Yay!! Fun times for the Doctor. Getting knocked on the head and then getting shot by Jack. Well, here he gets a bit of his own back so... Enjoy!

Reviews are lovely and make Tora write more so RnR. (They also convince the Doctor and Jack muse to come out from under the bed!)

Thanks to michellestiles for the suggestion!

Chapter 4

The Doctor groaned as he awoke, the tranquilizer had made his head all fuzzy and he contemplated throwing the whole plan out the window just to tell Jack off. Instead, he sat up and rubbed his head, trying to clear it before he opened his eyes. When he did manage to open his eyes without the world spinning, he saw Ianto standing by the coffee maker, lost in thought. Grinning evilly, he stood silently and crept over to him. When he was right behind Ianto, the Doctor leaned in and whispered into his ear.

"Mmmmm, smells good." The Doctor's quiet words made Ianto jump and spin around, hand clasped over his ear in protection. The Doctor, just to see what would happen, gave Ianto a through going-over. His eyes raked the human in the suit before him before resting on the slightly red face. The Doctor's eyebrows rose slightly, he had made Ianto blush. Leering at Ianto, the Doctor took note of how the Welshman had positioned his body between the Doctor and the coffee maker, almost as if he were protecting it. Ianto turned back to his task, face still flushed, and mumbled intelligibly. The Doctor, never missing a chance, lent back in and placed his hand on Ianto's neck. He felt the nervous man freeze beneath his touch. That was no fun. To try and get a response, the Doctor let his hand run lightly down Ianto's spine before coming to rest on his rear. Grabbing his ass, the Doctor laughed manically in his mind at the panicked yelp that Ianto released before turning and disappearing down a corridor before Ianto had managed to turn around.

Out of sight, the Doctor paused and laughed. Straightening, he turned and headed down the corridor. He had never been down here before, and he was curious as to what Torchwood had locked away. And, as always, if he found something he didn't like, he could just destroy it.

A couple minutes later, the Doctor stood in front of a solid steel door that was securely locked. He grinned; he liked locked doors, and reached into his pocket. His hand closed around the sonic screwdriver and pulled it out. Spinning it deftly in his fingers, the Doctor gave a hum of appreciation when the door opened to reveal rows upon rows of neatly organized files and objects the Archives then. He sighed as he remembered, Ianto was in charge of the Archives and he had already terrorized him. But, the Doctor mused, this was too good a chance to pass up. Shutting the door behind him, he looked around to see what mischief he could get up to. He paused besides a box labelled 'DANGEROUS' is big, red letters and grinned. It was probably something harmless that Torchwood didn't completely understand so he opened the box without much thought. Inside was something that surprised the Doctor. Shaped like a gun and pulsing with a purple glow, the Doctor stared at it before breaking into hysterics. It was a price-checker, purple glow showing that there was a catalogue update available. Clipping it onto his belt, he continued to wander through the aisles, picking up random bits or files and placing them somewhere else. He didn't want to make it too bad, because then if Jack didn't kill him, Ianto certainly would.

By the time he had finished destroying various artefacts and re-arranging the shelves, three hours had gone by. Figuring he had hidden long enough, he left the Archives, locking the door behind him. Travelling back up the corridor, he started to spin the price-checker on his finger in an act of nonchalance. He re-entered the main section of the Hub to find…no-one. Raising his eyebrows at the lack of concern for a "crazy" guy loose in their Hub, the Doctor searched with his eyes. Glancing up, he saw the Team seated in a conference room going over some sort of plan. Walking quickly and quietly up the stairs, he paused just outside the door. He heard his name and, taking it as his cue, spun lazily into the room; checker still twirling on his finger.

"Why, hello again." The Doctor's cheerful comment was lost on the group as Ianto recognized the device and let out a panicked shout and backed away from him. Pointing at him, Ianto stuttered in almost comical fear.

"Where the hell did you get that?"

"Hmm? This?" The Doctor shrugged and smiled lightly, "I found it kicking about." The Doctors words sunk in and Ianto turned a bright shade of red, anger rising.

"You've been in the Archives!" Jack looked up in alarm. He had been rubbing his eyes in frustration at both the inexplicable quietness of the Rift and the headache that was the Doctor before this alarming piece of news was revealed. Shrugging his indifference, the Doctor cocked the gun experimentally.

"Can't say I was, actually; there wasn't a sign, just a really big door. I do love doors. They lead to strange and exciting places don't you think?" He prattled on, amused at the way everyone was slowly backing away from him, eyes fixed on the "gun" in his hand.

"It's alright, mate, just put the gun down." Owen said slowly, hands spread out in front of him like he was trying to placate a wild animal. Pretending to be thick, the Doctor pointed the nozzle towards himself.

"Gun?" There was a collective scream of 'No!' as he pulled the trigger. Moments later, flashing lights and a series of clicking noises were emitted.

"Well, look at that! I appear to be worth the same as the "Diamat Ruby," whatever that is… oh! There's a change into pounds button. Ah… that's quite a bit; 10 million seems a bit steep. I mean, look at me! There's barely anything there!" The Doctor continued his nonsense rambling looking in glee at the faces of the stressed group.

"So it's not a gun." Statement, not question; still, he could answer that.

"Doesn't appear to be no. I found it and shot it at my shoes earlier. 30 pounds! Unbelievable, so I went at shot at everything I could find. Didn't leave any scorched marks so I assume it's safe." He looked at Tosh, she had a look in her eye that he recognized as un-ending curiosity; a good and bad trait, that.

"Do you want a go?" He stretched out his hand to her offering the price-checker before he was stopped by Jack.

"Doctor…"

"Yes."

"Shut up." Jack walked off towards his office, leaving a fuming Ianto, and the curious three to their own devices.

"Well…that was rude."