a song i listened to for a bit of this:
The Street Where You Live By Mr Hudson and the Library
The Perfections of Imperfections
Chapter 12
In building irritation, Sora glared down at the letter he was currently clutching.
'We are sorry to inform you that you have not been successful in your application and interview for the position available in our store.'
The brunette bit back the urge to fuck the letter back through the letter box of his front door back to where it had come from. Instead, he let his neck fail in its job and allow his head to drop backwards so his view was that of the ceiling, sighing in disappointment and frustration all the while.
The teen crumpled the letter in his fist and stuffed it in his pocket, not having the energy to go and find a bin somewhere in his house. With one more sigh just for the hell of it, Sora threw on his jacket, called good-bye to his house and marched out to the sickly icy morning.
That had been the fifth rejection letter he had gotten in the past month of his frantic search for a new job. Fifth rejection letter, sixth rejection. Sora sighed again. He simply couldn't work with Roxas after what had happened, it was all too sad for him. A small while after it all, Sora had had a great epiphany though: he didn't have to put himself through all this grief, he never did. So, Sora decided it was time for a new job, some more time with new and old friends and new point to life.
He had been fairly optimistic, had fought back thoughts of Roxas and his girlfriend and instead thought of the new people he would meet and brand new experiences he would have soon. It was all really simple, really. Roxas wasn't the boss of him. He didn't need to be saved, he was the hero of this story!
The spiky haired teen felt his stomach gave a threatening nervous turn; apparently his body hadn't caught up with he brunette's new approach to his life, it didn't seem to agree at all. He just felt so tired.
But he had survived without the blonde before; he could damn well do it again! His body disagreed with another bout of nauseas misery.
Sora shook his head to himself as he realised that before Roxas, his life wasn't just about surviving, it was his life, his happy full life. Unlike now; now it was just about getting through the day in one piece without having a breakdown of some sort.
And it was a boring survival too.
Sora watched his train flash past him as he entered the station, feeling once again, already too late.
I hate Roxas.
A shiver ripped up his spine, making his skin crawl and teeth grit in defence. That phrase wasn't natural at all to him, it hardly made sense when he tried to think it, never mind believe it. No, it wasn't right at all.
The bus Sora had been forced to take, jugged to a sudden stop, his stop, and stumbling down the aisle, he uneasily made his way off the vehicle. The stale scent of the bus disappeared as the brunette stepped out and met the freezing air of that November day.
After a ten minute walk, Sora saw it, the shop. That shop where Roxas used to work. If there was one place the brunette wouldn't run into Roxas it would be that shop. Roxas had said it himself, he would do anything he could to prevent himself entering that shop once again. Sora could still hear Roxas' determined and triumphant voice prattling on about his last day ever he had in that shop; it had been his favourite day because he got to tell his boss to shove his job where the sun don't shine.
Sora felt his brow fall slightly as a pang of pain diminished his energy. He didn't really want a new job. He wanted everything to go back to normal. The teen tried picturing the expression Roxas' had when he told Sora about his last day and those months ago but the brunette was having trouble. Sora kicked at a stone in frustration as other faces clouded his mind's eye and memory. Squeezing his eyes shut, the brunette concentrated, panicking as he frantically swept through his memory in search of Roxas' face.
But only seeing dark, murky mists of others, Sora opened his eyes to glare up at the shop that had made Roxas miserable for months.
How was this happening? How could he forget what Roxas looked like? Desperation seeped through him.
He didn't want a new fucking job. He wanted to go back to his other job, see Roxas (he knew he would be working at this time) and take in every detail of him like he always would and then pray he would never forget what that blonde looked liked, sounded like, even smelled like ever again.
Sora stepped into the small shop.
But he couldn't go back.
And he asked the foreign man with a creepy smile for a job.
Roxas was a part of the past now.
He got the job.
And the blonde would stay in the past as long as Sora knew that was where he wanted to be.
The teen was to start the next day.
As long as Sora knew that was what Roxas wanted.
He called the electronics store and quit, that night.
That was how it would be.
And he fell asleep, still recklessly ravaging through his mind for Roxas face and now, his voice.
Whatever Roxas wanted, that was fine.
He had a few nightmares.
He would worry about himself some other time.
The nightmare didn't even end when he woke up.
His new boss was a weirdo. 'Nuff said.
The man had a sly smile and the eyes of a pervert. Sora's new boss (39) was a spineless, pathetic, fiend with an agenda. Just a bad guy.
The teen couldn't contain his own revulsion as he watched his boss's eyes follow the string of young girls who had just came into the shop, the older man looked them all up and down with a smirk. Sora scoffed in disgust without thought and the older man's vision snapped to him.
"What is it?" The boss asked, his accented voice dripping with smug amusement as a glint shone in his eye.
Sora glanced to the girls and back to that horrible slimy smile. His boss understood immediately. Sora knew he did but the man still asked, faking innocence, "What?"
"You were looking at them." Sora whispered back in irritation.
"What? Them?" The boss grinned, his laugh trailing off, giving Sora a sick feeling, the older man faked his innocence again, "They are customers I have to watch them," he
lowered his voice and took a step closer to the brunette, "in case they steal anything."
Sora, revolted, squinted at his boss, wondering how he had managed to keep his own mouth shut all week.
Sora served the girls as quickly as he could: he didn't want to give that man much time to ask them too many questions. The girls had become uneasy the second the older man had exposed that slicked smirk that leaked inappropriate thoughts.
"You jealous?" The elder asked once the girls had left.
The accent Sora couldn't place and the voice of his boss melted away; leaving the words alone to tug on a memory. For the first time in a week Sora heard Roxas voice in his mind, singing those very same words he had once uttered to the brunette. Sora's stomach bubbled in happiness and for a brief blissful moment he felt complete and happy again. To hear Roxas' voice so crisp and so perfectly flat in Roxas' own perfectly imperfect way was so… perfectly and cruelly imperfect.
Roxas was both: perfect and imperfect.
But the moment passed and although a feeling of happiness clung onto the half of his own heart which he still owned, a feeling of pathetic shame clung to the space where the other half had once been. He was stronger than this, he wouldn't let Roxashave that affect on him anymore: it was stupid and annoying anyway.
"Sora?" The brunette bit back a ripping shiver up his spine when his boss called his name.
Sora looked to him, bored, "Yeah?"
"You're jealous, right?" The old man sneered; proud of his ugly looks.
Again, Sora scoffed in revulsion, a feeling of small guilt settling when he looked to his boss once more: the brunette could hardly believe himself for feeling guilty over hating a person.
The man laughed that creepy laugh again and walked towards the brunette, stepping too closely and leaving him no space from the wall behind him.
"What is it?" Sora snapped, leaning away from the smell of cheap aftershave.
He faked innocence once again and with a high tone replied, "I just need to get by, relax."
At that, Sora stepped and slinked around the man but the pervert managed to step around Sora and eerily slide his hand over the bottom of the teen's back and over his waist before going lifting the counter and heading to wherever the hell he was going.
Sora nearly tackled the dickhead. But taking a deep breath and remembering why he was here, he tried to remain calm. Tried.
The hours passed slowly and despite a few of his friends coming in to visit, the day got no better for the brunette: if he was being honest, he was looking forward to the end of the shift but not for the obvious reasons.
The real reason was because to get the train station, Sora had to pass through Roxas' street. And yes, the fact he was looking forward to just walking down the same street Roxas had that day did make the brunette feel stupid and wimpy and pathetic but at this point he was just looking for a little comfort. Sora nearly leapt over the counter when the clock struck quitting time, the fresh air outside the shop tasted like the finest banquet when he escaped the toturous shop.
The teen scurried through the cold dark streets, not bothering to keep an eye out for anyone suspicious, and to Roxas street. Swinging around the corner, the brunette faced the very same street he and Roxas had once staggered down whilst legless.
Sora slowed down, calmly appreciating the street as he sauntered over the uneven path, feeling sky high, knowing Roxas was near... for once. A towerblock feeling overwhlemed him, making him feel an adrenaline rush as he spotted Roxas' house. He could appear at any moment. He could every little sound so clearly on this street: cars, doors, voices, locks. No where else in town could he hear a lock! No where else did the night look so enchanted and no where else did he feel like anything could happen.
But then, suddenly, he wasn't in Roxas' street anymore. The feeling of the impossible and chance and the closeness to Roxas vanished to be replaced with embarrassment. Did this count as him being a stalker or something? If Roxas saw him, what would he think?
Sora sadly watched the scene in his mind: Roxas completely pissed off and disgusted, Sora exposed as a weirdo and a sidekick to his pervert boss and finally a big fat restraining order.
With one last look to the sky and the glistening stars bursting through the darkness in rebellion, Sora headed home, trying to empty his heart and mind of useless thoughts all the way home.
Sora had done an embarrassing thing. He cringed and felt his face burn horribly anytime he thought about it. Why did he do it anyway?! Why?! It was pitiful and shameful and desperate and he was all those things for allowing himself to do it in the first place. And when he had done it, he had sworn to never do it again, no matter what.
But here he was: at it again. A hot prickle dashed across his cheeks and nose, his breath just as hot.
The teen's hands shook as one blindly snaked under his shirt and grasped and brushed at his stomach while the other pressed down on his groin. His eyes rolling back, Sora felt his heart race as he pressed harder and arched up, clamping his mouth shut to mute any pants. His loose shirt slid and fell off his skin onto the bed, the slight tickle making his legs crumble and forced him to fall back to the bed. His eyes were refusing to stay open but he couldn't blame them when such thoughts and pictures of a blonde were flickering behind the closed lids. He swallowed hard and gripped onto his spikes as he slid his hand down his trousers.
"Nngh..." Sora breathed as his hand tugged and images and a voice filled his mind, "Roxas..."
A sweat had broken out on him now, and slowing for a moment, he slid his shirt off embracing the warm air of his dim room with a long needy pant. His pants became more erractic as his thoughts scattered, he picked up the pace, everything around him disappeared into a mist of the feeling of being alive. His teen heart thundered loudly and raced with each swift pump of his hand.
Faster and faster, his cheeks burning now in some embarrasment but mostly from the peaked heat his body had burst into. The brunette couldn't concentrate, only some words stayed prodominent in his mind.
Roxas.
Sora clucthed onto the bedframe behind him as he pulled himself up, never stopping or slowing down now, his hips moving in time with every image and word his mind brought up.
Roxas and a kiss...being close...
"Ah...ngh..."
Roxas, his skin...soft... pulling him...skin on skin...
He kept going, uncaring of anything but the rock of his hips and the pictures in his mind.
Roxas, his voice...demanding and flat...his smile...rocking...faster...
The teen's arm ached but his body silently begged to keep going.
Roxas, his expression...pleasure...even faster...harder...more...his smell...a change of position, place...
"More..." Sora hissed, biting his lip roughly, "Ngh!"
Roxas.
Sora felt his mouth open on its own accord, a whimper falling from it as his heart and body burst with pleasure. His hand stilled as he blinked slowly and came around to the world again. His room was dark and suddenly cold. Had it always been this quiet? Looking down to the mess he had made, Sora sighed and removed his grip from the bedframe behind him, stretching his stiff fingers and examining the nail marks on his palm.
A fed up chuckle later, Sora hoped the embarrassment he would internally face over this would fade as soon as those sore marks on his palm.
It was a quiet, cold Tuesday morning when Sora seen him. He was sure it was him. Blonde hair, skinny, slouching, maybe a bit taller. The central train station of the city was as busy as ever but the swarms of business people, students and travellers all seemed to walk a little lighter today, no one seemed to be talking as much either. It was strange and added an extra chilliness to the air.
The brunette stood on his toes and peered over the crowds to gaze at the retreating back of the blonde, down an escalator somewhere.
Sora stood for a small moment, waiting for the nervous and excited clench around his heart to loosen, in shock too, perhaps. Blinking and half listening to a monotonic voice announce his train was departing at one of the dozens of platforms, Sora noted in his mind,
Tuesday, 8.45am, Central Station.
A few weeks later, Sora had come to realise something: Roxas had a routine. A Tuesday morning routine. He would get off his train where ever that was, get something to eat in the chilly station at a small cafe and leave, to go somewhere else, Sora didn't know where because by that time he had to get his second train.
Sora found it fasicinating, it was definately Roxas. He was sure because everytime he saw that blonde he would clam up, his face would burn and his knees would wobble: he was back to that stage with the blonde: the insane paranoia and fear stage. Except this time round, he knew exactly why he was like this and not reject any feeling he had, it was much healithier. If this sorta stalking could be called healthy. But something else he knew was that nothing had changed. For a moment there he thought he had jumped a hurdle and was getting on with his life without Roxas, but apparently no such thing had happened.
There was one more thing Sora had realised. Roxas had seen him. Roxas knew the brunette was here. But chose to pretend he didn't, this, to Sora, was reason enough not to approach the blonde like he had originally thought about. He wasn't wanted and although, at first , it stung to think that, Sora accepted it and made to with his glances to Roxas every Tuesday morning.
Sora had caught Roxas, once, looking at him. Straight at him, nobody else! He was far away and he looked away when he became caught in the act but the teen could tell...Roxas had seen him.
Just Roxas...no girlfriend.
Sora smiled to himself as he sat on a set of the dozens of metal benches, directly infront of the huge black screen hanging down, flashing yellow digits and letters of what was going where and when. Roxas had just left, practically walked past him, and his own train was late.
It was silly what they were doing, he knew it, and they should have been grown up enough to get past things that had happened and just be friends but Sora wasn't going to pretend to Roxas or himself he was ready for that and even if he was...it was clear Roxas didn't want to have anything to do with the brunette. Or so Sora had thought.
Because over the next few times Sora spotted Roxas, he had noticed Roxas looking at him a little more, glancing more, fidgeting with his hair a little more, tugging his clothes a bit more, his right shoe lace still wasn't tied that much though.
Sora had said, that if Roxas wanted to be a part of the past, then he was, no question about it, Sora wouldn't bug him anymore, but if he decided he wanted the brunette then... that might just be a different story. And from what Sora could tell, when he wasn't completely denying it and telling himself he was just being big headed, Roxas did. Want him, that is.
But then again, practically kissing someone is a sign of liking someone and directly after that Sora had gotten full out rejected. Stupid girlfriend. Squinting at Roxas from across the station in confusion at his glances and stares, the brunette shook his head, huffed and set off to find his train.
He didn't need this.
And he wouldn't take it.
But that didn't mean he wouldn't get his load off to the blonde that night. And be embarrased and ashamed of it in the morning.
been a while, eh? SORRY._.
I've been busy starting uni and stuff and its so fun... i got carried away and distracted
but HEYHEY a bit o' smut foe yo! ;D
first time writing something like that so....review please and sorry if it sucked monkey balls
BUT I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU READERS, cus im on the fence myself:
Roxas or Sora to top?
Please answer! Msg me or just say in your review or anything!
Your opinion on this would be supa helpful! Thanks !
please review 3