First off, I must tell ya some songs that I listened to a stupid degree when writing this ;]
Sweet Disposition By Temper Trap
Hero By Regina Spektor
Also THANK YA REVIEWERS I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH!
The Perfections of Imperfections
Chapter 11
I like his eyes.
I like that squint in his teeth.
I like his flat voice.
I like how he messes his hair when he's stressed…and how it bounces back.
I like his half shrugs/glares/everythings.
I like the way he tries to hold his laugh in.
Sora continued internally rhyming everything he liked about Roxas as they lay on the frosty grass. It was near the end of October and despite the sharp, icy turn the weather had taken the boys had decided to take their lunch out on the nearby fields.
I like how it feels as though he is carrying around half of me.
It was a game Sora had come up with: whenever Roxas didn't feel like talking much, Sora would play it. It kept him entertained to no end, put him in a good mood too. Sora wriggled his fingers inside his pockets and smiled to Roxas who smiled back, his cheeks red from the cold. The blonde seemed to be in a good mood lately which put Sora in a good mood.
I like his real smile.
"Sora?" Roxas chirped, his breath turning into a cold swirl of steam in front of him.
"Mhhm?" Sora answered as he watched the bright blue clear sky; pretending his full attention wasn't Roxas' at that moment.
"Are you happy?"
That shocked the brunette. His heart thrummed unevenly and his surprised gaze stayed on the blank blue above him, he didn't know what to say. He was still trying to process why Roxas would ask him that and the very fact Roxas had actually asked him that. Sora wanted to look at the blonde as he felt the other's gaze watching him but his head wouldn't turn.
Sora couldn't feel much for the first time in his life. Was he numb from the sharp surprisingly cold weather or just surprise?
It felt so personal for some reason; that question. Although a large part of him was happy Roxas wanted to know. But he was nervous now, nearly as nervous as the first time he had met Roxas.
"Sora?" Roxas pressed and from the corner of his eye, Sora saw him edge forward to see the brunette's expression.
Sora tensed his jaw.
"Come on… answer." Roxas half-laughed, he seemed embarrassed but Sora still didn't look at him or say anything.
He heard Roxas sigh.
Was Sora happy? He thought he was. A few minutes ago, he defiantly was; just sitting with Roxas was all it took. But now that he thought about it, thought about all the good times (including stupid arguments) he had had with Roxas he understood that was all there may ever be. But it was hard to care because he was with Roxas at that very moment and when the blonde sat there, right next to him, there was always an overwhelming feeling that he had always been there with him but at the same time Sora felt as though he hadn't seen the boy in years. It was a strange concoction of longing and familiarisation.
So Sora looked to Roxas and the blonde looked to him, with a patient, slightly nerved smile.
"Yeah, I am." Sora nodded, grinning madly at Roxas.
Roxas met and returned the smile instantly and laughed, "Good. Me too."
Sora held the gaze for a moment but soon Roxas swung his gaze up to the sky, his stare bordering fondness. Sora retreated his gaze, for a moment he was thinking of kissing Roxas but the brunette slyly glanced to Roxas as he tried to keep himself from smiling.
I like how he hasn't caught me out yet.
Laughing to himself, Sora realised they had entered their own world. Some people passed through, now and then, but none could stay. It was a world of subtle signs, a solid friendship and stupid mishaps. Oh, and a universe full of feelings on Sora's part. Roxas' part? Who knew. But that was another thing Sora liked about the blonde. But he hoped Roxas felt just as involved in the little world as Sora did.
Over the past few months, Sora and Roxas had become close. In a friends way. All those questions he had so frantically complied in the first minutes he knew Roxas had been answered…mostly. There were a few questions still nipping at the brunette but Sora chose to relish in the answers and knowledge he had gained from the blonde; like for instances part of the reason Roxas quit his last job was because the foreign manager of the store would awkwardly brush against him when they passed and watch the blonde work, Sora vowed never to go back into that store again after learning this in case he punched the manager and got done for assault. He also found out the blonde gave his old boss a nice, rude 'Fuck you' on his way out on his last day. But putting that aside, the brunette could honestly say they were best friends now. And as far as he knew he was the only one who could hold that title. A triumphant, proud energy surged through him and warmed his cold skin as he marvelled Roxas in this light, free from the outside world.
The sun shone though and over Roxas' blonde swirling spikes and smoothed his skin over, making it glow. Sora watched Roxas in silence, in admiration and allowing his feelings to flood through for a small minute.
But Roxas caught him out, for the very fist time. And their gaze held for a moment too long.
The blonde seemed surprised at the look he had just caught from Sora, and feeling exposed Sora adverted his gaze to the frosty grass below him and knowing he had just made a big mistake the bridge of his nose burned horribly.
"We should go back to the store, my uncle's shift ends soon." Sora heard Roxas mumble over his own chaotic, thrashed heartbeat.
Sora gave a curt nod and the two shuffled over the crisp field, avoiding each other's stare.
"Ugh, back to boredom." Sora sighed as he slumped in his office chair after he and Roxas and a few other staff members had played every possible game they could without trashing the place.
"Think of the money." Roxas sympathetically smiled to the brunette.
"S'pose." Sora shrugged, still unconvinced.
The overall stuffiness of the store was putting the brunette to sleep and counting the ceiling tiles wasn't helping the droop in his eyes so not wanting to be defeated just yet, Sora decided it was time for some sugar.
"I'm gonna go get a soda, do you want anything?" He yawned to Roxas.
"Nah, I'm good, thanks." Roxas mumbled, staring into space.
Shrugging, Sora made his way to the staff room, pondering which fizzy delight would do him best today. The staff room was a small, uncharacteristic room. Sora had always thought it wouldn't inspire anything, ever. The vending machines were pushed up against the wall, unevenly with gaps between them and the old table on the other side creaked, the chairs weren't comfortable either. A large, grey copying machine was shoved up against the corner were Sora always thought a window should be about; there were no windows in the room, only a lonely bar of light stuck in the middle of the ceiling. He didn't like that room much, only the snacks.
Pressing numbers into the machine and slipping a few coins into the slot, Sora tapped his foot to a song he internally sang. Somewhere behind him the heavy door opened and closed firmly and when he had picked his soda from the vending machine, he turned to see Roxas standing anxiously at the door. Sora gave him a sheepish smile and the blonde messed his own spikes catching Sora's attention. A tense apprehension suddenly curled around the brunette's gut: Roxas was stressed about something.
"Are you alright?" Sora carefully asked, watching Roxas slowly approach him.
The blonde stopped in front of Sora, and for the millionth time Sora noticed they were the same height, and the room felt smaller all of a sudden. The brunette noticed the utter silence in the room at that moment and how empty it was bar himself and Roxas and looking into Roxas' crystal clear, wide blue eyes, he realised they were alone. He could hear the blonde's long slow breaths and his own heart flitting against his chest. Something was different, Roxas was too close and he looked the brunette in the eye for a moment too long. As Sora's fingertips tingled and his breath shook, Roxas studied the brunette's expression making a prickle of heat dash across Sora's cheeks and nose. The air around Sora was so tight and the world moved so calmly and slowly as he watched Roxas' steady blue eyes.
"Roxas?" Sora asked, his voice was quiet and worried.
The blonde took a small half step forward, never blinking and keeping his gaze on Sora's. Sora's breath was getting away from him and when Roxas' tongue wet his own parted dry lips, his breath hitched and his body tensed in nerves and surprise. Adrenaline blissfully pulsed feverishly in his veins when Roxas edged his body forward, tilted his head slightly, his intense gaze constantly linked to Sora's.
"I just…um…" Roxas murmured, his voice quivering just a little as his brow furrowed.
Sora watched the blonde's suddenly fizzy eyes, willingly giving Roxas any ounce of attention and concentration he could.
"Um…" Roxas repeated as he momentarily looked away, Sora could feel the other teen's breath on his skin.
Their gaze locked but Roxas' eyes flicked away once again while Sora couldn't shift his sigh anywhere but the blonde so close to him. He watched Roxas desperately waiting for whatever Roxas was going to do, nerves still powerful within him but longing overwhelming now.
Roxas' gaze moved from his own again. The blonde was losing his nerve. But Sora wouldn't let him, not now.
Swallowing his heart, Sora suddenly felt a magnetic pull tug him towards Roxas; letting their lips softly meet, his eyes closing as he did so. The kiss was tender and slow, nothing like any of the other either sloppy or harsh kisses they had shared. Sora stayed extremely still, feeling at peace, savouring the feeling of Roxas' lips brushing gently against his own and way Roxas scent swirled around him. H didn't dare open his eyes, frightened Roxas would disappear. Feeling Roxas press a small, kind, caring kiss against his lips, the brunette let a small, happy and breathy chuckle out as he smiled into another affectionate long kiss. The magnetic pull that had drawn him to kiss Roxas in the first place, tugged on Sora's body again as though it was looking for its other half within Roxas and Sora's hands were suddenly winding between the blonde's arms to rest on his waist and hips, pulling him closer. The blonde's body twisted and pressed against Sora's and a hand of his held onto the brunette's shoulder while the other slowly wound through the teen's brunette spikes.
Feeling the need to take a long breath of air and check on reality, Sora pulled away, his eyes fluttering open to meet Roxas' clear blues…and a nervous smile. Sora instantly relaxed and his body lightly leaned into the blonde's as he gave Roxas a toothy grin.
The blonde had never looked so mesmerizing to Sora, before he had been in his arms. The brunette couldn't remember much or think much, all he did was bring his hands to carefully touch Roxas' cheeks. His skin was so smooth, he was so handsome, fantastic with those clear eyes, that feeling of his hand still wound in the brunette's spikes threaten the boy's heart to collapse in disbelief. Sora warmly smiled to Roxas and after a quiet pause Roxas grinned back, flashing his contagious brilliant smile.
Roxas pressed another gentle kiss to the brunette's eager lips his hands pulling the brunette closer for a heavenly moment.
I like the feeling of his lips and the sound of his breathing.
I like how completely loyal I will always be to him because he is just him.
I like how happy and how selfless I could be for him.
I like how he defiantly has half of me… and how he can keep it forever and ever.
I like how he makes me feel finished.
I like him.
Sora never ever saw it coming. He only felt the sudden tremble of Roxas' lips and the small sad smile that pulled at Roxas' lips. When he gave Roxas an anxious questioning smile, the blonde locked his gaze onto Sora's for a heartbreaking minute where Sora tried desperately to think positively but it was too hard when all he could think was 'no, no, no, no…', the ultimate negativity.
The room was so quiet.
"Roxas?" Sora asked.
But Roxas shook his head and pulled away.
"We can't do this." Roxas answered, eyes darted around confusedly, "What're we doing, Sora?!" He was getting mad and leaving Sora's arms cold.
"What?" Sora muttered back, his eyes unblinking and wide and sore from traumatic shock.
"What are we doing?! What is this? Between us?!" Roxas asked.
Sora didn't answer. He didn't know what to say or if he even could say anything.
"I can't do this." Roxas tried, sympathetic to Sora, trying to get him to answer. "Sora?"
Said boy looked away to the grey walls.
"Sora," Roxas whimpered pausing for a long, long moment, stepping away while Sora could feel a pull to follow the blonde, his other half, "I have a girlfriend. I can't give you …with her I don't need to give…"
Sora heard those words so sharply, they scraped his hearing and mind; he was glad Roxas trailed off: he might not be able to take what else could be said. The words were so clear in that silent room he knew this was reality.
A... girlfriend?
"I'm going home." Sora said, leaving before Roxas could say another painful word.
The brunette left as he was, not taking his jacket despite the freezing weather, and stalked into the bitter air. The coldness stung at his eyes and he tried so frantically to dispose of any thought of Roxas but the teen failed so miserably so many times, he momentarily thought about simply giving up and falling to the ground in unadulterated pain just as many times but he pressed on, chanting 'it's alright, it's alright, it's alright' to himself like a demented child lost in the crowds in unashamed disbelief.
When the brunette had awoken that morning, happy he would see his best friend; he never thought these events would take place. Sora had just never seen it coming. Never ever did he think he would feel this exposed to the world as his and Roxas' little world collapsed from the reality that they were never alone in that world.
It's alright, it's alright, it's alright.
QUICK UPDATE MUCH? ;D BUT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO UPLOAD IT SINCE NOT YESTERDAY BUT THE DAY BEFORE FROM 4.00PM :/
Toldye I would fire em out tho ;) next one well on the way ;D
Revuuuuu please please, they do help me tons :D