Argh! Kyoya's agents stormed my room and took the draft of my fanfic!!! And my horrid Sues!!! OH NOES!!! (Some more types are introduced, ta-dah!)
"I wasn't attacked by them…" a week later, Haruhi was getting ready for just another Host Club afternoon.
"You won't be…" Kyouya opened his notebook.
"Why…?"
"Because all Mary Sues know that you're a girl, that's why. Though there could be a few exceptions, but that's only when you're reduced to an extra in the story. Or the Mary Sue replaces you."
After the members recovered from the initial shock, Kyoya glanced at the clock. There was still some time 'til 3 PM, so he turned the page in his notebook.
"We have conducted some more research… and actually, there are times when Mary Sues attack us in groups…"
Hunny quickly put Kuma-chan in Tamaki's arms.
"…but in that case, they can be good guests. If they come along like that, there are some obligatory types. If at least two of these show up, maybe in the company of some previously introduced types, then it's a group Mary Sue attack, which probably happens because we're thrown in a plot that needs to give the feeling of reality… anyhow, let's start…"
Everyone shut their mouths and waited for Kyoya to begin.
Rich Bitch Sue
General: She's filthy rich, which isn't unlikely at Ouran, by the way. Sometimes even richer than Kyoya, which is impossible, but oh well, this is Mary Sue after all…
Development: She can pay for anything, which, once again, isn't unlikely at Ouran. Basically she's there just to show off how rich she is, and can choose any host, at any time. Wears the uniform, though she occasionally embroiders it with gold and puts diamonds on the frills. Buys all the merchandise and makes Kyoya happy.
Romances: She can have any host, as she can pay for everything, at anytime. But usually doesn't really fall in love with any of them, as she's already completely and utterly in love – with her money.
Past: Oh, growing up surrounded by mountains of money must suck… no, really. She doesn't angst.
Likely to show up? Kinda rarely.
Kyoya's advice: Come! Come! Profit!!! $$$!!!
"You meanie…" muttered Tamaki.
"Well" Kyoya pushed up his glasses "the club won't go bankrupt if we welcome her every now and then…"
Everyone stared a little annoyed at the Shadow King, who just smiled cryptically as he turned the page.
Overly Sensible Sue
General: If you tell her she looks nice, she faints. If you're two minutes late, she thinks you were murdered. No, basically… she's a little paranoid.
Development: She's sweet and cute, and goes to the Host Club to feel that she's loved. Probably has little self-esteem, but doesn't angst about it, at least.
Romances: Anyone who tells her something nice, so anyone, really. Maybe except the twins, for their evil ways will wound her soul.
Past: Nothing special. Occasionally is so sensible because she had a trauma, but that's not too likely. More probably has overprotective parents. But then… it's Mary Sue.
Likely to show up? Maybe.
Kyoya's advice: Go and melt in Tamaki's arms, Overly Sensible Sue. As long as you don't whine…
"I'll welcome her as my princess…" Tamaki passed his hand over his blond hair.
"I'll give her cake!" smiled Hunny cheerfully.
"Why does she hate us?!" the twins looked offended.
Haruhi just glanced at Mori, thinking Overly Sensible Sue would be best matched with him.
"May I continue?"
Dull Non-Sue Sue
General: Sounds contradictory? Trust me, it isn't. She's average: cute, but nothing special; rich as Ouran students usually are, but not as much as Rich Bitch Sue; has feelings, but does not show them as openly as Overly Sensible Sue. Wears the uniform normally, goes to class normally…
Development: Is so normal that it hurts. It really does. And there you go, over the edge…
Romances: Well, she's a Host Club guest. May fall for a host, or may not. She's very normal…
Past: Yep, you guessed! Very normal.
Likely to show up? Extremely rarely. And if she does, she won't stick out anyway…
Kyoya's advice: I guess she can come. And she'd better pay for that merchandise…
"Another princess!" smiled Tamaki.
"Just the usual" sighed Haruhi.
"It's nearly 3 PM. Now, last but not least…" Kyouya began to read the last notes he received.
Blissfully Ignorant Wallpaper Sue
General: She's an extra to show that her companions aren't Sues.
Development: She occasionally says a line every ten chapters.
Romances: She sometimes swoons over a random host, there you go.
Past: Wallpapers don't need past.
Likely to show up? As a companion to any Sue who would want to look as not a Sue, hell yes!
Kyoya's advice: I really don't mind…
"That wasn't so terrible!" Tamaki jumped up happily as the clock struck 3 PM.
Kyoya just closed the notebook and hoped it will all go fine.