I'm finally done! Yay! Anyway, thanks to all my readers so far, this fic has 30 comments and it's the most I have on any of my fics, which is why I tried not to drop it. I did want to since there was a time it had become really difficult to write, but your comments have motivated me and I pushed to complete it :) This last chapter really isn't angsty because unlike Cloud, I can't imagine Sephiroth just losing his cool so easily, but, I hope it's still ok. Tell me what you think :)
I'd also like to thank Blooming Dilirium for pointing out my mistakes so I can correct them. Even if I didn't like the way you delivered your message, it's still points well taken.
Sephiroth's head was spinning while he made his way down to the compound's private hospital, the one where SOLDIERs and important personnel went. It wouldn't do to have grunts, cadets and other lower personnel mixing with the upper class. It was to create the illusion that they were invincible, they couldn't get sick for others to see.
All the information had come crashing down on Sephiroth all at once. Zack being in the hospital and the call from the station guard that one Cloud Strife wanted to leave. He said yes. He was too busy worrying about Zack to put Cloud on his head, if it made him feel better to get away from him then fine, he did want him to get over what he'd done to him after all. He wasn't against Cloud leaving if it helped him. If anything, he wanted what was best for the young man even if he couldn't see himself just coming out and saying it. Besides, Cloud wouldn't want to hear it from him anyway.
The problem was Zack. Zack would know he had the authority to make him stay, but he couldn't bring himself to do that. He owed Cloud as much, to help him get better any way he saw fit. If Cloud thought it best, he would get what he wanted, what he needed to heal and if it was time away, then so be it.
Reno was the one that had called from a private number and informed him of where Zack was. He didn't give any other details, but he was being vague when he asked him about what had happened. He came as fast as he could, seeing Reno sitting outside Zack's door and smoking a cigarette. He walked right up to him and folded his arms across his chest.
"What happened?"
Reno outed his cigar before turning his gaze on Sephiroth. "He got into an argument with Cloud before collapsing."
Sephiroth's eyes narrowed. He didn't expect Zack to go and see Cloud so soon after he had left, he thought he would have given the kid time to cool off, time to get over the shock of seeing him. Reno wouldn't know, but probably that stab he gave Zack to his heart hadn't fully healed, maybe the pressure was what made him collapse. Maybe he was just tired of it all.
Sephiroth walked into the sterile room to see Zack just lying there with his eyes closed and IV's hooked up to his arm. The heart rate monitor kept beating at a steady pace while the oxygen machine pumped up and down at a normal rate. Zack looked pale, his skin much lighter than he remembered. Was it so bad for Zack, did he need Cloud that much? Was keeping Cloud here more important to him? Why was Zack trying so hard, pushing himself to the point that he almost broke? He knew Zack was emotional, but what he was putting himself through just for Cloud seemed more than what a regular friend would do, even one that cared as deeply as he did. He just wanted him to wake up so he could take him home and take care of him, be there like he was for him.
Sephiroth was broken out of his thoughts when a female, middle aged Doctor suddenly walked into the room. Her name tag read Dr. Shiori and she looked up, startled, from the chart she was reading when she saw him.
"General, Sir," the woman bowed politely.
Sephiroth barely inclined his head in response. "What's wrong with him precisely?"
The woman cleared her throat before speaking, "His Blood pressure shot extremely high for some reason. His heart wasn't able to manage the pressure and he passed out. I took the liberty and did an echo-cardiogram to find out the state of his heart..."
The woman handed Sephiroth what looked like an ultrasound outlining Zack's heart.
"….As you can see, the heart's slightly swollen, which I believed was cause by a sever bout of primary essential hypertension. It caused the pressure on his heart to increase and he collapsed. Luckily the man out side was fast or else Lt' Fair's heart could have been immensely damaged. I know the mako would have helped to heal him but that combined with the fact that his heart wasn't completely healed from the damage it sustained before had greatly slowed down the healing effects of the mako and he might have died without quick medical attention."
Sephiroth stoically handed the item back to the woman, trying hard to hide how much that information had affected him. Zack could have died, he almost got himself killed going to see Cloud.
"Will he be alright?" Sephiroth asked.
"He will be, I've managed to regulate his pressure. All he needs now is rest and by no means is he to be stressed, under no circumstances. I suggest no missions for at least a month, Sir," the woman suggested.
Sephiroth nodded and the Doctor smiled slightly before walking out. He walked over and ran the back of his fingers down Zack's cheeks, hating the way he looked so pale…so lifeless. Leaving Zack there to sleep, he walked back out of the room, softly closing the door behind him. His gaze went over to Reno, who was sitting in the waiting area outside Zack's door. Something told him Reno's involvement wasn't coincidental, seeing as he's the slyest Turk of them all.
"What happened?" Sephiroth asked.
"He loves Cloud," Reno answered simply, he didn't see the need to cut corners.
"I know that," Sephiroth answered, his irritation barely kept beneath the surface.
"Cloud doesn't love him back."
Sephiroth's brows furrowed, did Cloud's acceptance really mean so much to Zack? He couldn't understand why, especially when it was hurting the other man so deeply. Zack loved Cloud, Zack said he loved him too, but still he couldn't accept the fact that he couldn't have them both. It was like Zack was setting himself up for failure, for hurt and just wouldn't stop.
Wasn't he enough?
The thought that he wasn't hurt way more than any of Hojo's experiments ever did; he wanted to be Zack's everything, Zack's all. He abruptly walked away from Reno and returned to Zack's bedside, pulling a chair up and watching the rise and fall of Zack's chest as he breathed. He decided he would stay by his side, be there for him until he woke up, until he opened his eyes and his look would reassure him that his doubts were unfounded and unnecessary.
Yes, he would be enough.
*****FF7*****
The first thing Zack could make out through the fog in his mind was the never ending darkness that surrounded him. He felt like he was being pulled from said darkness to some where shallow, rising to a place where the light was much brighter and his entire body throbbed lightly from pain. It took him a moment to realize that the eternal darkness was caused by the closing of his eyelids and he was waking from a sleep. A moment later he could feel the dull ache in his chest, an uncomfortable feeling that was like his heart was heavy and was working over time.
When Zack finally did open his eyes, the sterile cream of the ceiling was the first thing that greeted him and he tried to blink the pain of looking at it away. All of him felt sore, from his head to his toe. He blurrily looked to the side and a flash of Silver caught his vision. Sephiroth was sleeping upright in a chair beside his bed.
Sephiroth.
Zack looked over the man's features before smiling warmly; he looked like an angel, which in and of itself was a conundrum.
Sephiroth stayed but Cloud wanted to leave. That thought made Zack sigh. Hopefully when he was better he could try to convince the teen again to stay. There must be something that would make Cloud remain, anything and he was determined to find out what. He needed him to stay…for the half of his sanity that depended on his forgiveness.
He loved Sephiroth, but he loved Cloud too. He did him such a huge wrong he wanted to try apologizing again. Why couldn't Cloud see that the only hope he saw to the beginning of any sort of normalcy as far as he was concerned rested in his hope that he could someday be forgiven.
And maybe if Cloud could forgive him, he could someday forgive Sephiroth. He was trying so hard to be optimistic, for all their sakes but he didn't think he could keep on pretending he was fine anymore; the nightmares that stayed at the edge of his conscience when he was awake would rear it's ugly head in awful nightmares at night couldn't be hidden anymore. He didn't want Sephiroth to know but sleeping with him in the same bed wasn't easy, and as much as he told himself that it would get better with time…it didn't. He kept reliving all that has happened over and over again in his mind and it was now becoming too much, he needed some time to sort himself out.
Come to think of it, how could he ever hope to help Cloud when he needed help himself?
"How are you feeling?" Sephiroth asked, not liking the way Zack's brows were so furrowed in thought he knew he couldn't have been thinking anything good.
Zack hadn't realized the other man was awake and turned sleepy, thoughtful eyes on him. "I could be better. What time is it?"
"Early morning," Sephiroth replied before taking up a glass with water that the nurse on duty had dropped off earlier. He placed the straw by Zack's lips and watched as he emptied half of it, he sounded awful.
Zack drank from the straw before nodding gratefully at Sephiroth. When he was done he looked earnestly at the man before him. He could tell Sephiroth had a lot on his mind like he did.
"What's wrong?"
Sephiroth didn't want to tell Zack that Cloud had left, he knew he would literally take it to heart and the Doctor specifically ordered that he wasn't to be stressed.
"Why did you go to see Cloud?"
Zack promptly avoided Sephiroth's gaze in favor of looking at his fingers that were now rotating around each other. Should he tell Sephiroth how deeply he loved Cloud and wanted him to stay by his side? Besides, Cloud needed him to help him get through his worries, or was it the other way around?
"I just needed to see him."
Sephiroth wasn't accepting that answer so simply. "Look what it got you, you might have died."
Zack smiled nervously, "No, Cloud wasn't the one that caused this."
Sephiroth was becoming irate with Zack's blatant lie, why won't he just admit what he knew already. "Tell me the truth Zack."
Zack's eyes narrowed, "Are you calling me a liar? I said Cloud had nothing to do with this."
"You went to his apartment and had an argument with him, what about?" Sephiroth asked.
"If you really want to know, I was trying to clean up your stupid mistake," Zack said before crossing his arms over his chest. He knew he was overreacting, but he couldn't help it.
Sephiroth's eyes opened a little wider in disbelief, was that really what Zack thought, that he made a mistake? "I went there with the hopes that I could talk Cloud into listening to you."
"Right, a lot of good that did. You practically made him more afraid of me…of us. You don't rape somebody Sephiroth, then show up at their front door unannounced," Zack seethed.
Sephiroth could see through Zack's ploy and it made him extremely angry; he wasn't enough. He knew what he was about to say was on some level a childish thing to do, but it was also true. "If you weren't so persistent he might have stayed."
Zack's eyes widened tremendously and Sephiroth realized that only when it came to Cloud, Zack would show so much emotion and feelings. He would almost kill himself for Cloud but he himself couldn't even touch him for too long, not even a lingering kiss goodbye.
Zack overlooked the way Sephiroth's brows were furrowed and he asked frantically, "Where did he go? Why didn't you stop him?"
"Because he needed to get away from you…get away from us and I just had to let him go," Sephiroth answered sternly.
Zack had to will himself to calm down, he could practically feel the pressure building inside him and he shifted his body to the side so he was facing Sephiroth directly as opposed to looking sideways at him. "I don't believe you! I was so close to my goals and you let him go, why?"
"Close to your goals? He thinks you're trivializing his situation, how did that get you closer?"
"Well, if you didn't rape him and like it we wouldn't be in this mess, now would we?"
Zack's eyes widened when he realized what he'd implied, what he'd done. "Seph…I'm…"
"You never forgave me," Sephiroth said lowly and Zack could hear the hurt in the man's voice. It was one of those things where if you didn't know him well enough you would have missed it completely.
Zack down casted his eyes, "I tried, I really did but every time I look at you I remember. I saw it Seph, saw you do such unspeakable things to him in bed I felt sick for days. I'll never be able to look at you normally again, not now at least."
"And I presume you never forgave me for hurting you either." It was more a statement than a question.
Zack smiled a broken smile and reflexively put a hand lightly over his heart, "You're the reason I'm here."
Sephiroth didn't need any more than that, he got the message. All the while Zack led him to believe he was at least a little understanding of his situation, but he wasn't at all.
"I love you Seph, I really do but until I can get over what I've seen, what I've felt, I'm afraid I can't be with you."
"If you say so, when will you be able to get over it?" Sephiroth asked simply. It was easier than showing how hurt he was and he honestly didn't want to lose Zack, but if time away from him was what he needed then he would get it, he wouldn't hold anybody hostage anymore even if he didn't want to let them go. Zack implied he would come back some day, he really hoped he meant it, even if it pain him to let him go.
Zack didn't want this, he didn't want to hurt the other man this way but he would only self destruct if he continued, especially with Cloud gone. All he wanted was some level of understanding between everybody, which he hoped would have been the stepping stone to the beginning of a friendship, but just like Cloud, he had his demons and he wanted to get rid of them. Problem was, he couldn't do that around Sephiroth, he just needed time alone for a while to sort himself out. Maybe with some help he could get better.
"I'm not sure," Zack replied.
Sephiroth nodded before standing and silently walking out the door. He hoped that one day Zack would forgive him, as would Cloud. There were just some wounds that needed time to heal.
Zack felt the tears welling up in his eyes after Sephiroth had walked out. He made a huge sigh before relaxing in the hospital bed, trying to figure out how he would start the process of healing. The first stage was over, removing the source of his problems, which is what he figured Cloud did as well. Maybe one day in the future they'll all be able to put this behind them, but until that time, he had to do what he must to live. He knew he won't be able to completely ignore the other man, but, he had to distance himself from anything personal, from any of the triggers that would affect him everyday.
People often would say that time would heal any wounds and for the three men involved, it was the only thing they had left.
*****FF7*****
The next day, Reno had a meeting with Tseng about the report he had handed in the day before. He sat before the calm looking Wutainian man with one leg draped over the arm of the leather chair he was in, sitting across from the immaculately kept desk.
Tseng kept looking over the file before him, "This is all?"
"Yes," Reno answered. "I'd suggest delaying the investigation until Sephiroth has gotten over his problems, he might take down ShinRa if he's emotionally unstable. Besides, I doubt anybody cares about who killed that ass of a mad scientist."
The vein started to throb in Tseng's forehead, Reno always knew the right way to piss him off. "I can't delay an investigation just because you think the victim deserves it Reno, but I can if I can prove Sephiroth will tear the place apart."
Reno's lips curled slightly. "He will, especially without Zack close by to be his anchor."
Tseng nodded. They all remembered how many people had died the last time Sephiroth lost control of his emotions. It was ten years ago and whatever Hojo had taken away at the time, had caused Sephiroth to slaughter the entire science department, save for the greasy professor, though a lot of people cursed he had survived. ShinRa covered it up but they learned that Sephiroth pms-ing was a life or death situation to be avoided at all cost.
It was years later they found out that Hojo had murdered Sephiroth's moogle plushie with a pair of metallic scissors as punishment. Professor Ghast was the only person to ever take him to a state fare before he had disappeared and had won the plushie for him at one of the kids game. The one memory Sephiroth had of being a child was cut to pieces that day and people died for it; the poor moogle.
Reno decided he would help to look after Zack, and maybe check up on Sephiroth periodically. After what he'd heard Zack might need counseling to help him, he would suggest he visit a private one and at least get his problems out in the open. As for Cloud, he knew he must have been home by now with his mother. He prayed that they all would get over their demons one day, because holding on to it would hurt that person more than anybody else and the for the three men involved, the road to recovery will not be an easy one.
/End
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