Yeah, Kyoya found some more! Enjoy! :D

Kyoya called everyone to the Third Music Room a short while before 3 AM. By the dark look on his face, everyone could see he had some more notes about those horrifying Mary Sue-s.

"But I thought it was over!" said Haruhi, horrified "there were already so many, Kyoya! I can't believe more could exist!"

"They do, Haruhi… I'm sorry…" sighed Kyoya, searching for the right page in his notebook.

"I don't wanna hear it!" screamed Tamaki, already teary-eyed.

"You'll have to. We need to be prepared" Kyoya finally found his new notes "oh, and these are all subspecies. We have one which can apply to any Sue, one of mostly Angsty Sue, one of Blissfully Ignorant Wallpaper Sue, and one… oh, that's a new one."

Host Sue

General: She's a subspecies, can come in any variety. Whatever the reason, she becomes a Host. Oh, not to be confused with the Haruhi Sue: she's not forced to.

Development: Kyoya (!) or some other host, usually Tamaki or even Haruhi (!!!) wants her desperately to join the Host Club. Alternatively, she wants to join. What the hell, she becomes a host ultimately.

Romances: Kyoya or Kaoru, sometimes even Mori.

Past: First rule: there's always room for angst, don't worry about that.

Likely to show up? Horribly often. The most common Sue, I might risk to say, though she's still a subspecies, that's why she wasn't categorized earlier.

Kyoya's advice: Listen, if you don't look like a boy like Fujioka, I don't see why girls shouldn't notice your beautfiul breasts one of us is supposed to fondle while making out passionately with you. On the other hand, why the hell are you wearing the boys' uniform? Or are you a cross-dresser? Or lesbian? In that case, head to Lobelia. Or… ah, I can't even continue, there are too many things wrong with you.

"Didn't we run out of the colour of roses?" asked the twins in unison.

"There's still dark purple, and yellow…" mumbled Haruhi.

"May I go on?" Kyoya asked.

The Host Club looked at him with dark eyes, but they all nodded.

Handicapped Sue

General: She's blind (the most common one), deaf, mute, paralyzed, missing a leg, confined to a wheelchair, whatever.

Development: The hosts feel extremely sorry for her, but notice her radiant beauty and at least one falls for her. She doesn't want sympathy, though, and there goes a wonderful opportunity for angst and denial. Then they kiss and make up, and (guess what?) ride off into the sunset.

Romances: Anyone, though mostly Mori or Tamaki.

Past: There's always a horrible story about how she got handicapped, or even more room for angst if she was born such.

Likely to show up? Kinda rare.

Kyoya's advice: Well, it can work, but I can hardly believe you're taking normal classes (this does not apply if you're in a wheelchair). You can be believable, just don't make us drown in a sea of angst, or whatever. Put in some effort, please. And be sure to know about that handicap, too! You cannot comment about our appearance if you're blind, you cannot love our voices or Tamaki's piano playing if you're deaf, can't tell us in a melodious voice you love us if you're mute, cannot make acrobatics in bed if you're paralyzed. Oh, and our love alone won't magically cure you.

"But… but…" stammered Tamaki.

"My, I don't think the Ohtori medical company has doctors who can reattach missing limbs or implant new and working eyes… okay, I think I should go on…" Kyoya turned the page.

Matchmaker Sue

General: She exists only to make two characters realize their feelings for each other, even if a "something special" does not exist.

Development: In half of the cases, she's a companion for some other Sue, there for the mere reason to tell her "But you love insert host's name here!", then you know the rant. In 40% of the cases, it's yaoi. In 6% of the cases, it's Haruhi and the host the author wants her to end up with. In 4% of the cases, it does not involve Haruhi. Weird, huh?

Romances: None. She's an extra. Or maybe she consoles some poor lonesome host, but that's quite rare.

Past: Well, being kinda a wallpaper, that's not significant. But, if it's for the sake of adding some lovely angst…

Likely to show up? Quite rare.

Kyoya's advice: If you just want insert host's name here and insert Sue's name here/insert another host's name here/Haruhi to shag like bunnies, we can do it without you, thank you very much.

"What the -?!" Haruhi was totally shocked.

"Ootoro! We need ootoro! Kyoya! Make a phone call, my daughter's sick!" shouted Tamaki.

"Maybe after we finish…" Kyoya turned the page again "oh, horrified enough?"

The already pale boys went totally white seeing Kyoya's evil grin.

"For what comes here is much, much worse… it's not even a Sue…"

Slash Stu

General: Yes, yes, it's a boy this time!

Development: Can become a host, though that's rare. He's generally there only for some good, quality shonen-ai, and later, of course, pure smutty yaoi.

Romances: Anyone, even non-hosts like Nekozawa or Bossa Nova. Hunny is surprisingly common victim, though.

Past: Same as for those Sues, angst some more, Stu, come on, we want to hear it so badly!

Likely to show up? Rare.

Kyoya's advice: We never went around screaming "We're straight!", but that doesn't mean we aren't. And even if weren't, we won't march with you in a gay parade, sorry. Go on your own.

Hunny was gagging down a huge cake, it was too much for him.

"It's over for now" Kyoya closed the notebook "and I really hope that this time, it's forever…"