The PAPAYA TANGELO Show
Starring Lyn, Liz, and Waldo the Compassmaker
Liz: I DIDN'T STEAL YOUR PAPERCLIP!
Lyn: YES YOU DID! YOU WERE THE LAST ONE WHO TOUCHED IT!
Liz: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHICH PAPER CLIP YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!
Lyn: YOU KNOW, THE PURPLE ONE WITH ALL THE SPARKLES AND THE SMILEY FACES ON IT!
Liz: NO.
Lyn: YES YOU DO!
Liz: NO I DON'T!
Lyn: YES-YOU-DO!
Liz: I HAVE NO IDEA!
Lyn: HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I TOOK SOMETHING SPECIAL OF YOURS!?
Liz: I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING SPECIAL!
Lyn: OH YES YOU DO! EMERIL!
(Emeril pops in) Emeril: What do you want? Y'know, the show started… 2 minutes ago.
Liz: Seriously?'
Lyn: Nuh uh.
Emeril: Time flies when you're having an argument.
Lyn: Well, it's not much of an argument, because SHE knows what SHE did!
Emeril: What did she do?
Lyn: She stole my paperclip. The purple one with the sparklies and the smiley faces.
Emeril: (GASP!) LIZ YOU DIDN'T!
Liz: I didn't!!!!!!!!!!!
Lyn: Well, I'm not talking to you anymore until you admit to what you did!
Liz: WHAT DID I DO?!?!?!?!?!
Lyn: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!
Liz: I DON'T!!!!
Emeril: ANYWAY, our guests today…
Lyn: NO! THAT'S NOT YOUR JOB, THAT'S MY JOB!!!
Liz: NO! IT'S MY JOB! IT'S MY TURN!
Lyn: HOW DO YOU KNOW?
Liz: I JUST KNOW!!!
Grover: (Walks in) Hey, do you guys have any leftover Pepsi cans? I'm kinda hungry…
Lyn: SHUT UP GROVER IT'S NOT YOUR TURN!
Grover: (Pouts) I'm sowwy!
Liz: !
Lyn: (stomps foot) hmmhnmn mnnmhmn. Fine. Hermes and Ares, get your big, bazooka god butts out here.
(Ares and Hermes walk in. Crowd cheers.) Crowd: YAAAAY! (They sit in chairs/sofa across from Lyn and Liz, who are in own separate chairs.)
Lyn: Ok, our first question is… (growls) f…from… (deep breath) OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE WOULD DO THAT! GOD!
Liz: Hermes, will you please bring a message to Lyn, telling her I didn't to what she says I did.
Hermes: Why don't you do it yourself?! She's right there!
Liz: You're the god of messengers. You have to do it.
(Hermes, grumbling, walks over to Lyn and relays the message.)
Lyn: Hermes, tell HER that HER knows what HER did.
(Hermes grumbles, walking half a step to Liz)
Lyn: NO! YOU HAVE TO USE YOUR MAGICAL FLYING SHOES!
(Hermes flutters in the air for a second before landing in front of Liz.)
Hermes: (Whispers) Lyn says—
Liz: Don't you dare speak she's name! She is she!
Lyn: AND HER IS HER!
(Hermes relays the message and walks over to Ares.)
Hermes: I blame you for this.
Ares: Why?
Hermes: Because you're the god of war and all that other stuff. (Grumbles)
Ares: (Giggles) yeah, I do seem to cause that stuff a lot… that reminds me of WWII, back in the day…
Hermes: NO! SHUT UP! NOT ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE WAR STORIES! YOU SOUND LIKE MY GRANDFATHER!
Ares: Your grandfather was a titan.
Hermes: …so? Meanie.
Lyn: (whispers) Hermes! Come here! Get over here! (Hermes takes a step) No you have to fly! On your magical shoes!
(Hermes rolls his eyes and "flies" to Lyn)
Lyn: (still whispering) I want you… to go in the kitchen… and steal… Liz's chocolate cake. SCHNEAKATTACK!
(Hermes snaps his fingers and disappears in the kitchen, grumbling to himself.) Hermes: (grumbling) I can't believe I lost the bet.
(Suddenly, because she was that bored, Liz takes out a random water pistol and starts squirting Ares) Liz: MUST-TAKE OUT-AGRESSION----
Ares: (puts hands up in front of face) NO! WATAAH! MELTING!
Liz: Really?
Ares: No. (Pulls out a roll of tape)
Lyn: OMG IS THAT TAPE?
Ares: Why yes it is.
Lyn: GIMMEE! (snatches tape, plucks off a piece and takes each side in each hand, pulling them together in apart in a quick motion making some sort of plucking sound.) TAPE SOUNDS!!!
(Hermes comes back holding a giant chocolate cake.) Hermes: Here you go.
Lyn: MUHAHAHAHA! HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW?!
Liz: NO! NOT MY CHOCOLATE CAKE! ANYTHING BUT MY CHOCOLATE CAKE!
Lyn: YEEEESSS, YOU RETURN WHAT YOU STOLE AND NOTHING SHALL HAPPEN TO YOUR PRECIOUS CHOCOLATE CAKE!
Liz: BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!
Lyn: OH YEAH? WELL I GUESS YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR CHOCOLATE CAKE THAT MUCH! (Pulls out a giant fork and slowly moves it toward the cake.)
Liz: ---
Waldo: STOP!
(everyone stops.)
Waldo: I lost my pair of giant sunglasses!
Lyn: Go find them yourself, Waldo.
Waldo: Wait! NO! (Pops away. Then Liz gets a call on her cell phone.)
Liz: What?
Waldo: I'm LOST!
Liz: You know what, Waldo, you make compasses. You should never get lost.
Waldo: WELL I DO! (Hangs up)
Liz: Anyway, I DIDN'T STEAL ANYTHING!
Lyn: YES YOU DID—Ares, why weren't you in the movie?
Ares: Um… I- I didn't feel like it, you know. Copyright and all that. I had to get a lawyer—a MORTAL LAWYER, you know how horrible that was for me? But once we got in the courtroom and all, I just snapped my fingers and made everyone go BERSERK, and I mean berserk. They all started attacking each other. Then I called in Aphrodite, you know, the goddess of LUUV, and she came in and made everyone luuv each other again. So then I was off the hook. It was awesome.
Liz: Well that was… weird.
Lyn: (Nods.) yuppers.
Emeril: WAIT! Did they just… agree on something?
Liz and Lyn: NO!
Emeril: Wait, there's another agreement!
Lyn and Liz: NO!
Ares: AND ANOTHER ONE!
Liz and Lyn: SHUT UP!
Grover: This arguing thing isn't going so well.
Hermes: Wait, what are you two arguing about anyway?
Lyn: SHE STOLE MY PAPERCLIP!
Hermes: What paperclip?
Lyn: Um… it was about yea big, it was purple and sparkly and it had smiley faces all over it.
Hermes: oh. (starts twiddling thumbs.)
Ares: HERMES… What did you dooooo?
Hermes: Oh, nothing nothing. Of course not. I did nothing.
Ares: Heeeeerrrrmmmmeeeessss…
Hermes: OK, I DID IT! I STOLE THE PAPERCLIP!
Ares: YOU MEAN THIS COULD HAVE ALL BEEN AVOIDED!?
Lyn: (Puppy dog eyes) y-y-you m-mean y-y-you s-stole my paperc-clip???
Hermes: Kinda… here you go… (hands over the paperclip.)
(Lyn looks at the paperclip, then the chocolate cake, then at Liz.)
Lyn: I'M SO SORRY!
Liz: IT'S ALL OKAY!
Lyn: I SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED YOU!
Liz: YOU SHOULD HAVE!
Lyn: IT'S ALL MY FAULT!!!
Liz: YES IT IS!!!
(Everyone gets all lovey-dovey, giving hugs to random people on set, such as Crispin the light controller guy, and various members of the crowd.)
Hermes and Ares: (Look at each other. Puppy dog eyes.) I LOVE YOU MAAAAN! (hugzzz)
Hermes: OMG I'M SORRY FOR EVERYTHING!
Ares: ME TOO!
Hermes: I'M SORRY I STOLE YOUR VIKING HORNS!
Ares: ME TOOO—Wait, that was you?
Hermes: Um… no.
Lyn: Now that we're all best buddies again, join us again next time for another episode of the PAPAYA TANGELO show starring me and Lyn and Liz and Waldo the mentally confused compassmaker!
Waldo: I'M NOT MENTALLY CONFUSED!
Grover: Bye Waldo.