Title: Twelve Roses and a Receipt
Chapter: 3. Family Therapy Black Hole Style
Summary: After Bespin, the force grants Luke's wish and throws him, with Darth Vader for good measure, into another universe where everything is 'right' but nothing is quite right enough.
Keywords:
Rating: G
Genre: Adventure/Humour
Timeline: Post ESB/ Legacy Era
Author: Wellingtonboots
Archive: Slytherin Serpent,
Status: Short Multi-chapter
Dedicated to: Valvar for producing such wonderful art!
AN: Thank so much to everyone who reviewed! The plot finally takes off!
"Help!" cried Luke as a gaping hole appeared in the forest floor where R2 had been just moments before.
The imposing figure of Darth Vader turned back from his trek and simply stared at Luke as though contemplating whether the annoying droid was worth his time.
"R2's fallen down the hole. You have to help," pleaded Luke as he flattened himself against the ground to reach a hand into the deep well like hole with no bottom in sight. The sunlight that filtered through the thick canopy provided a faint dancing light that made it hard to see very far down.
"Don't," said Vader suddenly and Luke yanked his hand back with fright. "It might be a trap of some kind."
Luke hastily clambered back from the edge in case he would become the second course of something's dinner.
"Is…is R2 still alive down there?" he asked tentatively and then realised that R2 was not technically alive to begin with anyway. "Could you…lift him out of there or something?"
There was no reply as Vader came to stand beside him but Luke had become used to this man's inability to carry on a conversation in the short time they had been together. It seemed the Dark Lord preferred actions to words, a sentiment that Luke found disturbingly familiar.
There was an odd sort of clanking at the bottom of the pit and then R2's characteristic cheerful whistle could be heard a very long way down.
"Hold on in there R2, we're coming to get you!" cried Luke joyfully dropping to his knees and immediately turned to Vader but the Dark Lord was surveying the forest with great interest.
Great help you are, thought Luke sarcastically. Stretching out to the force, he drew the energy around himself and channelled it towards the astromech droid as Yoda had taught him. The force surged forwards at his whim and slowly but surely Luke felt R2 floating up towards them.
When the cheerfully beeping astromech droid was finally back at ground level and looking relatively unscathed, Luke let out a sigh of relief and wiped his sweat caked brow. All that concentration was physically challenging even though Master Yoda had reminded him time and time again that it was the force doing the work and not his muscles.
"There is someone here!" hissed Vader out of the blue and Luke almost fell over in surprise. The Dark Lord had suddenly materialised right behind him with one leather clad claw clamped onto his upper arm.
"How did you do that!" snapped Luke, desperately trying to free himself from the sarlacc like grip.
"Be quiet," snarled the Darth Vader and emphasized his point by cutting off the circulation to Luke's left arm. "I sense a presence – a presence I have not felt for…a very long time."
"Another Jedi you failed to kill?" growled Luke feeling his hand steadily going numb under the pressure. "Poor Ben wasn't enough for -,"
One black leather hand shot across his vision like a bird of prey and clasped his mouth in a bruising hold.
"Mmmph!"
"I said be quiet"
Somewhere in the oppressive silence of the undergrowth Luke heard a faint rustling noise. Curiously he stretched out to the force hoping to feel the same sense of peace and calm that Luke had always associated with Ben. However what he felt was something completely different. The force aura was a bright, flaring swirl of light but its volatile strength had none of the controlled serenity a Jedi would have mastered.
"Ummmph!" snarled Luke as he struggled in vain to release Vader's death grip and warn the Dark Lord's quarry.
Through the force Luke felt the new presence approaching them steadily; soon they would get the first glimpse of the mysterious stranger.
Vader seemed have frozen into a defensive stance as though he was expecting to be attacked at any moment. The hand that was not crushing Luke's jaw, rested lightly on the black hilt of his lightsabre, ready to draw at a moment's notice.
Suddenly she burst out from the thick undergrowth at the other end of clearing, looking even more surprised to see them as they were to see her.
Even from a distance Luke noticed how strikingly beautiful she looked, despite the dirty cargo pants and the baggy off-white shirt she wore. Her long brown hair was wrapped in braid around her neck like a shining bronze torque. In her right hand, she held a standard issue blaster with a casualness that told of countless hours spent clutching the weapon.
Behind him, Vader's respirator stopped working…
However, before Luke could get his hopes up, the harsh grating noise of Vader's breath restarted.
"Padme!" A desperate, aching cry escaped Vader's lips and Luke found himself released from the Dark Lord's hold.
"Who?" asked Luke feeling almost was staggered as Vader sounded.
"It can't be true!" This time Luke felt a pulse of pure rage crashing against his mental shields. Taking it to mean only one thing, Luke jumped out in front of Vader with both hands outstretched.
"No! I won't let you hurt her!"
However it was all in vain as the woman, Padme, was already crossing the clearing with a determined stride.
"Stop!" cried Luke turning away from Vader and addressing her, "he wants to kill you!"
"Not, quite as much as I want to kill him, I can assure you," said Padme coolly as she can to halt just paces away from Luke and Darth Vader.
If this was a cartoon, thought Luke cynically, my eyes would have fallen to the floor like pair of yoyos by now.
Behind him, Vader's respirator skipped another beat.
"I thought you were dead!" he snarled.
"Okay, would either of you kindly fill me in!" snapped Luke looking from one person to the other.
"Who are you?" asked Padme curiously, as she turned to give Luke a closer look.
"He's our son!"spat Vader with sudden venom and Luke felt his legs give way under him.
Well, thought Luke as his backside became acquainted with floor, those two really need some marriage counselling.
It was R2 who broke the silence as he wheeled into the middle of a three-way battle of revelations, beeping urgently.
"Um – guys, R2 says he senses a disturbance in time-space," said Luke hesitantly, as he eyed the little droid. "I didn't know he could do that…"
"I sense it too, the fabric of the universe is tearing apart," replied Vader calmly as though it was a common occurrence.
"How did you arrive here?" asked Padme briskly, pretending she had not heard anything Vader had said, particularly the bit about Luke's parentage.
"Err -," Luke wasn't sure how much he was supposed to tell this strange woman, even if Vader thought she was his mother.
"We came to investigate a beacon and were sucked into the worm hole," rumbled Vader, who obviously felt that two could play that the nonchalant game.
"Oh yes, worm hole!" said Luke finally remembering the conversation they had just minutes ago by his mangled x-wing. "That must mean you," he pointed at Padme, "must come from a different universe, which would make sense, I mean my mother died when I was born."
Beside him, R2 smacked his dome with a mechanical claw to imitate the exasperated human emotion.
"A worm hole is a one way tunnel," said Padme with a detached air, "enter from A and exit at B."
"So – so…" Luke couldn't find the words to describe the sudden rush of emotions that he felt assaulting his soul. She was his mother, he could feel the truth of it reverberating in the force but she had left him. She had abandoned him as soon as he was born – she had abandoned his father too.
"We are from the same universe," concluded Vader solemnly. Luke tentatively reached out to see what he was feeling but he was met with nothing but a blank wall of shields.
"Well -," said Luke drawing in the force to give him the calm he desperate needed, "R2 thinks that we have to move before we end up getting sucked into another worm hole."
The little droid was not quite satisfied with the translation and beeped something else more fervently,
"And he also thinks…we need to see a family therapist…"
There was a long drawn out silence and then to Luke's astonishment, Padme burst out laughing. Her sudden joyful laughter rang through the forest like a chorus of bells and for several moments Luke was completely mesmerized by its beautiful melody.
"Good old R2, still the droid I remember."
"What?!" gasped Luke, wondering if he was going to pass out from surprise any time soon.
No one cared to enlighten him. Instead Vader simply glared menacingly down at the droid, whilst Padme patted his dirt covered dome as if he was a precocious child.
"Fine," muttered Luke petulantly. "Don't tell me anything! I going!"
"Luke," rumbled Vader stretching out a hand to stop him from marching off into the forest. "If the worm hole is rearranging there is no way to out run it."
"I'm not out-running a semi-mythical phenomenon," spat Luke trying to shake off his father's force grip. "I need to get away from my Sith Lord father, and the woman who abandoned me at birth!"
He didn't know what possessed him to say such things but some of the angry tension that had been building up in the background of shock and awe, dissipated.
"Oh don't worry," said Padme quietly, "I'm sure there will be plenty of space for all of us in the next universe."
Before Luke could even formulate the word, what, the very air began to shimmer before his eyes and suddenly he felt a sickening tug as the molecules of his body were swallowed up by the ever expanding whirl of darkness behind him.
AN: If you think things can't get worse, next chapter: Vader/Padme acting like a married couple with a toddler Luke to babysit. Please review! I would really love to hear your feedback!