Chapter 10

~ Good Intentions ~

Day in, day out, it seemed Cloud had been true to his word. He wasn't gone altogether, not at all, but he was around less. She talked to him less.

Tifa scratched behind her ear and down her neck in annoyance with the stove. Everything was back to... normal? She tossed some chips angrily into the baking tray. No, it wasn't back to the way things had been because she thought they had been getting closer and closer and then he'd backed out, or something. Impatiently she kicked the oven door shut.

She sighed. She just had to stop thinking about it.

Then her phone went off.

Tifa's phone had been going off a lot lately.

Cloud sat in his office chair glancing over the missed calls and deliveries he now had lined up as a result which had been written in Tifa's elegant handwriting in his notepad. He was paying attention to the words with his eyes, but his ears were elsewhere. Tifa was giggling, in that quiet, modest way that he found pretty cute; only he hadn't been the one who had caused it, and so the joy from hearing it disappeared like the removal of sugar from chocolate.

He gave up pretending to read through the deliveries and ran a hand through his blond spikes. Her phone went off again but this time without the jingling of a mono-dimensional series of musical notes which had been irritating him ever since he'd got back, or more extensively, every time he'd got back over the past week. Thank goodness she'd turned it on silent.

But then, why were the vibrations still reaching his ears? And why was he still unable to stop himself from straining to hear every single sound Tifa made as a result?

He sighed. He was just kidding himself. He knew the reason by now, and there was no point in pretending to himself otherwise any more. It was probably Yuffie anyway, and that soothed his mind.

Marlene had been shuffling up slowly to Cloud's chair from the doorway. He was still lost in thought.

"Cloud, Tifa's been looking really happy lately."

He could only half-hear Marlene talking beside his chair.

"She looks like the girls in the films... falling in love... Is it something to do with you?"

It took him a while to registered what she'd just said. He snapped suddenly out of his daze.

"What?"

Marlene shrunk underneath him. He'd almost raised his voice.

He drew back in his chair and shook his head lightly. "Sorry, Marlene," he said with a caring smile.

She gave a meek smile back. She could tell he was tired. "Be careful, Cloud," and she trotted out of the room.

He stared after her and then looked back at the list of jobs on his desk. He had a lot to sort out, routes to plan, invoices to prepare. Taking up more jobs he had forgotten also meant more paperwork. It also meant he felt more tired. The last time he'd slept at all well had been that night when Tifa had slept by his side, and that had been weeks ago now.

Tifa's phone vibrated again in the depths of the kitchen, his mako-enhanced hearing catching the hum of amusement that erupted in her throat.

Wait. What did Marlene just say to me?

He stood up suddenly from his chair. He had decided he was hungry.

When he came downstairs he headed straight into the kitchen and began to dig around in the fridge, pretending not to notice Tifa in the far corner of the room.

There was a large squelching growl from his stomach. He really was hungry.

"Hungry?"

He barely turned as he recognised Tifa's voice. Moving around him, she reached into the fridge from behind his back, ducking under his shoulder. She pulled out eggs, ham, cheese and a secret ingredient she stored in a petite jar. He didn't have time to nod. He didn't have time to move out of the way either. She gracefully ducked out from underneath him again anyway.

"I'll cook you something," she said cheerfully.

"You're in a good mood," he stated. He knew he was stating the obvious.

"Am I usually in a bad mood?" she hummed out loud, dragging out one of the frying pans from a cupboard.

As he observed her light movements and airy smile he suddenly didn't feel like saying any more.

"Let me know when it's ready."

He left the room.

It was night time, and Cloud for once had felt the impulse to stay at home. Tifa was working at the bar, the children were on the bar floor helping her and he was casually walking around in the kitchen keeping an eye on some food in the oven Marlene had insisted he had in order to make sure it wouldn't burn. It had been a very convenient request. He had noticed Tifa had left her phone in the kitchen earlier.

The mobile rang. The surface gave off an incensed growl as it shook the kitchen's smooth counter top across from him. His hands were merely centimetres away. He could feel the vibrations through his fingertips. He knew it was a phone call this time, it had been ringing for too long to just be a text. He wasn't going to answer it though. He knew he really wasn't going to answer it. He would just look at the missed call message on the screen once it stopped ringing. It stopped ringing, and then it rang again almost instantly to aggravate him. He lost patience and finally snatched at the little black phone, pushing his thumb firmly into the answer button. Holding the speaker cautiously against his ear, a deep male voice then issued into his ears:

"Tifa?"

"No," Cloud replied stiltedly.

"Oh, hey, a guy." The voice laughed.

"She's working right now," Cloud stated flatly.

"Oh. You must be Cloud."

Cloud didn't reply.

"I've heard a lot about you."

There was a crunching sound coming from the speakers as if he was eating something.

"I'll get her to call you back."

"Thanks, Cloud. I appreciate it." He hung up.

"Is something up?" Tifa had peered round the door to check on him.

Everything had become a little slow in Cloud's mind; though as he heard Tifa's voice he abruptly snapped out of it. Before she had come in he had been conscious enough to lower her mobile by his left side so that now she couldn't see it, and he was grateful she couldn't, for he wouldn't know how to explain that he'd just answered a private call to her phone.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Nothing has burnt yet."

She studied him a little longer with her beautiful brown eyes and then gently removed her gaze, turning herself, ready to rejoin the atmosphere of the bar.

"As long as you're sure, Cloud." Her tone had been cautious and patient. She walked out.

A few days passed, and nothing had changed.

It was late afternoon and the rooms were a slight orange glow. The children were at school and would be back home within the hour. Cloud had made an effort to be back for a bit just for that. Throwing off his dusty boots in the garage he made his way up the stairs. He could smell fresh laundry all through the landing, and he instantly knew Tifa must be changing the beds. He removed his armor and gloves in his room before making his way to the children's bedroom down the hall.

There she was with her long dark hair and dark clothing, yet unmistakably bright smile and eyes. Tifa raised an eyebrow at him when she noticed him in the doorway and he stepped forward to be a little closer to her.

"Everything okay?" she asked cautiously as she unfolded a freshly ironed bedsheet.

"Yeah," he replied briefly, and then folded his arms loosely and gazed out at the warm glowing sunlight oozing through the window. He had been wondering if he had missed something over the past few weeks, the cocky male voice he'd heard on the other end of her phone just the other day not having done his mind any favors, but then as he stood there, with nothing but rays of orange-yellow in between Tifa and himself, he felt he was filtering out a kind of paranoia, something he felt he shouldn't be so worried about. He began to relax.

They remained like that for a few more moments with only the faint hum of car engines, the people living in their own little worlds outside the window and the ruffling sounds of sheets being stripped from a bed to fill the quiet. Then Tifa began to laugh.

Cloud turned to her. "What?"

"Are you going to help me or just stand there gazing into nothing?" she teased.

He became a little flustered at how rude he was being and held out a hand to help. She took one of Denzel's dirty pillows and threw it at him. He smiled sheepishly as he caught it and she shook her head lightly in amusement. After a while her amusement faded and she stretched a small smile across her lips as she thought about what she really wanted to ask him, or at least tip toe around with still the chance of half an answer.

"How's work?"

Cloud looked up, caught in concentration on changing the pillow cover. "It's fine. I'm getting there."

"Getting where?" she asked with a slight crease in her eyebrows.

"Targets I have to reach."

"You have targets?" Cloud wasn't sure whether to enjoy the mixture of surprise and impression on Tifa's face.

"Kind of." Finishing changing Denzel's pillowcase he placed it back on the bed and took up Marlene's. "Not much longer and I can get another upgrade to Fenrir's engine," he added.

"Ah."

After his brief practice on Denzel's pillow he finished changing Marlene's quickly and placed it back on the bed. He stepped forward to offer a hand with the leftover ironed covers that he knew needed to be folded up in order to go into the cupboard. She offered him the corners of a large sheet so that they could fold it together.

"You're home earlier than normal today..." She trailed off as they both leaned forward, their fingertips touching as he held his corners of the sheet up to hers and she carefully took them from him.

"I have a break in between deliveries," he replied, taking up the second set of corners and feeding them back into her hands deliberately in a way so that their fingers would have touch for a longer amount of time, for another folding over. He watched as curve of her cheeks, and the tips of her ears turned slightly pink as he did so.

Now that the sheet was a more manageable size she folded the rest herself and placed it into a pile on a nearby chair. Then she paused.

"Your turn." She tossed him the next sheet.

She watched as he fumbled to make tail and end of the sheets, and then she suddenly felt very cruel.

"Here." Her well-trained hands found one of the corners and handed it to him and they attempted to sort out the mad tangle Cloud had made of the sheet in between them.

Every more frequent accidental brush and hit of their hands, of their arms, of their fingers was starting to annoy her. They were tiny little things, she had to get over Cloud, and yet she felt herself blushing increasingly every time it happened. She had to distract herself.

"You're not very good at this, are you?" Her tone had been playful but slightly harsh.

Cloud looked down as the sheet suddenly returned to the neat way it should have turned out when he started.

"No, I guess not," he chuckled.

His small laugh had made her laugh as well, and then his hands reached out to the sides of the sheet, and hers did the same in the same moment, and then his hands clasped over her fingers. They both froze. The very thing she had been trying to avoid, and Cloud had been trying not quite to do, had happened, and it was awkward. Tifa turned her head up to diffuse the awkward tension, and he turned his head down in turn, and then their lips touched. It felt like a lifetime.

They drew back suddenly from each other. The shock in his eyes was reflected in hers.

"We're home!" Marlene called.

Who had initiated the kiss?

"Look, Cloud's home!" Denzel chirped from downstairs.

Both looked away instantly. Cloud promptly let go of the sheet so that Tifa could move her fingers away.

He made a pathetic attempt to clear his throat. "Do you need any more help?"

She also made a pathetic attempt to clear her throat. "No, it's fine. Go greet them."

Ruffling the spikes on the back of his neck Cloud moved out of the room. Tifa remained where she was, unable to stop herself from gasping into the bedsheet she was still holding as soon as he had left, coming to the realization of what had just happened. For that brief moment, as his lips had brushed against hers, it had felt like the most natural thing in the world, as if they did it all the time. For that moment, if her mind hadn't kicked in, she could have been truly kissing him in the way she had always fantasized. But after everything, especially now, that brief taste had been the very last thing she had needed.

She felt so lost.

He had decided to go once he'd seen the children. He had had deliveries to make, and he had to be prompt as he always was, even if he felt he was leaving something important behind. By the time he returned it was half twelve at night, not too late for him, but he liked being home a little early. Cloud dismounted casually from Fenrir and patted down the dust and sand on his trousers. He gave a huge stretch with his arms that climbed all the way down his shoulders and across his lower back, and felt several clicks down his spine as air released from his joints.

He climbed up the stairs, past the dark bar. Then, aiming for the bathroom, he was suddenly ambushed by a mass of pyjamas and two various shades of brown hair. He crouched down. Denzel smiled as Cloud placed a hand on his shoulder.

Marlene was holding onto his forearm. "We thought you'd be back even later. Tifa told us not to stay up but..."

Cloud smiled. "Then I guess you better get back to bed before she tells you off for being up so late."

Marlene and Denzel exchanged glances. Cloud watched them, a horrible feeling suddenly sinking through his stomach.

"Tifa's not here," Denzel said cautiously.

"She said she'd be back soon though," Marlene piped up.

There was a pause. Cloud looked intensely at the both of them.

"Where is she?"

"She's round a friend's," Marlene said casually.

Denzel looked less comfortable. "She said she wouldn't be back too late."

Cloud paused for a moment, and then gave them both a nod to head back to bed. Denzel took one last wary look at his hero before closing the bedroom door.

Cloud's breathing had become less relaxed, and his feet felt like lead until he forced them to move, carrying him into his office. He sat down on the edge of the small bed just off from the desk he usually slept in and sat still stonily, staring with a complicated facial expression at the opposite wall.

He was going to wait.

The front door opened and shut. Keys jangled and rang into the quiet of the bar as they turned in the lock. Quiet footsteps thudded against the wood of the bar's floor. The stairs creaked a little, the banister creaked a little, a jaw more delicate than his own opened and closed with a little yawn behind feminine hands. Cloud continued to listen until Tifa was right outside his open door, about to head into her own room. He stood and approached her.

"Tifa."

She jumped and looked round, planting her hand on her chest in fright.

"You scared me, Cloud."

"You're not normally out this late."

"I was seeing a friend," she said, her eyes closing a little as she stifled another yawn.

He hesitated, but then his mouth took over for him.

"Who was it?"

She averted her eyes distractedly to glance at a picture farther down the hallway. "Just a guy I know." And then she moved her eyes back to him as if it was taking her some effort.

The guy on the phone.

"Why so late?" Cloud was beginning to loom over her in the darkness.

"We talked a lot," she said anxiously, tucking her hair behind her ear.

He stared at her. "Is that all?"

Her eyes narrowed. "You know, Cloud, I can take care of myself."

He listened but couldn't say anything. He could see every detail of her face against the dark walls of the hallway, he could see every curve on her lips and the way she had tightened them together in her reaction to his question. He had to control his hands to stay by his sides; he had an overwhelming desire to kiss her, and not like before, but hard and passionate until she submitted to his aggravated will and told her what he needed to know.

She looked away quickly and her expression changed. She had spotted the way his eyes had jolted from her eyes to her mouth. When her gaze returned it was sweet again, calm, but her eyes still told him it was a little forced for his sake.

"But thanks for caring, okay?" She touched him briefly on the arm and moved from beneath his dominating posture and into her bedroom.

He continued to stand in the middle of the hallway, feeling like part of his world had suddenly gone missing. He could feel the lack of light all over him like a rash, and all the while his muscles pumped with blood and fisted his hands. He tried to shake it off but his whole body felt like a furnace.

Ignoring the sensations coursing round his body like fire he removed himself to his own room.

He had made the effort to say "hey" in the morning, to eat briefly with the children before they went to school, to make conversation like everything was normal. Tifa had constantly been a blur just out of the corner of his vision. He hadn't been able to bring himself to look at her directly, he felt ashamed of how he'd tried to overpower her into telling him her own business the night before. When he had by chance made the mistake of not moving his head in time and caught her eyes on his, he had he recognised a conflicting confusion and emotion in her eyes which he couldn't fully read. He hadn't known what to make of it.

He creased his eyebrows against his goggles as the June winds hit his face, the blue sky hovering above. Recently he had kept thinking of things in certain way; her emotions being because of him, his emotions being because of her, the strange sensations he kept feeling because of something she had said or done to him and vice versa... and what he hoped another person hadn't done to her.

His jaw tightened.

She wouldn't have done anything with that guy, right?

He sighed lightly and fished his hand into his pocket. Slowly he withdrew a little maroon box.

He had distanced himself the afternoon she had mentioned how she imagined her life would be if it wasn't for Sephiroth, and he had distanced himself because he had realised something in that moment, that Tifa was single, Tifa was beautiful and young and thinking of her future, even if her words had all been hypothetical. He was in the same house, stifling her progress and yet, just before he had thought he was a waste of space to her, he had realised something else.

He flicked open the little box with his thumb, and the stone in the ring glinted prettily the cool summer sunshine. Palladium metal from Wutai, the rarest metal he could find, a unique gem stone that had been put together from various materials he had been gathering like a mad man between every other delivery over the past few weeks, the main reason for his fatigue, and a unique design he had conjured up with the jeweller himself. He had tried his best to make it everything that he thought of her: gentle, caring, strong, modest; though stunningly beautiful with little effort or awareness. He snapped the box closed again.

He had realised that the very fact was that he couldn't live without her, and he certainly couldn't let her be with anyone else while he was still breathing. He wouldn't be able to stand it. He was also the only man he could trust to really take care of her, and deep down he had known it all along. The ring was nothing compared to what he really wanted to give her, for her to accept, and taking in a euphoric breath of fresh air deeply into his lungs he finally said it out loud:

"I love her."