Chase This Light.
By SwedishNerd.
Disclaimer: I do not own very much, only the angst-filled plot!
The man on the bridge looks out over the water far below. The current is strong, it'll probably suck him right down and never let go. His clothes are ragged from the storm; it has stopped now though, cracking up into a shameless sunny day, and his face unshaven. His aged face is lined with wrinkles, deep, sad wrinkles. Beneath all that, one can tell he has once been very handsome. Very handsome indeed, but what one cannot see is how he spent his life.
No one can see he escaped from his hometown when only 18 years old. By boat he made it to France, working his way to Paris. In Paris he worked in a coffee shop for years until he had scrambled enough money to get into school. He only studied two years though, before he dropped out; he had met the love of his life.
No one would know he still remembered her, standing at the very bridge they had once stood on, every bit of her. From the way her hair glistered in the sun and every last freckle on her body he knew by heart. Her laugh he could distinguish from a thousand, as well as her voice. He knew the exact way her nose scrunched up whenever she heard or saw something she didn't like and he knew every last, shimmering color in her emerald eyes.
No one would know he had to return to England when his mother fell fatally ill. Once he had returned she was already on her deathbed. The choice to leave Lily had been the toughest decision he'd ever had to make in his life. In the end though, the duty he felt for his mother and younger siblings had won.
No one would know how he took care of her and later, when she passed away half a year later, his siblings. He worked hard to take care of them, as anyone with such lovely siblings would have. Not ever did he hear from Lily, not that he had expected, having left her in such a hurry, with no proper goodbyes and no promise of ever returning. Then he finally, years later, returned to Paris. But things never stay the same for too long, and he had been away a very long time. The pain that came with seeing her engaged with another man was unbearable. He'd never in his life felt such pain; it was like losing his mother ten times over. He was almost sure it would kill him, unfortunately it didn't. It only made him stronger, yet the pain seemed to get as well.
In a building across the street from where he lived, a little bakery lay. She worked there, and he visited. He visited every day, just to see her, and the pain the memories brought back gave him the strength to wait for her, years of waiting. He read it in the newspaper, when she married, lived to see them move in together in a house down the streets. It was blue, a pretty home, as she had wanted it. He lived to see her become a housewife, something she had always been opposed to. "A lady should earn her own living." She had often said, so it surprised him to see her like that. They never had any children, tough. He knew she'd dreamt of it but perhaps he had been impotent.
He lived until he feared he'd die before her. It was the one thing he got petrified, just thinking about, to live without her. Although he did not wish to live without her, he could not think of the day that would come when he would see this world without its greatest advantage: Lily Evans. Also, he knew he could never pass away peacefully if he did so before her, he had to know if he could ever have a chance with her.
No one would know that his quiet persistence finally paid off. That at the age of fifty-two he would finally get his dream come true, years overdue. However, fate was cruel to him, again, and his time with her was short. Too short, one might say, when she passed away in a hit-and-run accident, leaving his face wrinkled and worn as it was.
He wants her, watching his reflection far below. One can barely see the tiny smile that pulls at the corners of his mouth. Upon taking that small, yet so very fatal step, the smile broadens almost into a grin.
There was time for regret still, on his way down. The fall was long and he could see his life flash before his eyes, all of the mistakes, all the good things and all the bad. There is still time to regret the decision to jump, to fall into the unknown, "the light". Much time. But he doesn't. Much things he regrets, choices and mistakes of his past, but this is no mistake. This is one of the few things he's done right.
No one would know why he smiled when his body collides with the water. Why he still smiles when breath gets knocked out of him, when he sinks down in the deep water and when light seems to turn off inside of him. But he does.
He smiles, because he, James Potter, is finally reuniting with Lily Evans.
AN: Found this poor one-shot shut inside one of my infinite notepads, so I just quickly wrote it down and posted it. Hope you like it, reviewers are my best friends! Love, SN.