You have to see Miranda in half an hour." Kelly said while gently brushing Shepard's hair. Occasionally, she would struggle with knots, but her careful motions were soothing to the nerves.

"Miranda? How could I forget our daily meeting? I can't wait to see her cheery face." Shepard said with a snicker.

Kelly playfully hit Shepard's arm. "Now don't act like that! Miranda cares about you a lot. All the hidden things she does for you."

"Yes, yes, I know. She keeps an eye on me."

"Yes, she most certainly does." Kelly said with a distant tone.

After a few more minutes, Kelly made her way out, a final smile and hug goodbye before she left. Shepard stood and was ready to face a new day. The dream and its message still hung in the back of her mind, but she had to focus. She had to be strong.

As she made her way to Miranda's office, she greeted the crew members she came across confidently. Kelly's caring ways had made her feel better and while she didn't exactly have a spring in her step, for the moment she felt she had everything under control.

As the door to her destination opened, Miranda was found sitting in her typical spot, typing away at a terminal.

"Shepard." Miranda said in acknowledgement, not even bothering to turn her head.

"Always good to see you, Ms. Lawson." Shepard said with a smile as she sat, the door shutting behind her.

"Someone is in a good mood." Miranda's voice was flat, her demeanor cold and distant. Even as she focused on her work, something seemed to be distracting her.

"Well, shall we begin?"

"Just a few moments. I am typing up the last of yesterday's reports as well as our agenda for today."

Minutes passed without any attempts at conversation. Shepard grew impatient and began to fidget uncomfortably. She crossed her legs and, without anything better to do, began to ponder the floor's many mysteries.

"So," Miranda said suddenly, still staring at her screen, "how did your 'date' go?"

"Date?" Shepard asked.

"With Kelly Chambers." The name came out of Miranda's mouth through gritted teeth.

"Does word of everything I do travel around this ship that fast?"

"It is my job to look out for you, Commander. Also, Kelly is hardly subtle when it comes to her intentions."

Shepard uncrossed her legs and leaned forward. "Intentions, Miranda?"

"You know what I mean."

"No, actually I don't. Please 'elucidate' me."

Miranda continued typing, as if the conversation was thoroughly uninteresting to her. "All I meant was her intention to bring you dinner."

"I see. We had dinner, like you said. It was very nice of her to go out of her way like that. Kelly is very kind to me. I like to think we are very close."

Only Shepard's attentive eye could have caught the slightest hint of a grimace in Miranda's face.

"Yes, Ms. Chambers is very attentive to your needs. I just think that her behavior is sometimes inappropriate when she is around you."

"Inappropriate? How do you mean?" Shepard asked with a raised eyebrow.

"You must know. The way she acts around you. How she runs her hands over you-"

"You mean how she hugs me? Is hug the word you were looking for?" She was becoming irritated now.

"Whatever you want to call it. I just think you should be careful. Spending all that time with her alone. It could cause gossip and erode your stature as our commander-"

"Oh could it now? It seems you are the one most bothered by it. What's your problem Miranda? Do you not like how I happen to have a life outside of your watchful eye? Does Kelly's kindness to me rub you the wrong way? Why are the details of what I do in my personal life any business of yours?"

"YOUR personal life isn't my concern," Miranda said, her voice raised, "my concern is for the ship and our mission. I don't want anything to get in the way of our-"

"We slept together." Shepard interjected.

Miranda's fingers froze and her mouth fell open slightly as if in shock. A look of hurt passed briefly over her face, but she quickly recovered and began typing again, albeit slowly and as if rattled. "Well good to see you are finding something to do with your time. Who you have 'relations' with isn't important to me, I just hope that no one gets hu-"

"Literally."

"Excuse me?" Miranda asked with her eyes now focused on Shepard.

"We slept together in the most literal sense possible. Slept as in her and I closed our eyes and fell asleep next to each other. We woke up and here I am now."

Miranda let out a quiet breath of relief. "I shouldn't have pried into your personal affairs. It was none of my business." She said apologetically, "Are you two-?"

Shepard stood and slowly made her way towards Miranda. Clearing away a datapad, she sat herself right atop her desk and looked down at the face of the now embarrassed woman. "Are we what?" she asked in a low, almost seductive tone.

"I-it is important, ah," Miranda struggled with her words and anxiously began to run her fingers through her hair, "it's important I know if there are certain attachments aboard ship. To prevent conflicts, of course. Crew morale and all that. It's not personal, not really, or at all really, or, well you know what I am saying. Yo-you live your own life and, ah, well it is not my concern who you are with or what your orientation is or-"

"Orientation?" Shepard felt that she should stop, but part of her felt justified in making Miranda flounder.

"What I mean is your 'preference', who you, you know what I mean." Miranda look flustered now, her face was almost beet red. Her eyes refused to meet Shepard's steady gaze.

"You mean you know I like women? Is there a problem with that?"

"No!" Miranda said with a start, "Of course not! Oh, damn it. I've dug myself a hole here. Listen Shepard, I am just trying to look out for you. I am just hoping you don't get hu-I mean no one gets hurt aboard ship."

Shepard smiled at seeing the defenses of this usually stone-cold woman fall yet again. "For your information then, Kelly is a very close friend, almost like a sister to me. She uses her skills as a psychologist well and I really felt that talking to her helped me. In an unfortunate disappointment to all the whispering crew aboard ship, no, we are not together and there is no steamy lovemaking between us."

"Good." Miranda said, "I mean that it is good that we can put any rumors to rest then."

"We did cuddle though, spooning you might call it really."

Miranda winced slightly.

Shepard ran a single finger down the frazzled woman's face, stopping before she ran into her lips. "She also kissed me. Right the-"

"You are such an ass!" Miranda said, shaking her head.

Shepard laughed. "You worry too much, Miranda. No, sadly, I am still a single lonely woman." Though she said the words in jest, she could not help but a feel a slight pang of sorrow at the truth in them.

She stood and walked over to the window that stared out into space. The stars streaked by as the Normandy made its way swiftly through the darkness.

"It really puts things into perspective, doesn't it?" Shepard said wistfully.

Collecting herself, Miranda rose and walked over to her side. "What does?"

"Space. All of our concerns, our worries, wants, fears, loves, all the things that we consider so critically important are not even the tiniest blips in such a massive universe. To something so big, we must hardly matter."

"It matters to us, Shepard." Miranda said quietly.

"All of this. The Reapers, Collectors, the Citadel, all of it. You'd think for such advanced species' we'd have figured out a way not to kill each other. To feel things other than hate."

Miranda grabbed Shepard's hand and squeezed it softly. "There are other feelings in the universe than hate. For all of the immensity of existence, it's the little things, between people, that make sentient life worth living. We were blessed with minds that let us live beyond instinct. We are, in a way, the universe looking back at itself and being able to have experiences that stars, rocks, black holes and comets can never tell of."

Shepard turned, her hand still joined with Miranda's. "My, my, I never expected such words from you."

"Don't mock me."

"I'm not. It's a beautiful way to look at all of this. I wish that you would show this side of yourself more often. I am, after all, supposed to be an emotionless and hardened killer, or so the made-for-the-extranet movie about me says. I need someone to balance that."

Miranda chuckled. "No medium could ever hope to capture the reality of someone so wonderful."

It took a few moments for the depth of emotion behind those words to hit Shepard, or Miranda for that matter. Both of them swallowed at the same time, at a loss for what had just passed between them.

"I-I'm flattered you think that of me." Shepard said.

Miranda reached out and held Shepard's other hand. "I admire you. All you have done after everything this cruel world threw at you. You should be angry, you should be so-"

"What good would it be to be full of resentment? I didn't choose what was done to me. I can only choose how I react to it. These days, I do my best to make sure I live, well, as 'good' a life as I can. Whatever that really means. It is people like you that help me do that."

"I am not sure how much I do. After everything father did to make me perfect, I still am a dim bulb compared to you. All the best money could buy and I a-"

Shepard pulled Miranda towards her, almost causing their bodies to bump into each other. "I am tired of hearing that bullshit from you! If I don't have to feel guilty about being beaten down and poor, something I never had a choice in, then why should you feel bad about what you were born into, or how you came to be? You are NOT perfect, neither am I. It is the imperfections that make us need other people. I need YOU, Miranda, just as you are. What do you want? Should I flatter you endlessly with your good qualities?"

Miranda looked down meekly and shook her head.

"What should I say?" Shepard continued, "You are my wise councilor? The one I lean on for advice, for reassurance, for strategy? Should I talk about how without you this entire mission would have failed within its first moment? How I would still be dead? Maybe you want me to say how beautiful you are, or how smart, or-"

"Stop." Miranda said with a whisper and a weak smile. "You don't need to say all that."

"Good. Can we talk about me instead now?" Shepard said with a grin.

Miranda pulled back slightly, releasing Shepard's hands. Her breathing was slightly quickened and she seemed unsettled.

"Are you alright?" Shepard asked, "You look a pale."

"I think-I think I need to sit for a moment." Miranda nearly collapsed into the cushions nearby.

Shepard was worried. She took a seat as well and waited a few moments before she spoke. "If it was something I said-"

"I can't be near you!" Miranda cried out suddenly. She shifted her body away from proximity with Shepard's own.

"What? What do you mean?"

Grabbing at her own head, Miranda looked distraught. "I can't be near you! It-it just isn't right. I can't."

"Miranda-"

"No, Shepard. I-I don't know how to, ah, I've never felt, ah shit."

"I've never heard you use that kind of language before."

"Don't tease me! I am not joking!" She said, nearly yelling now.

Shepard was confused. Within moments they had gone from finding common ground to one person being full of anger.

"I am sorry. I don't mean to take this lightly. Just listen to me. Let's calm down and-"

"Shepard, you have to go!"

"Miranda, wait-"

"You have to go! I-I am beside myself. I can barely look at you without-"

"Without what?"

Miranda was breathless, her mouth open, her brow furrowed in anxiety. She just stared in speechless silence.

Shepard frowned and stood slowly. "Maybe we will talk later. We are almost to the refuel and resupply station and we will have to decide our next plan of action."

Miranda didn't even look at her.

"I don't understand what I did to make you-never mind. I will go."

She turned and began to walk away.

"It wasn't something you said."

Shepard stopped in her tracks. "Then what is wrong?" She heard the high-heeled steps of the woman behind her. To her surprise, she felt arms reaching around her waist and a head resting against her back.

It should've been an awkward moment, but there was no tension in the air. Shepard ran her hands over the arms that held her, slow and tender movements. "Miranda-" she began to say as she turned.

"Don't say anything. Words would just ruin the moment." Miranda whispered.

The dark haired woman looked into Shepard's eyes, her hands roaming from her lower back up toward her shoulders. There, her grasp tightened, almost desperately so. Their foreheads leaned one against the others.

"This is what matters, Shepard. How people feel for one another."

"And what do you feel for me?" Shepard was almost afraid to hear the answer. A mix of guilt and ecstasy ran through every fiber of her being. She knew what Miranda was going to say. She couldn't help but feel something too, even as her heart held a place for another.

"I want you to be happy."

"That's not what I asked."

Miranda buried her head in Shepard's chest. "We had better get-get back to business. I am sorry I yelled at-"

"Look at me." Shepard insisted.

"We need to talk about-"

"Look at me, Miranda." She was playing with fire. If she was smart, she'd walk away now. She'd stop this before it went any further. Her instinct was driving her forward, clawing at the insides of her mind to escape and take control of her. The lingering words of her dream were reverberating through her head. Liara's face was shining, her smile bright as the dawn. Yet, that was just an image, a vision. In front of her was a real live woman, a beautiful one at that. She could feel the warmth of her body, hear her breaths, and take in the scent of her skin. Her insides were being torn between a memory and this moment.

Miranda did look at her, with trembling eyes and a nervous expression on her lips. She looked as if she were anticipating something, waiting with baited breath.

Shepard was a leader, decisive and unafraid of war and all its terrors. She was on a different field of battle now, one against herself.

"I want this." She said.

"Then take it." Miranda responded.

Her mind cleared now, everything else being swept away by a roaring flame. She only needed to focus on doing one thing now. Nothing but this mattered.