At the sight of the baby deer, all the tenseness that had built in Clark's body released, and his pent-up breath left him in a whoosh of relief.
"Clark?"
"It's okay, sweetheart. Move around real quiet like."
Lex turned around with Clark's arms still around him. "I saw him earlier," he remarked. "I wish I'd thought to stop and purchase a salt lick, but he'd probably flee from me any way."
"Stay right here," Clark told him in a hushed voice so as not to spook the fawn. "Don't move. I'll be right back."
Of course his love had thought to bring a treat for the deer!, Lex thought as he stood, not moving even a single muscle as his happiness continued to beam across his glowing, handsome face. There was not a man alive who was more thoughtful or kinder than his Clark!
Clark zipped back to the spot where he had dropped his picnic basket upon seeing the birds' plight. He ran so swiftly and soundlessly that the deer was not even aware he'd moved until Clark returned to Lex's side, carrying a salt lick. He knelt in the cool grass beside him, put the block of food a few inches in front of them, and coaxed softly, "It's okay, boy. We won't hurt you. Look. We brought you something to eat."
Lex marveled at Clark's gentle way with animals as he slowly coaxed the deer out of the protection of the woods. His amazement grew as he watched the fawn stumble cautiously into the clearing, make his way slowly to them, and tentatively begin to lick the cube of salt.
Lex could visibly see the baby deer trembling, and his heart ached for the frightened, wild, but gentle animal. Animals had been preyed upon, Lex found himself thinking, by the majority of mankind as badly as homosexuals had been. No, he quietly corrected himself, worse for man had succeeded in wiping out many whole species of animals. Would humans, with their bigoted prejudices, ever succeed in doing the same to gays?
One look into Clark's beautiful, blue eyes, and Lex knew his fears were unfounded for as long as there were men who felt the way he did about his wonderful partner, nothing would stop them from loving each other! "I love you," he whispered, forgetting about the deer.
The fawn's head jerked up, his tiny, tawny ears perked to alertness. "It's okay," Clark whispered, and the baby animal returned to his food. Looking back up into Lex's eyes, Clark told him, "I love you too. Give me your hand." He was careful to keep his voice so low that Lex could barely hear him.
Moving ever so slowly so as to not frighten the innocent life in their midst and wondering what he was about, Lex gave Clark his hand. Clark gradually drew Lex's hand toward the deer. Then, with his hand covering his, he placed it lightly upon the animal's side. The fawn froze. Lex followed Clark's silent example and didn't move. After a moment, the deer returned to eating.
Cupping his hand around Lex's, Clark began to slowly and gently draw Lex's hand over the fawn's fur. Lex almost pulled away at the deer's fearful trembling underneath his palm but hesitated to do so as Clark stilled their hands but kept them upon the animal. They waited patiently for the deer to return to licking and nibbling the salt lick once more before resuming stroking his fur.
Each time the deer stilled, Clark waited to move their hands again until his little, pink tongue, which Lex thought was just so adorable, flicked back out and resumed licking his brick of salt up at an eager, rapid pace. Ever so slowly, Lex began to pet the timid, wild animal underneath Clark's guiding hand.
Then, unexpectedly, Clark lifted his hand in mid-stroke. Lex hesitated for a split moment, then finished the stroke. When the deer did not bolt, he continued to pet him, his blue eyes sparkling as his heart and mind marveled at this latest miracle his love had granted him. The baby deer finished his salt lick and still continued standing there with them and enjoying Lex's gentle touch until a shadow fell over them. All three of their heads jerked up instantly, and the deer bolted swiftly back to his mother.
Lex's lips were still curved upwards, but there was a touch of reminiscent sadness to his smile this time. "Mother beckons," he spoke softly as he watched the deer fleet into the forest together.
Clark studied his sweetheart's handsome face intently. He knew he had lost his mother at an early age, and although he longed to be able to ease his pain, he realized that no matter how greatly he loved him, his love could never compare to that of a mother's. He hugged him so swiftly that Lex did not have a chance to start to cry before walking back to his picnic basket.
It wasn't that he didn't want his love to let go of his pent-up emotions and let his feelings flow freely. He would have been proud to hold the best man he'd ever known while he cried openly for never before had his beloved Lex allowed himself to do so. It was instead that he knew that Lex saw tears as a sign of weakness and would be angry at himself for crying if he did so.
Perhaps, one day, Clark would get to hold him as he cried and teach him that there was nothing shameful in tears. They were only the purest, most natural way of showing sorrow, and what could possibly sadden any one's soul more than the loss of somebody they loved, especially when that person was the only one to show them love for years?
With a soft sigh emitting from his full lips, Clark bent, opened the basket, and pulled out a thin blanket. Lex watched as Clark walked back to the middle of the clearing, his blue eyes feasting on his love's muscular legs clad only in tight jeans. His smile returned, and this time there was a touch of the Devil the rest of the world expected from the Luthors to it. He was the one who had taught Clark how good and freeing it felt to go without underwear, and he knew his beloved only went without when they had a secret rendezvous planned.
Lex tried to meet him here, or at least somewhere though this was their favorite spot, every day, but sometimes, thankfully seldom, his frantic schedule kept him away. Clark was always understanding and tended to even be less upset when business occupied his time than Lex himself was. Lex beamed at the man he was endlessly thankful to have as his boyfriend. Clark was always so very understanding about everything. Sometimes Lex actually thought he could tell Clark his deepest, darkest secrets and he would even understand about them.
Concern fluttered over Lex's handsome face and blue orbs for a passing moment. He could trust Clark with anything, but yet his love still refused to confide in him his greatest secret. Lex had worked hard to try to unravel it and was at last close to solving Clark's mystery -- or at least he thought he was --, but he still wished Clark would open up and just tell him the difference about him that troubled him so, the difference that often took Clark away from their time together early, the mystery that he never had a valid excuse to explain away.
Sadness tinged Lex's smile as he watched Clark shake out the star-striped blanket. Leave it to his love to have a picnic blanket made in the form of the American flag! Clark might be vastly different from any one who'd ever flown the stars and stripes before, but he was more of a hero than most of those other men could have ever hoped to be, past or present. Yes, his beloved Clark was a true hero. Lex knew that just as well as he knew the rest of the world looked at him as a villain because of his heritage. He expected, though he did not have the full proof he needed to be able to confront him with it yet, that his love also had his heritage to thank for his heroics.
Lex blinked as he saw a yellow piece of paper slip out of the blanket and fall to the ground. "Clark?"
Clark stared at the paper, clearly puzzled. He recognized the sheet as having been torn from his mother's notebook where she scribbled lists of needed groceries and chores that had to be done and the occasional recipe. He scooped, grabbed the paper, turned it over, and pulled his head back in surprise. His mother had written a note to him. Why? Why not just tell him what it was she wanted him to know, and why hide it in his picnic basket? His blue eyes darted over his mother's cursive handwriting, becoming wider with each word he read.
"My dearest Clark," the note began, "I really wish you wouldn't lie to me, but I understand your reasons and fear. I am sorry about your father. God knows I love Jonathan, but the man is set in his ways and thoughts, no matter how wrong they are. Still I wish you wouldn't lie to me. You know I love you, Clark, and I always will. You're my son. Nothing can ever change that or how much I love you - with all my heart."
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" Lex asked in concern as he strode over to join Clark beside the blanket. When he didn't answer and only continued to read the note, Lex glanced over his shoulder, started reading behind him, and gasped. "You lied to your mother?"
"I couldn't exactly tell her about us now, could I?" Clark defended.
"No . . . " Lex agreed, but still he couldn't help feeling rather shocked that Clark, the one man who Lex had always staunchly believed would never tell an outright fib or do anything else he considered wrong, had lied to any one, especially his mother! He read on.
Both the young men's minds were awhirl with questions of what to expect, but neither suspected, or would have ever dared to dream, of how Martha had closed her letter. "I know you're not meeting Lana, Clark," Martha wrote. "I saw her at the market yesterday afternoon, and when I asked her how she had liked my new rhubarb pie -- "
"It's delicious," Lex murmured quietly. So shocked was he that he didn't realize that he was answering a question that had been intended for Clark's supposed girlfriend.
" -- she didn't know what I was talking about. I asked her about your picnics. She told me that she hadn't seen you since Friday. I politely excused myself, but as I was leaving, I bumped into Lionel Luthor, who was looking for Lex."
Clark wondered what Lex's father was doing at the store. He'd always figured Lionel would be the type to send one of the hundreds of people who worked for him to the store rather than to deign to set one luxury shoe inside a grocery store.
Lex didn't wonder. He knew that his father was out to get not only Martha but her son, his love, as well. He knew they had secrets, and unlike Lex, who only wanted to be trusted with them, he wanted to find out what they were and exploit them to no end to further his own goal of being the richest and most powerful megalomaniac the world had ever known.
"That's when it all made sense," the letter continued. "You may think the world is as blind as it is ignorant to the way you two look at each other, but your mother is not. I know you love Lex, Clark, and I know you're meeting him today and have nearly every day for the last several months."
Both boys' jaws dropped wide open. Lex longed for a chair to sink into. Clark wavered. Lex grabbed his arm and kept him standing as they read on together.
"Your father is going out of town tonight. He has a sale early in the morning up above Metropolis. I think tonight is a perfect chance for you to bring Lex home with you." Lex's trembling fingers curled around Clark's sleeve as he fought to keep them both standing.
"I've packed you some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but tell Lex not to ruin his appetite. I know nothing can ruin your appetite, sweetheart, but I wouldn't be so sure about his. Tell him to come prepared for a real meal and a mother who will love him as long as he loves my son and does right by you."
"Wow . . . " Lex breathed, his shock clear on his paled face and tears shining in his blue eyes. He dabbed at them fiercely as his heart quivered within his throat.
"I love you, Clark!" Martha wrote before signing off.
Clark turned from reading his mother's name to hug Lex tightly. "Double wow," he agreed breathlessly.
Lex wrapped his arms around Clark as he held him so tightly to his chest that the embrace would have crushed any lesser man. Clark pulled just far enough away from Lex that he could gaze down into his tear-filled eyes. As a tear escaped his control, he wiped it gently away. "It's going to be okay, Lex."
"I don't know . . . " Lex whispered doubtfully. "What if she doesn't like me?"
Clark was struck by the little boy he heard crying in his love's voice and saw flitting across his upset face. He wiped away another tear and gently cupped his handsome face in his strong yet tender hands. "She already loves you." At the doubt that still shone in Lex's baby blues, he assured him, "You read the note," and kissed him.
Lex had read the note, but he didn't dare believe what it had said. Martha didn't love him! She wouldn't even like him! She couldn't, not when he had corrupted her only child! He was a wicked boy, an evil monster, that no one could love!
It was a miracle he was blessed with Clark's love. No one else could ever love him! He trembled inside as Clark hugged him tightly and continued to do his best to reassure him with his sweet kisses and Lionel's thundering, angry voice resounding in Lex's mind, telling him again of all the reasons why he would never be worthy of love.
To Be Continued . . .