Okay, this chapter is set between the end of season 3 and the beginning of season 4 when Dean has died, Sam has left and Kerry is on her own hunting. This is set at the end of June, so Dean has been dead a month. I do not own the song, Sarah McLaughlan does.

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Kerry felt as though she was about to explode. She'd been driving for almost nine hours now; she was cold, hungry and tired, but she forced herself to keep going. The only sound was the engine purring softly and the hard rain hammering on the hood, but even that was starting to annoy her. She let out a frustrated sigh and pressed play on her i-pod, breathing a sigh of relief when Nickelback came on. At least it wasn't any of Dean's favourites; that would have sent her over the edge. She drove for another fifteen minutes when the speakers went very quiet, to be followed by the sound of a lone piano playing softly. Immediately her eyes watered and for a second, her hand hovered over the power switch, but something inside her kept it playing and she found herself falling almost into a trance as she let the words absorb in her mind.

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it ok
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day

She thought of Dean and how he had sacrificed himself to bring Sam back to life; he wanted to give his younger brother that second chance to make his life have meaning and for everything to be okay, but he should've realised that by dying, it would send his younger sibling into an almost animalistic rage that was fuelled only by revenge and hatred. Dean never felt that he was good enough to look after Sam, and that every night Kerry knew the older Winchester would go to bed with a thousand doubts in his mind. He just didn't seem to understand that Sam was willing to do the same for him as he did for Sam and she knew it had driven him mad at times.

I need some distraction ooh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

Kerry didn't want to think about the pain and hurt of losing not one, but both of the brothers. Though Sam wasn't dead, he may as well have been for all the contact she'd had from him since he'd left. All she thought about constantly was growing up around the brothers, sharing so many moments with them, both sad and happy. All she wanted was for the memories to stop, but they just continued pouring into her mind, there was no stopping them no matter how hard she tried. She just wanted to lie down and let her mind shut down, long enough to find peace to have an unbroken sleep for once in her life.

She suddenly realised that her eyes were blurring to the point that she couldn't see the road clearly anymore, so she pulled over and cut the engine but still kept the music playing in the background and she let her head fall backwards and closed her eyes to try and contain the tears that were threatening to fall.

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you feel
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

She knew Dean was in Hell, and she knew he was probably being tortured and destroyed in ways she could only imagine, but a part of her couldn't help but feel as though somehow, he was being looked after by the angels. She remembered him telling her once that his mom used to tell him the angels were watching over him, and she could only pray that they indeed were keeping an eye at him and were protecting him somewhat from whatever he was going through. She hoped that he thought about Sam and herself, and that maybe he felt some comfort knowing that they were both trying to find a way to free him in their own ways.

Images of Dean's ruined body came to her mind, as well as the looks of sorrow on both Sam and her dad's faces. She could not longer contain her tears and sobs began to wrack through her body, shaking her violently. She punched the steering wheel in front of her, but all that did was fill her with even more sorrow and her sobs began to come harder and faster.

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There are vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It wont make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

She knew by the end that they were all so tired and weary of the true hard fact that no matter what they did, Dean was going to die, and there was a strong chance he was never coming back. It was like there was a straight line leading him directly to Hell, and it didn't matter how many twists and turns they tried to take, he would still be dragged straight back onto that line and getting closer to the end each time. The fact that demons were also after them didn't help; they all knew that the demons were trying to send Dean to Hell faster than scheduled and it was so hard to keep them away at times. He kept saying it would be okay and that everything would be fine, but Kerry knew he was lying; it was there in his eyes. Every time she thought of his eyes, and the sorrow and terror of dying there, she was filled with a sense of complete helplessness and hopelessness.

This time was different though. As the lyrics of the song lead into the chorus once more, her thoughts were brought back to the thought that angels were watching him, but then she suddenly realised that it was impossible. If they had been, if God had really been watching him, then they never would have let him die. Her sobs continued and her sadness increased, but a swell of anger began to bubble in her stomach too. Suddenly, she felt as though she was suffocating and she just had to get out of the car. She let out a loud, angered scream and ripped her i-pod out of the socket, immediately halting the music. She threw the door open and stepped out, not caring that the rain was pounding onto her skin, soaking her within seconds. All she knew at that moment was that she was angrier than she had ever been in her life, and she felt torn inside as if someone had ripped her apart. She felt her i-pod sitting in her hand and with a cry, she threw it as hard as she could on the floor, instantly smashing it. She watched as the rain swept the small broken pieces away, but she still didn't feel better. In fact, she felt worse. She threw back her head and screamed up at the sky as loudly as she could.

"I believed in you, you bastard! For one moment, I actually thought that you would stop this from happening. I should've known though, you don't care about anyone! People say to believe in God, but how can I when I've lost all faith I ever had! I hate you!"

Her voice fell hoarse with the effort and she dropped to her knees, her sobs finally slowing. It was only then that she realised that she was shivering fiercely due to the cold and she was likely to develop hypothermia but she was beyond the point of caring. She stood up and climbed back into her car before carrying on to her destination, with a slight regret for destroying her only source of music and distraction. As she continued down the road, she thought back to the song, the chorus echoing like a ghostly, haunting chant in her mind.

You're in the arms of an angel
May you find some comfort here
Some comfort here