Kyoya wants to thank you, dear customers!

A/N: Guess I'm better at writing this kind of silliness than real stories. *smiles sadly* On with it!

"Thanks to some customers, here's some new information!"

"About those Sues again?! Weren't there already enough of them?!" Hikaru and Kaouru asked in unison.

"Seems like not… want to hear it or not?"

"Not really…" mumbled Haruhi.

"I'm afraid you'll have to listen anyway… we must always be on our guard!"

Thus Kyoya opened the notebook.

Commoner Sue

General: Not to be confused with the Haruhi Sue, though she might be old friends with Haruhi. Got a random scholarship somewhere around midterm, probably.

Development: Shows up at the Host Club, often with no intention of becoming a customer. However, despite the hosts already have their "source", they start to pose their questions about the "commoner lifestyle" to her and get overly interested about her person too, of course.

Romances: Mostly Kyoya. Haruhi helps her, obviously.

Past: Angsty. Or just plain sad, probably lost a parent.

Likely to show up? Often.

Kyoya's advice: I'm sorry, but can you pay for our services? And… no. In 99.9 percent of the cases, you're not believable.

"But we have my beloved daughter! And you love Daddy's attentions, don't you, Haruhi?!" cried Tamaki.

Haruhi just groaned.

"Milord, get out of the corner! Kyoya has some more to tell us!" shouted Hikaru.

Angsty Sue

General: She's amazingly good at… angsting, angsting, and angsting.

Development: Enters the Third Music Room for some unknown reason, picks a poor unfortunate and unsuspecting host, then spends the whole afternoon crying on their shoulder.

Romances: Any host. And all of them will love her back, of course.

Past: Ahem. Were you paying attention? Well then, sad. Lost a parent, a lover, both of them, more than one of them, some friends, her cat got run over by a car and she accidentally spilled the milk at breakfast. Horribly tragic.

Likely to show up? Sometimes, not too often (thank goodness!!!)

Kyoya's advice: Try Lobelia Girls' Academy instead, please. Benibara will welcome you with open arms.

Nearly everyone seemed horrified. Kyoya smiled in satisfaction.

Servant Sue

General: A maid, a cook, a waitress, maybe even a young female chauffeur, she serves one of the hosts at home. She's cute and most likely has a pretty Western name, anyway she somehow sticks out. Maybe even for spilling orange juice over our beloved host; it doesn't get her fired for some weird reason, though.

Development: She's completely in love with her master, but has to keep it in secret. Lots of chapters about this, thus creating the perfect chance to turn her into an Endless Sue subspecies.

Romances: Anyone, though usually one of the twins, most likely Kaoru.

Past: Angsty. At least, in most cases, she had to become a servant because her once-noble family went bankrupt. Or even worse, she was picked from an orphanotrophy…

Likely to show up? Not in the Third Music Room… and anyway, very rarely. She's second in rarity only to Dull Non-Sue Sue.

Kyoya's advice: You don't threaten the flow of customers, so well, it's fine… but it's NOT if you magically change one of us into a love-dazed angst machine.

"I don't even know all my maids' names…" Tamaki seemed a little embarrassed.

"Me?! What, ME?!" Kaoru looked sincerely shocked.

"Or maybe even…" Kyoya's glasses flashed "…me."

With this, he turned the page.

Denying Sue

General: She swore never to fall in love. Or maybe never to fall in love with a certain type of guy.

Development: She does anyway, against her will.

Romances: Most likely Kyoya or Mori.

Past: Gee, why do you think she's so stern? Yes, angsty, you guessed!

Likely to show up? Quite a common girl around here.

Kyoya's advice: This is pathetic over 30 chapters. Make something happen! Inner turmoil can get really boring.

"That's all for now" Kyoya slamming the notebook shut shook up the others "now, it's nearly 3 PM. Hey, Rich Bitch Sue, what about showing up finally? Oh, and dear customers, thank you for the new information! More is always welcome… you can get a free afternoon with us in return!"