The PAPAYA TANGELO SHOW
Starring Lyn and Liz and Waldo the Compassmaker

Lyn: RUBBER DUCKS ARE PLANNING WORLD DOMINATION!

Liz: BUT MY TREE ONLY HIT THE CAR IN SELF-DEFENSE!

Lyn: I KNOW KUNG-FU AND 50 OTHER DANGEROUS WORDS!

Liz: THINK OF GINGERBREAD MEN. ARE THEY DELICIOUS HOLIDAY TREATS OR JUST ANOTHER WAY FOR CHILDREN TO SHOW OFF THEIR CANNABALISM?

Lyn: TWO MUFFINS ARE CHILLING IN AN OVEN. ONE MUFFIN SAYS : "OHMYGOD WE'RE IN AN OVEN!" THE OTHER MUFFIN SAYS, "HOLY COW I'M A TALKING MUFFIN!"

Liz: My eyebrow died.

Lyn: Well, that was an interesting conversation. Getting on with the show would probably be a smart thing to do now.

Liz: Shall we introduce our people?

Lyn: Is it on our checklist? Oh, wait, no, first we have to… DECORATE!

(Suddenly, Grover and Waldo come onstage and begin decorating. Waldo hangs up giant compasses on the wall while Grover hangs wreaths over his heads, trying not to eat them.)

Lyn: CHECK!

Liz: What's next?

Lyn: Now we got the person in here.

Liz: PLEASE WELCOME PERCY'S MOM!

(Percy's mom runs in like a football star.)

Lyn: Wow, people from Percy Jackson are much more cooperative than people from Twilight.

Percy's Mom: Well, when you're attacked by some sort of mythical creature every day you learn to just… go along with things.

Liz: Wooooow… so I could like… hit you over the head with this baseball bat and you'd just… go along with it?

PM: Yep. Pretty much.

Lyn: Kay. What's next on the list?

Liz: THE GUEST LIST!

Audience Member #568: What guest list?

Lyn: The guest list for Purse Man's BIRTHDAY, of course!

PM: Who's Purse Man?

Liz: Your son. Purse man. Duh.

Lyn: ANYWAY, GUEST LIST! We've got… And A Beth, Grover, Hermes, Rachel, Ares, Luke Skywalker, Nico, Poseidon, Medusa, Mr. Brunner, Kronos, Clarisse, Calypso, Thalia, all the other gods & goddesses, and… everyone else.

Liz: NOW WE SEND OUT INVITATIONS!

(Sending out invitations…….. …… ….. ….. ….)

Lyn: SENT!

Liz: In the meantime, let's question what's-her-name!

PM: I have a name, you know.

Lyn: No you don't.

PM: Yeah… I do…

Liz: No you don't.

PM: Yes, I do.

Lyn: FIRST QUESTION IS FROM… MARIOxLUIGI591287. When is Percy's birthday?

PM: Well that's a stupid question, we're celebrating it TODAY, so… when do you think it is?

Liz: Idk.

Lyn: NEXT QUESTION! What is the last movie you went to see?

PM: Uh… Alice in Wonderland, I think—

Liz and Lyn: JOHNNY DEPP! Get in here! He was on the guest list too!

(JOHNNY DEPP ARRIVES! And just sort of sits there. Sigh.)

Liz: Next question is from… Weldeisled. How many gas stations do you think are in the United States?

PM: 108,563. Exactly.

Lyn: Um… sure. Why not?

(THE GUESTS BEGIN TO ARRIVE!)

Liz: OMG PEOPLE!

(Lyn begins to check them in… that's fun to say! :3)

Lyn: Hermes… nice shoes… Ares… good… Rachel… good… who are you?

Annabeth: It's me. Annabeth.

Lyn: (looks at list.) Sorry, no Annabeth on this list. Out.

Annabeth: ARE YOU SERIOUS? (storms out)

Lyn: Next! Kronos… good… Hades… good… Gabe... good… who're you?

Annabeth (In disguise i. e. fake moustache): Uh… Bethanna.

Lyn: AND A BETH! I'D KNOW THAT BROKEN NOSE ANYWHERE!

Annabeth: Yesh! I'm not bethanna or Annabeth I'm…. AND A BETH!

Lyn: Ah! And a Beth! You're on the list, come right in!

Liz: I'm tired being the bodyguard! Someone else take over! Now it's time for DISCO, DISCO, DISCO!

(Multiple disco songs later…)

Lyn: CAKE TIME! Emeril, bring out the BLUE CAKE!

(Emeril brings out the blue cake!)

Liz: Ok, everyone gather around to sing!

(Everyone sings the birthday song.)

Lyn: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, IT'S YOUR BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRTHDAY!

Liz: COME ON, PURSE MAN, BLOW OUT THE CANDLES!

(No one appears.)

Lyn: Purse Man?

Liz: Where's Purse Man?

(Argos comes up)

Argos: (Holds up guest list) According to my calculations, you never invited him.

Lyn: Oh.

Liz: Shall we continue to party anyway?

Everyone (Except Percy's Mom): YUSH

(We all continue to party… except Percy's mom… who is trying to Iris Message Purse Man)

Iris: Sorry, I'm at a party right now. But if you leave a message, I'll get right back to you!

PM: NOO! GAH! (Runs into a corner)

Posideon: Hey, babe, why aren't you enjoying the party? Just CHILLAX…. Percy can take care of himself.

PM: Oh yeah, coming from an immortal god.

Posideon: Hey, he's my son, what could go wrong?

PM: (Stares at him blankly) You have GOT to be kidding me.

(Posideon shrugs, then PURSE MAN COMES SMASHING THROUGH THE STUDIO ROOF ON BLACKJACK!)

Lyn: We're gonna have to patch that up later…

Percy: (lands, stands up, glances around, sees birthday cake, 5 gallons of ice cream scattered on the ground, party hats, banners, streamers, and guests filing out the door.) I MISSED THE WHOLE THING? WHY DIDN'T I GET AN INVITATION TO MY OWN BIRTHDAY PARTY?

Liz: We kind of… forgot about you. Oops.

Lyn: Oh well.

Percy: ARGGGGHHH! I gotta go to the bathroom. (leaves)

Liz: Well, that was quite abrupt—

Percy: (yelling from bathroom) WHERE'S THE SELF DESTRUCT BUTTON!

Lyn: Are you in the guys' bathroom?

Percy: OF COURSE!

Liz: There's no self-destruct button in the guys' bathroom!

Lyn: And that's all the time we have because PERCY DON'T GO INTO THE GIRLS BATHROOM!

Waldo: Yeah… now we have to go to the girls' bathroom so Purse Man doesn't destroy all the fancy soaps!

FIN