AUTHORS NOTE:
Sorry everyone, I know it's been ages. But work has been a nightmare, add on top of that glandular fever and few other personal things it has been a few difficult months.
Not to mention writers block and a computer crashing. I have a million thoughts running through my head, and not all for this story, it's like I have a million story ideas all playing for my attention. And it's hard to work on one story when there are other story ideas fighting for my attention. So to you of you I am sorry and hope to post the next chapter sooner.
Love you all. Bec.
CHAPTER 6 A NIGHT NOT TO FORGET.
Jasper's POV
We arrived at Hailey's and Bella's house. I jumped out of the car and grabbed the bag that had the soda in it that Rose and I always brought to these nights. We (Rose, Em, Edward and I) made our way to the front door. I was trailing behind them all, lost in my own little world. Rose knocked and Hailey and Ali were standing on the other side. They motioned for us all to enter. We made our way into the living room, I was forgetting at the moment that I still was carrying the soda. I noticed that Bella wasn't in here and wondered where she was. I was broken from my train of thoughts as Hailey called out to her. I heard Bella's reply and was lost in my thoughts of her again. She had been taking up so much of my thoughts lately. I never knew how to act around her, what to say to her, and I was also always lost in my own problems the visible and emotional scars of what had happened to me.
Bella walked in then and I looked up at her, OH MY GOD she is beautiful I thought. I was stunned by what she was wearing, it was not something I would normally see her in but she looked stunning. I was lost looking at her. I watched as her eyes widen slightly, while looking at Edward. I realized I mustn't have been the only staring at her. I heard Edward ask her something about needing a hand with anything, when he asked that I felt overwhelming jealousy at his obvious (well at least to me) attempt at flirting. I felt like I needed to hit something. It was then that I heard her answer about not needing a hand with anything that she just had to make her dip. I watched as she left the room and I started to follow her out, remembering I was still holding onto the bag filled with bottles of soda. Edward stopped me by grabbing onto my arm. I jerked it out of his grasp and away from him. "Hey Jazz man, I'll take those for you." He said to me. I was shaking my head slightly, he just wanted another chance to be near Bella. "E, I need your help." I heard Hails call. I turned to look at her and looked at her hoping to show her my appreciation at her giving me a little help. I heard Edward sigh and look over to Hailey. "What is it Hails?" he said as he started in her direction. I continued on my way into the kitchen then.
I noticed that Bella was busying working at the bench at what I could only assume was her infamous dip. I had heard Hailey talk before about Bella's cooking skills and the infamous dip and that it was like tasting a little slice of heaven. At the time I wanted to laugh at her, it was funny to me that someone of our age could cook anything well let alone anything that tasted like a little slice of heaven. While I was lost watching her she must have sensed me or something because she turned to look at me then snapped, "Can I help you with something Jasper?" I was shocked by her tone, it took me a moment before I could form a reply. I raised my hands in a peaceful gesture trying to show her the bag I was carrying. She was still staring at me looking pissed so I decided I better explain why I was in here. "I just came to put the soda in the fridge. That's all." I said in a small and still slightly timid voice. It was then that she noticed the bag I was carrying. I watched her posture change, like she was relaxing slightly. She then mumbled out a sorry, then turned back to what she was doing. I felt myself relax then, knowing she wasn't angry at me. But not wanting to anger her further I made my way slowly cautiously over to the fridge and put the soda bottles into it.
I didn't want to go back into the living room once I had put the bottles away so I made my way over the small kitchen table and pulled out a chair and sat down. I was so lost in my little world that I heard Bella say something but didn't hear the words so I could answer her. My thoughts turned back to her so I looked up and began watching her. I watched as she moved over to the fridge placing a container into it. I watched as she turned around and quirked and eyebrow at me, but I still couldn't find any words to speak to her. My mind was running over all the limited conversations we had had and the talk I had with Hailey about Bella. I felt so confused by everything I was feeling and everything I had been told. I watched as she continued moving around the kitchen. I noticed as she started piling the dishes up besides the sink that she was going to clean up her mess now. I had always been taught to help with the dishes, the one that cooks shouldn't be the one that cleans, well if not she shouldn't be doing it alone. So I simply stood and made my way over to her to help. She had the sink filled and the dishes and detergent in it. I picked up the tea towel then and waited for the washed dished so I could help her. It was then that she realized I was standing there, she turned to look at me quirking her eyebrow and simply said "Jasper?" but the tone of her voice I knew what she was asking. It was a 'what are you doing here' tone. I simply stated to her in the most matter of fact tone, "Just here to give you a hand Bella. You shouldn't have to the dishes on your own." We set to work doing the dishes neither of us talking. I was still lost in everything that I had been thinking over the last few days and especially since I had had that talk with Hailey.
While I was still drying I heard a timer go off. Bella grabbed another towel of a bench near me and moved over to the oven, pulling out a tray of nachos, they looked delicious and when I breathed in there smell, OH MY GOD, they also smelt even better then they looked. She sat them on top of the oven obliviously to cool. Then she walked actually it was more like she danced back over to where I was and started putting the dishes away. She then started getting out plates and glasses and placing them on the bench. I walked over to her after I had finished drying the last of the dishes. "Can I help?" I asked in a small voice, not wanting to get snapped at again. I really wanted Bella to like me, I wanted to be her friend. She asked me to carry in the plates and the glasses, I nodded in reply and grabbed the aforementioned items well as many as I could carry and carried them into the living room. I sat them all down on the coffee table and turned to go back and grab the rest of the glasses I had left behind. "You took your time putting the soda away Jasper." Edward sneered at me. I ignored him and simply shrugged my shoulders. I walked back into the kitchen, as I entered I noticed Bella struggling. I walked over to her, "Here let me take that for you." I said quietly to her while indicating at the bottle of soda. I waited for her reply, watching her she simply nodded her head so I grabbed the bottle and walked over to the bench to retrieve the rest of the glasses. I paused at the door waiting for her to get everything else and I was also waiting for her to take the lead. She realized what I was waiting for and indicated that I should lead the way so I did. I walked into the living room first and walked to the table and sat everything else I had brought in down on it.
I realized that everyone was looking questioningly at Bella and myself. That embarrassed me and I didn't like the attention. I quickly made my way over to the empty seat on the couch, unfortunately it was the same couch Edward was occupying. He glared at me and I tried to ignore him. Em broken the tension with a comment about nachos and I heard Rose slap him, I rolled my eyes at their antics and heard giggles coming from people around the room. I looked up at Bella again and lost myself in thought. I kept replaying the conversation over and over in my head that Hailey and I had had. Bella seemed to take her time in sitting down. That was when I noticed the only empty seat was between Edward and myself. Bella sat in the floor between us, I could see from the way her face was set that she was uncomfortable, I moved as far over to the corner of the seat as I could, hoping to make her feel a little better.
I watched as Edward leaned down and spoke into her ear, an intimate gesture I thought. I watched as Bella stiffened and shivered looking very uncomfortable. She answered Edward then promptly got up and left the room. I watched her retreating form. Hailey stood and dished up the nachos for everyone, it seemed that Bella and Hailey had had a private conversation before leaving the room. I was not surprised by this though, I thought about back over the time I had spent with Bella and how occasionally she would get this far off look in her eyes. This must be when she was talking to Hailey telepathically. I was pulled out of my thoughts as Hailey handed me a plate of nachos. She leaned in and whispered to me, "Jazz you need to stop staring, and I am not the only one noticing trust me." I nodded slightly at Hailey and noticed that the helping of nachos on my plate was twice the size. I looked at Hailey then at the plate questioningly. "Save some of that for Bella, I don't know how long she will be. I know she needs the space right now." I nodded again, and whispered, "Thanks Hailey." Before she disappeared picking up her own plate and sitting back down.
I slowly picked at the nachos on the plate, my mind turning over and over all the things that my parents had ever said to me. All the things I kept hidden from everyone, not even Rosalie knew what happened to me. All she knew was that her parents had taken me in and adopted me when my mother was killed. I'm not even sure if she knew it was my father that killed her. But I did. I remembered every beating, every comment that they both made, everything that had happened to me because of me for years. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't notice at first that Bella had returned.
I waited until Bella was sitting on the floor leaning on the couch between Edward and I. I moved slightly and leaned down towards her, but I didn't want to get too close, knowing it would ultimately make both of us uncomfortable. "Here Bella." I said as went to pass her the rest of the nachos that were on my plate. The ones Hailey had put there on purpose. Bella stuttered back "Umm… Thanks Jasper. You didn't have to. I mean if you want them you can have them." I sighed internally, I must have made her feel really uncomfortable around me or something. I didn't want her feeling this way, so I decided to try to make her understand that tonight. "It's okay. I figured you would want some." I said to her quietly placing the plate onto the ground beside her and sitting back up into the couch. I turned my attention to the tv and the movie that was playing on it. I hadn't even noticed before that there had been a movie put on. I realized I had missed a bit by being so lost in my own thoughts and memories.
Pizza came later and Bella and Hailey left to get it. When they came back in they got Em and E to move the coffee table out of the way. I stayed quiet and to the side, like I always did. The girls laid out all the pizzas and Emmett and Edward were the first to dive in a grab what they wanted, the girls –well all except Bella- soon followed suit and I waited until there was a little more space before getting my own. I noticed Bella was still yet to get hers, but as soon as all of us were sitting back into our seats she came and grabbed what she wanted. I was half excepting her to sit down on the floor between us, so I was a little surprised that she went to the back of the room and sat down on the coffee table.
A discussion erupted around me about the plan for tonight and sleeping arrangements. I was listening but not contributing to the discussion. I just tended to stay out of things or went with the flow. Alice started talking to Bella realizing that she had not been listening to the entire conversation they were just having. Between the three girls –Alice, Hailey and Rose- they arranged the sleeping arrangements. I was surprised to learn that I would be sleeping near Bella. I noticed Hailey and Alice smirking at each other and when Hailey realized she had my attention she winked at me. I groaned, I did not want them pushing this, I wanted them to leave things well enough alone. I had my own issues to work out, without them trying to add more.
We ended up watching the rest of the movie before the crazy nights activities planned by Alice and probably Hailey ensued. This was something I was not looking forward to; I didn't want the attention focused on me at any stage tonight. We played the never ever game and I learnt a few things that night I hadn't about the others before I also learnt a few little things about Bella. I was stunned by the fact that that angel had never gone out on a date, that floored me, I was wondered how anyone could not see the beautiful angel that she is. I also noticed her stunned expression when it came to the fact that both Edward and I played an instrument. "Piano mainly, but I can play a few others." Edward stated boldly. I knew he could play and I knew what he could play, he really was very talented when it came to music. I said in a small voice "Guitar." Bella looked to me then and smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back at her. The gamed continued until Ali got bored and declared Bella and I the winners.
Next came truth or dare, well at least with this game there was an option on where or not you told the truth. When Alice announced that Bella or I had to start, I quickly stated that Bella could. I didn't want to play this game, and I most certainly did not want to start it either.
It started out tame, Bella asking Alice about shopping. Alice was a little more inventive though, making Emmett give Edward a lap dance, a convincing one at that or he had to face Alice and a makeover. Not something you ever want to face, trust me I have received one once and never ever again. Then it was my turn. I must admit it wasn't too bad. Emmett dared me to play a song on guitar he choose something by Nickleback. Alice danced out of the room only to return with a guitar for me to play. It was quite often either E or myself were getting dared to play something. I decided to play 'How you remind me.' It was one of my favorites. I watched Bella a little as I played. I noticed her slight swaying to the music and it almost seemed as if she was humming along. I was a little disheartened when I notice her walk out of the room. I continued playing though. As the song was finishing up I noticed Bella walked back into the room arms full of food. I noticed she was carrying a tray with dip and biscuits and chips. We paused the game here to eat the snack Bella had brought in.
Emmett groaned out loudly, "God Bells, I think I am in love with you. This is amazing." as he pulled her into a large bear hug. Bella could hardly be heard as she croaked out about not being able to breathe. The two continued a discussion about Em being sorry and him needing to learn to control his strength which I totally agreed with. Once the food was all gone and Hailey had taken the dishes back into the kitchen it was time to restart the game much to my disappointment.
Alice said "Okay Jazz, it's your turn to ask the next truth or dare question." I groaned and decided to turn it back on the little pixie. "Alice truth or dare." I asked, Alice just rolled her eyes at me. "Truth Jazz. I don't like dares." "Okay Alice why don't you like dares?" I asked. Alice had a pained look on her face, and I felt kind bad for asking but I was kind of interested as to why she always chooses truth with us all the time. "I don't like dares because once I was at summer camp and I was dared to strip down to just my bikini bottom and run around the building three times. The girls ended up stealing my clothes and locked me out. I was stuck outside in my bikini bottoms for three hours until I was able to find a window to break into and it ended up be the window in the sup's room and I was so embarrassed over the whole situation I never went back to that camp ever again." Alice was a little red when she finished telling her story. I looked at her trying to apologize with my eyes. She gave me a small smile and I knew she didn't hat me.
Edward was next to cope it. Alice asked E a very private question. I could see his nervousness in answering it. He kept looking at Bella, like he was trying to assess what she would think of him. I noticed that Bella concern was placed elsewhere when I noticed Hailey tense. I saw the look that crossed over both of them, knowing now what that meant and that Bella was most likely trying to help console Hailey. I felt bad for her, it would not be something I would want to hear about the person I secretly liked. When Edward answered I thought that was going to be it, but it seemed little Ali knew better and forced the rest out of Edward. I noticed Hailey tense again, her back going ramrod straight. I really did feel bad for her, especially after our little chat at lunch today. Edward was oblivious to Hailey's reactions his attention was focused solely on Bella, and she was focused on her sister. I wondered how anyone so smart could actually be so dumb about this.
I was lost in thought until I watched Hailey and Rose get up and disappear into the coat cupboard. I was suppressing laughter, either Emmett or Edward always dared those two to go into the cupboard for seven minutes of heaven as they called it. The girls never stayed in there that long they just liked to play with the boys. I think those two kept doing it in the hopes of one day actually catching them doing something. When were they ever going to give it up I wondered to myself. The girls came out in less than three minutes with E and Em looking like someone had stolen their puppy.
Rose dared Hailey next and it was one of the few times I have actually seen that girl blush. She was dared to sit on E's lap for the rest of the night in a nightie. I thought it was a little funny that tonight Edward was being picked on. First the lap dance and then this, Hailey sitting on him and allowed to do anything but E not being allowed to touch. It was comical, and at least it wasn't me I thought. Hailey came back down in an interesting nightie, it wasn't that bad I had seen Rose in worse when she was walking around the house at home. I did cover everything it was suppose to but also left little to the imagination. I could almost picture Bella in it instead, but quickly got rid of that thought. That was most definitely not something I needed to be thinking of.
Hailey did a little spin for the group before she strutted over to Edward. I almost laughed out loud when he moved his hands so he was sitting on them. I also watched as Hailey wiggled often in what I can only assume as an attempt to stir up Edward, but at the same time making it look like she was uncomfortable. The look on Edwards face was pained, it was like it was difficult for him to keep his hands to himself and to keep from being turned on with all Hailey's movements.
Hailey got this wicked almost evil smirk on her lips before she called on Bella. "Bella truth or dare?" Bella surprised me a little by saying "Dare Hailey." But I figured if she was trying to hide something then this was safer for her then having the possibility of having to confess why was she her. "Okay sis, I want you to sing and dance along with a song of Alice's choosing, seeing as I can't get up right now, thanks to Rosie." I watched Bella's face she looked annoyed.
Alice got up and danced over to the stereo, I watched as Bella got up and moved to stand in front of the television. Alice was searching for something. Then a song started playing at first I wasn't sure what it was. I realized it was 'P.S. I'm still not over you.' By Rihanna. I was so lost in watching Bella dance and listening to her sing. She had an amazing voice, I didn't understand then how she could be so self confident. She was stunning, she could dance and her voice I was lost in the sound of it. I could listen to her all day long.
When she was finished I was certain everyone was staring at her with the same stunned impression that was still on my face. All I could think was I wanted her to sing again. The room was filled then with clapping and the others calling out encore. I wanted to join them, but I didn't want to embrace her, I wanted to get to know her, but I was unsure if this was something I could allow myself. Hailey's words from earlier that day flitted through my mind, and I understood I needed to come to terms with a lot of things, especially those from my past.
I was so lost in my thoughts I hadn't even noticed that Ali had put a movie on until it was playing and she was dancing back over to her seat. We watched the movie then called it a night. I couldn't seem to sleep though, lost in my own thoughts. I wanted the things Hailey said I just wasn't sure I could let go of everything I had been told as a child, everything I had believed and until recently never questioned.
I was brought out of my thoughts when I heard a noise, I turned and noticed Bella sneaking upstairs. I knew she wasn't comfortable being made to sleep down here with all of us, but I was unsure as to why. I waited until she was upstairs before I got up to follow her. I thought that she was just going to go up there to sleep, so I disappeared into the bathroom hoping that I could take a moment to help clear my chaotic thoughts.
I was heading back down when I paused outside Bella's door. I could hear her almost silent sobs. My heart hurt hearing her in there crying. I had this urge to be there comforting her. I knocked on the door and called in "Bella... Bella are you alright?" I waited and heard her quietly call out "I'm fine." I knew she was lying, and all I knew all I could feel was the need to comfort her. "Bella, please..." I started but she quickly cut me off. "Jasper... Please I am fine, please don't worry about me." I could hear her voice tremble and hear her quiet sobs. I knocked on the door again. I knew if I had to I would stay here all night, it almost felt like my heart was breaking for her.
I heard the door unlock and was a little stunned, but I stayed standing leaning up against the wall beside her door. "Bella." I said, it was all I could say, looking at her. I'm sure my voice was laden with the emotions I was feeling but I couldn't find it in myself to care. I could see her tear stained cheeks and red puffy eyes and I felt my heart constrict because of it. I was also not surprised when she questioned why I was here. "Bella, I saw you sneak out, and I wanted to make sure you were alright. That's all I promise." I said to her as I raised my hands up to her, trying to show I wasn't threatening her in any way.
The reaction from Bella had my mind spinning. The look on her face was one that she was in great danger. She was scared and trembling and that was before she started backing away. I quickly dropped my hands and took a tentative step toward her. Bella kept backing away, wrapping her arm around herself, around her chest as if she was trying to hold herself together. The tears reformed in her eyes I could see the fear in them, as if she was reliving something painful all over again.
I took another step into the room and Bella noticed this, she took a larger step back and I felt hurt and pained over the fact that she thought I could ever hurt her, I had to compose myself before I could speak. "Bella, I am not going to hurt you. I just want to make sure you're alright. Bella, darlin' please don't cry." The tears kept falling but as I moved forward Bella had at least stopped backing away from me. "Jazz, what are you doing here? Why do you even care?" she asked me and I felt bad about the way I had been treating her. "Bella, I was worried. Please let me come over to you just to make sure you are okay. If you want after that I will leave. Please I need to know you are okay." I said to her meaning every word of it.
She stood frozen in place, and I stayed where I was, a few steps in from her doorway. I watched as the tears started falling faster and she began trembling uncontrollably, all of a sudden she dropped to her knees and doubled over. I moved towards quickly as soon as I saw her starting to drop, but I didn't get there fast enough to catch her. I dropped to my knees beside her, and moved so that I was close to her, tempted to pull her into my lap to comfort her. I knew what had happened then, my emotions, I had overwhelmed her with my emotions. "Bella... Bella... I didn't mean to make you feel worse. Oh Bella... I am sorry. Are you okay? Please Bella talk to me." I was so close to panicking, I felt terrible for making her feel worse.
I reached out hesitantly and brushed the hair off her cheek, as I looked down into her face. I was watching her as her eyes meet mine. I was lost in there chocolate brown colour and their depth. I brought my hand back up and placed it on her cheek, her head was resting against my thighs while I was kneeling beside her. I held her gaze as I gently caressed her cheek. I could feel her slowly beginning to relax under my gentle caress of her cheek, I was feeling relieved and happy that I was able to help her, even if it was just this little bit. I kept my hand on her cheek, knowing she would be uncomfortable if I moved it anywhere else. We stayed that way for a few moments, taking comfort in each other.
This was helping me, helping me sort through my thoughts. I knew then that I would be there for her, talk to her and become her friend.
Bella stiffened and I immediately noticed, removing my hand from her cheek. I wasn't sure what had caused that reaction in her until I heard a noise from downstairs. I stood and held a hand out to her to help her up from the floor. When she was standing she moved away from me and I felt a sense of loss, I didn't understand it, but it was like that comforting her was helping me. "Someone's coming." She whispered to me, all I could do was nod. I was still lost in my thoughts over this feeling I was feeling. Deciding it was best to put space between us I walked back over to the door, but made it so I was still in the room.
Edward appeared at the door, moments after I made it to the place I was. I was watching Bella, I was still concerned over her breakdown. "Bella, Jasper what are you guys doing up here?" I heard Edward question. I looked at Bella then back at Edward trying to assess what we were going to say. "E, I came up here because I couldn't sleep. Jasper just found me before you got here." Bella said, her voice was steady and calm and not at all what I expected.
"You guys coming back down?" Edward questioned, I knew he was mainly questioning me, I knew his feelings for Bella, and I was sure after the talk I had with Hailey that Bella just wanted to be his friend. Well that was what Hailey had said, so I had to trust her on that. I also knew Hailey's feelings for him and knew Bella would do anything to make her sister happy, but I always knew she should have been with someone like Edward rather than someone broken like me.
"Be down in a sec." I heard Bella say. Edward looked pointedly at me, it was his silent way of telling me he was waiting for me to leave so he could follow me back down stairs. I left and headed back down, so lost in everything that had happened. "What were you doing in there?" sneered Edward as we made our way downstairs. "I went up to use the bathroom and saw Bella in there on my way back and just stopped to check that she was okay." I whispered back. I didn't want to say anything else that was private and I wasn't going to break Bella's confidence by telling him she was upset and crying.
I watched as Hailey got up and raced out of the room and back upstairs, I could see the look of panic and concern on her face. I heard Hailey call out to Bella and that was when the others started to wake. I was standing up to follow Hailey upstairs. I knew something had happened, something Bella had been keeping from her. The look on her face as she left confirmed that for me, now I knew the state she was in when I found her and assumed it could have only gotten worse.
"Bells honey, nobody is going to be thinking any of that, we all love you sis. Please you need to calm down. You need to believe we all love you and that we will always be here for you." I heard Hailey say as I made my way to Bella's door, I wasn't surprised that all the others had followed as well.
Edward was leaning on one side of Bella's door frame holding Ali, she had tears falling down her cheeks, and I think it hurt her knowing her friend was in pain. Emmett was on the other side holding tightly onto Rose. I knew Rose would want to race other there and comfort her, if you became Rose's friend/family she was always fiercely protective. I knew Emmett would want to go 'big brother' mode on whoever had cause Bella this pain.
I was leaning against the wall across from the door way. I could feel the urge to race in there and gather into my arms and offer her comfort. But that was so far out of character for me, I didn't want to arouse suspicions or make her feel uncomfortable in anyway. I was conflicted with my desire to comfort for her, protect her and the memories that flooded my mind, all the things my parents had ever said to me. All those words, all those things I always thought to be truth, but were they? I had never questioned a single thing they had said until I had met Bella.
We were all watching Bella, the tears falling down her cheeks, tears I wanted to wipe away. She tried to smile at us and that seemed to be enough for the pixie, Ali. She launched herself at Bella and they ended up as a tangled mess of bodies and limbs on the floor. "Bella..." Alice said through her tears. Alice hugged her hard and kissed her cheek. Alice turned and then I noticed Rose wiggling in Emmett's grip. He released her and Rose went over to the girls still tangled on the floor. Rose knelt down and hugged the group then begged Bella. "Bella, I know you have only known me a week, but you are my friend. I love you, tell us what is wrong, let us help you sweetie, please."
The girls were a mess of limbs on the floor of Bella's room for a few minutes and as I watched the group I could see Bella and Hailey having silent conversations. I knew Hailey was trying to get Bella to open up and talk to her, to us. I knew how Bella felt though, not wanting to share the painful memories that she was locking away. I was doing the same, I couldn't share my past either. A few moments later Bella asked the girls to get off her because she couldn't feel her legs. I internally smiled at the way Bella was joking and trying to lighten the mood.
Bella requested a minute before she was going to meet us downstairs. I waited until everyone left. Alice called up to me asking if I was coming as well. I answered that I would be there in a sec. I moved into her bedroom and held her hand out to her. She took it slowly and I helped her up. "Don't worry Bells, everything is going to be okay." I said to her quietly and I moved my empty hand to cup her cheek. I gently started rubbing it like I had before when I was trying to calm her. I was hoping that this would help and calm her again.
"There Bells, you feelin' a little better now darlin'?" I questioned her quietly. She simply nodded at me. I knew I had to express to her that it was going to be okay, that we were all there for her, but I couldn't help but feel that I was but feel that I was a hypocrite. I wanted her to talk to us, well truthfully I wanted her to talk to me in particular. But I couldn't open up to any of them and I didn't want to. So how could I express to her that she should do this when I could not.
"Go clean yourself up, I'll be downstairs waitin'. I'll be there if you need anything. Don't worry about anything darlin' it's going to be fine." She nodded at me and with one last caress of her cheek I left and headed downstairs. I was full of nerves as I pondered the double standards I was having. How could I make Bella tell us about the past she was keeping hidden when I couldn't tell her or anyone about my own.
Bella came down stairs and I could see the anguish on her face. I knew she didn't want to do this and I knew that I would help her in any way that I could, that I would support her. Bella started talking and I wasn't exactly sure what she was talking about. Her voice was trembling and breaking all over the place.
She was talking about her mother and step father who I didn't know nor had any prior knowledge about. But I quickly understood what Bella was talking about and implying as soon as she talked about her stepfather entering her room drunk late one evening. I knew what she was talking about then, and my heart broke for her. He had sexually abused his step daughter.
She broke down there and I immediately crossed the space separating us and placed my hand gently on her shoulder offering her what little support I could. She looked up at me and I smiled down at her. "It's okay Bella, take your time and just talk to us." I said in a whisper. She placed her small hand over mine and squeezed it. In response I turned my hand over so I was now holding her hand and I squeezed it in return.
It got worse as she explained that she had been a virgin at the time and he had taken that away from her. I felt my temper flare at the man that could do this to this beautiful angel. My heart was breaking for her, I wanted to comfort her, hold her and show her that she was the angel I saw. She spoke of how she had been saving herself for a man she loved and a man that loved her in return. I was surprised many girls in this were giving it up for whatever they could get.
I was so lost in thoughts for a time that I hadn't realised that Hailey was now embracing Bella. I could see Hailey trying to calm her sister, trying to get her to look up at the rest of us. When she had calmed enough she looked up and spoke that she had been through all that and more. Explaining why she was her now and that she had to run, to get away. But my mind was pondering what the more could be. What else could this angel have suffered?
Everyone was embracing her then I simply had her hand in mine resting on her shoulder. I couldn't let go, and it didn't seem as if she wanted to let go either. When someone asked if she was alright, Bella's response surprised me. "Why are you all being so nice to me? Why aren't you all angry at me?" she asked in a small voice. "Bella, Honey why would we be angry with you? None of what happened is your fault sweetie. You are not to blame for any of this, no matter what you think it was not your fault. Bells this happened to you not because of you or anything that you did. Bella... Bells..." Alice said as she was hugging into Bella's side.
Hailey was next to try and make Bella see that everything Alice said was the truth. Making her see that we were all her for her. "Bella everything Ali just said is the truth. Bells you have to believe us. This isn't your fault and we all love you." But Bella was just like her sister, stubborn to a tee. "Wh... What do you mean? It was my fault, I was always told it was my fault. I don... don't understand." She stuttered out. Next it was Emmett in his big booming voice. "Bella you did nothing wrong."
I watched then as Hailey and Bella got a far off look, which meant they were communicating telepathically. I knew the feelings Bella was feeling, I had the same feelings. I was sure if my friends found out about what had happened to me that they would reject me as well and I didn't wasn't that.
Then Edward had to open his mouth and make things a little worse again. "Bells, you have to tell Charlie, you have to tell the police. He can't be allowed to get away with what he did to you. Bella what Phil did was very wrong, it is illegal." Saying this had made Bella panic all over again. Idiot I thought to myself. Couldn't he see the pain she was going through by just telling us, pushing her now in this state was going to make her run, I was sure of that. Thank god for Hailey. She came to Bella's defence and then spoke to her in their own way getting her to calm again.
Bella wanted a retreat after that and made her excuse as being tired. I knew that she needed space and I simply squeezed her hand which I was still holding, before releasing my grip. Bella squeezed in return, a sign of thanks I was sure and released my hand, hers falling back into her lap.
I could see the pain in Alice's eyes as Bella explained that she needed to be in her own room, and I knew the desire Alice had to be there if at any stage during the night she was needed because it was the same thing I was feeling. But the offer Alice made by having us all in her room was going to be detrimental to Bella not helpful. But Bella being who she was put her feelings aside for those of her best friend, and friends. Yet again the twin connection Bella and Hailey shared was brought out, by Hailey coming to her rescue again. I saw the look Bella gave Hailey as the 'I owe you one'.
We all watched Bella's retreating form leave the living room and head back up the stairs. "Well that was not what I was expecting." Edward said. I could see the admiration of Bella he had a few hours ago change. I was not sure why there was that change though, it wasn't like he didn't have some experience, and well at least that experience was consensual, not forced.
There was a little more discussion that I wasn't paying attention to. I moved back to where I was sleeping and curled back up into the makeshift bed on the floor. Eventually everyone else settled down and we all drifted off to sleep. I don't sleep very much or very heavily so when I heard noise coming from upstairs I got up to go and check on Bella.
I stayed out of her room by the door listening to her mumbling. I stayed there for a few seconds and when I was about to leave I heard her scream. I reached to open her door, glad that she hadn't locked it and cautiously made my way into her room. I went over to her bed, and knelt on the floor beside her, I tried to wake her. Gently shaking her and calling her name softly. She finally opened her eyes and looked into mine. I felt a stir of something in my stomach, that feeling became stronger when she smiled at me.
"Bella, Bella are you okay?" I questioned quietly, as I gently reached out a hand to wipe the tears away that were falling down her cheeks. I don't think she had realised she had been crying when she reached up to wipe them away herself. She was still looking into my eyes when she said to me, "Jazz I'm okay. I am just relieving a few things that I wish I could forget." "Bella you screamed, and were mumbling in your sleep." She blushed as I told her this and my instant reaction was to bring my hand up and cup her cheek, knowing that this seemed to help calm her. I was surprised when she nuzzled her face into my hand, and I watched as she calmed and relaxed in my presence.
I was getting uncomfortable sitting on the floor the way I was and shifted slightly trying to find a more comfortable position. But that was hard seeing she had a hardwood floor. She moved quickly sitting up on the bed, I was worried that I had somehow crossed a line. She was looking at me, looking at me like she was trying to communicate something with me, but I was a little lost in her sudden reaction and a little worried by it so I missed the meaning of whatever she was trying to communicate with me.
"Jasper I am sure that you aren't comfortable their on the floor sit here with me. I'm sure my bed is much more comfortable then the floor." She whispered to me as she gently tapped the bed in the space she had just vacated, but she was looking at her lap and not at me. To say I was nervous was an understatement; I wasn't sure why she was offering this, if she was just doing this to make me comfortable or because she wanted this.
I reached out and lifted her face so I could see her eyes. "Are you sure about this Bella, I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable in any way." She sighed, then she spoke quietly to me, "Jazz, I can see how uncomfortable you are on the floor, please I feel better with you here and I feel safer." I simply nodded in response before I moved onto the bed beside her. I sat up against the headboard, a pillow resting behind my back, and my legs stretched out over her covers.
Once I was comfortable Bella curled her body around mine, her head resting in my lap. I stiffened momentarily but then I relaxed, knowing that it was Bella and she was feeling safe. I heard her sigh quietly, then I simply started running my fingers through her hair, it felt like silk, I had been wondering for a while what her hair would feel like to run my fingers through. Eventually I heard her breathing even out and I knew she was asleep again. I stayed that way running my finger through her hair until I eventually drifted off to sleep as well.
I felt movement beside me, and it took a moment for me to remember the events from last night. I moved slightly and Bella looked up at me and smiled, it was the first real smile I had ever seen on her angelic face. I simply smiled in return and then started running my fingers through her hand again. She kept looking up at me the smile saying on his face.
Bella moved and it brought my attention back to her. "Bella what are you doing it's still early?" he questioned me as he reached to grab my waist pulling me back to him and the bed. She snuggled back into my side for a second before looking up to me telling me she was getting up to make everyone breakfast. I sighed, I wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep with her beside me. "Okay Darlin' let's get up then and go make the guys breakfast."
She got up then and walked over to her draws getting out clothing for the day. She motioned to the bathroom, indicating to me that she was going to change. I simply nodded and stayed sitting on her bed waiting for to come out. "Have a good sleep Darlin'?" I asked when she came back out. "Yeah it got a whole lot better. Thanks. What about you? I don't think that you would have been all that comfortable sitting there." She asked then she looked down at the ground. I couldn't have her feeling bad, knowing that was what she was feeling. I got up and walked over to her, lifting her chin so that she would look into my eyes and meet my gaze. "Bells that was, one of the best night's sleep I've had. That was because of you Bella; I haven't been so relaxed in a long time." I said truthfully, because I hadn't slept that well in years. I cupped her cheek and she nuzzled into it again. We stayed that way for a moment before she announced, "Come on Jazz let's go get started." With that we both left her bedroom and headed down stairs to kitchen to begin making breakfast.