The My Fair D.A.M.E. Project

Chapter 8

Author's Note: Firstly, I apologize for the delay. Guess it's my turn to do the old song and dance routine in update delay. Long story short: doctor's visits, traveling, massive head cold… oh and my hubby finally finished Mass Effect 2 so it's my turn to play and it has kidnapped my spare time in a big way. And I've started making jewelry again. What, me? A.D.D.? Why yes, yes I am.

Anyhow, I found the time and here we are. But first, go back and chapter and reread 7. I basically sacked the old chapter and rewrote it. I failed so hard with the last chapter that I wanted to cry. With some input and a lot of work, I finally got it the way I feel it should really have been written.

The last half of that chapter has been deleted for now. I may go back and redo that when I finally figure out how I want the concept of my Gray Warden and her vendetta against paper work to play out. Now.. for something else entirely.

Many thanks to Agent-G for his input and ideas.

Also, thanks to all my reviewers for the praises, they make me smile and brighten my day. And encourage me to get back to writing like a good little author.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is for amusement only.

Commander John Shepard called the Alliance personnel in the room to attention, standing and snapping into a salute himself. Internally he began go through every reason he could think of for Admiral Hackett to come to the training compound in person. This confusion was compounded by the accompanied presence of Councilor Anderson, who had unfortunately missed the meeting earlier that week.

Hackett surveyed the room and then nodded to Shepard, "As you were," he stated calmly, dismissing the rooms occupants back to their previous activities. He smiled at Shepard, who responded with a relaxed smile of his own. Anderson joined them as they shook hands.

"We caught a Spectre by surprise, Hackett. That takes some doing," he joked.

Hacket snorted and nodded, "Makes me wonder if you're going soft, Shepard."

John resisted the impulse to roll his eyes at the older men and instead settled for a confident stance, "Hardly. I simply figured that the two of you would've sent word ahead that you were coming. I should've remembered that you both prefer to keep me on my toes."

The men laughed and shook their heads. "Well you know what they say about people who 'assume', Commander," Anderson said.

"No kidding! How about assuming that the cripple can keep up with you two!" came a voice filled with snark and sarcasm.

John's smile grew bigger as he looked past his visitors to see a slightly grumpy but hardly worse for the wear pilot, "Joker!"

Joker grinned cheekily and waved as he joined them, "Good to see you, Commander. I can't wait to tell you about the upgrades I got to peek at when I stopped to check on the Normandy on my way here."

Hackett chuckled and nodded, "Indeed, the new systems being put in place will make her one of the most highly advanced ships in the galaxy, if not the most."

Anderson nodded before adding, "Not that she wasn't already close to that title already."

John smiled and gestured the men to a set of empty couches nearby before taking a seat himself. "Well, I'm glad to see all of you. I take it the academy graduation went well?"

Joker nodded, "Yeah, we got a good bunch of pilots joining the ranks this year. And Anderson's speech was nice too. Filled with lots of big fancy words that I didn't know."

Anderson snorted, "I'll get you a dictionary next time then."

"Why thank you, sir! I'll treasure it always."

John choked back an outright laugh, "As good as it is to have Joker back, and to see the two of you, I highly doubt escorting him here was your reason for coming."

Anderson nodded, his face turning serious as thoughts turned towards business, "True. I must say that I'm sorry that I missed the events here on the citadel. Udina made sure to send me the video of the meeting and all the notes involved. I agree with the rest of the council on the decision regarding our new arrivals. Admiral Hackett and I, are actually here to meet them and to get a feel from you on how the integration is going. I know it hasn't been long, but you know we like to stay on top of things."

John nodded, "Of course. I'd be happy to introduce you to all of them. They are a… colorful… bunch. And the integration seems to be going okay so far. They're managing to pick up the basics just fine, though we've had our moments. The worst day so far was giving them their first round of treatments to catch them up on the medical front. It was… interesting to say the least. Shall I give you the tour then?"

They all nodded and got up to follow as John gestured around them. "Well, you've already seen the entry way and the security measures installed there. This is front meeting room. It's really the only room large enough to have everyone who's staying here present all at once. And most of the Normandy crew is here right now to help with the integration, as well as to catch up with each other and to get ready for the Normandy to come out of dry dock. Through here is the kitchen, where as you can see, dinner preparations are well under way. And beyond that is the dining room."

John gestured to each area he'd spoken of before palming a door in the kitchen open and flipping on the lights. He smiled ruefully at Ogrhen who was seated on a stool in what appeared to be a very large pantry as he perused a box of several bottled wines. "Gentlemen, this is Ogrhen. He's a dwarf and the top of Dr. Chakwas' hit list."

Ogrhen looked up and smiled unashamedly at the elder men. "Hey there, ya wanna join meh fer a drink? I'm trying to decide which I wanna try first."

Anderson blinked, "First? How much are you going to drink?"

"How much? All of it, of course! Waste of booze not to!" Oghren snorted.

John sighed and then pulled a clear bottle filled with an effervescent green liquid out of the box, "Not this one you won't. Not unless you want Dr. Chakwas to pump your stomach and treat you for poisoning. Remember the lecture on amino acids? This is a Turian ale and not safe for dwarfs."

Ogrhen grumped, "Slept through that lecture… and I bet I could handle it."

He did not argue further as Joker snickered at him. "Well, yeah, but who wants to handle massive stomach cramps and a blinding migraine all at once?"

Oghren narrowed his eyes at Joker and then pulled the box of wines closer muttering something that sounded akin to 'cotton-stomached pansies' at them. John waved at Oghren before shutting off the lights and closing the pantry door again.

Hackett arched an eyebrow, "So… he's going to drink in the dark?"

John shrugged, "Dwarf. Spent a fair amount of time fighting in dark tunnels. He's not too fond of the sky and he was less than pleased to know that space was bigger than the sky and even more empty.

Anyhow, continuing our tour, in here we have one of the entertainment rooms. Some of the crew has taken it upon themselves to make sure our new teammates are properly versed in all manner of pop culture. And it appears that Alistair is watching Casablanca… again."

Alistair, hearing his name, paused the movie and twisted around in his seat to see John behind him with three men he'd not met before. "Oh… hello."

John chuckled, "Alistair. This is Councilor Anderson, Admiral Hackett and our pilot, Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau. Gentlemen, the second of the two gray wardens we acquired, Alistair."

Alistair stood and came around the small couch to shake hands, "An honor, sirs. I hope we live up to whatever expectations you have in mind for us. Though I hope that doesn't involve getting spit on by one of those Mesher Thraw things… that sounds disgusting.. and painful. I'm not particular fond of painful things."

John shook his head and clapped Alistair on the shoulder, "Thresher Maws, Alistair. Thresher Maws. And we don't engage them on foot unless absolutely necessary. We'll go over the tactics for that another day."

Alistair nodded wordlessly, appearing a bit appeased at the idea.

The following lull in conversation was promptly shattered by Joker's snickering, "Alistair? Isn't that name a bit… girly?"

Alistair huffed and crossed his arms, "It is not. It's dignified!"

Joker's snickers turned into short throttles of barked laughter, "Yeah. Sure man. Whatever helps you sleep at night. Alistair's too girly.. I'm calling you Al."

Alistair blinked in affronted silence and then scowled, "Excuse me?"

Shepard sighed and then started steering Alistair back to the couch, "Continue your movie, Alistair. We're going back to our tour."

Alistair grumbled and did as he was told. Shepard then forcefully pulled Joker out of the room, followed by they're two very amused companions.

A few rooms later brought the four men to a large room with mats on the floor and an interesting sight in the middle. "And this is our sparring room… and that's Dana Cousland… pinning Sten… to the floor."

Joker stared and then looked at John hopefully, "Tell me she's single."

"She's engaged to Alistair."

"Oh okay then… I'm sure an accident could be arranged."

"No assassinating teammates, Joker."

"Dammit."

Several minutes later, Sten and Dana agreed to call the spar a draw and disentangled themselves. Shepard exchanged the introductions and then rolled his eyes as Joker started repeatedly poking Sten on the arm. Sten ignored him.

Admiral Hackett shook his head and then cleared his throat, "Lady Cousland, I'm to understand that your the de facto leader of your group of companions and yet you are the junior warden?"

Dana smiled sheepishly and then nodded, "I would have deferred to Alistair with no complaint since he was the more experienced in the matters we were dealing with. But he was quite adamant that he did not want to lead. He repeatedly yielded to me instead and was always quick to shove me forward when dealing with the various allies we were calling on. He's apt enough at leading, he just has no taste for it."

Hackett nodded, "I see. I'm also to understand that Commander Shepard is listing you as one of the officers aboard the Normandy. I believe third in command right behind executive officer Pressly."

Dana nodded slowly, "That is what Commander Shepard has told me. Although, there are still yet more who are more experienced with this world than I, he's insistent that it's necessary."

John spoke up, "It is. Your people need to know that they have a place within the crew of the Normandy just as the rest of the team does. Placing you within the chain of command sends that message to the entire team, your people and mine. Hopefully with time we can quit referring to each other as separate groups outside of the set fire teams we'll be building. In time I'd like to set up Alistair as the leader of another fire team. We have the manpower for it."

Dana nodded again, "I understand. I just don't look forward to the day that I actually have to assert my position. Commanding people I've recruited myself is one thing. Commanding complete strangers is something else entirely."

Councilor Anderson smiled and patted Dana on the shoulder, "Don't worry too much. Hopefully by the time that you have to actually use the authority you're being given then the crew won't be strangers to you anymore."

"And on that note, we'll be continuing our tour," John stated gesturing his guests to the door, "And Joker, please quit trying to provoke Sten. It's not likely to ever work and if it ever did, we'd be out a pilot until your multiple broken bones healed."

Joker cast a sideways look at the impassive Sten and then sidled away before following Shepard and the others as quickly as he could.

Continuing the tour, Shepard led the three men into the communications room where they successfully found three of the new team members. Zevran and Leliana sat comfortably in front of one of the extranet consoles browsing through an online store for imported clothing items. Wynne sat at the next console with one of the Normandy cadets who was quietly coaching her through the general how to's of extranet browsing.

John nodded to his 'guests' and said quietly, "This is the man comm. and security room for the complex. As you can see our resident technical experts have gone to plenty of effort to ensure every detail was considered. In addition, present are Zevran, Leliana and Wynne." He gestured to each person in turn before moving to stand behind Zevran and looking at their terminal screen.

Leliana proceeded to giggle at yet another of Zevran's lewd commentaries regarding the cut and color choice of an Asari designed dress. John snorted and then shook his head. "Well, Zevran, when you consider that the entire Asari race's skin pallet is made of shades of blue and purple the color choices might make a bit more sense."

Zevran laughed and shrugged, "So you say, Commander. But if they are going to import their goods to other races then perhaps an expansion in color tastes might be in order, no?"

John nodded, "Perhaps. I'm sure Liara could give you a better understand of Asari marketing philosophy than I can however. In the meantime, I wish to introduce the three of you to Admiral Hackett, Councilor Anderson and the Normandy pilot, Lieutenant Jeff 'Joker' Moreau."

Zevran twisted in his seat just as Leliana's smile lit up at the sight of Joker. Leliana leaned forward to smile at Joker, easily invading Zevran's space, "Oooh… he's so cute! Can we keep 'im, Zev?"

Zevran chuckled lowly, "You'd have to take very good care of him…"

Joker blinked and smiled nervously at the suddenly undivided attention of the two. Anderson and Hackett exchanged wry smiles while Shepard snorted loudly. The situation was rescued quite easily by Wynne who stood and reached out her hand to Anderson. "A pleasure, gentlemen. We've heard the crew of the Normandy speak highly of each of you. It's an honor to finally meet you."

Trading off with shaking everyone's hands a small bit of chit chat was exchanged as the Admiral and the Councilor inquired into their activities. Leliana was shopping to replace her wardrobe. Zevran was there to give manly advice and Wynne was there to keep them from driving the comm. room personnel nuts. The men chuckled and then bid their farewells before continuing the tour.

"And down through this lovely maze of hallways, we have everyone's personal quarters. Everyone, officer's included, is paired off with a roommate due to lack of space. Even with the expansions to the Normandy, quarters there will be tighter than here. We're considering picking up a standby crew to maintain this facility when we're out and swapping out crew members for more consistent shore leave and general emergencies."

John led them down the generally bland hallway, pausing only briefly to unlock the room he was going to be sharing with Joker to show them that things weren't that bad off really. He finally led them to what appeared to be an impromptu lounge thrown together in a large junction between hallways in the residential section of the complex.

Within that lounge, one scantily clad, raven haired woman was engaged in a tug of war with the largest dog any of them had ever seen. She cursed loudly while digging in her heels and trying to pull the article of clothing from the dog's toothy grip. "Maker's breath! Give me my skirt, you flea bitten bag of darkspawn filth!"

The dog growled playfully in response, it's stump of a tail wagging enthusiastically for all he was worth. John sighed and let out a sharp whistle at the dog. Catching both their attentions, leaving the two in a balanced stalemate, John suppressed a laugh. "Snuggles, let Morrigan have her skirt. I'll get you some other cloth you can mutilate later if you want."

The dog promptly let go and bounded over to Shepard with a happy woof. Morrigan, clearly not prepared for Snuggles' compliance with John's order, fell to her rear with a huffed, "Oof!"

Anderson blinked quietly at the dog, "You called it… Snuggles?"

John nodded solemnly, "That is what his owner named him, yes."

Hackett smirked, "And who's his owner?"

"Dana Cousland."

"That explains a lot."

"It does, doesn't it?"

Anderson, still rather quiet, next asked, "So.. he understood your command like a normal person?"

John nodded again, "Yes. He is what they call a Mabari, which is a special breed of highly intelligent war dog. They are known for understanding most human speech and being extremely loyal to their master and their master's… crew."

Anderson nodded thoughtfully, "How useful."

Joker finally chimed in, reaching over to poke Shepard's elbow, "So… who's the gorgeous lady?"

John rolled his eyes and then smiled at Morrigan who finally joined him, "My friends, this is Morrigan."

He quickly filled Morrigan in on the rest of the introductions, barely finishing before Joker jumped in, "So… you're single right?"

Morrigan scowled, "Technically. I'm also pregnant."

Joker blanched, "Oh… I don't know the father do I?"

Smirking now, Morrigan tilted her head, "I don't know. Have you been introduced to Alistair?"

Joker wilted in spot, pegging Morrigan with a disbelieving glare, "You're kidding me? Isn't he engaged to that Dana woman?"

Morrigan nodded, her smirk firmly entrenched now, "He is. I must say I'll be glad of never sleeping with him again."

Joker brightened visibly at that, "So… there's no love lost there. Which means, your baby's gonna need a Daddy right? I adore kids!"

Morrigan's smirk was replaced by a huff and an eyeroll, "You are an impertinent one. And no, my child needs no father. Good day gentlemen."

Morrigan turned and walked away, her skirt in hand. Joker grinned brightly at the other men, "She's hot!"

John sighed and shook his head, "She's also likely to knife you in the back."

Joker blinked and then look down the hallway, "I guess I'll uh.. be careful then."

Having left Joker to settle his few belongings into his new shared quarters, John took Anderson and Hackett to his office. "So… you've got the general sitrep now. Any news I should be aware of?"

The two men traded serious glances and then turned back to the Commander. "Well, it seems that the next day after our new friends arrived a very large fleet of Geth ships was passing through one of the outer Terminus systems. There was an unprecedentedly large ship with them. The Batarian patrol ship that spotted them was found as a debris field after their message got through. No sign of the fleet remained. It's believed that they took the Mass Relay there to another system."

John sighed, "That doesn't sound good."