The Perfection of Imperfections
Chapter 8
It's hard to concentrate on sorting out your own problems, emotions and life in general when you're living in someone else's. Life, that is.
Sora mused over this piece of wisdom he had recently gained as he lay awake in tangled sheets at 2:22am.
It had been a month and something since his maths exam and the brunette teenager found himself constantly in Roxas' life, despite the fact that Sora hadn't seen the blonde since that day of maths. He wondered about everything Roxas could be doing, who he could be with, where and the forever alpha question: was he thinking about him too?
The exams had all been and gone, Sora didn't see Roxas at any of the rest of his, and the summer holidays were well under way and he would be attending university soon. Which didn't please Sora one bit. The bruises on his side from when he last spoke to the blonde had even faded.
Blue eyes blankly and feebly stared at the dull ceiling above and he waited: he waited for help, something…Roxas.
How Roxas was gonna appear from the ceiling at this time in the morning, Sora had no idea, but he still hoped.
The brunette had tried so many times to think of other things; for a start, just why had he kissed Roxas? Was he gay? He hadn't really considered this but it was a possibility, anything was at the moment. But that just didn't seem to fit, not as well as just Roxas being the real reason did.
He tossed in the twisted sheets for some sort of freedom but found himself too tired to keep trying, he didn't mind it that much anyway; moving around simply reminded him he could if he wanted to, he wasn't trapped.
The brunette had been through the initial shock of what had happened, it had even made him a hermit for a few days (in fear that he might kiss everyone he saw if he didn't let it pass by for a while), it probably cost him one of his exams too. He had then gone through complete confusion where he started doubting reality itself (including Roxas' actual existence) and his sanity.
And now, here he was (a place Sora had never found himself before): completely given up. He was just too tired, he could see the weariness in his own eyes and his friends could too and there was nothing else he could do about the full situation except accept it and leave it. So he tried.
Sora kissed Roxas, Roxas kissed back (the brunette's heart skipped) and that's that.
Feeling his expression crumple with distaste, the teenager kicked at his sheets with irritation and impatience.
IT WAS NOT JUST THAT AND THIS WASN'T THE END OF IT!
He knew it wouldn't be! It may be for Roxas but no doubt, tomorrow Sora would find himself in this bed at 2:22am in this exact same situation. It happened every night so why would this be the end?!
He tugged at his dark spikes and dug his heels into his mattress. Sora had kissed Roxas. And kissing was for dares or if two people are drunk or if two people like each other.
Sora let out a whimper as he, again, pulled at his spikes.
He sighed into the warm, sleepy air around him as he felt his mind finally let down its last wall, his heart sing songs it shouldn't, his tense body loosen, his eyes shut and welcome in the sight of nothing but himself where he was alone, where could think freely and desperately.
His lip quivered, throat choked. That was it… wasn't it? He liked Roxas.
It was obvious, now that he let his heart beat willingly and his thoughts smother Roxas generously, he couldn't understand why he hadn't seen it before. Maybe, all the people who were around when he saw Roxas had disguised it?
The boy bit his lip and held back any noise as his cobalt eyes began to sting under their tightly squeezed lids. For the first time in months and months, Sora felt somewhat calm or maybe that was the void awareness that these feelings were a waste. Liking Roxas in that way was a hopeless plight.
Or maybe it was sleep closing in on the lonely boy with wet eyes and a realisation too big.
Sora awoke feeling groggy and with eyes which refused to open fully. Pushing sticky spikes away from his face, he solemnly watched rays of sun slip under the blinds and stretch across his room.
If he were to guess he would say it was about one in the afternoon.
The boy lay in his warm bed for a while, his mind blank but his heart unsettled. Sora dropped his arm onto his face and listened to his own slow breathing as he wondered if the frown he had woken up with had been there all night.
And, just like every other morning, Roxas was there, in his thoughts. Sora felt a sigh in the back of his throat as he swung his feet around and off his bed and placed his face into his palms.
Although the brunette knew it had been a week or so since he realised his feelings for Roxas, it felt as though he discovered his own feelings minutes ago.
Sora then quietly got showered and dressed.
By two o'clock he was shuffling from his home and making his five minute journey to Riku's house and for a good few hours Sora, Riku and Kairi left their home town and went somewhere semi-unfamiliar for a familiarly nice time. And as the day began coming to a lazy end, Riku and Kairi retreated to the red-head's house while Sora decided, for him, it was better just to go home and sulk… just for a little while.
However, the youth didn't anticipate that although he thought it was best for him to be home, fate may not.
Sora stared pass the rows and rows of plain houses as the bus he had forced himself to trust to get him home chugged down the main road of some street Sora hadn't seen before. The brunette felt a small tug at his lips as the chance of seeing Roxas around slipped into his system however, the small betraying smile was soon a frown.
Heaving a quiet sigh, Sora scanned the other passengers in the bus and caught his gaze with a girl, his age, dark hair that seemed to be interested in him. Another sigh later, Sora drew his inexpressive gaze from hers and led it back to the streets rushing past the bus in search of blonde spikes.
If only. Sora thought as he gave the girl a second thought but his thought was interrupted when the bus gave a loud, pathetic gurgle.
Sitting up slightly, the brunette shifted and curiously peered down the aisle of the bus in hope to catch a sense of what was happening. A mumble had spread through the few passengers on the bus. And then, the driver pulled the bus up to a nearby curb for an unscheduled stop. Sora felt his expression turn into one of exasperation and his stomach fall into frustration as he waited for the bus driver's predictable announcement.
The driver squeezed from his booth as Sora took an internal huff; he really should have seen this coming from the state of the bus.
"Sorry everyone, this will be this bus's lasts top for today." The driver called out from the front, "However, I'm gonna make a call and another bus will pick you all up and continue on the normal route out to the countryside and to the village."
Countryside?! Village?! Shit, wrong bus!
Sora immediately hopped out of his seat and clambered to the front of the bus, glancing to the dark haired girl for a second.
"Son, you can wait in here, the other bus won't be too long." The driver tried, his tone apologetic.
"No, sorry, it's just I'm on the wrong bus." Sora half-laughed as he edged past the driver and to the doors.
"Oh," Came the surprised reply of the driver, "Well, good thing we broke down and you realised then, eh?" He chuckled.
"Eh, yeah, sure." Sora shrugged with a smile as the doors opened and allowed a gust of fresh air to burst into the bus, "Thanks then, bye."
The youth stood outside the bus for an awkward moment, bearing his surroundings, until he became very aware of the fact h was the most curious thing to the rest of the bus passengers. Eyes on the ground, Sora hurriedly stalked away from the bus and down the main street, looking up until he had turned a corner.
And then he stopped, looked up, looked around and realised he had no idea on earth where the hell he was. Well, he did have one clue: it was nowhere near his home. Letting out a long, frustrated sigh Sora frowned at his alien surroundings. He seemed to be quite far from the main town area and in a housing area, near the outside strip of green countryside.
The brunette began to slowly shuffle down the street he had entered and momentarily considered going back to the bus and asking for directions but decided against it due to the inescapable embarrassment he would face. Swinging his gaze to the sky, Sora decided the weather (cloudy and clammy) might just let him get him home by himself before any rain.
And so, without a phone for communication or directions, he walked and walked and walked… and walked while clouds gathered and gathered above him, adding to the pressure to get home soon.
Sora amused himself by thinking of Roxas, of course. He thought about what it would be like he they were friends and if the blonde didn't hate him completely and if maybe what he would say to him if he happened to pass by while Sora shuffled through the streets looking for something familiar.
But then, as the day dreaming teen turned his ten millionth corner that day, a small shop not too far down the street shone brightly in the quickly dimming streets. Nearly yelping and jumping from joy and surprise, Sora skipped down the street and to the small beacon of hope with thoughts of snacks and directions to get home effectively brightening his expression.
The air inside the shop was airily cool compared to the warm thick air polluting the outdoors and Sora breathed it in with a somewhat nostalgic feeling. Humming happily to himself he allowed a feeling of relief to swim through him and to his numb feet as he began searching for snacks in the small store. The prospect of getting home was finally looking bright for the youth and regarding today, things were generally beginning to look-
"Is that everything for you?"
Sora's breath choked him; immediately paralysing him. His gaze remained locked onto the snack he loosely held in his hand and a sickly sweat broke out over his panicked numb limbs as that voice echoed in his blank mind.
It was Roxas: that slightly flat voice. It was Roxas, there was no doubt about it. Sora had never been so sure and he had never been more nerve-wrecked. And by saying he was nerve-wrecked, he was nerve-derelict, nerve-destroyed…
"Thanks, bye."
The youth felt his heart shudder as he bit his lip, hoping the dry hoarse panic in his stomach wouldn't cause the emptying of it. However, despite the shaky striking alarm and dread he was facing from simply hearing Roxas' voice, Sora couldn't shake the exhilarating thrum and tickle at the pit of his stomach.
Memories of his last encounter with Roxas warped his emotions and thoughts in fear. The frightened, embarrassed youth didn't know if he should give in to panic and run or make mends. Thinking of the latter, his heart eased its chaotic beat for an instant. If he was being honest with himself, he did want to speak to Roxas again, even if the thought of it disorientated him more than anything else.
Sora curled his shaky hand around the snack he was currently holding, took a deep breath and turned.
He knew his mind would void its self of coherent thought when his eyes caught sight of Roxas but the reaction still caused his heart to stop, just for a moment.
Roxas was here, it was official; no doubt about it and it fascinated the brunette. The blonde busied himself with another customer while Sora slowly made his way to the counter, his unblinking eyes never leaving Roxas. However, said boy was too busy to notice the squirming brunette.
Sora, feeling slightly awkward as he waited, watched Roxas serve the customer in front of him. The blonde even gave a smile, albeit forced, to the person as his quick nimble fingers tapped prices into the register without any trace of effort. Sora could feel himself nearly smile; Roxas was good at his job.
But the brunette's smile soon turned; this was all too surreal, he didn't know how to deal with it, with Roxas. What if this incredible meeting of chance and fate was a mistake, something he would make an even bigger mess out of?
But Sora found himself distracted as he unconsciously began stealing swift scans of the other's attire. The blonde wore somewhat tightly fitting jeans and a washed out shirt, the sleeves pushed up to his elbows. The nervous youth could feel the bridge of nose burn as he contemplated how well Roxas wore his clothes.
Roxas hadn't changed; somehow Sora thought he would have in the last month he hadn't seen him.
Sora patiently watched Roxas pack the last bag with a few beers and tap a few more digits into the register.
Biting his lip, Sora realised this may be his only chance, he would just have to go for it, try his best and hope he could fix things between him and Roxas.
Suddenly, the person in front of the thoughtful brunette turned and, in an anxious rush, pushed past Sora and out of the shop but only when the person tossed a look of artificial sorry over his shoulder did the somewhat annoyed brunette recognize how young the boy was and the fact that he was slightly…off?
Mildly surprised, Sora watched after the young boy as he jogged across the road clinging to his new bag of clinking beers.
"Sora?"
Said boy's gaze snapped straight to the person who called him.
Roxas' expression only bordered surprise but remained its usual inexpressiveness. Sora noticed he still liked it along with the current tingling bubbling in his stomach.
Taking a cautious step forward, the brunette warily watched Roxas for some sign of an impending attack or even a hurtful glare. But his paranoia was unfulfilled. The blonde's eyes, still wide and blue, only seemed to ask questions in their nervous hazy clarity.
"Hi, Roxas." Sora could hear an apologetic tone in his own voice already.
Roxas nodded slowly, his jaw tight, eyes looking around the small shop.
Feeling awkward and as though he was wasting Roxas' time, the flustered teen shoved his snacks on top of the counter and meekly looked back up to Roxas as if to declare peace.
Shaking his head slightly, Roxas' eyes focused and he tapped numbers into the register (although his thoughts clearly elsewhere) as his free hand ran through his hectic sunshine spikes. The bright whiteness of the small store seemed to make Roxas' skin even paler, smoother too, and his eyes a little more contrasting.
"So…um…" Sora quietly attempted, glancing to Roxas' lips timidly, thankfully the other boy kept his eyes away, "How ya been?" Sora tried to smile but his expression felt heavy with nerves and his had heartbeat deafened him.
Blinking, Roxas looked to Sora and gave a breathy, "Yeah, alright suppose. You?" He seemed to be having trouble believing Sora was there.
"Good." The brunette shrugged, smiling a little as he realised Roxas hadn't shown any signs of hatred towards him yet, "Well, except from today: you see, I'm kinda lost: don't really know where I am."
A blonde eyebrow rose in mild humour at this and his lips curled causing a tremor of adrenaline to wickedly pulse through Sora.
But Roxas didn't seem to want to dwell on anything with Sora at that moment, "That comes to one fifty." His face had suddenly become impassive again, Roxas' ability to switch his expression like that un-nerved Sora to some extent.
For a moment though, the brunette watched Roxas continuingly flick his gaze all around the shop except to the boy standing in front of him. And so, feeling silly and rejected Sora thumped some change onto the counter, swiped his items and stalked out of the shop, clutching onto any dignity he could find within himself.
"Sora?"
Roxas.
"Yeah?"
The brunette didn't dare turn; he didn't know if he was angry or hurt or sorry so he couldn't decide on an expression, he merely breathed into the thick air.
"You didn't give me enough money."
Sora felt his expression collapse in exasperation. Of course he hadn't! And of course Roxas couldn't just drop it and let Sora just slink away in embarrassment.
"Sorry." Sora emitted a poor chuckle and dug through his pockets, still not turning to Roxas.
"Y'know," Roxas piped up while Sora searched, "I was about to go on my break…"
"Really?" Sora mumbled back, not understanding where Roxas was going with this.
"Yeah, really." Sora heard the blonde half growl back, "You gonna turn around or what?"
At that Sora turned to face Roxas, his Roxas. And all the troubled youth wanted to do at that instant was to feel that same warmth linger on his lips like it had so destructively before.
"Here." Sora bluntly stated, his voice cracked voice as he held a fist of coins out to Roxas.
The two exchanged a hard stare and Roxas eventually took the money, Sora was careful they didn't touch; the kiss was playing over and over vividly in his mind.
A rigid silence smothered the two as Sora gave Roxas a glance, the blonde looked back, his eyes showed a blurry of thoughts unspoken.
"So," Roxas sighed, blinking and swallowing, "You were saying you were lost?" His tone rose at the end, amusement sprinkling it.
"Um…yeah." Sora replied, only remembering it now.
"And, I was thinking, since I'm going on my break, I could," Roxas took a breath, "Give you directions or something?"
Sora's heart took a nervous leap as he gave a curt nod, "Yeah, that'd be great, thanks."
Roxas flashed Sora a toothy grin and Sora's body jumped started, his skin fizzed and his stomach flipped.
"Right, just wait here." Roxas answered, lightly stepping into the shop again.
Sora took a brief moment to gather himself, fixing his hair and straightening his clothes, as his heartbeat quickened. The brunette could hear Roxas calling to someone in the shop.
Was this really happening?
"We officially have half an hour." Roxas grinned as the two began shuffling down the now dim streets.
Sora gave a small breath of laughter and continued forward; watching the street lights flicker on.
"So, how's the job?" Sora smiled, only glancing to Roxas for a tiny instant. It still caused a prickling over his cheeks.
"Shit." Roxas bluntly replied.
"Really?" Sora was surprised, he had assumed Roxas would like something he was good at.
"Yup."
"No hot girl assistant wandering around to cheer you up?" Sora joked but he could feel the strain in his smile as he momentarily wandered if Roxas had a girlfriend.
"Pfft." Was all Roxas replied, leaving Sora hanging.
Clouds had completely swarmed the sky now and the air was suffocating. The brunette felt too aware of his own body, the way he walked, his posture and the distance he was from the blonde. Both boys shared an awkwardly quiet moment with the only sound being their shoes hitting the pavement.
Sora noticed, as he had before, Roxas' right shoe lace was undone.
"There's no way you thought that guy you sold beers to was legal." Sora warily chuckled; trying to start a conversation again.
Roxas sucked in a tight breath and when Sora gave him a questioning look, the blonde bore an uninterested glare to the nerved brunette.
"I live around here, Sora." He eventually sighed, "Its best not to get on certain people's bad side."
The brunette had noticed the slight decline in street safety when he had entered the area but that was of no interest to Sora at that moment as he watched Roxas in slight awe for a moment, his heart a little more unsettled than it had been, a thrilling adrenaline enlightening his senses.
"Sora?" Roxas asked, his voice was tense and when Sora looked to said boy his posture had sulked slightly.
"Yeah?" Sora curiously answered, his gaze flickering from Roxas' blank expression and to the ground again.
"Y'know…y'know the l-last time we spoke?" Ignoring the stumbles, Roxas' was stoic and unwilling.
Sora felt a tight, refusing hand clutch onto his heart as he sucked in a shallow breath and gave a short nod, the memory of his own hand latching onto Roxas' soft spikes, their lips meeting (his stomach bubbled in anticipation), the scent of Roxas, the contact and the respondent…responding all flittered through his mind's eye.
He felt nervous and afraid of what could happen now because he was extremely conscious of how this conversation could alter his entire relationship (if it still existed afterwards) with Roxas. Sora wasn't sure if he could take this or wait through what Roxas would say next.
"I just-"
Sora couldn't wait. "I'm sorry, Roxas." The brunette ungracefully blurted out, his heart thumping off of his rib cage. "That day, I was kinda…" He searched for the perfect words, already knowing they didn't exist for this moment.
Sora took a small glance to Roxas and hoped he wasn't waiting for the end of that sentence.
"You were…?"
Damn it.
Still not knowing exactly how to express his feelings without confessing his real feelings, the only thing Sora could think of and fast was the mature response of sticking his tongue out and pulling a slightly crazed expression.
"Waackoo?" Sora tried while waving his hands.
But soon feeling like maybe he was actually mentally deranged, Sora retreated his expression and hands, a blush reddening his cheeks profusely.
However a slow chuckle hit Sora's hears like music and gaping at the boyish expression Roxas had and the happy glint in his clear eyes, Sora felt a hopeful smile pull at his lips and his heart shudder happily.
"I know what you mean, Sora." Roxas laughed as his posture loosened and he hung his hands in his pockets.
Biting his lips, Sora took a dip into some courage, "We're…we're still friends, right?" He cautiously added a casual laugh at the end.
"Yeah." The happy, sure answer from Roxas somewhat surprised Sora but the brunette accepted it with a grin instantly.
"Good." Sora smiled, subconsciously giving Roxas a light pat on the shoulder.
But the instant his hand made contact with Roxas, a paralysing fizzy bolt sped through his body in a sharp euphoria. Sora snapped his hand back to his side, the feeling of Roxas' shirt still hovering over his palm.
"Roxas?" Sora was gonna take full advantage of his friendship with Roxas; he just wanted to know anything he could about the blonde.
"Mhhm?"
"My 18th is in a few weeks and…"
I took ages T_T
But its long ? :D
So aye.
Review please!! PLEASE GIVE YOUR OPINIONS ON THE STORY SO FAR :]
Next chapter Sora's 18th. WOOOP. Roxy and Sora drunk…again _
Maybe some jealousy on the way?