The Perfections of Imperfections
Chapter 13
Is he walking over here? Here? No. Get over yourself, Sora, of course he isn't! Wait. Is he?! No, this wasn't supposed to happen, not today anyway.
"…ra?"
Crap, my face is going red. Shit. Go away.
"So…ra? So…r…?"
He is! Did he just look at me too? He can piss right off.
"S…? …ra?!"
Why is this happening? What's he playing at? He definitely saw me.
"SORA!"
The brunette snapped his attention back to his friend at the sudden shriek of his name but out of the corner of his eye he could still see a certain blonde approaching the café he and several friends were currently killing time by having breakfast in.
Swallowing that awful lump in his throat he grinned to his flustered friend and answered, "Yeah?"
"I thought you had gone brain dead there!" The boy opposite Sora exclaimed flinging his arms out. Sora couldn't help but laugh at his friend's expression.
"Anyway," A girl Sora had also befriended interjected, "D'ya wanna go get a drink after class today?" She smiled and continued, "We're all going."
"Yeah, course I do!" Sora beamed back to the group while still watching the blonde from the corner of his eye.
Roxas was in the café now.
Sora swallowed again and tried desperately to keep all his attention and wits around the group conversation. It was too hard. The brunette tried so much just to keep his view on the four other people at the table but with Roxas standing just over a metre away to his left he could feel his head pull magnetically towards him. Sora felt a dose of self-pity and anticipation swarm his gut.
And when his gaze finally fell upon that blonde never did Sora think so little of the sun and stars.
Roxas was staring straight at him with a slight expectation and dare in his expression. The brunette squinted at Roxas and quirked his eyebrow in question, in confusion and frustration, but the blonde only gave a nervous twitch of a smile and then turned to the counter.
"Sora?"
"Hm?" The distracted teen replied to who ever asked, only half aware and with his gaze still at the blonde's back.
"Who's that?"
Sora blinked at the question. His friend was obviously referring to Roxas but… how was he supposed to answer? The teen's heart thumped and the bridge of his nose prickled as he stammered and watched Roxas hand some money over the counter.
"He's…eh…" Sora drawled as the blonde started making his way out the café, cup of whatever in hand.
Once the boy was safely on the other side of a door, Sora turned to his friend and gave out a heavy sigh, "We went to school together."
Needless to say, Sora couldn't fully enjoy his breakfast after that encounter.
You can do this.
It's easy. Sure, you don't know what will happen afterwards but you can do this. Come on! This is nothing.
Smiling up at the expecting starved gazes of what felt hundreds of people, including some of his best friends, Sora glared down at his mission.
That weird sick feeling in your stomach is nothing! Nerves! Just go for it and it'll go away …or get worse.
The teen looked up once more for support and when a flash of Roxas flicked through his scattered mind, Sora suddenly found himself throwing that acid green shot down the back of his throat and choking on the burning after taste while receiving a messy array of slaps of praise on his back and deafening cheers. Squirming through the crowds of the bar as he felt his stomach back fire on him and the concentrated alcohol already take its affect. Sora ran for the nearest window, bathroom, corner, bucket, hat, anything!
But when the teen threw himself at the toilet bowel waiting for the vomit, nothing happened, instead over the next five minutes in the cold bathroom his vision blurred and his words slurred as the room suddenly felt warm and… fuzzy? Trying to stand up, the brunette slipped and found himself back on the floor of the cubicle, gawking at the white porcelain.
Roxas briefly flitted through his mind.
Sora slumped and held his head in his hand, groaning momentarily as the alcohol tightened its grip on his mind. He didn't like this, it was all too complicated.
Staggering to the sinks, Sora splashed his face with water and pulled a few faces in the mirror as it slowly dawned on him that tonight, he would probably do something stupid in his drunkenness and there was no point in denying it or trying to prevent it.
Shrugging at his reflection one last time, the teen thought; let the teenage kicks commence.
"Huh," Sora muttered, surprised with himself, "I was right."
"Right? About what?" The girl Sora had been sloppily kissing asked, breathless.
Sora gave a tired smile to the girl who had become his 'something stupid' and sighed, "Nothing," before continuing their distasteful kiss.
Pulling back and watching the girl smile up to him, Sora thought about how little he remembered of that kiss and how the lack of memory didn't bother him as he twirled her blonde hair between his fingers. It was just about the same shade as Roxas' hair. A pang of sadness stung inside him and feeling his brow crease in response he let his head drop.
"Are you alright?" The girl with the same blonde shade of hair as Roxas' asked.
Breathing heavily, Sora kept his head down and shrugged. The girl gave a huff of a laugh.
"Why…" Sora started, his tone drowsy and heavy, "Who's number is this on my arm?"
The girl laughed and traced her fingers down the numbers scrawled down the brunette's arm, "How should I know? You're quite popular."
Sora gave a short laugh and looked back up to the girl before slurring, "So…" and giving her another sloppy long kiss
"So." She nodded giving Sora a long look.
And twirling her blonde hair between his fingers Sora knew that what he was thinking was stupid. He knew he was drunk too. But he also knew there was no part of him that didn't want to run away with this drunken stupidity and with the girl who had the same colour of hair as Roxas'. So he did.
"Kairi, hi…Yeah…I need a favour…uh huh…I'm not sure…at some bridge…no, the other side… I don't remember much so yeah, it was fun, I think… ha-ha …thanks, see you soon."
Stuffing his phone into his pocket, Sora looked up and around at the cold morning, taking in a large breath of the refreshing air. The sun had begun to peek up and over the horizon, stretching over the calamity and coolness of the winter morning. The brunette closed his sore eyes and waited for his nauseous stomach to settle (already knowing it wouldn't for hours), the taste of stale alcohol hung in the back of his throat and kept him pale. The teen opened his eyes and seeing that he was still sitting on the ledge of the bridge (which was damp) and still feeling like crap, he felt a horrible guilty tightening of his stomach. He had done something stupid and now here he was: hung-over and with a hell of a lot to face on Monday morning.
A sharp honk snapped the brunette back to the present where he found his best friend grinning at him in the shiny red car parked directly in front of him.
"Hurry up, then!" Kairi called out of the window.
Hopping down from the ledge of the bridge, Sora shuffled over to the car.
"Hey." Kairi smiled to him as he sat in the passenger seat.
"Hi. That was quick." Sora replied as Kairi pulled off and scooted down the empty street.
"I know the area." She smugly replied as she expertly swung around a corner and into a side street.
"Oh."
"So…" Kairi trailed out expectantly with a smirk as they slipped onto the main road, "How'd you end up wandering around at eight in the morning in an area you don't even know?"
"Ugh, had one too many." Sora groaned, knowing he was about to get the third degree.
"Where did you wake up?" She sounded concerned but the brunette kept his eyes in front.
"Well…at someone's apartment." He carefully replied.
"With someone?" He could almost hear the expression of sheer amusement she was bound to be wearing proudly.
Looking out the window to his side he muttered, "Um…yeah."
She let out a squeal of hilarity, "Do I know her?"
"No, but apparently she is in my course."
"Apparently?" Kairi sounded offended, like the brunette had pissed off the entire opposite gender.
"Yeah." Sora meekly replied.
"Okay..." She was pacing herself, "And why does it sound like that is a bad thing?"
"I was drunk! I don't really know what…I don't know what I was thinking!" Sora exclaimed, throwing his arms out as he felt guilt and the hangover collide roughly in his stomach.
"…oh." Kairi breathed, "That sucks, Sora."
"I know and I have to see her on Monday morning." Sora whined, "I feel terrible."
"You should, that was slimy." Kairi huffed. Sora knew he wouldn't get any sympathy from her, not like he deserved any.
They slipped onto the motorway where Sora's stomach failed to settle and the conversation failed to pick up again: Kairi was too busy tutting and throwing out random "How could you do that, Sora?!"'s for any change of subject.
"So..." Sora whimpered through his nausea, hoping Kairi would talk about something else.
"...so?" She bit back.
Sora sighed, closing his eyes as the rising sun shot across the long green fields and into his eyes. At some point Roxas had snuck into his thoughts. He didn't try to deny it.
It was only when, off the main road and back in their hometown, Kairi sped around a corner that would lead to the long way to Sora's house did he dare speak up to the pissed driver.
"Uh, where are we going, Kairi?" The brunette piped up, carefully.
"I got to pick Roxas up." Kairi replied, calmer now.
"Roxas?" Sora choked, his breathing hitched and heart hammering. He prayed he had heard wrong.
"Yup."
The teen blinked, waiting for something else. Nothing came except the picked up pace of his heart. He was starting to recognise the streets; places Roxas and he had staggered down drunkenly at some point.
"Any special reason why?" Sora tried, hardening his worried tone.
"We're going to work and your house is on the way down so I'll drop you off after."
"Work?" Sora repeated, his mind buzzing with possible explanations, "I thought you worked at the call centre and...and Roxas worked at the electrics store?"
"No, Roxas works at the call centre now, didn't he tell you?" She was getting curious: bad, bad, bad.
"No." Sora didn't mean for it to sound so flat but it did.
The brunette glared out the window at the rows of anticipating houses each closer to Roxas' as the car soon rolled to a steady stop. The electric silence that came afterwards followed the lead of the slow sun still climbing up to the stretched sky.
"Sora?" Kairi was concerned, "Is everything alright?"
Sora watched Roxas' quiet, normal house. It was as if nothing had happened, it hadn't changed and it acted as though it didn't contain someone as un-normal and unforgettable to Sora as Roxas. Sora internally laughed at himself as he realized he thought a house was trying to trick him. But then again... he had never thought Roxas would or even could trick him.
And he had definitely been wrong about that.
"Sora?" Kairi pressed, placing a gentle hand on his arm.
"Hm?" Sora asked turning to her, innocently.
"Everything isn't alright...is it?" Her eyes were sincere and Sora could tell they reached out for him, her friend.
The brunette looked back to her and felt his lips twitch into a guilty and nervous smile, "Um... nah, not really."
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
Sora nodded to her.
A door clicked open in the distance, Sora's head jerked immediately to Roxas' house and there the blonde was: casually shuffling to the car, half way through a text. He looked normally fantastical.
The teen inside the car felt his stomach revolt in distraught nerves and a hangover. The colour dropped from his face in quick boughts of panic and before he could think he was swinging the car door open, heaving and gagging out a strange slimly liquid from the depths of his empty stomach.
Sora gawked down to his own fresh bile, despite his eyes being blurred from water and his head being down he could still see a pair of shoes, right shoe lace undone, standing just in front, still. Craning his neck up, he saw Roxas gaping down at him.
Sora heaved again.
The teen sat in the front, eyes still wet, and reeking of a hangover, sick and humiliation while the driver drove and Roxas sat in the back seat, doing whatever. Sora ran his tongue over his teeth, trying to get rid of the tired taste of sick and slightly regretting not going into Roxas house for water and to freshen up when the blonde offered. Sora just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.
The silence was thick and ugly. Roxas shifted in the backseat and Sora's heart thumped. Was he really this close? He couldn't be. There had to be a glitch somewhere.
Soon, Kairi had pulled up at Sora's house and the brunette was clambering out of the vehicle, calling a thanks and apology to Kairi and, with what he had planned, a short nod to Roxas. But just as he went to slam the car door and shut out the embarrassment, nerves, uncertainty, questions, confusing and heartache... Roxas spoke up.
"Hope you feel better, Sora."
The teen's body seized up momentarily upon hearing his name from Roxas' lips and voice which was as flat in tone as ever. It felt so alien yet nostalgic. It caused a rush of excitement to surge through him. His hand lingering on the door handle, Sora peeked to the back seat and gave another nod to the blonde and suddenly, as he locked eyes with Roxas for what felt like the first time in years, confidence settled in his veins and he felt his muscles relax in content. Vague, sickly memories from the night before drowned in the blonde's swirling blue eyes, saving Sora from their tight, obsessive tug. The world glowed a little and gravity softened its pull down.
"Bye, Roxas." Sora grinned before he could think.
His hand holding onto the door with longing, Sora pushed it closed and watched the car pull away and speed down the street.
Squinting up at the cold, bright sky, Sora pondered with a smirk everything about Roxas. He could still taste sick in the back of throat, still had a headache, still had an upset stomach, still felt the guilt from his doings the previous night with the stranger of a girl, still was confused beyond belief and yet still as head over heels for Roxas as ever.
It was several hours later, when his contentness had blurred with contradictions and had disappeared into the atmosphere of question, the brunette received a text. From him.
Sora had been running just about everything he could remember of his times with Roxas through his mind. Everything boiled down to another contradiction with no reasons and all Sora could think was: would there ever be a reason? Would there ever be a reason to explain his yearning for the blonde?
He hoped to the heavens there would be.
His phone bleeped and shone and Sora dropped his arm across his bed to where the lit up device lay in a swirl of sheets. He blinked, blinked again and tried to believe that the name glowing on the screen was correct.
Roxas.
Carefully, Sora opened the message and read it with a pushed scepticism.
Hey, feeling better yet?
His heart thudded in slow hard beats as he read and re-read the message. He didn't understand what Roxas was doing. Was he trying to make a mends? What gave him the right to think he could make a mends? Who said this, whatever it was, was mend able?
Confusion lit the gas line to Sora's pent up frustration and in the next instant the brunette had pelted the phone at the floor. He cringed when it cracked off the wood.
I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. Sora told himself, hoping if he said it enough times he would believe it. He knew he couldn't hate anyone... especially Roxas and this attempt to rebel against his feelings was utterly futile. He would still try though.
If he were to hate anyone, it would be himself: for letting Roxas shatter everything he knew about himself, his perception on others and his heart.
Sora let his gaze flicker to his phone on the floor, still brazenly shining with Roxas' name. He then rolled his blue eyes and turned from the phone, squeezing his eyes shut. Nine o'clock was an OK time to sleep, right?
But it took a measly minute for the brunette to break and be pulled back by the intense magnetic force that was Roxas and to his phone, the only connection he had to the blonde at the moment.
Scooping his phone up from the floor and ignoring the burning of the bridge of his nose, Sora stared hard at the message again: trying to decipher its hidden meaning. And after seriously considering what he would reply and how it may be interoperated, just in case Roxas actually was going to read into it, Sora nervously pressed Send.
Hey, im feeling better thanks
Sorry i nearly threw up on you
Perfect, Sora thought as he re-read his own message for the fifth time: the message didn't give any meaning except what it actually said, it didn't require Roxas to text back so Sora didn't have to worry about that and-
Bleep, bleep.
The brunette whipped his head around to where he had dropped his phone on his bed, his heart securely at the back of his throat and a slight adrenaline rush pulsing through his veins, he watched his phone light up. And then, slowly reaching over to his phone as if it may deflate from any sudden movement or noise, Sora carefully picked up the device and anxiously read the name on the screen.
Kairi?
Sighing and feeling suddenly drained, Sora slumped back to his bed and opened the message. He hadn't realised just how much he had been looking forward to reading Roxas' reply message even when the brunette had planned for the blonde to not have to text back.
Hiya, how're ya feeling? Wat u upto later? Cus a bunch of us were goin to go for a drink, wana come? And we still need to talk. :] x
'A bunch of us?' Sora re-read. Did that mean Roxas? Sora squinted at the screen as more questions swirled around his hungover head. The idea of drinking again then hit him and an instant bout of sickness smacked him on the face. Whether Roxas was going or not, Sora didn't think he had it in him to face alcohol this soon. Plus it was a Sunday; he had class in the morning.
Hey, i'm feeling better :]
sorry don't think I can go, still hungover
Pressing send and dropping his phone somewhere on his desk, Sora dropped back to his bed and dragged his hands down his face.
And then, it suddenly clicked. What was he doing?! For months he had internally begged Roxas would do something, make a connection again, anything! And now here he was playing the 'hard to get' side when Roxas wasn't even trying to get him! Snapping upwards, and ignoring the numb pulse that his headache gave, Sora snatched his phone back as he eagerly anticipated seeing Roxas again, tonight. He knew he couldn't hold this grudge anymore, he liked Roxas and wanted to be his friend again if he could. He would just be more careful this time.
Hey, in fact im gonna come
the best way to get over a hangover is to keep drinking lol
so where and when?
Fuck his hangover, fuck his classes tomorrow. He was young and wanted some fun.
Sora awaited for the message back for all the details and when it came he immediately started getting ready, having a quick shower and changing his clothes. Nothing too fancy because nothing too fancy was going to happen; he kept telling himself. But he couldn't deny the excited bubbling of hope in his stomach.
Sora stood outside the bar, nervously. He had been there before but it felt so different now. With the cold air whipping around him, Sora carried onward and pushed through the doors of the bar. The smell and warmth of alcohol swarmed him immediately and the teen felt his stomach turn. Looks like he would only be drinking water. Scanning the area, Sora looked for his friends. He was only directed to them when he heard Kairi call on him and wave him over.
Trying to look casual and care-free, Sora strolled over to the large table and seats where Kairi was. He recognised a few faces, not them all, but he mostly recognised that one face wasn't there. That annoying blonde was nowhere to be seen. But Sora kept his smile on as he sat down next to Kairi, he had already told himself nothing was going to happen and that drained feeling he suddenly got was just his hangover still kicking him. He didn't dare ask if Roxas was coming.
The conversation was light and fun for a while but then Sora heard Roxas' name spoken. Ears picking up, he listened intently to the girl and guy across from him. They were telling some story that happened at their work that Roxas was semi involved in. It wasn't even that funny. Interesting as hell though.
"I thought Roxas was coming, actually" The girl said to her, what Sora hoped to be, boyfriend after the story had finished.
"Yeah, he's probably trying to get out of buying the round he owes us." The boy smiled to her.
Sora's heart thumped and he lost the feeling in his fingertips. Roxas was coming. He sucked in a large breath and tried to keep himself from smiling.
"So, Sora we still haven't talked." Kairi suddenly piped up.
"Oh-uh, yeah, we haven't." Sora suddenly didn't know if he wanted to talk. He didn't want to keep secrets from one of his best friends but... was there really anything to tell that would be helpful...wouldn't it just make things a little awkward?
"So...?" Kairi pressed, "What's been up with you lately, Sora?"
And as if he had been queued in by God, the bar doors swung open, a blast of cold air spun in and there he stood, Roxas.
Sora smirked to himself; the blonde had good timing.
Still smiling to himself, letting his heart thunder freely and internally blaming his reddening cheeks from the cold air that had recently entered the bar, Sora slyly watched Roxas make his way over to the group.
Sora drank in the sight. Blonde hair, sitting perfectly imperfect, clothes, imperfectly smart and wide eyes perfectly thoughtful.
But a second in, Sora was questioning himself all over again. Why Roxas? He didn't look too special and wasn't all that magnificent in the light of a plain stranger. But to Sora, he was something fantastical.
Heart quickening, Roxas wheeled to a stop at the table and gave an open, half smile to the group. They greeted him and he sat down, sort of across from Sora. The brunette was still numb from Roxas actually being here and with all these people around.
It was only when Roxas had taken his jacket off and settled in his seat did he notice Sora, who was watching the blonde in what he hoped to be a mild interest and not an astonished awe.
"Oh, hey." Roxas nodded to Sora, his tone surprised.
Sora nodded back. It felt awkward and as though the world was watching them.
Their eyes stayed connected and when it became a moment too long, Sora flicked his eyes away.
Careful, careful, Sora.
Sora guzzled his water and the ice cubes clinked against his teeth as he tried to cool down.
Smiling to Kairi, the brunette edged out of his seat, "I'm just going to get another drink."
She nodded and turned to join in with the conversation.
Sora used all his will to not look at the blonde, and he actually managed it. So, proud of himself, the brunette shuffled over to the bar and hung himself over it, waiting to be served.
But while the teen was taking deep breaths and coming up with possible conversations, conversation starters and stories he could tell if he and Roxas did get to talking, a person slipped into the space beside him.
Looking twice, Sora recognised it to be a girl that had been sitting with Kairi and the others, he wasn't sure of her name but she had a pretty smile. A smile Sora felt he had seen before, she was familiar and friendly. Fidgeting and fixing herself slightly, she gave Sora another nice smile and he smiled back.
"So, uh... you work with Kairi?" Sora piped up, feeling obliged to start a conversation.
"Yeah, I just started." She replied, she had a sweet voice. Any guy could find her charming and lovely. Sora wished he could be just any guy; it would be so much simpler.
"Oh? So do you like it?" Sora asked, interested.
Eyes lighting up, she happily returned, "Yeah! It's-"
But she was interrupted by another voice, a voice that played and teased with the nerves on Sora's spine, "I'll have a double vodka and coke, please."
Turning to his right, Sora saw Roxas standing there with a smile on his face that asked for a reason to argue or fight or rebel.
"Hey." Sora nodded to him but when he turned back to the pleasant girl she was in the middle of being served and before he could start the conversation again for politeness' sake she smiled to the brunette and made her way back to the table with a drink in hand.
Sora slowly turned back to the bar and focused on his hands which were loosely clasped. He could see Roxas out of the corner of his eye, and he wasn't sure if the blonde was looking at him.
"So, what you getting?" Roxas asked, inclining to behind the bar.
"Uh, don't know yet." Sora casually replied with a shrug, "Probably, just coke or something..."
He turned to Roxas just in time to see what he suspected to be a full, open smile detract back to that half-assed one Sora didn't like.
"You still feeling rough?" Roxas added, sounding amused.
"Yeah." The brunette brushed off, desperate for a change of topic.
"Out last night?" It was like he just being polite. The same way Sora had spoken to that nice girl.
"Yeah." The girl from the night before flicked through his mind and the teen cringed in guilt.
There was a thick, heavy moment of silence after that as Sora felt an equally thick energy hover between them. The brunette itched to move into that cloud of surging fizziness between the two. Sora shuffled between his feet, hoping it would help him shake off the intense feeling of an electric atmosphere. But as he slipped in a glance to the blonde in the dim light, he was sure a spark of static zipped between him and the other.
The bar lady placed Roxas' drink in front of him and while the blonde handed the money over, he smirked, "And can I have another one for my friend here." At that, Sora felt a hearty thump on his shoulder from the other teen.
The bartender buzzed away before he could cancel the vodka.
"Thanks, but I really can't drink anymore alcohol." Sora apologetically said to Roxas.
Roxas raised blonde eyebrows at him; expecting a better excuse.
"I think my liver might shrivel if I do." Sora tried.
But as his drink was dumped in front of him Roxas rolled his eyes and sighed, "Come on! The only way to get rid of a hangover is to keep drinking!"
Sora was still unconvinced (and he was enjoying the idea of Roxas sticking around to change his mind).
"For old time's sake?" Roxas smiled, holding his own drink up.
At that instant all of their "old times" smashed up the inside of the brunette's mind and they threw about and pelted off the walls of his thoughts in blurry memories, misunderstandings and questions. Blinking, he re-focused on Roxas, who looked liked he had read Sora's mind and stood opposite Sora in quiet awkwardness. The brunette had absolutely no choice but to drink now, there was no way around it. It was all too sad.
Still feeling embarrassment stinging at his face, Sora clutched his ice cold drink and chucked the liquid down his throat. Coughing and resisting the urge to gag, Sora looked up to Roxas for approval through wet eyes and found the blonde grinning. Sora nearly choked: because it was that exhilarating full smile that Sora simply hadn't seen so casually in such a long time. The teen tried to match his friend's smile and didn't care that he couldn't.
"See? Bet you're feeling better already!" Roxas laughed as Sora composed himself again.
"Oh yeah, I'm feeling just dandy. Did it really have to be a double?" Sora retorted, clearing his throat and swallowing the feeling of sick.
"Yup, it did."
Feeling relieved, Sora smiled back to his friend.
That was the only drink Sora had. He couldn't bear to even hold another without his stomach doing the tango. Roxas on the other hand...
The blonde was throwing another drink down his throat every ten minutes and they had been at the bar for nearly three hours. Sora watched Roxas sway in his seat. He and some girl were exchanging some drunken mumbles: probably pouring their hearts out to each other like they had known the other for years and instead of barely an hour. It was like watching a car crash for the brunette. The way the girl gave Roxas shy glances reminded him of the slowed down few seconds before bodies smash through the windshield; the build up to something horrific and bone crunching.
Sora was half way in a conversation that didn't really require his full attention, just a few 'uh-huhs', 'mm' and 'really?'s.
She shuffles a little closer to him and he smiles to her, his eyes drooping as he continues telling his life story. She nods understandingly, Roxas pauses and looks at her and Sora can see the windshield smashing in his mind. He internally winces and prepares for the throttled collision of bodies, the snapping of bones.
Was he not good enough to know Roxas' secrets? Was that girl whose top was hanging just a little too low better than him?
Sora felt his jaw clench when Roxas turned his head slightly, his eyes catching Sora's as the brunette whipped his vision away.
Was this a taunt? A 'I'm doing better than you' parade? As if Sora's humiliating start to the day wasn't enough? Maybe he should accidently speak a little too loudly about his conquest just the night before with a hot stranger of a girl?
Sora immediately felt disgusted with himself, shame grabbed at his throat. He couldn't exploit that girl for his own twisted need to feel better about himself ...again.
Sora sighed and roughly stood up, without looking to Roxas, and stalked over to the bar. He needed a drink, just a little pick me up. The teenager found Kairi and another girl sitting at the bar, in the middle of what looked like an intense life changing conversation. Was he the only one who wasn't having those tonight?
He awkwardly slipped next to the girls and Kairi clocked him right away as he ordered a double.
"Sora, hey! Where've you been?" Kairi piped up as the other girl turned and smiled to Sora.
"Oh, just talking and stuff... over there." Sora grinned, not daring to look back to Roxas, as he threw down a mouthful of his drink, clearing his throat afterwards.
"Oooh, getting a few drinks down before the bar closes?"
Sora flashed her a winning smile and she laughed back to him.
"Now, there's the old Sora!" She exclaimed proudly.
At that the girl between Sora and Kairi, slipped from between them from hearing her name be called from the table. Sora hopped onto the freshly unoccupied seat, sipping his drink.
"So..." Kairi started, watching him carefully.
The brunette knew immediately where this was going, somewhere that he had been trying to find the exit from for about a year now.
"What's been up with you lately, Sora?" Kairi asked, quietly and in concern.
Sora played with his glass, swirling the dark liquid inside it. He glanced up to her and she waited patiently, her eyes held no pressure, no dire need to know, no annoyance, they were simply the eyes of a friend and Sora suddenly felt no reason to not tell her.
"It's just..." He waited and looked to her again for support, "No big deal or anything," He grinned to her, "I've just been kinda..." He took a swig of his drink, "trying to get over someone."
Sora beamed to Kairi, already feeling better. She watched him with mild surprise and amusement.
"So who was it? An old girlfriend? Someone new from uni?" She asked, interested.
"Um..." Sora wanted to be truthful with Kairi but he knew it wasn't entirely his place to tell her either. It was a big secret. And frankly, Sora liked having this small connection to Roxas; it was something they had in common. But to be even more frank, Sora wanted the world to know that at some point Roxas had enough feelings for him to kiss the brunette. "Yeah, someone from uni; she has a boyfriend and she made it clear sje wasn't interested in me."
"Oh, well... her loss!" Kairi replied with a warm smile and a kind hand on his arm.
Sora chuckled at the girl's optimism and tried to make the guilt of lying fade with his dying sobriety as he finished his drink.
"LAST ORDERS." The girl at the bar suddenly hollered, making a few jump in fright as the lights flicked from the dim and disguised look to a morning after brightness. In the new brightness the drunks looked less like fun loving opportunists and more like the bad memory from the night before.
Sora looked to Roxas and found him with his head on the table, the girl he had been talking to looking concerned.
"One last one? On me?" Kairi grinned, nodding to Sora's empty glass. The brunette turned from Roxas, thinking he isn't my problem anymore, we're hardly friends.
"Yeah." Sora grinned. "Make it a shot."
As Sora chucked the shot down his throat, he suddenly wished he was the one with his head down with his thoughts drowned in coloured vodka because then he wouldn't have to think so much and care even less about everything.
With his eyes blurry from the sudden sting in his mouth and throat, he just caught the sight of sunshine curved spikes staggering around a corner and looking worse for wear. He turned from the sight and wished he was drunk again; if he was he probably wouldn't have seen that. But then again, if he was drunk that could of be him staggering away.
Sora and Kairi soon gathered themselves and shuffled over to the table where most of the group remained as the bar began to empty. The brunette quickly glanced around the group in search of a drunk blonde. Roxas wasn't there. Sora felt his mouth fall open slightly as his first instinct was to shout to everyone who could hear it 'WHERE'S ROXAS?!" But the brunette felt Kairi glance to him as though he had blurted it out and Sora felt his cheeks burn as his mouth clamped shut.
As the group began to shuffle out of the door, somebody had yet to ask where Roxas was and Sora could feel the words booming in his throat. They were at the door now and just as Sora opened his mouth to let the words fall, another voice spoke them.
The girl from before, "Hey, where did Roxas go?"
Sora turned to see her looking concerned and he felt a pang of stupidity hit him on the face, he felt embarrassed and wanted to go home. Her and Roxas clearly had something so why was he doing this to himself?
"Sora, can you go check the bathroom?" Kairi asked and Sora nodded and made his way to the bathrooms.
The brunette swung around the corner of the cold side room and hurried down the stairs, eager to seem casual and just to get home and away from Roxas for the final time. The cold air of the bathroom tiles hit Sora as he yanked the door open and the smell of cheap bleach hit him just as hard.
"Roxas?" Sora's voice bounced off the greyed shiny walls and a shiver ran down his spine.
A grumble echoed from the other side of the room. Peering around the corner, Sora found Roxas.
His head of blonde spikes, usually in perfect upward curves, were pushed away from his face, the back sticking up as though a rough hand had been there a moment ago, and his head stayed dipped down pathetically. The blonde was perched up on the counter of the sinks, his fingers sprawled out and clinging onto the edge of the marble. His chest was heaving up and down as he took long controlled breaths, his eyes were clenched shut and his mouth was in a tight frown.
Sora blinked and watched the sad sight for a moment as he shuffled up to the other boy. He really couldn't help wanting to be around Roxas, even when he was sure the faint scent of sick was coming from the other. He wanted to put his arm around Roxas and... help him, somehow.
Sora plastered on a smile and hopped next to Roxas on the counter, he knew this was the only way he could help Roxas at the moment: act casual, don't give him anything to worry about.
"So, you alcoholic, I'll take it that you're one wearing that the lovely sick fragrance?" Sora laughed, nudging the blonde to his side and ignoring the rush from contact.
"Well," Roxas muttered, bringing his head into his hands, "I was inspired after your little show this morning."
Sora let a small laugh trail off his lips. A silence followed in the large empty room.
Until Roxas broke it by slurring, "God, I was (*)pulling when I realised I was about to be sick in her face." Sora wished he had left the silence unbroken.
"We should probably go back upstairs, everyone's waiting." Sora breathed, pushing himself off of the cool porcelain of the sink and momentarily wondering about Namine.
But it seemed Roxas didn't hear it, "You know, we used to be friends," the blonde suddenly said, bringing his head up and looking at Sora.
Roxas' eyes, usually already faintly clouded from thought and blueness, were heavy with a dead sobriety yet a strangely alive unknown intention. His fringe wasn't its usual smooth finish but instead it was pushed back from his perspired face, sticking up slightly and revealing a stern expression. Well... as stern as someone who was completely ploughed expression could be.
What? Was he looking for an argument? Because Sora had plenty of them built up, ones with speeches that could change the fucking world!
But Sora didn't want to argue, he was just a little drunk and a little tired, "We still are friends, Roxas."
"You call this," The blonde flung his arms out and stumbled off of the counter top, "being friends?!"
"Oh, shut up." The brunette was sick of this, "I'm down here, aren't I? Helping your drunk ass get back to your pull!" It was his turn to throw his arms out, as if to display the lovely scenery, "Now, come on."
Roxas tutted, disregarding, and ignited Sora's fuse, "What is it I'm suppose to do then, Roxas? What earns the title, friend, from you, then?! Because I think I'm a good friend. But you..."
Sora huffed into the icy and slick air, the scent of sick still hanging around, as he glowered at the wobbly blonde whose stare had gone out of focus. He wanted to say that he knew Roxas had seen him several times in the train station and that he wanted to know why Roxas looked at him like someone he thought he had recognised but then it turned out to a stranger.
"Whatever," Sora muttered looking at the cheap tiles on the ground and feeling silly: shouting at Roxas at the moment was like talking to a wall, "You're drunk, let's get back upstairs."
Sora stepped to Roxas without hesitation and hauled the blonde's arm over his shoulder and guided the drunken boy out of the bathrooms and to the landing on the bottom of the stairs. It was just as cold as the bathrooms.
Dumping the blonde down on a wooden bench outside the bathrooms littered in flat colourful pillows, Sora sighed and looked down to his "friend". Roxas slumped and tipped onto his side, his head hitting the pillows and his eyes closing. There was a goofy half smirk on his lips.
"Roxas." Sora growled, "Roxas?" Sora nudged his arm but the boy was limp, "Get up, walk up the stairs and go home." The brunette shoved at the teen's arm and Roxas groaned in protest.
"Why?"
"Because you can't sleep here so get up!"
Roxas mumbled something incoherent and dropped a loose hand on his face, dragging it down to stretch his face.
"Roxas!" Sora pleaded, "Just get up and you can go home and sleep...please?"
Roxas' eyes lazily opened and he watched the brunette tower over him for a moment as though he was contemplating an answer, "Hmm...no."
Roxas must've found the expression Sora snapped into at that moment bemusing as the blonde let a chuckle sloppily slip out.
"Why're you laughing?" Sora sighed.
"I like being your friend, Sora."
The brunette felt himself smile as a butterfly fluttered up his throat, "I thought we weren't friends?"
"Ahh, shh." Roxas mumbled before closing his eyes once more.
"Come on, Roxas we've gotta go!" Sora smiled to the lazy blonde as he released the silliness of all this.
"Just tell them to go..." Roxas slurred, moving his hand from his face, "We'll catch up with them later...or something."
We? Sora squinted at the quickly losing consciousness blonde.
"Come on, Roxas," Sora tried to be serious again, "I can't tell them that...what would I say to that girl?"
"Ah dunno. Nothing. I didn't mean to... I was drunk so..." The blonde awkwardly shrugged in his side ways laid down position.
But the intoxicated teen suddenly had an idea and swayed to an upright position, "Hey, since we're friends, you can tell her I'm not interested...thanks." He lay back down, leaving Sora in shock.
"No!" The brunette replied, appalled. "Tell her yourself, you wank!"
"Wha? Oh come on, why not?" Roxas sighed with a wide, wide yawn. "I can't I'm drunk!"
"Why would did you pull her if you knew you weren't interested?!" Sora argued.
"Pfft, it was a mistake!" Roxas dragged out 'mistake' in a patronising manner, "Sorry I'm not perfect like you and never did anything like this!" Roxas was getting irritable again but Sora had paused in his rebut as his memory glitched in guilt in the memories of the night before.
Roxas may have been drunk but he wasn't stupid as he picked up on the silence from the other, "You..." He eyed the brunette and sat up with a silly, nosey expression, "have, Mr. Moral?"
Sora glared at him. He wanted to hit Roxas but instead he took a large breath and enjoyed the scent of Roxas' aftershave even if it was well hidden under that layer of the sick stank.
Roxas was laughing now, "Well go on! Tell me!"
"No."
The blonde lost interest as quick as he gained it and was slumping against the bench mumbling, "Whatever."
But Sora was suddenly reminded of that girl and Roxas...sharing secrets.
"It was last night, it happened last night." He paused and looked at Roxas who was either listening carefully and not at all, so Sora continued, "And I was drunk," He heard his own tone and thought 'what an idiot'; trying to act noble when you're no better than Roxas, if anything worse. So he added, "So I know what you mean when I think about it."
Roxas looked to Sora as though there was more to the story...which there was so Sora looked away.
"Are you going to tell her for me then?" Roxas smirked, leaning back.
Sora felt his eyes narrow to the smug blonde, "No."
Roxas rolled his wide eyes and blew out air as though he had been expecting that and then sighed, "Well, I suppose me and her can have some more fun for a while."
Sora squinted at the boy he claimed to like, not sure if he actually liked this. This boy who was, not thirty seconds ago, trying to throw this girl away. He wondered if Roxas was like this when something was going on between them, was he asking some other friend to tell the brunette to take a hike before Sora took the initiative on his own? Sora didn't want to think about that too much.
But still, to Sora, this boy, he looked at Roxas slung over the bench in his drunken state, this boy was Roxas. Not matter what he did, he was Roxas.
Suddenly, the blonde was sitting upright again and with a confident smirk too. The smirk sent a fizzle down Sora's spine and it bounced at the bottom and straight back up to the teen's neck, making the hairs stand. Roxas' eyes were different too, looking past the alcohol, Sora could see a spark of what he had seen that day over a year ago in the school. It was a free Roxas, no inhibitions and it was there when he looked straight at Sora. The teen felt the ridge of his nose burn under the intense stare as clouds of energy and magnetism built and tumbled between them, like the calm before the storm.
"You know, Sora." Roxas voice was still slurring and somewhere Sora could hear clouds rumble as thunder and electricity prepared itself, he didn't know what was going to happen, "The last time we were friends..."
Roxas stood up, swaying over to Sora, pushing through the clouds of electricity to the on guard brunette, Roxas was close now, half a step away, and Sora could see the lines of blue in the blonde's eyes if he looked.
Roxas breathed in and leaned in closer so close that Sora could feel his breath.
"The last time we were friends..." He blinked and stared hard into Sora's eyes, a hint of doubt was in there now, just like last time, "We had... fun."
Lightning struck.
It was hot. Sora had pushed Roxas up against the wall, his hands grabbing Roxas' sides, a long hard kiss was being shared as Roxas crumpled Sora's shirt in his hands. And then they were moving, Roxas yanked Sora towards him and the blonde was pressed up against the wall and Sora surrounded him. His hands held onto the blonde's sides as Sora pressed their chests together and felt his nerves burn with bolts of bliss from the contact. Roxas had moved his hips forward and Sora breath turned ragged as he pressed Roxas to the wall with more force. He couldn't get close enough to the blonde.
His head was swirling in the aphrodisiac that was the storm between them.
Roxas pushed his hips to Sora's again and the brunette felt his knees weaken but he grinded back until the wall didn't allow anymore contact without one of them moving away from the other. Sora felt Roxas' urgent tongue lap at his lips and Sora obediently opened up, sucking in a breath and trying to keep his head from falling back in sheer euphoria at Roxas scent and taste. He somehow managed to taste nothing like sick. Or maybe Sora was drunk or maybe he just didn't care?
Sora gasped and Roxas groaned as the blonde rolled his hips, expertly. Sora clutched onto Roxas' sides and at some point Roxas hands had made their way to the brunette's ass. Was he drunk or just Roxas intoxicated? The blonde squeezed and pushed their hips together as Sora's head dropped back and the brunette felt Roxas breath hot on his neck, lips about to kiss-
"SORA!"
Both teens snapped apart, Roxas slumping against the wall, Sora across the landing and panting as he looked upward and through the staircase partings. He couldn't look at Roxas, he felt high.
"Yeah?" Sora tried, his voice was scratchy with panic.
"They're locking the doors, is Roxas there?!" It was Kairi.
"Yeah, we're coming up the now." Sora replied, relieved she hadn't heard anything.
Sora finally looked back to Roxas who was still leaning on the wall, definitely looking drunk and unaware of what had really just happened. Sora watched the blonde smile drunkenly at the brunette and had no idea what the blonde would do in the morning when he remembered this. He even felt a little guilty, like he had taken advantage or something.
"What's wrong?" Roxas slurred as he gave a toothy grin, that squint in his teeth showing slightly.
Sora shook his head and wondered if any of that had even happened, maybe he was high? Or dreaming? But then why was his bottom lip swollen?
Roxas staggered past the bewildered brunette and slapped his hand onto the hand rail, drunkenly pulling himself up the non-carpeted floors.
Sora watched him amusingly struggle for a minute as he contemplating doing something, anything to see where they stood, His heart thumped nervously, what if it were all a dream? Or what if he was as disposable as that other girl?
"So...are you going home?" Sora piped up, taking his time in following the blonde up the stairs.
"Yeah." Roxas answered happily.
Sora watched the back of those blonde spikes as they moved further up the stairs, he could still feel those clouds of anticipation and electricity between them, "With that girl?"
"I don't know, maybe."
Sora stopped and the clouds swirled into cold, dry air. The brunette felt hollow with disappointed and longing.
"Are you kidding?" Sora growled to Roxas' back. He really hoped he was.
"What?" Roxas casually asked, half turning to Sora, only fucking half interested like most of all the other times. Sora glared up at Roxas and Roxas finally looked like he exactly knew why, like he had always known why. Roxas sighed and constantly averted the other teen's gaze, he seemed uncomfortable ...as though he was about to dump someone. But like hell Sora was giving him a chance too.
Within a few seconds Sora was standing next to Roxas, ready to punch the boy in the gut, his fist was even clenched and ready for breaking a rib... or at least making the boy throw up. But Sora couldn't, his hands were trembling and his grip was loosening with each passing second. A large part of him wished he could hate Roxas.
Sora looked to Roxas' heavy drunk eyes.
"You cannot do this to me, Roxas!" The brunette's voice was sore as though he had been screaming for hours, "You don't give a fuck, do you? Do you have a heart?" Flickers in the blonde's hazy eyes showed recognition but only that half assed expression of listening remained on Roxas' face. Sora didn't know what to do... what could he do?!
Sora's voice snarled for the first time and he begged for something to show a crack and show Roxas' real emotions like just moments before, "You can't want my attention and deny my feelings!"
A pain-filled rage swelled inside of the brunette and he stormed past the blonde and up the stairs. Sora didn't understand, why was he being hurt like this? He wanted Roxas just to brave and tell him what the brunette's fault was in loving the other with his whole heart?
"Sora,"
He couldn't not stop. So he did and looked down to Roxas who was several stairs below him now.
He had a stupid, drunken grin and Sora scowled. This wasn't some stupid joke.
"I do want you!" The blonde even laughed a little.
Sora took a deep breath and tried to not run away, he was desperate to be brave right now... even if Roxas was making this seem like a joke, as though it wasn't serious at all. Roxas paused as though it was Sora's turn to say something. But the brunette had had enough and was on his heel once more.
"It's just" Roxas called up, Sora kept going, "I'm not brave!"
The brunette could feel his chest weighing further and further down with each step never mind, the words Roxas was spluttering. He could the drunken teen scrambling up the stairs now.
"With th-those girls, it doesn't feel like... I'll disappear in it all-"
But before Roxas could finish, Kairi was out again, fully guiding them out this time. Sora didn't look at Roxas again, instead he opted for the short walk home and made his way.
He didn't know what to feel for what felt like the first time ever. As he had been throwing himself up those stairs, he had vowed he wouldn't let Roxas get to him again. Because Sora was a good friend, a good guy, he didn't know what he had done wrong to Roxas to deserve this? Where was his fault in loving Roxas with his whole heart? He was done.
But then there was something in Roxas' voice before Kairi had come out. It was a shining element of life, something so alive in his flat voice as the blonde had said something about disappearing, it sounded like the truth.
Sora hadn't liked a lot of things Roxas had done that night but he suddenly had a reason as to why it was Roxas he loved so much. He didn't know if this reason meant he should trust Roxas, try to fix things or if loving him was the best thing to do but it was the only reason Sora could conjure up in his heart...
It was simply because he was himself and Roxas was Roxas.
HOLYFRICK long time no see! But its so long and to think I was gunna chop this up into chapters n spread it out just to be evil !
But the people who like this story ye deserve a long chapter for being so bloody patient! Well done if you even remembered this story ;)
*pull = when you kiss or like get action from someone you fancy X)